The Song Remains the Same (63 page)

“Hey, Baby Girl,” came that voice that had the power to make my knees knock and pulse race.

Alys gave me a startled look as I ran out the kitchen door into the garden.

“Phil!” I cried. I couldn’t help it. I started bawling my eyes out. “Oh, babe, I miss you!” Sobbing, I sat down on Gran’s stone bench.

“Kenna Baby, don’t cry,” he said softly. “You’ll make me cry, and I…I just needed to hear your voice. I’ve been goin’ insane, thinkin’ of what today was supposed to be.”

“Me, too,” I confessed.

“I don’t have a lot of time. Devon was able to sneak in his phone and get me alone before the rest of the guys show up.”

“I don’t care. I’m just so happy to hear your voice! No one’s told me anything about how you’re doing. Connor hasn’t called, and your dad tells me next to nothing—”

“We’re not really allowed to contact people outside the place. We can call our families once a week from the main area, but…I tried to call you. Dad wouldn’t give me your number. I should have that shit memorized.”

“It’s okay, babe. Just tell me how you’re getting on. Are the therapists good?”

“I’m off the crutches, and you won’t believe it, but I do fuckin’ yoga three or four hours a day—”

“Shut up!” I laughed and cried all at once.

“Seriously.” He laughed. “I totally get why you do this. Connor helps me, and I’ve started meditating. It’s really helped a lot. I’ve put some fuckin’ weight back on. The food here is pretty good. I begged them to feed me more. They had me on fuckin’ salads, Baby Girl. I was so hungry. And we…we’re makin’ music again. We asked Devon to join the band, and Connor’s on bass. We ain’t NOLA’s Junk no more.”

“What?” I gasped.

“Nope. We’re NOLA’s Own now.”

“Oh. Oh, wow, babe!” I was just so fucking happy. I couldn’t help the laughter that effervesced out of me. “It sounds amazing! I can’t wait to hear what you guys have been producing.”

“Will you do somethin’ for me, Baby Girl?” he asked, his voice turning serious.

“Of course.”

“Will you…” He sucked in a deep breath. “Will you still marry my ass? Will you make me the happiest man in the world and be my wife?”

Tears poured down my face as I stared at my engagement ring. “Yes.”

His breath came out shaky. “I…I freak out sometimes, wonderin’ if maybe…” He swallowed loudly. “I sometimes wonder if maybe you don’t wanna be with me after everythin’ you had to go through since we got together. I’ve hurt you in ways I never thought I would, and…I just…”

“You’re worth every ounce of pain, Phil. What we have, the kind of love we share, comes at a price. The universe demands it. It’s not free, and it shouldn’t be. But as long as I know you love me, I’m yours. You’re my other half.”

“You’re my whole fuckin’ life. You own me.”

My laugh sounded like a bubble bursting in my throat. “Something like that.”

“I think I can make it now.” He sighed. “Hearin’ your laugh has been the best fuckin’ thing I’ve heard in a long-ass time. I was afraid I might never hear it again.”

“Your laughter sounded pretty fine, too,” I told him.

“It’s bizarre. A few weeks ago, I never thought I’d laugh again. But it was a good thing, comin’ here. You were right. You’re always fuckin’ right. It drives me nuts. But all this therapy and counselin’ has helped. I’ve realized that X wouldn’t want us to give up just ’cause he’s gone—fuck! The guys are comin’! I gotta go.”

“Okay—”

“I love you, Kenna. Tonight, I’m gonna dream that we got married, and I’m gonna fuckin’ jerk off to the thought of bangin’ my wife.”

That cracked me up. “I love you, too—”

“You do the same, okay? Touch my sweet slice of heaven, and come, sayin’ my name.”

“I will.” I laughed.

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

The line went dead, but my heart…he was full.

Phil

“I’m heading back to the UK. I haven’t seen my parents since Christmas, and they were kind of pissed that I ran off to Colorado,” Devon was telling me.

I spontaneously busted into a deep lunge. “How long you gonna be gone?”

“Couple of weeks. I’ll be back before you get out of this place.”

Six more weeks remained of the program, and while I was happy with my progress, I missed Kenna more than anything. Deep inside me was an ache that never eased up.

Twisting over my knee, I dug my elbow into it and pushed, releasing my breath. A lot had changed inside me since coming here. All the health-nut crap, it was no fuckin’ wonder my Baby Girl was such an easy spirit.

Devon gave me a weird-ass look.

“What?” I asked.

“I ran into Kenna at
Heathrow
,” he confessed quietly.

My heart tripped. “Yeah?” I whispered even though we were alone. I was paranoid Connor would come bursting through the door and bust us, like he had a brotherly radar that would go off if I said her name aloud.

Devon nodded. “She’s got family in Scotland, right?”

“Yeah. Her grandparents and a clan of MacGregor cousins.”

“Is there anything you want me to tell her? I can try to see her, if you want. See how she’s doing, and let you know when I get back.”

Truth be told, I didn’t want that motherfucker anywhere near my Baby Girl. Just thinking of his pretty self being close to her set my teeth on edge.

Glancing down at my hands with my palms pressed together, I saw my DiAblo twinkling in the light. She had once again promised to marry me. I was someone else now, someone I hoped was worthy of her. After we’d hung up on our would-have-been wedding day, I knew that I needed to prove to her that I was a changed man, one who deserved her as my wife.

Untwisting my ass, I counter-stretched and stood up. “Yeah, man. Are you leavin’, like, right this second?”

“I got about thirty minutes. Why?”

“Give me ten. I’ll be right back.”

My bedroom wasn’t too far off, and I needed some privacy for this. There was a strong possibility I would cry, and I didn’t need Devon thinking I was a bitch because I willingly removed my engagement ring.

Taking out some paper and a pen, I wrote her a short letter, explaining why I was doing it. My Baby Girl would understand. Her soul knew mine, like mine knew hers. After signing my name, my heart jumped into my throat, threatening to choke me. I pulled off the DiAblo and slipped it into one of my iPod pouches with a drawstring. Folding up the note, I put it in there with it.

I hadn’t fuckin’ cried like a bitch. Only one tear had slid down my face as the ring came off.

Limping slightly, I headed back out to the living room and handed the package to Devon. “She has to get that, man. If you lose that, you should go missin’, too. Because if I don’t find you and kill you, I’ll send
her
after your ass.”

His eyes dropped to my left hand, to the tan line showing the world what I was missing. “I promise.”

“Thanks.”

My yoga instructor, Wendy, was cool. I guessed she was in her forties. She was professional, reminding me of Kenna but in a completely platonic way, which was weird because there was nothing platonic about how I felt about Kenna.

Wendy was some sort of meditation guru. After the first few sessions, she’d found what triggered me into a deep state of whatever the fuck it was, and by the end of that first week, I had been able to do it on my own.

That was when I’d heard my Baby Girl.

“Hey, babe.”

My eyes had shot open, and my head had rushed straight into normal mode. I’d fuckin’ heard her voice as though she were right there next to me, talking in my ear. I’d been so fuckin’ stoked that I couldn’t get back onto that brain wave for another two whole days.

About fifteen minutes after Devon had left, Wendy showed up with Connor, and we got into the afternoon session. Even with my gimp leg, I was getting stronger, building up my muscles again. My energy was high, but now, I felt something more than that. I could control it rather than let it rage through me, like ration it out or something. I wondered what it would be like to get up on stage again.

I bet it would be fuckin’
awesome.

For ninety minutes, we went through the motions and then sat for the meditation. The music in my head was sweet, like flutes and acoustics—my trigger music—and I sank into a place that was warm, safe, and dark.

“I miss you, babe.”

“Hey, Baby Girl. I fuckin’ miss you, too.”

“Not too much longer now. We’re nearly halfway there.”

“I know. It’s fuckin’ crazy.”

“It feels…unreal.”

“It doesn’t feel right though, Kenna Baby. As good as this might be for us at the moment, it’s unnatural. I feel like I’m missin’ my right hand or somethin’.”

Being in this place, time didn’t really factor in. When I opened my eyes, Wendy was gone, and Connor was sitting next to me. When I looked over at him, something shifted in him.

He opened his eyes and looked at me. “That was a good one,” he said.

“Yeah, it was.”

“Your energy is really positive.”

“And yours stinks of dirty hippie. How long was that?”

He glanced out the door to the patio. “It’s almost sunset already. About an hour, I guess.”

I was dying to ask him if he went into a similar place when he meditated, if he talked to anyone in there, too. Then, I wondered who would be his inner voice, and I had a feeling I knew. Since I didn’t want to tell him I heard Kenna in my head, I kept my damn mouth shut.

Kenna

Inverness Airport wasn’t too busy. Alys and I took Gramps’s car to pick up Lili. I’d practiced on the country roads before venturing out into the more populated areas, but it was still weird to drive here.

Lili had called from Heathrow to let us know she’d arrived in one piece. “I have a surprise for you!”

“Sweet! What is it?” I’d asked.

“You’ll just have to wait and see!”

Parking the car, Alys and I headed into the baggage claim area and waited for our Pygmy to join us. We had a road trip planned, driving from Inverness to London and checking out everything in between. There were a few venues in London we wanted to see along with a tattoo convention.

Darren Wright would be at the convention. When I’d discovered this from a bit of social media, I’d called Sheri, who’d called Darren, who’d called me and offered to tattoo me. While on the phone, I’d told him what I wanted, and he’d thought it’d be a great piece for a convention. Since it would take some time, I would be the only one he’d have to worry about that day.

“Oh! I think I see her!” said Alys, craning her neck. “And…is that…”

Devon?

“I wonder what he’s doing here,” I mused, feeling my heart jump and race.

Devon had made his temporary home with the guys. He was supposed to be with Phil, making music, being supportive.

What is he doing here?

Alys and I waited as the two of them stood next to the baggage carousel, waiting for their luggage. Lili reached for her gigantic suitcase, but Devon beat her to it, lifting it for her. She smiled brightly at him, said something, and then headed over to us, pulling the suitcase along behind her. Squealing with excitement, she ran up and launched herself at us, and the three of us tightly hugged each other. Our trifecta had gone neglected for far too long.