The Skeptics Annotated Bible (193 page)

11 But it shall be, when evening cometh on, he shall wash himself with water: and when the sun is down, he shall come into the camp again.

12 Thou shalt have a place also without the camp, whither thou shalt go forth abroad:

(23.13-14)
God’s rules for defecating
Carefully cover up all feces “for the Lord walketh in the midst of thy camp.” (You wouldn’t want the divine foot to step in your shit, would you?)
17 Does God have a body?

13 And
thou shalt have a paddle upon thy weapon; and it shall be, when thou wilt ease thyself abroad, thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that which cometh from thee:

(23.13)
“Thou shalt have a paddle upon thy weapon; and it shall be, when thou wilt ease thyself abroad, thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that which cometh from thee:”

14
For the LORD thy God walketh in the midst of thy camp
, to deliver thee, and to give up thine enemies before thee; therefore shall thy camp be holy: that he see no unclean thing in thee, and turn away from thee.

(23.14)
“For the LORD thy God walketh in the midst of thy camp.”

(23.15-16) Don’t return runaway slaves to their masters. Let them live with you in peace and freedom.
42 Does God approve of slavery?

15
Thou shalt not deliver unto his master the servant which is escaped
from his master unto thee:

(23.15)
“Thou shalt not deliver unto his master the servant which is escaped.”

16
He shall dwell with thee, even among you, in that place which he shall choose in one of thy gates, where it liketh him best: thou shalt not oppress him.

(23.16)
“He shall dwell with thee, even among you, in that place which he shall choose in one of thy gates, where it liketh him best: thou shalt not oppress him.”

(23.17-18) Don’t bring any whore, sodomite, or dog into the house of the Lord. For “these things are an abomination to the Lord.” (Sodomites and dogs are biblical names for homosexuals.)

17
There shall be no whore of the daughters of Israel, nor a sodomite of the sons of Israel.

(23.17)
“There shall be no whore of the daughters of Israel, nor a sodomite of the sons of Israel.”

18
Thou shalt not bring the hire of a whore, or the price of a dog, into the house of the LORD
thy God for any vow: for even both these are abomination unto the LORD thy God.

(23.18)
“Thou shalt not bring the hire of a whore, or the price of a dog, into the house of the LORD.”

19 Thou shalt not lend upon usury to thy brother; usury of money, usury of victuals, usury of any thing that is lent upon usury:

20
Unto a stranger thou mayest lend upon usury
; but unto thy brother thou shalt not lend upon usury: that the LORD thy God may bless thee in all that thou settest thine hand to in the land whither thou goest to possess it.

(23.20)
“Unto a stranger thou mayest lend upon usury
.” Usury is wrong except when lending to strangers. Then it’s okay.

21
When thou shalt vow a vow unto the LORD
thy God, thou shalt not slack to pay it: for the LORD thy God will surely require it of thee; and it would be sin in thee.

(23.21)
“When thou shalt vow a vow unto the LORD….”
63 Is it okay to take oaths?