The Skeptics Annotated Bible (1003 page)

Few Christians take the 144,000 number seriously, of course. But the Jehovah’s Witnesses do. Boy do they ever! They believe that there are two distinct classes of believers: the 144,000 “Anointed” that are going to heaven and the “Great Crowd” that will remain here on earth. The WatchTower teaches that heaven closed in 1935, and that everyone else will either be killed at Armageddon (if they are not JWs) or live forever on earth.

5 Of the tribe of Juda were sealed twelve thousand. Of the tribe of Reuben were sealed twelve thousand. Of the tribe of Gad were sealed twelve thousand.

6 Of the tribe of Aser were sealed twelve thousand. Of the tribe of Nepthalim were sealed twelve thousand.
Of the tribe of Manasses
were sealed twelve thousand.

(7.6) “Of the tribe of Manasses”
84 What were the 12 tribes of Israel?

7 Of the tribe of Simeon were sealed twelve thousand. Of the tribe of Levi were sealed twelve thousand. Of the tribe of Issachar were sealed twelve thousand.

8 Of the tribe of Zabulon were sealed twelve thousand. Of the tribe of Joseph were sealed twelve thousand. Of the tribe of Benjamin were sealed twelve thousand.

9 After this I beheld, and, lo, a great multitude, which no man could number, of all nations, and kindreds, and people, and tongues, stood before the throne, and before the Lamb, clothed with white robes, and palms in their hands;

10 And cried with a loud voice, saying, Salvation to our God which sitteth upon the throne, and unto the Lamb.

11 And all the angels stood round about the throne, and about the elders and the four beasts, and fell before the throne on their faces, and worshipped God,

12 Saying, Amen: Blessing, and glory, and wisdom, and thanksgiving, and honour, and power, and might, be unto our God for ever and ever. Amen.

13 And one of the elders answered, saying unto me, What are these which are arrayed in white robes? and whence came they?

14 And I said unto him, Sir, thou knowest. And he said to me,
These are they which came out of great tribulation, and have washed their robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.

(7.14) “These are they which came out of great tribulation, and have washed their robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.” Those that survive the great tribulation will get to wash their clothes in the blood of the lamb.

15 Therefore are they before the throne of God, and serve him day and night in his temple: and he that sitteth on the throne shall dwell among them.

16 They shall hunger no more, neither thirst any more; neither shall the sun light on them, nor any heat.

17 For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes.

(8.1-13) Seventh seal

8
And
when he had opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven about the space of half an hour.

(8.1) “When he had opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven about the space of half an hour.” That must have been nice.

2 And I saw
the seven angels
which stood before God; and to them
were given seven trumpets.

(8.2) “The seven angels … were given seven trumpets.” When the seventh and last seal is opened, seven angels were given seven trumpets. When they start blowing them, all hell breaks loose.

3 And another angel came and stood at the altar, having a golden censer; and there was given unto him much incense, that he should offer it with the prayers of all saints upon the golden altar which was before the throne.

4 And the smoke of the incense, which came with the prayers of the saints, ascended up before God out of the angel’s hand.

5 And
the angel took the censer, and filled it with fire of the altar, and cast it into the earth: and there were voices, and thunderings, and lightnings, and an earthquake.

(8.5) “The angel took the censer, and filled it with fire of the altar, and cast it into the earth: and there were voices, and thunderings, and lightnings, and an earthquake.”

6 And the seven angels which had the seven trumpets prepared themselves to sound.

First trumpet
: Hail and fire mixed with blood are cast down to earth, burning 1/3 of all the trees and all of the grass.

7
The first angel sounded, and there followed hail and fire mingled with blood, and they were cast upon the earth: and the third part of trees was burnt up, and all green grass was burnt up.

(8.7) “The first angel sounded, and there followed hail and fire mingled with blood, and they were cast upon the earth: and the third part of trees was burnt up, and all green grass was burnt up.”

Second trumpet
: A burning mountain is thrown into the sea, causing 1/3 of it to become blood, killing 1/3 of all sea life, and destroying 1/3 of the ships.

8 And the second angel sounded, and as it were a great mountain burning with fire was cast into the sea: and the third part of the sea became blood;

(8.8) “The second angel sounded, and … a great mountain burning with fire was cast into the sea: and the third part of the sea became blood.”

9
And the third part of the creatures which were in the sea,
and had life,
died; and the third part of the ships were destroyed.

(8.9) “And the third part of the creatures which were in the sea … died; and the third part of the ships were destroyed.”

Third trumpet
: a great star (Wormwood) fell into the rivers, making them “bitter” and killing “many men.”

10 And
the third angel sounded, and
there fell
a great star
from heaven, burning as it were a lamp, and it
fell upon the third part of the rivers
, and upon the fountains of waters;

(8.10) “The third angel sounded, and … a great star … fell upon the third part of the rivers.”

11 And
the name of the star is called Wormwood
: and the third part of the waters became wormwood;
and many men died of the waters, because they were made bitter.

(8.11) “The name of the star is called Wormwood … and many men died of the waters, because they were made bitter.”

Fourth trumpet
: One-third of the sun, moon, and stars are “smitten”.

12 And
the fourth angel sounded, and the third part of the sun was smitten, and the third part of the moon, and the third part of the stars;
so as the third part of them was darkened, and the day shone not for a third part of it, and the night likewise.

(8.12) “The fourth angel sounded, and the third part of the sun was smitten, and the third part of the moon, and the third part of the stars.”

13 And
I
beheld, and
heard an angel flying through
the midst of
heaven, saying with a loud voice, Woe, woe, woe, to the inhabiters of the earth
by reason of the other voices of the trumpet of the three angels, which are yet to sound!

(8.13) “I … heard an angel flying through … heaven, saying with a loud voice, Woe, woe, woe, to the inhabiters of the earth”

(9.1-21) The fifth trumpet: Another star falls; this star was given the key to a bottomless pit, containing smoke and locusts that have the power of scorpions.