The Siren (40 page)

These were just the things I did. It wasn’t always easy or fun, but I put her first in everything. I figured whatever life she led before this, whatever family abandoned her
twice
, she had earned the right to be number one to someone. And that someone was going to be me. It was slow. It was hard. But in September when the seasons started to change, it paid off.

It was starting to get cold and Julie showed Kahlen how to knit. Kahlen ended up making this scarf for me. It was possibly the most ragged thing ever created, and it was made out of purpley girly scraps from Julie’s yarn collection (which was admittedly the most masculine color option), but she made it for me, and I wore it every day. From the first draft in late September until spring started to show in April, I wore my purple scarf. I loved that stupid thing. Loved it! Kahlen made it with her own two hands, and she made it for me.

Around the time the scarf made its appearance, I noticed she started sensing things in me. It was weird. I would be thinking I was thirsty, and she’d just be leaving the kitchen with a bowl of popcorn and sodas for the both of us. And she could always sense when I had a rough time sleeping. Kahlen was just attuned to me that way. She would come out into the living room when stress or aches or the uncomfortably small couch kept me up. It was precious to see her peek out the door to double check if I was awake. Kahlen would settle herself on the floor by the couch and run her fingers through my hair. It was so soothing.

She would make up stories for me until I fell asleep. They were incredible, and we were always the stars. We would go to Antarctica and hold baby penguins. Or we would go to Spain and run with the bulls. She and I traveled the world doing things I hadn’t known were possible. Lots of times we swam in the ocean, far out into the middle of the sea, without needing to breathe. Those were my favorites. I’d been a fisherman for a while now; I’d really gotten close to the ocean. Kahlen dreamed up a lifetime of adventures for us, and just her presence calmed me to sleep.

Kahlen took care of me when I was sick and rubbed my back when I ached. She encouraged me when I was down, and laughed along with me when I was in a silly mood. It may not sound very exciting, but she gave me a constant assurance that I was gaining her affection. It was steady. I tried to be encouraged by it, but it was hard in comparison to our first week together. Last time, her feelings seemed almost as immediate as mine, but this time around, she seemed disoriented and less sure of herself. I couldn’t guess at her feelings.

I was man enough to be willing to bring up the subject; I was sure about how I felt and was ready to tell her when the right moment came. Dozens of times I just wanted to tell her, but I was too afraid to scare her. Kahlen seemed confused sometimes, and I wanted her to feel steady and safe here, even if that meant I didn’t get to tell her how I felt about her for a long, long time. The moment came unexpectedly.

We were getting ready for bed. It was October, so she was bundled up, sitting on the bed and watching the ocean out the window. Even covered from head to toe, she looked so sexy to me. Sometimes I just had to wonder if there was something wrong with me, if sweats were becoming my new idea of lingerie. I’d wanted to kiss her since I found her, but I knew I had to wait. Last time, I practically forced our first kiss on her. This time she had to want it.

And I had to earn it.

I was grabbing an extra blanket out of the top of the closet to keep myself warm. I was moving slow on purpose. She looked… lonely? Sad? It’s hard to know an exact emotion by the back on someone’s head.

“Akinli?” she asked, still staring at the ocean.

“Yes?”

“Have you ever… have you ever missed something you weren’t sure was really there?”

That was a strange one, but not hard to comprehend. I thought about how, after she’d disappeared, I was convinced I’d dreamed her up. And it was hard because I wanted her to be real… because I knew how I felt about her. But if she wasn’t real, it would hurt less that she was gone. I hadn’t felt that emptiness in a while, but it came back clearly just then.

“Yeah… I think I know what you mean. I mean, I know what it is to ache for something and not be sure why or if you should. But then that doesn’t matter, because you miss it anyway.” I didn’t like to think about her being gone. Moments like that made me revert to that habit of taking mental snapshots of her, in case she ever disappeared again. I looked at her hair— it was getting longer. I noticed how small she managed to make herself when she curled up. I watched her hands— she twirled her still-broken necklace in her delicate fingers.

“You always understand me,” she whispered.

I watched as she slowly turned and met my gaze. There was something new in her eyes just then. I couldn’t even bring myself to blink, she looked so beautiful.

“Akinli?” she breathed. It seemed like every other day she found a new way to say my name, and every time it caught me by surprise. This one was breathy, heavy.

“Yes?” I replied, almost as quiet as her.

“Have you ever just known something should be? Without knowing why or how, that something was just
supposed
to be?” Her eyes were locked on mine. Her breath was coming fast. Was she thinking what I was?

My heart was thrashing in my chest. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t pretend this girl was my friend when I knew she was infinitely more than that to me. She had always been. I dropped whatever I was holding as I started across the room.

The “yes” barely made it out of my mouth before my lips hit hers. The second they did, her hands were in my hair. And she was definitely kissing back. I took these invitations as a sign that she and I were, yet again, on the same wavelength. I meant to be gentle with her, but it wasn’t my fault it didn’t stay that way. When Kahlen got started, she was always very passionate. It didn’t make things easy for me, but I enjoyed it all the same.

She fell back on the bed, and I stayed above her leading this kiss on and on so it just wouldn’t stop. Ohhhh! And she wrapped her leg around me like she was trying to keep me from getting away. I loved that; it was so damn sexy. When that happened after so many of our kisses later, she always said she didn’t mean to do it. That was my favorite involuntary impulse in the world.

I kissed her, tasting her breath and taking in that warm, oceany smell of her body. My hands were lost in her hair, and I thought it would be perfectly fine if they never made their way out. She held onto me tight. Well, as tight as she could with her little body. And, for the first time in a long time, I was completely happy in the moment.

Who knows how long we kissed like that. It could have been days and I wouldn’t have complained. But when I finally pulled back and started kissing her neck and jaw and ears, I noticed tiny tears in her eyes.

“Kahlen, what is it? Did I do something wrong? I’m sorry.”

Damn. I thought she finally wanted me the way I wanted her, and I had misread it. Now she would never want to be alone with me in the same room again.

“No. Of course not,” she sniffed. “It’s just… I feel like I’ve been waiting forever for you. It’s a strong feeling, and I don’t know why it’s like that. But I can’t ignore it. I can’t
not
feel this way about you. There are some things now that I feel confused about, and I don’t know why. Like time. Time feels strange to me. Ben talks about days being long, but each one feels too short, too fast to me. Or if I hurt myself, I feel panicky. Even a little pain confuses me. I don’t understand any of it.

“But you… it just breaks my heart to think of being away from you. And to have you kiss me… to know maybe you feel what I do…” She ducked her head. I felt a little ashamed then that I hadn’t brought it up first, that she had to put herself out there.

I pulled my Kahlen close to me. She buried her face in my neck and I just held her. I couldn’t help but wonder what she’d managed to survive to get here. Lots of nights I was up late worrying about her past. So often it seemed like she just couldn’t figure out what she was doing here. Two or three times now, I’d found her sitting out on the back lawn in the rain, like she was waiting for something. I couldn’t understand everything she was bewildered by, but I knew one thing she could be absolutely certain of.

“Kahlen. I’m sorry you feel so confused sometimes. But you’re safe here. I’ll look after you.” I tucked my mouth by her ear and dropped my voice to a whisper. “I love you, Kahlen. I know sometimes you feel lost, but if you want, I could be your home.”

She cried. Not the ugly, selfish tears that Casey used to use to guilt me into something. Gentle tears, quiet tears. Like she almost felt embarrassed that I saw them. So I kissed them away. I didn’t think I was much of a romantic. I didn’t try to say things that would move her to sadness, and I don’t know what possessed me to kiss her tears. Maybe it was that there was never anyone before now whose tears were worth kissing. When she calmed down, she looked into my eyes and said, by far, the most wonderful thing I’d ever heard in my life.

“I love you, Akinli. It’s the only thing I know for sure.”

And that was it. My whole world settled into place. Kahlen loved me. I loved Kahlen.

Every bit of her drew me in. Her kindness, her humor, her body. Even when she was low or moody, it was in a way that just made her seem vulnerable, not mean. She was more than I hoped for.

I wasn’t letting her go again. But even better, she was holding her grip on me just as tightly.

When it came time to get Kahlen a legal name, she let me be a part of it. At first I suggested things like “Kahlen Marie TeaCozy” or “Kahlen VonEataburger.” She told me I nearly had her sold on “Kahlen Loves Cake.” That would have been killer name! I just imagined myself going up to people and saying, “This is my girlfriend, Kahlen Loves Cake.”

But when I realized she really wanted help, I got serious. I’d always wanted to give her
my
name, but it was too soon to suggest that at the time. So I settled on Woods. Kahlen Woods— named after where I first discovered her. She liked the idea so much, she asked if I had any suggestions for a middle name. I went with Ocean— after that delicious, clean smell she always had. Kahlen Ocean Woods. It was very earthy, and it suited her.

So for months I’d been dating Miss Kahlen Ocean Woods. She was it for me. Kahlen was my girl. I wanted to wait for something special, but I just didn’t think I could bear it anymore. So all I had to do now was wait for Ben to come home and deliver his lines. Any minute now.

Kahlen kissed Bex on both cheeks and looked up, catching me in the act of watching her. She just smiled and went back to stroking little Bex’s head. Was I too young to be thinking about how much I wanted her to be kissing
our
children? Images like that assaulted my head daily. I was in deep.

Kahlen Woods, I love you.

I heard the footsteps on the front porch. The door opened and closed. I heard Ben’s voice in the kitchen as he greeted Julie and grabbed some food. It was well after lunch time. He walked into the living room and saw us all there. Perfect.

“Hey, Akinli, how was it this morning?” Ben asked casually.

“Good. Had some good numbers. It was too cold though, so I didn’t get the last few traps.”

“What?” he exclaimed. This was good.

“Shh, Ben, your daughter is sleeping,” Kahlen shushed.

“Well excuse me, but your boyfriend here is slacking off, and I have every right to be upset.” He turned to me. “Dude, if it’s just the two of us doing this now, you can’t be lazy.”

“I told you, it was cold,” I said, trying to sound a little whiney.

“Well, it’s warm now. Get off your butt and pull the rest of the traps,” Ben replied.

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah, I’m serious.”

“Fine, whatever. Let me go get a jacket.”

“Awww. Akinli, do you want some company?” Kahlen asked, not missing a beat. I knew it! Yes!

“Oh, no sweetheart, you stay here and be warm.”
Take the bait, girl, take the bait.

“It’s not that cold out now, not with the sun. Let me come, too, I can help!”

“If you insist,” I sighed, winking to Ben as I passed. I knew she’d come. That’s just how she was. Always thinking of how to make things easier for someone else.

We bundled up in our coats, and I grabbed my purple scarf. It really wasn’t too bad out now. Almost spring. Still, we took Bessie as opposed to walking. All I had to do now was keep calm. Having handlebars to grip helped.

As we got into the boat, I couldn’t help but think about how normal it felt to have her in my life. I really knew nothing about her except what she was since we met. Some people would probably say I was making the biggest mistake of my life. They’d be wrong. If anything, she was getting the raw end of the deal.

I would be getting a princess. An artist, a comedian, a friend, a model, a lady. She’d be getting… me. Poor girl. Still, I had to hope.

I held her hands for longer than necessary as I helped her into the boat. And I gave her a kiss that lingered a bit, but she didn’t push me away.

Luckiest man on earth.

I drove the boat slowly. She would assume it was because I didn’t want to kick up the water. Truth was I was scared out of my mind. How would I live with her if we had this giant “no” hanging over us? Ughhh. This could go so bad.