The Soft Whisper of Dreams (10 page)

She wanted to cry, but she felt paralysed inside, as if her tears were stuck in a block of ice she couldn’t melt. Her head still hurt and she rubbed her temples in soothing circles, but it was no use. Someone had crammed an iron helmet onto her scalp and forehead, and if she closed her eyes she could feel it tightening by the minute. It squeezed until she thought she would scream and she debated whether to have an aspirin, but she knew it wouldn’t help. The pain was coming from within her and until she could free herself of the feelings of despair it would remain.

‘Maddie, can I talk to you for a minute, please?’

‘Sorry? Oh, yes of course.’ Dinner had been a silent affair and Maddie was so lost in her own misery she’d hardly spoken to Alex at all. Now she followed him into the small, comfortable sitting room at the back of the house, which Kayla and Wes used when they weren’t entertaining. The red wallpaper and plush sofas made it a favourite retreat, and in wintertime a fire usually burned in the grate to add to the cosy feel of the room. Maddie normally always relaxed in here, but tonight her nerves were still on edge.

‘Maddie, I noticed you were very quiet at dinner,’ Alex began, staring out of the window with his hands in his pockets.

‘Yes, I’m sorry, I was just a bit preoccupied.’ Maddie sank down into a fat armchair and tried to concentrate on her surroundings.

‘Well, I just wanted to apologise again for what happened yesterday,’ Alex turned to look her in the eye. ‘I don’t usually rush things like that. I really should have given you more time to get to know me.’

Maddie held up a hand. ‘No, please, don’t say any more, Alex. I ... it would be better if we just forgot the whole thing. Really, we wouldn’t suit. Let’s just be friends, okay?’

Alex frowned. ‘What makes you say that? I thought that we suited very well.’

Maddie felt a blush spread from top to toe as she realised what he was referring to and she couldn’t deny he was right. ‘Well, perhaps in that department we would, but I’m not interested in casual relationships with ―’

‘Ex-criminals? No, I don’t suppose you are.’ Alex’s jaw tightened visibly as if he was reining in his anger with some difficulty. ‘I should have known no decent girl would ever want to go out with me. I suppose I’ll have to take myself down to the docks and find a whore like all the other criminals,’ he sneered and turned towards the door.

‘Alex, that’s not what I was going to say at all!’ Maddie was horrified. She’d only meant to say that he was too handsome, too much of a player, and she didn’t think he would ever have a serious relationship with anyone like her. She wasn’t exactly a raving beauty. But he had jumped to conclusions.

‘Spare me, okay? We can pretend to be friends for Wes and Kayla’s sake, just like you said. That’s fine with me.’ And he slammed out of the room, banging the door so hard the windows rattled.

Maddie started after him, then stopped. She wanted to explain his mistake, but on the other hand he might take that to mean she had changed her mind. Perhaps it was better to let him think the worst? At least then he would leave her alone and that would help her to put a stop to her own foolish feelings for him. Right now, the last thing she needed was the temptation to jump into bed with Alex.

And a temptation it undoubtedly was.

Alex knew he’d probably been a bit overly dramatic, but he was so angry he didn’t care. And he was more annoyed with himself than Maddie.

He should have known. Why had he even put himself in this situation?  Deep down he’d been aware that women wouldn’t look at him the same way as they had before he’d gone to prison. Nice girls didn’t date men with his kind of blotted copybooks. Even the über-confident Jenna had stopped flirting once he told her where he’d been for the last three years, although admittedly, when she’d tracked him down as she had promised she would, he had embellished his criminal past a little just to get rid of her. Still, he hadn’t heard from her again, nor any of his former friends in the area, so he wasn’t too wide off the mark. From now on he had to lower his sights considerably.

Damn it!

Spending the day sailing and relaxing with Maddie had made him forget who he was and he’d made a pass at her. A pass she hadn’t repulsed straight away. But then maybe she’d forgotten momentarily as well? The sun did strange things to your brain and made it hard to think rationally. She came to her senses soon enough though, didn’t she …

He headed for the garden, knowing the freedom and sweet-smelling flowers and herbs would calm him down.

‘I have to look on the bright side,’ he muttered. He wasn’t locked up any more and if being shunned by decent girls was the price he had to pay, so be it. He’d been an idiot and now he was being punished for it. Would continue to be punished, perhaps for the rest of his life. But at least he wasn’t in a locked cell any more.

Face it, Marcombe, Maddie’s not for the likes of you.

But who was?

Chapter Ten

It was no good. Maddie was surrounded by temptations and the one she found herself unable to resist the most was another visit to Dartmouth.

Quite what she hoped to achieve, she didn’t know, but she had a vague idea that if she went there often enough she might find the answers she was looking for. She’d Googled the Saint Paulians, but hadn’t come up with much. Just the address of the chapel in Dartmouth and a short description of their aims – “To return to the pure Christian doctrines of St Paul the Apostle and follow the laws laid down in the Bible.” That didn’t really tell her anything, but she read between the lines and interpreted this as a sect which kept to very traditional interpretations of Christianity. Old-fashioned and opposed to anything modern. Strict and perhaps even dictatorial.

Which seemed to suit the Reverend Blake-Jones from what she’d seen.

Although she was reluctant to approach the man’s wife, if that’s who she’d been, there might be some way of meeting her by chance. She couldn’t stay at home all the time. There must be times when she ventured out of her house for shopping or visiting, and Maddie thought she might be able to make contact. What other option did she have?

Parking the car in the usual place, she sauntered slowly down the street and stopped to buy herself an ice lolly. The day was as sultry as all the previous ones, and even in a skimpy tank top and shorts Maddie was too warm. Sheltering under a tree for a while, she debated what her next step should be. Should she simply wait at the end of the road where the Blake-Jones’s lived, or should she wander round the town hoping to meet the woman? It was a small place after all. She sucked the juice out of the lolly, leaving only cool ice which she chewed on while thinking through her options.

In the end she decided to wait at the end of the road and set off in that direction. She hadn’t gone far, however, when she heard someone calling out, ‘Excuse me? Hello? Could I have a word, please?’ There was no one else around, so Maddie assumed the person meant her and turned around.

It was Mrs Blake-Jones’s daughter. She must have been walking on the other side of the road, and came hurrying towards Maddie, who stopped.

‘You want to talk to me?’

‘Yes, please, if you don’t mind?’ The girl came to a panting halt and attempted to catch her breath. ‘I’m sorry, I saw you walking down the road and I had to run to catch up.’

Maddie studied her closely. She had very dark brown hair, tied into a simple ponytail at the back which made her look almost like a schoolgirl. Her eyes were dark too, with long lashes under heavy brows. Maddie thought the girl could have been quite pretty if she’d made the attempt to put on some make-up and perhaps change her hairstyle. But her face was completely bare and almost as pale as that of her mother. She obviously didn’t spend much time in the sun.

‘Don’t worry, take your time. What did you want to talk to me about?’ Maddie asked, curiosity getting the better of her.

The girl quickly scanned the area around them, then drew Maddie around and pulled her in the direction she had come from. ‘I’m sorry, but could we go somewhere private? It’s just ... I’d rather no one saw us together. Not here, anyway.’

Maddie raised her eyebrows in surprise. ‘Why? I don’t even know you.’

‘I know. I’ll explain later. Please, trust me on this, okay? Is there somewhere we can go?’ The girl was pleading with her, dark eyes darting around nervously, and Maddie took pity on her.

‘We could go for a ride in my car. Well, my friend’s car actually, but still … It’s parked just over there.’ She pointed to the car park.

‘Brilliant, let’s go.’ And the girl hurried her across the road and before Maddie knew it they were on their way out of town.

As the houses disappeared behind them, the girl relaxed visibly, and she turned to Maddie with a small smile.

‘I’m sorry to kidnap you like this, but I have my reasons. I’m Jane Blake-Jones, by the way.’

‘I’m Maddie. Maddie Browne.’ She turned the car off the road into a small lay-by and brought it to a halt, then switched off the engine. ‘There, now we can talk without distractions.’

‘Yes. You must think I’m really weird, but the thing is I recognised you from the other day, and I thought you might be able to tell me why my mother reacted in such a strange way. It was as if she was scared of you. I’ve tried to make her tell me, but she won’t, and I really need to know why.’

Maddie smiled ruefully and shrugged. ‘Yes, well, join the queue.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean, I’d like to know the same thing, although I think I might have an idea.’

‘Well, that’s more than I have. I asked her about it when we got home and she just burst into tears. Then my father came in and when he found out what had happened he was really angry. Why?’ Jane looked thoroughly confused.

Maddie sighed and fiddled with the car keys. ‘I think it’s all to do with my birth. You see, I found out about a month ago that I was adopted and although I don’t know who my birth mother was, it would be reasonable to suppose she wanted to keep her pregnancy a secret. I think somehow your parents are in on it. Perhaps she was a friend of your mother’s or something? I’m sorry, I don’t know if any of this makes any sense and I might be completely wrong.’

‘No, I don’t think so.’ Jane was still thoughtful and regarded Maddie out of serious eyes. ‘I’ve always felt that my father had some kind of hold over my mother and this could be it. He called her a sinner.’

‘But why would it matter to him if she kept a secret for a friend?’

‘He has very strong views on the sanctity of marriage and illegitimate children. You know, things like that.’ Jane blushed. ‘Lewd behaviour, he calls it and he would never in a million years condone it, let alone want Mother to be friends with someone who’d done such a thing.’

‘I see.’ Maddie reflected that life in the Blake-Jones’ household was probably not a bed of roses.

‘My mother’s strange reaction to you proves that she recognised you somehow. I have a feeling she went behind my father’s back to keep in touch with your mother. Perhaps that’s what made her so afraid?’

‘She’s scared of your father?’

‘Oh yes. I am too sometimes.’ Jane shivered.

‘Poor you. That must be really tough.’

‘Oh, it’s not all bad. He’s very strict, but as long as we do as we’re told, he’s fine. He spends most of his time on church matters anyway. The worst thing is that he has a terrible temper and once he makes up his mind about something, nothing will make him change it again. I’ve been trying for years to get my mother to divorce him, but she won’t hear of it. She says it’s against her beliefs, but I never bought that for a second. Something’s holding her back. I wonder what happened …’

Maddie stared out of the windscreen and sighed again. ‘I don’t think we’ll ever know unless she chooses to tell us. And I don’t feel I have the right to force her.’ She chewed on an already abused fingernail. ‘Actually, I came to town today with the intention of cornering her somewhere, to see if I could make her at least admit she recognised me.’ She shook her head. ‘I guess it was a stupid idea.’

‘Maybe not. I think I would have done the same.’ Jane smiled and Maddie felt an answering smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. In a way, she felt much better now that Jane had confirmed she wasn’t imagining things.

‘Do you want me to try and talk to my mother again?’ Jane asked. ‘If I say that I already know part of the story she might tell me the rest.’

‘No, don’t mention anything yet. I want to try and find some more information first on my own, but if that fails, then I’d be grateful for your help.’

‘Okay, I’ll wait until I hear from you.’

‘How can I contact you?’

‘Oh, er, how about if I call you every so often from a payphone, then you can let me know what you find?’ Jane looked at her watch. ‘Oh, gosh, I must get back.’

Maddie jotted down the phone number for Marcombe Hall and her mobile number on a scrap of paper she found in her pocket and handed it to Jane. ‘Here are my numbers. I’m staying with friends at the moment and mobile reception isn’t too great there. Normally I live in London.’ She put the key in the ignition and started up the engine. ‘I’ll drive you back now.’

‘Thanks. I hope we can get to the bottom of this.’

‘Me too.’

Alex splashed a generous amount of paint into the tray and dipped the roller, filling it with sunny primrose yellow. As he began to apply it to the nearest wall, he felt himself relax. He was doing something useful, an honest day’s work, and it felt good.

The fact that he was working for himself and not at the beck and call of anyone else, made it even better.

The first cottage he’d bought was a former fisherman’s house, one of a long row down by the harbour of the nearest village.  It looked tiny from the outside, but appearances were deceptive.  Although the front door led straight into a living room, it was fairly spacious and he’d had a local builder knock down the connecting wall, making it open plan with the kitchen behind it. He’d also asked the man to get rid of most of the back wall and build a conservatory, leaving only a small patio garden at the back. That was okay though, Alex thought, as it would save him from having to do gardening on a regular basis. And the transformation inside the house should be stunning.