The Skeptics Annotated Bible (227 page)

15 But
when the children of Israel cried unto the LORD, the LORD raised them up a deliverer, Ehud
the son of Gera, a Benjamite,
a man lefthanded: and by him the children of Israel sent a present unto Eglon
the king of Moab
.

(3.15a)
“When the children of Israel cried unto the LORD, the LORD raised them up a deliverer, Ehud … a man lefthanded.”

(3.15b)
“And by him the children of Israel sent a present unto Eglon.”

16 But
Ehud made him a dagger which had two edges, of a cubit length
; and he did gird it under his raiment upon his right thigh.

(3.16)
“Ehud made him a dagger which had two edges, of a cubit length.”

17
And he brought the present unto Eglon king of Moab: and Eglon was a very fat man.

(3.17)
“And he brought the present unto Eglon king of Moab: and Eglon was a very fat man.”

18 And when he had made an end to offer the present, he sent away the people that bare the present.

19 But he himself turned again from the quarries that were by Gilgal, and said, I have a secret errand unto thee, O king: who said, Keep silence. And all that stood by him went out from him.

20 And Ehud came unto him; and he was sitting in a summer parlour, which he had for himself alone. And
Ehud said, I have a message from God unto thee.
And he arose out of his seat.

(3.20)
“Ehud said, I have a message from God unto thee.”

21 And
Ehud put forth his left hand, and took the dagger from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly:

(3.21)
“Ehud put forth his left hand, and took the dagger from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly.”

22
And the haft also went in after the blade; and the fat closed upon the blade, so that he could not draw the dagger out of his belly; and the dirt came out.

(3.22)
“And the haft also went in after the blade; and the fat closed upon the blade, so that he could not draw the dagger out of his belly; and the dirt came out.”

23 Then Ehud went forth through the porch, and shut the doors of the parlour upon him, and locked them.

24 When he was gone out, his servants came; and when they saw that, behold, the doors of the parlour were locked, they said,
Surely he covereth his feet in his summer chamber.

(3.24)
“Surely he covereth his feet in his summer chamber.”
“Covering his feet” is a euphemism for taking a leak.

25 And they tarried till they were ashamed: and, behold, he opened not the doors of the parlour; therefore they took a key, and opened them: and, behold, their lord was fallen down dead on the earth.

(3.26-29)
God delivers 10,000 lusty Moabites
After Ehud delivered God’s message to Eglon (a knife blade in the belly), he blew a trumpet to summon all the Israelites. When they all arrived, he told the people that God had delivered the Moabites into their hand. So they followed Ehud and God helped them kill 10,000 lusty Moabites.
145 How should the Moabites be treated?
God’s 44th Killing

26 And
Ehud
escaped while they tarried, and passed beyond the quarries, and escaped unto Seirath.

27 And it came to pass, when he was come, that he
blew a trumpet in the mountain of Ephraim, and the children of Israel went down with him from the mount
, and he before them.

(3.26-27)
“Ehud … blew a trumpet in the mountain of Ephraim, and the children of Israel went down with him from the mount.”

28 And
he said
unto them, Follow after me: for
the LORD hath delivered your enemies the Moabites into your hand.
And they went down after him, and took the fords of Jordan toward Moab, and suffered not a man to pass over.

(3.28)
“He said … the LORD hath delivered your enemies the Moabites into your hand.”

29
And they slew of Moab at that time about ten thousand men, all lusty, and all men of valour; and there escaped not a man.

(3.29)
“And they slew of Moab at that time about ten thousand men, all lusty, and all men of valour; and there escaped not a man.”

30 So Moab was subdued that day under the hand of Israel. And the land had rest fourscore years.

31 And after him was
Shamgar
the son of Anath, which
slew of the Philistines six hundred men with an ox goad
: and he also delivered Israel.

(3.31)
“Shamgar … slew of the Philistines six hundred men with an ox goad.”
God’s 45th killing

(4.1-16)
Barak and God massacre the Canaanites
This is just another variation on the same old story. If you’ve been following along, you know what’s going to happen. (See Judges 2.14, 3.8, 6.1, and 10.7 for other versions of the same silly story.)
God’s 46th Killing