The Song Remains the Same (65 page)

“That’s why Connor stopped calling back then. It was because he was mad at you,” I said.

Alys nodded. “I tried so hard to get in touch with him. The more interest X showed, the harder I tried to get Connor to listen to me. I texted him, called him, fucking emailed the son of a bitch—no offense to Gloria. But he dropped me like a bad habit, and then…I fell for X, too.”

“Too?” piped Lili.

“When Connor came back, it was so weird because he was suddenly interested again, and that pissed me off to no end. I told him he could kiss my ass. He’d spent months ignoring me. Then, they wanted him in the band, and I knew I was in deep shit.”

“Why though? Did X know about you two?” I asked.

Alys went from flushed to fry-an-egg. “Yeah. And…”

“And what?”
Lili gasped.

“After Connor joined the band, I confessed to X that I’d slept with Connor, and X was fine with that. He said he had a feeling we were close. Then, things got easier between Connor and me. We were able to hang out, and X loved him to bits. Then, one night—”

“Shut the fuck up!”
squealed Lili.

“We were just hanging out at our place. It was when Connor had moved back in. Lili practically lived with Lewis, and X…wanted to have a threesome.”

“Really?” I asked. “Well, I guess it isn’t so weird.”

“No. He and Jace used to pound Sheri—”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” groaned Lili, rolling her eyes up to the ceiling.

“And since I loved them both and had already slept with both of them…I did it.
We
did it. Afterward, X told me he was bi.”

That did surprise me. “Come again?”

“X boinked dudes?” asked Lili.

Alys nodded. “It didn’t bother me. He told me he had no problem being with only me for the rest of his life, but he liked watching me with Connor, and—”

“Which of them took it up the ass?” asked Lili. “Was it both?”

Alys heaved a sigh. “Connor wasn’t okay with having a dude up his ass.”

“Connor boinked X?”
squeaked Lili.

“Please, you can’t say anything to anyone!” she begged Lili.

“Who would I tell?” demanded Lili.

“Lewis?” Alys ventured a guess.

“The guys knew?” I asked.

“Not about me, Connor, and X, but they knew that X swung both ways. They didn’t care. He told them when they were really young, like thirteen or fourteen.”

“I’m not attracted to dudes. At all. I know some guys who’d surprise you to know that they are though.”
The memory of Phil’s voice echoed through my head.

“So, what’s it like, having one in each hole?” chimed Lili’s voice, bringing me back into the present.

Alys wiped a few stray tears off her cheeks. “Intense at first, but you get used to it.”

Lili pulled an impressed face. “Huh. You’re kind of a slut now, Alys.”

“I know.” She heaved a sigh. “I’ve only fucked two guys. Granted, I had them at the same time—”

“Whatever. If you guys were in a three-way sort of deal, why did you go and marry X? You
know
Connor was crushed,” said Lili.

“Because I thought Connor had moved on. He brought that chick on the bus and started fucking all sorts of skanks. I know X was bummed by Connor’s sudden need to live the rock-star life because I think X really wanted both of us.”

“Did they make out and let you watch?”

“Jeez, Lili. Collecting for your spank bank?” I snapped.

“Maybe. Alys, you were boinked by two gingers at once. Did they suck out your soul to compensate for their lack of one between the two of them?”

“It’s possible. In a way, I needed Connor out of the picture. As much as I’m in love with him—”

“Still?” I asked softly.

Alys swallowed thickly. “Always. It’s
always
been Connor. But I made a commitment to X, and I loved him, too. And now…I’m glad I did. He wanted a family. He wanted to have all of that with
me
, and I’m glad I was able to have what I had with him.”

“Me, too,” I told her.

“Me three,” said Lili. “As wack as that was, he loved you, Alys. You lit up his life for a year and a half. X adored you almost as much as Phil adores Kenna.”

“Yeah…that’s a whole different level, isn’t it?” Alys sighed.

“So, what do you plan to do now?” I asked.

Alys shrugged. “Now that the two of you know, I was thinking of telling Connor that I still have feelings for him. I know I still need time. I can’t just bury the man I married—”

“You wore him nicely enough,” drawled Lili.

“And then jump into something with Connor. If Connor can give me some more time to get over X and what we had, then…I’d like to have a relationship with him. I’ve always loved him, more than anyone.”

I nodded.

“Is Connor bi then?” asked Lili.

“No,” replied Alys. “I think he was just really open-minded and wanted—”

“You,” I said. “He wanted
you
, and he wanted to make you happy. So, he did what he had to, so he could be a part of your life in that way.”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Rock stars.” Lili snorted. “Kenna, Da was right. Musicians are the
worst
!”

Phil

Living with a life-coaching team for ten weeks had helped me locate the man I needed to be. It had taken a lot of effort and a lot of physical and mental exercise to figure it out, but I was
already
that man. He had always been within me.

This was the man Kenna saw when she looked at me.
“When I see
him
—that loyal, kindhearted, generous man—all your good looks don’t matter because
he
blinds me to everything else.”

That was the man who hugged David, Gustav, and Wendy good-bye. He was the one who signed the paperwork as he was leaving with his brothers from The Gentle Oak Rehabilitation Center for the airport.

Deep down, I had always been this man. Now that I knew that, I’d found the greatest sense of peace. My Baby Girl was right. I’d needed to find myself, so I could be half of the greatest whole in my universe.

With my cell phone now available to me, I did what any man in my situation would do. I called my woman.

It went straight to voice mail.

“She turned off her phone a few weeks ago,” Connor told me, busting me on my fourth attempt. “She calls Da every few days to let him know she’s alive. I think she’s just devoting her time to Alys and Lili.”

Couldn’t say that wasn’t a bit of a blow, but she had to do what she had to do.

“I tried to call Alys,” he admitted. “Same deal with her. Mama Sally told me they all just wanted to be left alone until they got back.”

That made me feel better, knowing Connor was up shit creek, too.

Ass-hat.
He deserved it.

Back home, it was straight to work. Siggie, who was now officially Sheri’s second-in-command, drove us home to drop off our shit and then took us to the newly rebuilt studio. The warehouse had been gutted by Katrina—
damn, that was nearly a year ago?
—but thanks to Siggie, the most important shit had been saved. We’d had minimal loss, and we only had to repair damages.

“We tried to get everything back the way it was,” Siggie explained. “You guys will have to replace the furniture that was lost. But all the memorabilia was saved! And personal stuff, so…”

“Wow…” Devon said, looking at the production area. “You guys really went all out on this place. It’s fucking gorgeous.”

“Too fuckin’ right,” I agreed.

“Wait till you see the jam-out area!” said Flipper. “
Magic
happens there.”

Connor smiled, and all I could think of was when Koko had gone loco and tried to make out with me there. The Space Monkeys were doing great. They were on a world tour with some serious headliners. They were gonna be coming back sometime later this year to record their next album. I was looking forward to working with those cats again.

“I guess I should start looking for places to live in New Orleans,” remarked Devon.

“It wouldn’t hurt,” Jason told him. “You can stay with us in the meantime—”

“Shit, Jace, do we live on a hippie commune?” I asked, exasperated.

“Ask Connor. He’d know about that sort of shit better than I would.”

“I didn’t know what you guys wanted to do with X’s office,” Sheri said quietly. “Or Tim’s.”

“You get Tim’s office, and Devon gets X’s,” I replied. “Or vice versa. I don’t think it matters to either of them.”

We’d made Sheri our manager. The woman did more for us than anyone, and with Siggie as her backup here at the studio, NOLA’s Own would be a well-oiled machine.

After we had checked everything out, we jumped back into the van, and Siggie drove us to Bougainvillea. My heart, she ached at the old familiar sight.

The outside looked the same—old and fuckin’ haunted, as it should. But the inside had been overhauled with new floors, and the old stained wooden walls had been replaced with wallboard and painted in dark grays and accent colors. The main bar on the ground floor was brand-new and way more functional, and the restrooms had been gutted. The VIP area was now a
fuckin’ VIP
area—top of the line, meant to serve the elite who would be flying in to check out the music scene from now on.

For the next two days, NOLA’s Own busted ass. We had our set ready to go. It had been a long time since we took the stage, and I was a little nervous. We were something else now, and we had to find our place all over again. It was weird and exciting.

The second day back from rehab was the Fourth of July. We stopped working long enough to go over to Dad’s and have a barbeque.

While watching the fireworks shoot off with my little niece on my lap, my heart broke for the baby I’d never get to hold. I’d thought a lot about our Little Zephyr. It would’ve been a girl. I just knew it somehow. She’d have had red hair, and her laugh would have sounded like the laughter of a little box of sunshine I’d met once. I’d have worshiped her as I had that other little girl. She’d have had me wrapped around her tiny finger, and I would’ve laid the world at her feet.

I need my Baby Girl. I might be a whole man, but I’m only half a soul.

One more fuckin’ day.

Hot, sunny beautiful Louisiana.

It was good to be back in my own bed. It wasn’t home without my Baby Girl, but I was
back.
I was more excited to see Kenna again than I was for the show tonight.

After we’d gotten home from Dad’s last night, Da had called Connor to let us know that Kenna, Alys, and Lili would be arriving sometime in the afternoon.

Rolling over, I grabbed her pillow and hugged it tight, wishing it were her. It no longer smelled like her hair. She’d been gone too long for that. But she loved this pillow ’cause it was fat and squishy, and I loved it ’cause it was hers.

While I’d been in rehab, my sister and Dad had brought back all my furniture from storage, and they’d gotten rid of the fuckin’ gimp bed in the living room. Climbing the stairs to our room, I’d felt like I’d truly accomplished something.

I still had to be careful because I had a slight limp, but all was going good in that department. My pelvis was fused and ready to go, and I was gonna put that shit to use the second Baby Girl gave me the green light. Just thinking about it made me so fuckin’ hard and heavy.

My hand slipped between my legs…I breathed her name…the memory of her laughter…

Well, the sheets needed a cleaning now.

Heading downstairs after a shower, I met the guys in the big kitchen, and seeing them all gave me a rush of pride. We were all in this and Devon, too. That shit was just surreal to me.

As I sat down at the island with a cup of coffee, my phone buzzed in my pocket. Pulling it out, I had a text message…and my heart ceased to beat for a split second.

Baby Girl: I seem to have misplaced my other half. Have you seen him?

“Oh, Baby…” I whispered, blinking back the burn behind my lids.

Devon gave me a sharp look, so I glared back at him.

Me: He’s right here, waiting for his other half.