The Space In Between (25 page)

THE MOMENT I walked into the
ballroom, I knew it was going to be a long night. But first, I had to dance.
Thank God for dance. The group lined up. I avoided eye contact with Cooper and
followed the steps. When I passed Ladasha, she whispered, “Are you all right?”
I shook my head and kept moving. I switched to Cooper as my partner and looked
away from him, our fingers hardly touching.

I overheard Bobby, Eric’s best friend, telling Michelle
tonight was the night. I had no clue what they were talking about. But I didn’t
care. I didn’t have room for more drama. I kept moving. Eric looked at me with
worried eyes as I curtseyed towards him and moved to Steve.

“You all right, Andrea?” he whispered.

My eyes started to tear up when I heard him ask. I was
breaking. We switched partners. I glided by Rachel and she looked at me with
concern. She turned towards me. “You found out?”

Wow, the gossip queens got around fast. I nodded to her as
we moved around the group again. Once again, I was the main talk of the town.
As I danced past Rachel again, she said, “It only happened a few times after
you went to college.”

My eyes froze on her as she flowed around again. I curtseyed
towards Bobby, and kept moving with my eyes on Rachel. When she came back
around I had a knot in my stomach and listened to her say, “And after you two
got engaged it only happened once after that. We felt it was wrong.”

No. I couldn’t dance anymore. I couldn’t move any longer.
The shocked look on my face made Rachel realize I hadn’t had any idea about her
and Derrick. I thought Cooper had been lying, being spiteful in the moment of
our argument.
No way…

I looked to Steve for conformation. His eyes told me Rachel
wasn’t lying. I needed air. No. Not my Derrick. Derrick never would have done
something like that. We were committed to one another. We had our promises we made
to each other.
Til death do us part…

I couldn’t dance anymore. I stopped moving and the whole
room began to spin. My eyes locked with Cooper’s. He stepped towards me and I
put up my hand to stop him. I couldn’t do this. I was breaking. I was shattering.
Memories started flooding back into my mind as the dreadful truth settled in.

My eyes widened with excitement. I loved when he wrote
songs about me. I bit my bottom lip and looked up to my baby. “He loves me,
huh?”

Steve cleared his throat and nodded, chugging his drink.
“The best way he knows how.”

The best way he knows how?
Stop…
I was going to be
sick. Everything was hitting me at full speed and I couldn’t bring it to a
standstill. My heart was trying to escape from my chest, pounding for a way
out, begging for an escape route to make the hurt stop. I could hear Derrick’s
voice echoing through my head.

“What if I’m not enough for you? What if I end up fucking
all of this up? Screwing us up?”

Sweat was painting my face; I could feel everyone’s eyes. I
could
hear
their thoughts. Poor lonely Andrea. Her dead fiancé cheated
on her. How could she be so blind? What did it even mean?

How was I supposed to process this? I had to leave. Forcing
my feet to relocate, I rushed out of the room, trying to get away. Ladasha
began to follow after me and I shouted for her to leave me alone. I wanted
everyone to leave me alone.

I WATCHED HER storm out. When
Ladasha came back from chasing her, my heart cringed as I heard Mrs. Rivers
mumble that if it weren’t for that black girl, Andrea wouldn’t be such a mess.
Ms. Jacobson joined in. “I bet she’s a stripper and prostitute, too. I’m sure
she dragged Andrea into it.”

“What did you say?” Eric’s eyes widened as he walked over to
the women. Ladasha looked worried.

“Eric, don’t,” she said softly, not wanting to start
trouble.

“No, what did you two just say?” He was angry. With good
reason. What those two were saying was out of line.

“So she
is
a stripper, isn’t she?” Betty asked her
son. She looked so disappointed. Crushed.

“Yeah, Okay, Mom? She’s a stripper. But so what? Big deal.
She's also a brilliant classical dancer. She has an insane knowledge of movies
and she also has feelings. Okay? Is everyone happy?” No one said a word.
Michelle looked towards Eric with confusion in her eyes, but he didn’t notice.
He kept talking. “And so what if Ladasha does something a little different for
her night job? I mean, haven't we all made mistakes in our lives? Haven't our
kites all been torn before?

“The truth is, Ladasha can do anything she sets her mind to.
She's a beautiful woman who I am falling in love with.” As those words came
out, the whole room gasped. Even Eric gasped after he said them, as if it were
the first time he’d realized his feelings. He turned towards Michelle, who had
tears in her eyes as Bobby wrapped an arm around her. “Michelle, I’m so sorry.
It’s just…”

I had a feeling Michelle was going to be okay with what
happened. I was almost positive that if she was ever going to announce the
secret relationship that I was pretty sure was happening with Bobby, right now
would be the best time. Hell, everyone else was telling their secrets tonight.
She might as well join in. “I’m a lesbian.”

Oh. I hadn’t seen that coming.

“I’m sorry, what?” A shocked Eric swallowed hard as he
looked at not-so-much-his-fiancée.

“Bobby has been trying to get me to talk to you and tell
you…and I was going to before Thanksgiving but you proposed and…” She looked
over to her parents and Eric’s parents. “Everyone was there and happy, and
after what happened with Derrick…it seemed like everyone could use some good
news.”

Eric laughed. “You’re a lesbian?”

Ladasha giggled out loud. “Oh my gosh! That explains all of
the touchy-feely hugging!” Her hands covered her mouth. “Oh wait. So when you
said you would kill for my curves…you actually meant you wanted
my
curves…?”

Michelle blushed. “I’m sorry. It’s just that…You’re so sexy
and funny and…”

“…Off the market.” Eric chuckled defensively.

It was clear the night was over. I walked towards the back
of the house to head to the coach house and pack my stuff. There was nothing
left for me in good ol’ Wisconsin and it was time for me to get back to my
world.

“Are you leaving, Cooper?” I followed the sound of the voice
as I walked past a study. Looking inside, I saw Walter sitting there, working
on building a ship in a bottle. I paused, turned towards him, and stood in the
doorway.

“Mr. Evans. Yeah, I’m on my way out.”

“Have a seat, son.”

I obeyed.

“As a father, you worry. You start to wonder what’s going on
when you call to the restaurants your daughter says she’s working at out in New
York, and they say they never heard of her. But you patiently wait, hoping she
will come to you when she sees fit. And then...” He leaned forward against the
desk, and clasped his hands together. “And then you show up, Mr. Davidson. And
I see a light in her I hadn’t seen in a long time. You’re making her better.”

I shook my head. “She won’t let me in.”

“Anders will never say it…but she’s like her mom in so many
ways. She’s not as dramatic as Betty, but she is as passionate. Stubborn like
no other. And I’m sure she said some awful things to you.”

“I deserved it,” I promised. I couldn’t imagine what was
going through Andrea’s head with not only a pregnancy scare, but also dealing
with the paparazzi, the tabloids, Derrick. I was surprised she wasn’t
completely insane yet.

“If she’s as much like her mother as I believe, you didn’t.”

Biting the tip of my thumb, I sat back in the chair,
wondering what to do next. “I’ve never dealt with something like this. Someone
like her.”

Walter nodded in understanding and sat back in his chair.
Picking up his ship in the bottle, he held it out to me. I took it, studying it
as he spoke to me. “The time and commitment it took to make this was
excruciating. I’d almost completed the ship. Then with one mistake, one quick
movement, the sail fell over. But I didn’t give up—I tried again. And now we
have a complete ship that is ready to sail. I’m so glad I took the time to fix
it.”

“How do I fix something that doesn’t want to be anywhere
near me?” I asked.

His crooked smile and kind eyes paired well with his soft
tone. “I’m not saying it will be easy, and I’m not saying it will happen
overnight. Whatever demons eating at her have to be dealt with. But if you care
for her as much as I think you do…you’ll do anything. Even if that means loving
her from a distance.”

Another secret from Walter Evans. Not a secret to a
successful marriage—yet more of a secret to holding on to an Evans female.

“WHY WON’T YOU stop? Can’t you tell
it’s over?” she hissed as she turned to see me standing in her doorway. She was
packing her bags to escape again. I stepped into the room and approached her.
“Cooper, I’m serious,” she warned, dropping a few t-shirts into her luggage.

I didn’t say a word. The closer I stepped, the more she
tensed up. I reached out for her and she shoved me away.
Hard
. I stepped
closer. “Panda!” she hollered, pushing me again. Her face was angry, but her
eyes were dry. There were no tears to be found. She started swatting at me,
kicking, screaming for me to go away. She screamed panda over and over. I
didn’t leave.

I pulled her into a tight hug and held her close to me. I
could feel her body trying to revolt. Trying to yank itself away from me and
her hands slapping me hard against my chest, but I didn’t care. The hits became
fewer in frequency, and the screams got quieter. She began to sob. Her body
trembled in my arms as her legs gave out and she slid to the floor. I glided
her down, not letting her go.

“Panda…” she whispered, tears unable to stop themselves from
falling. I held on tighter as she wrapped her arms and legs around me.

“I know…Panda, I know…” I spoke softly against her ear as I
felt her pulling on my shirt, holding me even closer as she cried.

It wasn’t long before I noticed Ladasha and Eric standing in
the doorway, watching their loved one fall apart. I nodded them in, and they
slowly entered. I released my grip from Andrea and replaced it with the arms of
her best friend and brother. They covered her with their love as I stood up and
walked towards the doorframe. Andrea’s eyes looked up, blue as ever, and locked
with mine. We both knew it would be a long while before we saw each other
again.

I understood what Walter was telling me. Knowing when to
step away, and knowing how to say goodbye. I had to trust my gut. And right
now, my gut was telling me Andrea didn’t need me around her to bring more
confusion into her life. My heart was breaking as I tore away my eye contact
with her and left to the sounds of her tears. But I didn’t care about my heart.
I cared about hers having the time to heal.

And to tell the truth, I hadn’t given myself the time to let
my heart heal—from my parents, the miscarriages, from the cheating, the failed
marriage.

We could both take the time to heal our bodies, minds, and
spirits.

Together.

From a distance.