The Song of Eloh Saga (66 page)

I nodded, my hair falling lightly against my cheeks. I had nowhere else to turn.

“Go to my cottage and hide in my room,” he said. “Aric’s at practice and he won’t see you go in. You’ll be safe there and I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

He ran off to the practice hall, kicking up dirt with his powerful strides. Glad the cloud of dust surrounded me, I allowed the tears to fall. Unbound, they streamed down my face.

I ran in the opposite direction to Kellan’s cottage, slipped in the front door and walked back to his room. It was so different from the palace, small, dark and a little dirty. He and Aric had no servants and no wife to clean up after them. Aric had remained a bachelor after his first wife’s death, when their daughter was stillborn. He’d volunteered to become an adoptive father only if he was given a boy to help him with his tasks as weapons master.

I ran my fingers over the rough sheets on Kellan’s bed. I’d often wondered what it would feel like to fall asleep in them, wrapped in Kellan’s arms. I never expected this to be the first time I’d find out.

I snuggled into his bed, unable to keep my eyes open. I was exhausted from work, from stress, from fear. All I wanted was to be free. To find out why those three Dalagan men came here. To find out why Mags had remained silent instead of fighting for me. To know what Kellan was keeping from me.

I fell asleep afraid.

I woke up with hatred in my heart.

Chapter Five

Harsh sunlight spilled through the windows, prying my eyes open. I woke up, in a cold sweat. My heart pounded as images from the nightmares I’d had all night replayed in my mind. Ships rocked in the rough waters, their masts unfurled and lurched us forward up the river, toward Dalagan, my homeland. I knew something important had happened in the dream, but it was just beyond my grasp. All I knew was that my apathy toward Fithia had evolved into a deep hatred.

I forgot for a moment where I was until I saw Kellan sleeping slumped over in a chair across the room. He hadn’t crawled in bed with me, like I’d half-expected him to do when I fell asleep last night. Maybe it was better that way; I wasn’t sure how he felt about me anymore.

He stirred and his sleepy eyes opened. A smile grew from his slack mouth and his eyes brightened.

“How do you feel?” he asked, leaning forward in the chair.

I wondered the same thing myself. Last night I’d crashed into bed scared and confused about my life, my past, my future. This morning I felt different, but I didn’t know how to explain it.

Anger, definitely. I felt an uncontrollable urge to tear the king apart with my bare hands. I was capable of it. Unlike kings of the past, he wasn’t a leader in battle, but a soft man who sat back while other men would fight for their lives. He issued orders but never executed anything himself, other than getting Mags pregnant. With my skills I could probably take him down in two moves, maybe three if he fought back.

This morning, I hated him more than I could express. His orders had ruined me. I couldn’t go home; someone might be waiting for me. Not that I wanted to go back there anyway. I hated my mother and sister, nothing tied me to them.

Thinking of them, my blood boiled and my fists shook. I’d always been irritated by them, but now, this morning, I was filled with hatred. They’d never been kind, and were frequently cruel, treating me like an outcast or a burden.

My skin crawled from all the times I’d been left alone as a child, expected to fend for myself while they worked for the old queen. Other children were brought along, but not me. No, I was left behind, cold, afraid, cowering in the corner when I heard voices I didn’t recognize.

Everything, small or huge, they’d ever done against me came flooding back. Tears spilled down my cheeks for the little girl I’d been. No one had ever done anything to help her, that poor skinny girl, desperate to be like her older sister, but knowing she’d never be as beautiful or as loved.

Kellan slid on the bed next to my prone body. I’d awakened, but I hadn’t sat up yet. He stroked my hair with his strong hand and dried my tears with the other. His palms were rough from years of carrying bundles of swords and cleaning up after the troops had gone home for the night. I didn’t care and snuggled into his embrace.

“You want to know how I feel?” I asked. “Today is my sixteenth birthday and I’ve never felt worse any single day in my life. I hate them, Kellan. I hate them all.”

An image of Mags’ face flashed in my mind, but I pushed it away. I couldn’t think about her yet or how I felt about her betrayal yesterday. Maybe if she’d stood up for me that one last time, I could have gone back to her last night.

“I’ve never felt anything this strong before,” I whispered. “It almost scares me.”

“I know exactly how you feel,” he whispered in my ear. “I felt the same way when I woke on my sixteenth birthday.”

My eyes met his. I knew. I would say I remembered, but I don’t know how I could remember something I’d never thought, seen or experienced before. No, I knew. This morning everything was crystal clear.

I hated the Fithians and wanted nothing more than to destroy them. My gut felt like it was on fire, but there was no pain, only the sensation of heat stoking the anger in my heart. I wanted everything around me to burn, to pay for all the years my people sat in exile in the desert. I’d always wondered about my people, but somehow, overnight an unerring loyalty took root in my heart and head. I knew now that avenging them was my first, and only priority.

“How?” I asked Kellan. “How did this happen?”

“Those men who crossed the border yesterday?” Kellan asked. “It wasn’t the first time. They came the morning of my birthday. I met with them and they explained these new feelings to me. Explained why we are special.”

I scooted backward, deeper into his embrace.

“After the war, our people’s magic was forbidden,” he continued. “But the Fithians never understood our magic. They thought they could subdue us. The Fithians forced us to stop using magic by imprisoning many of our men and killing one every time we used magic. The slaughter didn’t stop until they stopped using magic.”

“The magic?” I asked. “The Dalagans never stopped using it, did they?”

“No, they didn’t. But the Fithians don’t know. They can’t detect it. Our people just learned to hide it better.”

When I opened my eyes this morning it wasn’t the same as any other day. I knew more. I saw more. I understood more. It was magic.

“What’s our purpose then?” I asked. “There has to be a reason for the change.”

“We’re here to free our people.”

I would have burst into laughter, but Aric didn’t know I was here and I didn’t want to give myself away. It was ridiculous. New loyalty and anger was one thing, but liberation? It wasn’t possible.

“How are we going to free our people? The two of us can’t do much,” I added.

Then I realized, Bryden, the other adoptee. He was part of this too. Integral to the plan, our only ally.

“Bryden knows,” I said, remembering our weird conversation from the day before.

“Impossible,” Kellan said. “His birthday is two months away and the Awakening spell doesn’t activate until the morning of it. Each of us was chosen at birth and the spell was cast on us as newborns. It lasts for sixteen years. He can’t know yet.”

“He knows something,” I said. “He made that very clear to me yesterday. In fact, he seemed surprised that I didn’t know.”

“It doesn’t matter. We don’t need him. He’s crippled and probably stupid too. We can execute the plan by ourselves.”

For years I’d ignored him every time he ribbed Bryden. I’d wanted Bryden to feel bad for what he’d done to me, even though I was sure he didn’t care. But after yesterday, I had to wonder. Maybe he did still care about me, even if it was just a little bit.

“And that is?” I pushed my conversation with Bryden out of my head.

“To assassinate the king. To assassinate the princes. To assassinate the queen.”

The princes? The queen? My heart skipped a beat. The anger, the hatred, still coursed through my blood, but I couldn’t feel it toward Mags. No matter how hard I tried, it wasn’t there. It didn’t touch her.

“Then Fithia will be ours for the taking.” Kellan’s eyes glinted in the morning sun. “We’ll get back our freedom and destroy theirs.”

“Not everyone here is evil,” I said.

Kellan sat up, pulling his hands away from me.

“Has anyone here ever tried to help you go back home where you belong?” His eyes bored into mine. I shrank away from his glare. I’d never seen him this intense before. I shook my head no.

“Then you know why this has to be done,” he said. “We have to make them suffer like our people suffered.”

“Don’t our people live the same way as us?” I asked. “Aren’t they free? It’s just the magic that’s restricted.”

I’d been taught that my entire life. I hadn’t questioned it, but now I wasn’t sure anymore.

Kellan laughed. “You really believe that? You really think that’s true? It’s not. They’re destitute. The teachers have lied to us our whole lives. They are trying to brainwash us into thinking that so when we’re sent back home at twenty, we can brainwash everyone else. Our people want us to stop the king. To take back our rights and freedoms.”

If all this was true, if our people were held in poverty, under the thumb of the Fithians, then we needed to change things. We need to overthrow the government. But killing the ruling class couldn’t be the only answer. There had to be another way.

Kellan grabbed my shoulders and pulled me up to him, but he didn’t hurt me. I was used to rougher handling while fighting.

“Are you with me, Lianne?” he asked. “You have to be. Once I found out all of this on my birthday, when all of it was revealed, I knew we could do it. You’ve always been the most amazing fighter. With you by my side, I know we can win.”

“I can’t kill the queen or the princes,” I whispered, my eyes downcast. I wanted to kill the king. That I felt easily enough in my heart, but not Mags and the boys. I couldn’t even consider it. They’d never done anything wrong.

“If we kill Rotlar first then maybe the rest will fall into place,” Kellan said. “Getting rid of him should be our main goal. When you go back to the queen today, figure out a way we can gain access to the king. Then we’ll decide what to do from there.”

He loosened his grip on my shoulders and ran his fingers through my hair. His head cocked to the side as he took in my face and his eyes softened as they swept over my lips.

The Awakening didn’t just open him up to his destiny, but it also brought him to me. To really see me for who I am, who I could be.

“I love you Lianne.” He choked on the words. “I didn’t know before my birthday. I didn’t realize. I mean, I knew how amazing you were, but until I found out how intertwined our lives were, would be, it was like a push in the right direction.”

His hands crept into my hair, then his fingers stroked the back of my head. My skin tingled, my heart beat harder. I’d always felt a connection with him. It didn’t take a magical awakening for me to know, like it did for Kellan.

But could I hold it against him? Just because he hadn’t realized, hadn’t known. It wasn’t his fault his heart hadn’t opened to me yet.

“Please, Lianne,” he said, his lips brushing mine. “Please say you understand, that we can do this together.”

A shiver sped through my body. I knew we could do it. I had access to places in the castle no one else had. I could slip in and out easily. I could do it.

Kellan pulled me closer, smashing his lips into mine, taking me into an embrace more intense than any we’d ever shared.

“I will.”

Chapter Six

I wanted to take the stairs two at a time to burn off some of the energy I had from my Awakening, but I didn’t. Knowing what I knew now, knowing I had a part to play in fighting back I controlled myself. My legs moved at their normal, steady pace. My arms hung loosely at my sides. I hoped I looked more relaxed than I felt.

Normal was something I’d taken for granted and now that I had to act that way, I found normal no longer existed. I’d have to make up an approximation of something I used to be. The trusting girl with the soft heart was obliterated in one night’s sleep. Gone, and not missed. Not by me and not by Kellan.

But still I wondered. Was it the old me Kellan had loved? I’d offered my whole heart to him. Or had he been staking claim on the shell, soon to be shattered and replaced by the girl I’d become. The girl with hatred in her heart.

I hesitated before Mags’ chamber doors. I’d spent hours with her before and our friendship couldn’t be stronger. Now it would be different. We were enemies, but I had to play the part of a friend.

My hands shook, but not much, just enough to remind me that the girl from yesterday was still inside me. My eyes may have been opened to the truth, but everything I’d ever thought or felt still lurked. Steeling myself and pushing back the old me, I opened the door to Mags’ chambers.

“Lianne,” Mags said, “I was so worried about you when you didn’t come back yesterday afternoon.”

“Were you? No one told me you were looking for me.”

“I didn’t want to send anyone after you though. I couldn’t appear too concerned or it could reveal our friendship.”

Trevin cooed from her arms. My first instinct was to ask to cradle him in mine, but I held back. It was his grandfather who’d instituted the adoptions. His father killed three of our people yesterday. I couldn’t even look at him and imagine Trevin doing anything against my people, or me.

“I took some time out,” I answered, steadying my voice. “I wasn’t feeling well. My stomach.” I gestured awkwardly at my gut. I was terrible at pretending and lying, but she had to buy my excuses.

“Oh, that’s too bad. I was hoping it was something more exciting. Like a romantic rendezvous with Kellan.” Mags’ eyes bored into mine and I felt a blush creep across my cheeks.

“I knew it,” Mags squealed. “You were with Kellan, weren’t you?”

I avoided her eyes. Was I so obvious?

“It’s okay, Lianne,” Mags whispered. “You know I’d never betray you.”