The Skeptics Annotated Bible (342 page)

9
And
Elisha the prophet called one of the children of the prophets, and said unto him, Gird up thy loins, and take this box of oil
in thine hand, and go to Ramoth-gilead:

(9.1)
“Elisha the prophet called one of the children of the prophets, and said unto him, Gird up thy loins, and take this box of oil.”
You know you’re in for some big-time prophet action when Elisha tells you to grab some oil and gird your loins!

2 And when thou comest thither, look out there
Jehu the son of Jehoshaphat the son of Nimshi,
and go in, and make him arise up from among his brethren, and carry him to an inner chamber;

(9.2)
“Jehu the son of Jehoshaphat the son of Nimshi”
244 Was Jehu Nimshi’s son or grandson?

3 Then take the box of oil, and pour it on his head, and say, Thus saith the LORD, I have anointed thee king over Israel. Then open the door, and flee, and tarry not.

4 So the young man, even the young man the prophet, went to Ramoth-gilead.

5 And when he came, behold, the captains of the host were sitting; and he said, I have an errand to thee, O captain. And Jehu said, Unto which of all us? And he said, To thee, O captain.

6 And he arose, and went into the house; and he poured the oil on his head, and said unto him,
Thus saith the LORD God
of Israel, I have anointed thee king over the people of the LORD, even over Israel.

7 And
thou shalt smite the house of Ahab thy master, that I may avenge the blood of my servants the prophets, and the blood of all the servants of the LORD, at the hand of Jezebel.

(9.6-7)
“Thus saith the LORD God … thou shalt smite the house of Ahab thy master, that I may avenge the blood of my servants the prophets, and the blood of all the servants of the LORD, at the hand of Jezebel.”

8
For the whole house of Ahab shall perish: and I will cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against the wall,
and him that is shut up and left in Israel:

(9.8) “For the whole house of Ahab shall perish: and I will cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against the wall.”

9 And
I will make the house of Ahab like the house of Jeroboam
the son of Nebat
, and like the house of Baasha
the son of Ahijah:

(9.9)
“I will make the house of Ahab like the house of Jeroboam … and like the house of Baasha.”
God will kill Ahab’s family just like he did the families of Jeroboam and Baasha.

10
And the dogs shall eat Jezebel
in the portion of Jezreel,
and there shall be none to bury her.
And he opened the door, and fled.

(9.10)
“And the dogs shall eat Jezebel … and there shall be none to bury her.”

11 Then Jehu came forth to the servants of his lord: and one said unto him, Is all well?
wherefore came this mad fellow to thee?
And he said unto them, Ye know the man, and his communication.

(9.11)
“Wherefore came this mad fellow to thee?”
One of Jehu’s officers called Elisha a madman (which, of course, he was).

12 And they said, It is false; tell us now. And he said, Thus and thus spake he to me, saying, Thus saith the LORD, I have anointed thee king over Israel.

13 Then they hasted, and took every man his garment, and put it under him on the top of the stairs, and blew with trumpets, saying, Jehu is king.

14 So Jehu the son of Jehoshaphat the son of Nimshi conspired against Joram. (Now Joram had kept Ramoth-gilead, he and all Israel, because of Hazael king of Syria.

15 But king Joram was returned to be healed in Jezreel of the wounds which the Syrians had given him, when he fought with Hazael king of Syria.) And Jehu said, If it be your minds, then let none go forth nor escape out of the city to go to tell it in Jezreel.

16 So Jehu rode in a chariot, and went to Jezreel; for Joram lay there. And Ahaziah king of Judah was come down to see Joram.

17 And there stood a watchman on the tower in Jezreel, and he spied the company of Jehu as he came, and said, I see a company. And Joram said, Take an horseman, and send to meet them, and let him say, Is it peace?

18 So there went one on horseback to meet him, and said, Thus saith the king, Is it peace? And Jehu said, What hast thou to do with peace? turn thee behind me. And the watchman told, saying, The messenger came to them, but he cometh not again.

19 Then he sent out a second on horseback, which came to them, and said, Thus saith the king, Is it peace? And Jehu answered, What hast thou to do with peace? turn thee behind me.

20 And the watchman told, saying, He came even unto them, and cometh not again: and
the driving is like the driving of Jehu the son of Nimshi; for he driveth furiously.

(9.20) “The driving is like the driving of Jehu the son of Nimshi; for he driveth furiously.” Jehu is the patron saint of reckless drivers.

21 And Joram said, Make ready. And his chariot was made ready. And Joram king of Israel and Ahaziah king of Judah went out, each in his chariot, and they went out against Jehu, and met him in the portion of Naboth the Jezreelite.

22 And it came to pass, when Joram saw Jehu, that he said, Is it peace, Jehu? And he answered, What peace, so long as the whoredoms of thy mother Jezebel and her witchcrafts are so many?

23 And Joram turned his hands, and fled, and said to Ahaziah, There is treachery, O Ahaziah.

(9.24-25) God pays back Ahab by killing his son.
God’s 105th Killing

24 And
Jehu drew a bow with his full strength, and smote Jehoram between his arms, and the arrow went out at his heart
, and he sunk down in his chariot.

(9.24)
“Jehu drew a bow with his full strength, and smote Jehoram between his arms, and the arrow went out at his heart.”

25
Then said Jehu
to Bidkar his captain, Take up, and
cast him in the portion of the field of Naboth
the Jezreelite:
for
remember how that, when I and thou rode together after Ahab his father,
the LORD laid this burden upon him;

(9.25)
“Then said Jehu … cast him in the portion of the field of Naboth … for … the LORD laid this burden upon him.”

26 Surely
I have seen yesterday the blood of Naboth, and the blood of his sons, saith the LORD; and I will requite thee in this plat, saith the LORD. Now therefore take and cast him into the plat of ground, according to the word of the LORD.