The Skeptics Annotated Bible (591 page)

11 For
both prophet and priest are profane; yea, in my house have I found their wickedness, saith the LORD.

(23.11)
“Both prophet and priest are profane; yea, in my house have I found their wickedness, saith the LORD.”

12 Wherefore their way shall be unto them as slippery ways in the darkness: they shall be driven on, and fall therein: for
I will bring evil upon them
, even the year of their visitation, saith the LORD.

(23.12)
“I will bring evil upon them.”

13 And I have seen folly in the prophets of Samaria; they prophesied in Baal, and caused my people Israel to err.

14
I have seen also in the prophets of Jerusalem an horrible thing: they commit adultery, and walk in lies: they strengthen also the hands of evildoers, that none doth return from his wickedness: they are all of them unto me as Sodom
, and the inhabitants thereof as Gomorrah.

(23.14)
“I have seen also in the prophets of Jerusalem an horrible thing: they commit adultery, and walk in lies: they strengthen also the hands of evildoers, that none doth return from his wickedness; they are all of them unto me as Sodom.”

15 Therefore thus saith the LORD of hosts concerning the prophets; Behold, I will feed them with wormwood, and make them drink the water of gall: for from the prophets of Jerusalem is profaneness gone forth into all the land.

16 Thus saith the LORD of hosts, Hearken not unto the words of the prophets that prophesy unto you: they make you vain: they speak a vision of their own heart, and not out of the mouth of the LORD.

17 They say still unto them that despise me, The LORD hath said, Ye shall have peace; and they say unto every one that walketh after the imagination of his own heart, No evil shall come upon you.

18 For who hath stood in the counsel of the LORD, and hath perceived and heard his word? who hath marked his word, and heard it?

19 Behold,
a whirlwind of the LORD is gone forth in fury,
even a grievous whirlwind:
it shall fall grievously upon the head of the wicked.

(23.19)
“A whirlwind of the LORD is gone forth in fury … it shall fall grievously upon the head of the wicked.”
292 Do the wicked prosper?

20 The anger of the LORD shall not return, until he have executed, and till he have performed the thoughts of his heart: in the latter days ye shall consider it perfectly.

21 I have not sent these prophets, yet they ran: I have not spoken to them, yet they prophesied.

22 But if they had stood in my counsel, and had caused my people to hear my words, then they should have turned them from their evil way, and from the evil of their doings.

23 Am I a God at hand, saith the LORD, and not a God afar off?

24
Can any hide himself in secret places that I shall not see him? saith the LORD. Do not I fill heaven and earth? saith the LORD.

(23.24)
“Can any hide himself in secret places that I shall not see him? saith the LORD. Do not I fill heaven and earth? saith the LORD.”
18 Does God see and know everything?

(23.25-40) God damned lying prophets

25
I have heard what the prophets said, that prophesy lies in my name, saying, I have dreamed, I have dreamed
.

(23.25)
“I have heard what the prophets said, that prophesy lies in my name, saying, I have dreamed, I have dreamed.”

26
How long shall this be in the heart of the prophets that prophesy lies?
yea, they are prophets of the deceit of their own heart;

(23.26)
“How long shall this be in the heart of the prophets that prophesy lies?”

27 Which think to cause my people to forget my name by their dreams which they tell every man to his neighbour, as their fathers have forgotten my name for Baal.

28
The prophet that hath a dream, let him tell a dream
; and he that hath my word, let him speak my word faithfully. What is the chaff to the wheat? saith the LORD.

(23.28)
“The prophet that hath a dream, let him tell a dream.”

29 Is not my word like as a fire? saith the LORD; and like a hammer that breaketh the rock in pieces?

30 Therefore, behold,
I am against the prophets, saith the LORD, that steal my words every one from his neighbour.

(23.30)
“I am against the prophets, saith the LORD, that steal my words every one from his neighbour.”

31 Behold,
I am against the prophets, saith the LORD, that use their tongues, and say, He saith
.

(23.31)
“I am against the prophets, saith the LORD, that use their tongues, and say, He saith.”

32 Behold,
I am against them that prophesy false dreams, saith the LORD, and do tell them, and cause my people to err by their lies
, and by their lightness; yet I sent them not, nor commanded them: therefore they shall not profit this people at all, saith the LORD.

(23.32)
“I am against them that prophesy false dreams, saith the LORD, and do tell them, and cause my people to err by their lies.”

33 And when this people, or the prophet, or a priest, shall ask thee, saying, What is the burden of the LORD? thou shalt then say unto them, What burden? I will even forsake you, saith the LORD.

34 And
as for the prophet, and the priest, and the people, that shall say, The burden of the LORD, I will even punish that man and his house.

(23.34)
“As for the prophet, and the priest, and the people, that shall say, The burden of the LORD, I will even punish that man and his house.”
(And his house?)

35 Thus shall ye say every one to his neighbour, and every one to his brother, What hath the LORD answered? and, What hath the LORD spoken?

36 And the burden of the LORD shall ye mention no more: for
every man’s word shall be his burden; for ye have perverted the words of the living God,
of the LORD of hosts our God.

(23.36)
“Every man’s word shall be his burden; for ye have perverted the words of the living God.”

37 Thus shalt thou say to the prophet, What hath the LORD answered thee? and, What hath the LORD spoken?

38 But since ye say, The burden of the LORD; therefore thus saith the LORD; Because ye say this word, The burden of the LORD, and I have sent unto you, saying,
Ye shall not say, The burden of the LORD;

(23.38)
“Ye shall not say, The burden of the LORD.”

39 Therefore, behold, I, even
I, will utterly forget you, and I will forsake you
, and the city that I gave you and your fathers,
and cast you out of my presence:

(23.39)
“I will utterly forget you, and I will forsake you … and cast you out of my presence.”

40
And I will bring an everlasting reproach upon you, and a perpetual shame, which shall not be forgotten.

(23.40)
“And I will bring an everlasting reproach upon you, and a perpetual shame, which shall not be forgotten.”

(24.1-3) Two baskets of figs, some naughty and some nice

24
The LORD shewed me
, and, behold,
two baskets of figs
were set before the temple of the LORD, after that Nebuchadrezzar king of Babylon had carried away captive Jeconiah the son of Jehoiakim king of Judah, and the princes of Judah, with the carpenters and smiths, from Jerusalem, and had brought them to Babylon.

(24.1)
“The LORD shewed me … two baskets of figs.”

2
One basket had very good figs
, even like the figs that are first ripe:
and the other basket had very naughty figs, which could not be eaten, they were so bad.

(24.2)
“One basket had very good figs … and the other basket had very naughty figs, which could not be eaten, they were so bad.”
Which of course goes to show that God hates figs, at least the “very naughty” kind.

3
Then said the LORD unto me, What seest thou, Jeremiah? And I said, Figs; the good figs, very good; and the evil, very evil
, that cannot be eaten, they are so evil.

(24.3)
“Then said the LORD unto me, What seest thou, Jeremiah? And I said, Figs; the good figs, very good; and the evil, very evil.”

4 Again the word of the LORD came unto me, saying,

5 Thus saith the LORD, the God of Israel; Like these good figs, so will I acknowledge them that are carried away captive of Judah, whom I have sent out of this place into the land of the Chaldeans for their good.

6 For I will set mine eyes upon them for good, and I will bring them again to this land: and I will build them, and not pull them down; and I will plant them, and not pluck them up.

7 And I will give them an heart to know me, that I am the LORD: and they shall be my people, and I will be their God: for they shall return unto me with their whole heart.

8 And as the evil figs, which cannot be eaten, they are so evil; surely thus saith the LORD, So will I give Zedekiah the king of Judah, and his princes, and the residue of Jerusalem, that remain in this land, and them that dwell in the land of Egypt: