The Skeptics Annotated Bible (95 page)

(34.14b)
“The LORD, whose name is Jealous”
90 What is God’s name?

15 Lest thou make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land, and they go a whoring after their gods, and do sacrifice unto their gods, and one call thee, and thou eat of his sacrifice;

16 And thou take of their daughters unto thy sons, and
their daughters go a whoring after their gods, and make thy sons go a whoring after their gods.

(34.16)
“Their daughters go a whoring after their gods, and make thy sons go a whoring after their gods.”
God always blames the women; they’re the ones who “go a whoring” and then “make” the men “go a whoring,” too.
80 Will God destroy those that intermarry?

17
Thou shalt make thee no molten gods
.

(34.17)
“Thou shalt make thee no molten gods.”

18 The feast of unleavened bread shalt thou keep. Seven days thou shalt eat unleavened bread, as I commanded thee, in the time of the month Abib: for in the month Abib thou camest out from Egypt.

19 All that openeth the matrix is mine; and every firstling among thy cattle, whether ox or sheep, that is male.

20 But the firstling of an ass thou shalt redeem with a lamb: and if thou redeem him not, then
shalt thou break his neck.
All the firstborn of thy sons thou shalt redeem. And none shall appear before me empty.

(34.20)
“Shalt thou break his neck.”
If you can’t redeem him, then just “break his neck.” It’s all for the glory of God.

21
Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest:
in earing time and in harvest thou shalt rest.

(34.21)
“Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest.”
101 Is it necessary to keep the Sabbath?

22 And thou shalt observe the feast of weeks, of the firstfruits of wheat harvest, and the feast of ingathering at the year’s end.

23
Thrice in the year shall all your menchildren appear before the LORD
God, the God of Israel.

(34.23)
“Thrice in the year shall all your men children appear before the Lord.”
What about the “women children”? Don’t they ever get to appear before the Lord?

24 For I will cast out the nations before thee, and enlarge thy borders: neither shall any man desire thy land, when thou shalt go up to appear before the LORD thy God thrice in the year.

25 Thou shalt not offer the blood of my sacrifice with leaven; neither shall the sacrifice of the feast of the passover be left unto the morning.

26 The first of the firstfruits of thy land thou shalt bring unto the house of the LORD thy God
. Thou shalt not seethe a kid in his mother’s milk.

(34.26)
“Thou shalt not seethe a kid
[baby lamb]
in his mother’s milk.”

27
And the LORD said unto Moses, Write thou these words:
for after the tenor of these words I have made a covenant with thee and with Israel.

(34.27)
“And the LORD said unto Moses, Write thou these words.”
119 Who wrote the (second set of) ten commandments?