The Skeptics Annotated Bible (698 page)

6 And the LORD
God prepared a gourd, and made it to come up over Jonah, that it might be a shadow over his head
, to deliver him from his grief. So Jonah was exceeding glad of the gourd.

(4.6)
“God prepared a gourd, and made it to come up over Jonah, that it might be a shadow over his head.”

7 But
God prepared a worm when the morning rose the next day, and it smote the gourd that it withered.

(4.7)
“God prepared a worm when the morning rose the next day, and it smote the gourd that it withered.”

8 And it came to pass, when the sun did arise, that
God prepared a vehement east wind; and the sun beat upon the head of Jonah, that he fainted, and wished in himself to die
, and said, It is better for me to die than to live.

(4.8)
“God prepared a vehement east wind; and the sun beat upon the head of Jonah, that he fainted, and wished in himself to die.”

(4.9-11) God asks Jonah why he is angry about the gourd. What about the 120,000 people that God planned to kill (along with their animals)? Shouldn’t he be angry about that, too?

9 And
God said to Jonah, Doest thou well to be angry for the gourd? And he said, I do well to be angry, even unto death.

(4.9)
“God said to Jonah, Doest thou well to be angry for the gourd? And he said, I do well to be angry, even unto death.”

10 Then said the LORD, Thou hast had pity on the gourd, for the which thou hast not laboured, neither madest it grow; which came up in a night, and perished in a night:

11 And
should not I spare Nineveh, that great city, wherein are more than sixscore thousand persons that cannot discern between their right hand and their left hand; and also much cattle?

(4.11)
“Should not I spare Nineveh, that great city, wherein are more then sixscore thousand persons that cannot discern between their right hand and their left hand; and also much cattle?”

Therefore I will wail and howl, I will go stripped and naked: I will make a wailing like the dragons, and mourning as the owls
. —
Micah 1.8

One of the verses that Christians love to quote is from Micah.

What doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?
—
Micah 6.8

Now that sounds nice, doesn’t it? Until you read the rest of the book, that is. Here is a summary:

• God will melt mountains and split valleys.
  1.3-4
  
• He will destroy Samaria with stones.
  1.6
  
• “I will wail and howl, I will go stripped and naked: I will make a wailing like the dragons, and mourning as the owls.”
  1.8
  
• “Evil came down from the Lord.”
  1.12
  
• “Thus saith the LORD, Behold, against this family do I devise an evil.”
  2.3
  
• Plucking off skin, flesh from bones, eating human flesh, flaying off skin, breaking bones, chopping bodies in pieces, making human stew.
  3.2
  
• When they “cry unto the Lord … he will not hear them: he will even hide his face from them at that time.”
  3.4
  
• Watch out for lying prophets that bite (with their teeth).
  3.5
  
• Like a young lion “the remnant of Jacob” will tear the Gentiles to pieces.
  5.8
  
• God will destroy entire cities, and “execute vengeance in anger and fury upon the heathen such as they have not heard.”
  5.14-15
  
• He will make his people sick, hungry, and desolate. Those who survive he will “give up to the sword.”
  6.13-16
  
• “Trust ye not in a friend, put ye not confidence in a guide: keep the doors of thy mouth from her that lieth in thy bosom.” Advice like this is only found in the Bible.
  7.5
  
• The Gentiles will be made deaf, shall lick dust, and will be forced to crawl like worms from fear of God and his people.
  7.16-17
  

1
The word of the LORD that came to Micah the Morasthite in the days of Jotham, Ahaz, and Hezekiah, kings of Judah, which he saw concerning Samaria and Jerusalem.

2 Hear, all ye people; hearken, O earth, and all that therein is: and let the Lord GOD be witness against you, the Lord from his holy temple.

(1.3-4) God will come down to melt mountains and split valleys.

3 For, behold, the LORD cometh forth out of his place, and will come down, and tread upon the high places of the earth.

(1.3)
“The LORD cometh forth out of his place, and will … tread upon the high places of the earth.”

4 And the mountains shall be molten under him, and the valleys shall be cleft, as wax before the fire, and as the waters that are poured down a steep place.

(1.4)
“The mountains shall be molten under him, and the valleys shall be cleft.”

5 For the transgression of Jacob is all this, and for the sins of the house of Israel. What is the transgression of Jacob? is it not Samaria? and what are the high places of Judah? are they not Jerusalem?

(1.6-7) God will destroy Samaria with stones, while smashing and burning their shrines and images.

6 Therefore I will make Samaria as an heap of the field, and as plantings of a vineyard: and I will pour down the stones thereof into the valley, and I will discover the foundations thereof.

(1.6)
“I will make Samaria as an heap of the field … and I will pour down the stones thereof into the valley, and I will discover the foundations thereof.”

7 And all the graven images thereof shall be beaten to pieces, and all the hires thereof shall be burned with the fire, and all the idols thereof will I lay desolate: for she gathered it of the hire of an harlot, and they shall return to the hire of an harlot.

(1.7a)
“All the graven images thereof shall be beaten to pieces, and all the hires thereof shall be burned with the fire, and all the idols thereof will I lay desolate.”

(1.7b)
“For she gathered it of the hire of an harlot, and they shall return to the hire of an harlot.”

8 Therefore I will wail and howl, I will go stripped and naked: I will make a wailing like the dragons, and mourning as the owls.

(1.8)
“I will wail and howl, I will go stripped and naked: I will make a wailing like the dragons, and mourning as the owls.”

9 For her wound is incurable; for it is come unto Judah; he is come unto the gate of my people, even to Jerusalem.

10 Declare ye it not at Gath, weep ye not at all: in the house of Aphrah roll thyself in the dust.

11 Pass ye away, thou inhabitant of Saphir, having thy shame naked: the inhabitant of Zaanan came not forth in the mourning of Beth-ezel; he shall receive of you his standing.

(1.10-11) “Roll thyself in the dust … having thy shame naked.”

12 For the inhabitant of Maroth waited carefully for good: but evil came down from the LORD unto the gate of Jerusalem.

(1.12) “The inhabitant of Maroth waited carefully for good: but evil came down from the LORD.”
120 Is God merciful?