The Skeptics Annotated Bible (48 page)

22 And Reuben said unto them, Shed no blood, but cast him into this pit that is in the wilderness, and lay no hand upon him; that he might rid him out of their hands, to deliver him to his father again.

23 And it came to pass, when Joseph was come unto his brethren, that they stript Joseph out of his coat, his coat of many colours that was on him;

24 And they took him, and cast him into a pit: and the pit was empty, there was no water in it.

25 And they sat down to eat bread: and they lifted up their eyes and looked, and, behold, a company of Ishmeelites came from Gilead with their camels bearing spicery and balm and myrrh, going to carry it down to Egypt.

26 And Judah said unto his brethren, What profit is it if we slay our brother, and conceal his blood?

27 Come, and let us sell him to the Ishmeelites, and let not our hand be upon him; for he is our brother and our flesh. And his brethren were content.

28 Then there passed by Midianites merchantmen; and they drew and lifted up Joseph out of the pit, and sold Joseph to
the Ishmeelites
for twenty pieces of silver: and they
brought Joseph into Egypt
.

(37.28)
“The Ismeelites … brought him into Egypt.”
76 Who brought Joseph into Egypt?

29 And Reuben returned unto the pit; and, behold, Joseph was not in the pit; and he rent his clothes.

30 And he returned unto his brethren, and said, The child is not; and I, whither shall I go?

31 And they took Joseph’s coat, and killed a kid of the goats, and dipped the coat in the blood;

32 And they sent the coat of many colours, and they brought it to their father; and said, This have we found: know now whether it be thy son’s coat or no.

33 And he knew it, and said, It is my son’s coat; an evil beast hath devoured him; Joseph is without doubt rent in pieces.

34 And Jacob rent his clothes, and put sackcloth upon his loins, and mourned for his son many days.

35 And all his sons and all his daughters rose up to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted; and he said, For I will go down into the grave unto my son mourning. Thus his father wept for him.

36 And
the Midianites sold him into Egypt
unto Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh’s, and captain of the guard.

(37.36)
“And the Midianites sold him into Egypt.”
76 Who brought Joseph into Egypt?

38
And it came to pass at that time, that Judah went down from his brethren, and turned in to a certain Adullamite, whose name was Hirah.

2 And
Judah saw there a daughter of a certain Canaanite
, whose name was Shuah;
and he took her, and went in unto her.

(38.2)
“Judah saw there a daughter of a certain Canaanite … and he took her, and went in unto her.”
Judah has casual sex with a Canaanite woman which results in two sons, Er and Onan.

3 And she conceived, and bare a son; and he called his name Er.

4 And she conceived again, and bare a son; and she called his name Onan.

5 And she yet again conceived, and bare a son; and called his name Shelah: and he was at Chezib, when she bare him.

6 And Judah took a wife for Er his firstborn, whose name was Tamar.

7 And
Er
, Judah’s firstborn,
was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him.

(38.7)
“Er … was wicked in the sight of the Lord; and the Lord slew him.”
God’s 5th killing

8 And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother’s wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother.

9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass,
when he went in unto his brother’s wife
, that
he spilled it on the ground,
lest that he should give seed to his brother.

10
And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.

(38.9-10)
“When he went in unto his brother’s wife … he spilled it on the ground … And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.”
After God killed Er, Judah tells Onan to “go in unto thy brother’s wife.” But “Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and … when he went in unto his brother’s wife … he spilled it on the ground … And the thing which he did displeased the Lord; wherefore he slew him also.” This lovely Bible story is seldom read in Sunday School, but it is the basis of many Christian doctrines, including the condemnation of both masturbation and birth control.
God’s 6th killing