The Skeptics Annotated Bible (228 page)

This story is more interesting than most, though, because one of the characters is named Barak. (Although Barack Obama’s first name is not derived from this biblical character, believers sometimes like to pretend otherwise.)

Here are the details:

After Ehud dies, a woman became the leader of the Israelites. Her name is Deborah and she is called a prophetess and judge. She sat under a palm tree and everyone “came up to her for judgment.”

4
And
the children of Israel again did evil in the sight of the LORD
, when Ehud was dead.

2 And
the LORD sold them into the hand of Jabin king of Canaan
, that reigned in Hazor; the captain of whose host was Sisera, which dwelt in Harosheth of the Gentiles.

3 And
the children of Israel cried unto the LORD
: for he had nine hundred chariots of iron; and twenty years he mightily oppressed the children of Israel.

4 And
Deborah, a prophetess
, the wife of Lapidoth, she judged Israel at that time.

5 And she
dwelt under the palm tree of Deborah
between Ramah and Beth-el in mount Ephraim
: and the children of Israel came up to her for judgment.

(4.4-5)
“Deborah, a prophetess, … dwelt under the palm tree of Deborah … and the children of Israel came up to her for judgment.”
One day, she summoned Barak and told him to take 10,000 soldiers to fight Sisera.

6 And
she sent and called Barak
the son of Abinoam out of Kedesh-naphtali,
and said
unto him, Hath not
the LORD God of Israel commanded, saying
, Go and draw toward mount Tabor, and
take with thee ten thousand men
of the children of Naphtali and of the children of Zebulun?

7 And I will draw unto thee
to
the river Kishon
Sisera, the captain of Jabin’s army
, with his chariots and his multitude;
and I will deliver him into thine hand.

(4.6-7)
“She sent and called Barak … and said … the LORD God of Israel commanded, saying … take with thee ten thousand men … to … Sisera, the captain of Jabin’s army … and I will deliver him into thine hand.”

8 And Barak said unto her,
If thou wilt go with me, then I will go: but if thou wilt not go with me, then I will not go.

Barak, who was a bit of a chicken shit, said: (4.8) “If thou wilt go with me, then I will go: but if thou wilt not go with me, then I will not go.” Deborah said that she would go with him and that God would deliver Sisera into the hands of a woman.

9 And she said
, I will surely go with thee
: notwithstanding the journey that thou takest shall not be for thine honour;
for the LORD shall sell Sisera into the hand of a woman
.
And Deborah arose, and went with Barak
to Kedesh.

(4.9)
“I will surely go with thee … for the LORD shall sell Sisera into the hand of a woman. And Deborah arose, and went with Barak.”

10 And Barak called Zebulun and Naphtali to Kedesh; and he went up with ten thousand men at his feet: and Deborah went up with him.

11 Now Heber the Kenite, which was of the children of
Hobab the father in law of Moses
, had severed himself from the Kenites, and pitched his tent unto the plain of Zaanaim, which is by Kedesh.

(4.11)
“Hobab the father in law of Moses”
88 Who was Moses’ father-in-law?

12 And they shewed Sisera that Barak the son of Abinoam was gone up to mount Tabor.

13 And Sisera gathered together all his chariots, even
nine hundred chariots of iron
, and all the people that were with him, from Harosheth of the Gentiles unto the river of Kishon.

(4.13)
“Nine hundred chariots of iron”
170 Can God stop iron chariots?

So Deborah and Barak go off to fight in God’s holy war. Guess what happens.

14 And Deborah said unto Barak, Up; for this is the day in which the LORD hath delivered Sisera into thine hand: is not the LORD gone out before thee? So Barak went down from mount Tabor, and ten thousand men after him.

15 And
the LORD discomfited Sisera, and all his chariots, and all his host, with the edge of the sword before Barak; so that Sisera lighted down off his chariot, and fled away on his feet.

(4.15)
“The LORD discomfited Sisera, and all his chariots, and all his host, with the edge of the sword before Barak; so that Sisera lighted down off his chariot, and fled away on his feet.”

16
But Barak pursued after the chariots, and after the host
, unto Harosheth of the Gentiles:
and all the host of Sisera fell upon the edge of the sword; and there was not a man left.

(4.16)
“But Barak pursued after the chariots, and after the host… and all the host of Sisera fell upon the edge of the sword; and there was not a man left.”
That’s right. God confused (“discomfited”) Sisera’s army, forcing them to either kill each other or kill themselves. No one survived—except Sisera, and God will take care of him in his next killing.

17 Howbeit Sisera fled away on his feet to the tent of Jael the wife of Heber the Kenite: for there was peace between Jabin the king of Hazor and the house of Heber the Kenite.

(4.18-23)
Jael pounds a tent stake through a sleeping man’s skull
Jael (our heroine) offers food and shelter to a traveler (Sisera, Jabin’s captain), saying “turn in my Lord … fear not.” Then after giving him a glass of milk and tucking him in, she drives a tent stake through his head. “So God subdued on that day Jabin.”
God’s 47th Killing

18 And
Jael went out to meet Sisera, and said unto him, Turn in, my lord, turn in to me; fear not.
And
when he had turned in unto her into the tent, she covered him with a mantle.

(4.18)
“Jael went out to meet Sisera, and said unto him, Turn in, my lord, turn in to me; fear not. And when he had turned in unto her into the tent, she covered him with a mantle.”

19
And he said unto her, Give me, I pray thee, a little water to drink; for I am thirsty. And she opened a bottle of milk, and gave him drink, and covered him.

(4.19)
“And he said unto her, Give me, I pray thee, a little water to drink; for I am thirsty. And she opened a bottle of milk, and gave him drink, and covered him.”

20 Again he said unto her, Stand in the door of the tent, and it shall be, when any man doth come and enquire of thee, and say, Is there any man here? that thou shalt say, No.

21
Then Jael
Heber’s wife
took a nail of the tent, and took an hammer in her hand, and went softly unto him, and smote the nail into his temples, and fastened it into the ground: for he was fast asleep and weary. So he died.

(4.21)
“Then Jael … took a nail of the tent, and took an hammer in her hand, and went softly unto him, and smote the nail into his temples, and fastened it into the ground: for he was fast asleep and weary. So he died.”
171 Was Sisera asleep when he was murdered?

22 And, behold,
as Barak pursued Sisera, Jael came out to meet him, and said unto him, Come, and I will shew thee the man whom thou seekest. And when he came into her tent, behold, Sisera lay dead, and the nail was in his temples.

(4.22)
“As Barak pursued Sisera, Jael came out to meet him, and said unto him, Come, and I will shew thee the man whom thou seekest. And when he came into her tent, behold, Sisera lay dead, and the nail was in his temples.”

23
So God subdued on that day Jabin the king of Canaan
before the children of Israel.

(4.23)
“So God subdued on that day Jabin the king of Canaan.”

24 And the hand of the children of Israel prospered, and prevailed against Jabin the king of Canaan, until they had destroyed Jabin king of Canaan.

5 Then sang Deborah and Barak the son of Abinoam on that day, saying,

2 Praise ye the LORD for the avenging of Israel, when the people willingly offered themselves.

3 Hear, O ye kings; give ear, O ye princes; I, even I, will sing unto the LORD; I will sing praise to the LORD God of Israel.

4 LORD, when thou wentest out of Seir, when thou marchedst out of the field of Edom, the earth trembled, and the heavens dropped, the clouds also dropped water.

5 The mountains melted from before the LORD, even that Sinai from before the LORD God of Israel.

6 In the days of Shamgar the son of Anath, in the days of Jael, the highways were unoccupied, and the travellers walked through byways.

7 The inhabitants of the villages ceased, they ceased in Israel, until that I Deborah arose, that I arose a mother in Israel.

8 They chose new gods; then was war in the gates: was there a shield or spear seen among forty thousand in Israel?

9 My heart is toward the governors of Israel, that offered themselves willingly among the people. Bless ye the LORD.

10 Speak, ye that ride on white asses, ye that sit in judgment, and walk by the way.

11 They that are delivered from the noise of archers in the places of drawing water, there shall they rehearse the righteous acts of the LORD, even the righteous acts toward the inhabitants of his villages in Israel: then shall the people of the LORD go down to the gates.