The Skeptics Annotated Bible (502 page)

20 Have not I written to thee excellent things in counsels and knowledge,

21 That I might make thee know the certainty of the words of truth; that thou mightest answer the words of truth to them that send unto thee?

22
Rob not the poor, because he is poor: neither oppress the afflicted
in the gate:

(22.22) “Rob not the poor, because he is poor: neither oppress the afflicted.”
42 Is it okay to own slaves?

23 For the LORD will plead their cause, and spoil the soul of those that spoiled them.

24 Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go:

25 Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul.

26 Be not thou one of them that strike hands, or of them that are sureties for debts.

27 If thou hast nothing to pay, why should he take away thy bed from under thee?

28 Remove not the ancient landmark, which thy fathers have set.

29 Seest thou a man diligent in his business? he shall stand before kings; he shall not stand before mean men.

23
When thou sittest to eat with a ruler, consider diligently what is before thee:

2 And put a knife to thy throat, if thou be a man given to appetite.

3 Be not desirous of his dainties: for they are deceitful meat.

4
Labour not to be rich
: cease from thine own wisdom.

(23.4) “Labour not to be rich.”

5 Wilt thou set thine eyes upon that which is not? for riches certainly make themselves wings; they fly away as an eagle toward heaven.

6
Eat thou not the bread of him that hath an evil eye
, neither desire thou his dainty meats:

(23.6) “Eat thou not the bread of him that hath an evil eye.”

7 For
as he thinketh in his heart
, so is he: Eat and drink, saith he to thee; but his heart is not with thee.

(23.7)
“As he thinketh in his heart”
In the Bible, people think with their hearts not with their heads.

8 The morsel which thou hast eaten shalt thou vomit up, and lose thy sweet words.

9 Speak not in the ears of a fool: for he will despise the wisdom of thy words.

10 Remove not the old landmark; and enter not into the fields of the fatherless:

11 For their redeemer is mighty; he shall plead their cause with thee.

12
Apply thine heart unto instruction, and thine ears to the words of knowledge.

(23.12)
“Apply thine heart unto instruction, and thine ears to the words of knowledge.”

13
Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.

14
Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell
.

(23.13-14)
“Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.”
Beat your children hard and often. Don’t worry about hurting them. You may break a few bones and cause some brain damage, but it isn’t going to kill them. And even if it does, they’ll be better off for it. They’ll thank you in heaven for beating the hell out of them.

15
My son, if thine heart be wise, my heart shall rejoice
, even mine.

(23.15)
“My son, if thine heart be wise, my heart shall rejoice.”

16
Yea, my reins shall rejoice
, when thy lips speak right things.

(23.16)
“Yea, my reins shall rejoice.”
(“Reins” is the Bible’s word for kidneys.)