The Skeptics Annotated Bible (686 page)

3 And they have cast lots for my people; and have given a boy for an harlot, and sold a girl for wine, that they might drink.

4 Yea, and what have ye to do with me, O Tyre, and Zidon, and all the coasts of Palestine? will ye render me a recompence? and if ye recompense me, swiftly and speedily will I return your recompence upon your own head;

5 Because ye have taken my silver and my gold, and have carried into your temples my goodly pleasant things:

6 The children also of Judah and the children of Jerusalem have ye sold unto the Grecians, that ye might remove them far from their border.

7 Behold, I will raise them out of the place whither ye have sold them, and will return your recompence upon your own head:

8 And
I will sell your sons and your daughters
into the hand of the children of Judah, and they shall sell them to the Sabeans, to a people far off:
for the LORD hath spoken it.

(3.8)
“I will sell your sons and your daughters … for the Lord hath spoken it.”

9 Proclaim ye this among the Gentiles; Prepare war, wake up the mighty men, let all the men of war draw near; let them come up:

10
Beat your plowshares into swords, and your pruninghooks into spears: let the weak say, I am strong.

(3.10) “Beat your plowshares into swords and your pruninghooks into spears: let the weak say, I am strong.”

11 Assemble yourselves, and come, all ye heathen, and gather yourselves together round about: thither cause thy mighty ones to come down, O LORD.

12 Let the heathen be wakened, and come up to the valley of Jehoshaphat: for there will I sit to judge all the heathen round about.

13 Put ye in the sickle, for the harvest is ripe: come, get you down; for the press is full, the fats overflow; for their wickedness is great.

(3.14-16) The day of the Lord is near. You’ll know it’s here when you see all the earthquakes and eclipses.

14 Multitudes, multitudes in the valley of decision: for
the day of the LORD is near
in the valley of decision.

(3.14)
“For the day of the LORD is near.”

15
The sun and the moon shall be darkened, and the stars shall withdraw their shining.

(3.15) “The sun and the moon shall be darkened, and the stars shall withdraw their shining.”

16
The LORD also shall roar
out of Zion, and utter his voice from Jerusalem;
and the heavens and the earth shall shake
: but the LORD will be the hope of his people, and the strength of the children of Israel.

(3.16)
“The LORD also shall roar… and the heavens and the earth shall shake.”

17 So shall ye know that
I am the LORD your God dwelling in Zion, my holy mountain: then shall Jerusalem be holy, and there shall no strangers pass through her any more.

(3.17a, 21) “I am the LORD your God dwelling in Zion, my holy mountain.”
Where does God live?

(3.17b)
“Then shall Jerusalem be holy, and there shall no strangers pass through her any more.”
Jerusalem will be “holy” when there are no non-Jews (and/or non-Christians) in Jerusalem.

18 And it shall come to pass in that day, that the mountains shall drop down new wine, and the hills shall flow with milk, and all the rivers of Judah shall flow with waters, and a fountain shall come forth of the house of the LORD, and shall water the valley of Shittim.

19
Egypt shall be a desolation, and Edom shall be a desolate wilderness
, for the violence against the children of Judah, because they have shed innocent blood in their land.

(3.19) “Egypt shall be a desolation, and Edom shall be a desolate wilderness.”

20 But Judah shall dwell for ever, and Jerusalem from generation to generation.

21 For I will cleanse their blood that I have not cleansed: for
the LORD dwelleth in Zion.

I have sent among you the pestilence … your young men have I slain with the sword … I have made the stink of your camps to come up unto your nostrils, yet have ye not returned unto me, saith the LORD.
—
Amos 4.10

Most people don’t know this, but God is a pyromaniac. In the first two chapters of Amos alone, he sets, or threatens to set, seven cities on fire. He seems quite proud of it too, saying, “shall there be evil in the city, and the Lord hath not done it?” (Amos 3.6)