The Space In Between (27 page)

SPRING HAD COME, and I still missed
him. Ladasha came and sat on the front porch with me.

“Why don’t you call him?”

“It’s not that easy, Ladasha.” I thought about some of the
horrifying things I’d said to Cooper. They replayed in my head over and over
again. I didn’t know how to face him. I wanted nothing more than to call him
and tell him what was going on in my mind—that the idea of going on another day
without him was unbearable. But I couldn’t. I didn’t deserve the right to talk
to him.

“Why not?” she asked.

“You don’t understand, Ladasha. I said some terrible
things.”

“Yeah I know. You told him he would be a bad father. You
believed the lies those magazines made up. You turned on him in a second
because his crazy ex-wife had him followed.” Reminding me of all the terrible
things I did made me feel even worse.

Her voice softened. “You spent the past few months mourning
over someone who cheated and lied to you. You listened to his songs and your
voicemail over and over again. You sprayed his cologne just to hold on.”

“Are you trying to make me feel worse? Because it's
working.”

“The truth is you're afraid of losing someone again so you
pushed him away before you could be hurt. You’re afraid that he too, might lie
to you and hurt you. He never judged you for your past, and the fact that you
threw his in his face, the shit that wasn't even true, is wrong. The way I see
it, y'all are both fucked up. Might as well be fucked up together.”

“Why do you even care? You got your happy ending. You have
your future, so stay the hell out of my business.”

Ladasha moved in closer and grabbed me by the chin, “You're
acting like a bitch.”

“Don't talk to me like that.”

“I'm your best friend. I can talk to you however the hell I
want. Wake up, Andrea. And don't try to push me away because I'm like
cockroaches in the ghetto. I'll keep popping up, unwelcome.”

I let out a small chuckle as she wrapped her arms around me.
“I got a call from a few dance studios…which is weird because I don’t remember
applying to any, and you only told me about one.” Ladasha’s grin informed me
that she had been going behind my back, pretending to be me. “They want me to
come in and audition, dance for them.”

Her face lit up with joy as she heard the news. “Does that
mean we can go home now?”

“I CANNOT BELIEVE this is happening
again. Walter, say something!” Ladasha and I sat in my bedroom as we listened
to my dad, once again, try to convince my mom to let me, once again, go back to
New York City. I stood up, walked over to my bedroom walls, and began to remove
the photos of Derrick and me from the space. I was ready to move on. I was
ready to let go. And I was ready to retry New York City.

This time was different though. This time I wasn’t looking
to go and become lost. No, I was going to find myself. I was going to make
something of myself. Well, at least I was planning on it, if my mom would stop
tearing up.

“Mom…” I looked at her as I entered the living room.

Her hands flew to her hips and she shook her head at me.
“Don’t you even say it, Andrea! Look what happened last time you went there!
And this time you two girls don’t even have jobs set up! What are you planning
to do?!”

“Michelle is giving us a loan until we are able to pay her
back. Also, I have auditions for dance jobs.”

Mom huffed and whined. “If I had a dollar for every time I
heard that this past year.” I couldn’t help but smile at her comment.

Ladasha entered the room grinning ear to ear. Mom’s eyes
narrowed in on her. “And what about you, missy? What are your plans?”

“Well, I can always go back to the strip club,” she smirked.
She dodged the pillow flying at her head. “Okay okay. A friend of mine offered
me a job at an art gallery as a receptionist. I’m going to work there through
the summer and I’m enrolled in a summer film program.”

Mom waved Ladasha over to us on the couch and she hugged her
too.

“Let me and Dad send you girls money each month.”

“Mom—no,” I said.

“Okay,” answered Ladasha. I hit her in the arm. “What!? She
offered. And we’ll need to eat.”

Mom’s worried eyes looked at my body. I had gained at least
ten pounds since I came home, but you know Mom, the worry wart.

“Don’t even start, Mom.”

She smiled. “Okay. But if you two need anything, you’ll come
back. All right?”

I grinned and looked to Daddy who was smiling down at us
three girls. Mr. Quiet, but always happy. He nodded at me in approval. I turned
to Mom and shook her hand.

Deal.

ON THE NIGHT we got back into New
York, we waited at the airport to try to get a ride out to our apartment. Every
time we reached for a taxi, another person had already hopped in. “Hey, one
sec…” I went digging into my purse and pulled out the card I had received from
the old taxi driver who gave me a few free rides way back when. I dialed him
up, and he was there in less than fifteen minutes.

“How was your trip?” Joe asked as he drove us to our
apartment. I noticed he didn’t have his payment clock on, and I couldn’t help
but smile.

“Ya know, same ol’ same ol’. Stressful. Dramatic. Sad.”

He nodded, keeping his eyes on the road. “Yeah. Sometimes
trips can be more stressful than anything. Yet other times, they can be exactly
what you need to realize what you're missing.”

Ladasha raised her eyebrow at the interaction between me and
Joe, and I could tell she felt out of the loop. Moving closer to me, she began
to whisper. “What is this? You have your own personal Yoda or something?”

A personal Yoda? I wish. But as it turned out, I just had a
Joe, which was good enough for me.

I LANDED A job at a small, but
awesome dance studio. It wasn’t completely paying the bills, but I was happy to
have Michelle helping us out for a while. I was slowly getting into the groove
of the city. And teaching dance to individuals who were new to the art form was
the best thing I could have done.

Of course, I looked for any and every other dance
opportunity that came up. Part of being a New Yorker was understanding the
hustle of it all. Nothing was going to be handed to you; you had to make a name
for yourself. And I was determined to make it. I owed it to myself. Everything
was falling into place. I was doing what I loved, living with my best friend,
and learning to stand on my own. But I still missed him.

I still longed for him.

He was a dial away on my cell phone, but I knew he had
probably already found his Order. And I wasn’t going to get in his way. Ladasha
kept begging me to at least call him to see how he was, but I refused.

One Saturday morning during the beginning of June, there
were terrible thunderstorms. I had no plans of going out any time soon except
to go to the art auction Ladasha hadn’t stopped talking about since she’d
started her job. There was a knock at our door and I looked up from the couch
to my best friend. “You expecting someone?” She shook her head, wondering who
it could be. Dragging myself away from the couch, I walked over, opened the
door, and was surprised to see Mom, Daddy, and Eric standing there.

“What are you guys doing here?!” I asked as they entered the
apartment. Mom looked around and smiling, nodding in approval of our small
space.

“We were just in the neighborhood and thought we would stop
by.”

“No, really…”

They all ignored me and made themselves comfortable. Eric’s
eyes lit up when he saw Ladasha, and I knew she had something to do with them
coming here.

“Andrea Mae, must you be so dramatic? Just be happy we
stopped by!” I laughed hearing this from my mom, also known as the most
dramatic person on this planet.

My heart skipped a beat as I watched Eric and Ladasha
embrace. I felt a wave of a jealousy mixed with happiness for them.

“This is great! You all can come to the art gallery tonight!
We are having a big auction party,” Ladasha exclaimed as she held onto Eric as
if he might disappear if she let him go. I was pretty sure Eric had no plans of
leaving her side any time soon. That was until he came to a realization. “Oh
crap! Andrea, I forgot!” Eric jumped up from his chair and raced over to his
luggage, unzipping it. He brought out a package and handed it to me.

“What is it?” I questioned.

He shrugged. “Cooper sent it to Michelle and told me to give
it to you.”

…Cooper…

Just hearing his name made my heart skip as I opened the
package. My eyes filled with tears as I opened the package to see a broken down
book, with photos of us as children together. We both looked so happy…

“What…” I couldn’t speak. I turned to my brother, looking
for more of an explanation.

“He said to tell you that you were never his second choice.
Something like you were his only choice. Michelle said he is in the city actually.
Meeting with his manager at the Williams Management building.”