The Space Within (The Book of Phoenix #3) (17 page)

I didn’t know what else to do but swim for the Gate and hope it would open for us like the one on Erde did, so I did exactly that. The others followed me into the water. I prayed hard as we approached where I felt the Gate to be. As soon as I dove under the water, the lights sprang toward the surface. I popped back up.

“Bex and Hayden, go first. Try to Forge.”

Before they could plunge under, however, the walls of light reached upward, and the water sucked downward, taking all of us with it. By the time our feet hit the bottom of the lake where we’d landed, the cylindrical walls were solid and the water gone. We’d barely caught our breath when a hole began opening in the Gate. It wouldn’t Forge them here, apparently, so my initial instinct had been right. They couldn’t Forge on a Dark world.

Rather than jumping through the newly formed hole this time, I peeked in. Mountains and a lake spread out before us.

“Looks like it could be Earth,” I said hesitantly. So far, everything had looked like it could be Earth at first glance, even Erde.

“The fuck it does,” Brock said just as a beast that looked somewhat like a horse but was covered in feathers galloped by. Wings lifted from its back as it turned toward us and snapped with teeth like an alligator’s rather than an equine’s. I jerked back, into the group behind me who’d been leaning forward to see, too.

When we all pulled back, the hole closed up.

“Here’s one,” Hayden said from my right.

We all turned toward a new hole gaping open. A green field stretched out with a stream running through it. Creatures grazed in the distance, and they looked like normal cows.

“Is this it?” Bex squealed with excitement.

A huge ball, the size of a blimp, with wings and scales flew at us. We flinched away, and the hole closed up just in time. Several more began opening, giving us glimpses of worlds that looked like Earth but weren’t.

“There are so many worlds that are similar to Earth.” Enyxa’s voice filled the space around us. “In this universe and beyond. Worlds in other dimensions, planes, and realms that
are
Earth. Just not yours. If you think I’ll let you find your way back to your own world, you’re more delusional than I thought. Which is good. Will only make the Darkness come faster.”

All of the gaping holes with all their familiar-but-not-quite-right scenes began to make me dizzy. Enyxa’s words brought renewed despair that we’d never find our way home. She would never let us. My body felt heavy. My soul small. When a new black hole began yawning open, I couldn’t fight the force of it. I let it suck me through. The others followed.

We landed on a floor of ice, surrounded by more ice. The only light came from a blue glow within the frozen water, illuminating enough to show that everything around us was coated in ice. We were in a cavern, facing nothing but darkness outside. Instinct told me the entire world was frozen over.

“Nice choice for a layover.” Enyxa’s voice again. She appeared in front of us, her black-and-white hair covered in frost. “This is one of my favorite worlds. The cold and endless Darkness make me happy. You lot won’t last long here, which makes it even better. I don’t think this will be a layover after all. No, I think this will be your final destination, for this life cycle, at least.”

Hayden growled as he pulled Bex’s shivering body into his arms. “You underestimate us.”

Enyxa turned a dark eye on them. “You two might last longer. But these others—Broderick and Jacquelena—they haven’t much chance. I can feel their Darkness growing, and it’s quite lovely. Let’s see, shall we? Broderick, why don’t you tell these friends of yours what happened next with you and Asia?”

“Fuck you,” Brock snapped.

Enyxa laughed, a tinkling sound full of delight. “I’d love to, darling, but you’re just not my type. Yet.” She sauntered around him, trailing a pointed black fingernail over his cheek. “Soon, though. A few more trips down memory lane, and you’ll be there. I can’t wait to show you everything. But first, tell us, Brock. Tell us what you did to the person you call the love of your lives. Tell us what happened to your family.”

A snarl lifted Brock’s lip, but he refused to talk.

“Ah. Be that way then,” Enyxa said, her bottom lip jutting out in a pout. “I’ll share the story for you. I’m sure Asia will enjoy reliving it all, too.”

The cords in Brock’s neck strained, and he squeezed his eyes shut, but none of us could block out the visions Enyxa forced on us. We fell to the freezing floor, our bodies trembling as we tried to huddle together for the heat. I was actually grateful when our icy world disappeared, and we dove into the memories that belonged to Brock and Asia, seen through Asia’s eyes since Enyxa couldn’t get Brock to cooperate.

Chapter 16

7 Months Ago

My chest constricted, making it difficult to breathe as I stared at Brock’s baby mama standing in front of his house in a pink sleeveless shirt and white shorts with her long brown hair hanging loosely past her shoulders. Kami. The same person to whom I’d been talking on Facebook and encouraging to take charge of her life. She had taken my advice to make the right decisions for herself and to stop letting others make them for her. And that apparently entailed returning for her baby … who happened to be my boyfriend’s son. How could this be happening? What were the odds? Was she coming back for Brock, too? I blinked against the sting in my eyes.

As I remained frozen in place, Kami held her arms out and stepped forward to take Connor from me. I instinctively turned away from her, toward Brock, and handed him the baby.

“I want to hold my son,” Kami said, her voice distant in my ears as Brock and I stared at each other.

“Why were you at a Single and Pregnant support group?” he asked me, ignoring Kami’s demand. “You don’t have a baby …”

His voice trailed off as he obviously realized that having a baby was only one possibility for someone who’d go to that kind of support group. All kinds of questions crossed his mind, I could tell … I could
feel
somehow.

“What happened?” he demanded, jumping to the worst conclusions. His eyes darkened with accusation. My throat tightened, and I could only shake my head, unable to form the words of explanation. I hadn’t planned on telling him until absolutely necessary. I certainly hadn’t figured out how, and here I was, on the spot.

“Can we talk about this later?” Kami snipped. “I’d like to hold my baby. I came a long way to see him.”

When Brock saw that I wouldn’t talk about this now, he blew out a harsh breath through enflamed nostrils and turned his head toward Kami.

“What the hell do you want?”

Her brows lifted, crinkling her forehead. She spoke slowly and deliberately. “I. Want. To. Hold. My. Baby. How many times do I have to say it?”

Brock pressed Connor protectively against his shoulder. “You gave him up. You can’t just drop him at my doorstep, and then suddenly appear months later wanting to hold him. What do you really want, Kami?”

She stared at him for a long moment, and then held her hands up, palms toward the sky. Her tone changed, pleading now rather than demanding. “I screwed up, okay? I admit it. And I’m sorry, so very sorry. I let others tell me what to do, and it was wrong. I
know
that, and I’ve regretted it ever since. I want to do what’s right for all of us, so I’m here now, Brock. I’m here for Connor … and for you.”

His dark eyes narrowed at her. “It doesn’t work that way. You
dumped
him on my doorstep. Didn’t even wait to make sure he’d be okay.”

Kami’s eyes watered. Her voice came out in a whisper. “I knew he’d be okay with you. I hated doing it, though, you have to believe me. That’s why I’m here. I want to make it all right.”

“I don’t even …” Brock shook his head as his voice trailed off, and his chocolate gaze swung to me, his eyes darker than normal. I could feel his hurt and confusion and wished I could talk to him, but I couldn’t. Not here. Not now.

Kami must have noticed something pass between us, too, and she apparently didn’t like that her plans wouldn’t go as smoothly as she’d hoped.

“What does she have anything to do with us?” she snapped.

“Kami,” Brock said between clenched teeth without removing his gaze from me. “Did you really think I’d wait around for you?”

“I didn’t think you’d be fucking the first thing to walk in when you had a baby to take care of!”

Now Brock’s eyes broke away from me to glare at her. “Asia and I—”

“Asia and you have nothing! That’s pretty damn obvious since you don’t even know about her past.” She turned her sharp blue eyes on me. “Does anyone know the real you, Asia? I certainly don’t. Didn’t expect to find you here with my man and my son after everything we’d talked about.”

Brock’s eyes came back to me again with a new emotion filling them: distrust. I shook my head.

“No,” I finally croaked. “I had no idea. We didn’t talk about
that
much.”

“Except you knew I’d had a baby, and then you took off and ended up right here with my son in your arms.” Kami gasped. “Oh, my god! Were you even pregnant in the first place, or was that all a big scam for attention?”

“I … I …” I stammered under her accusation.

The tone of her voice turned from shock to cold. “You’re one of those sick fucks who pretend to be pregnant and then steal some poor mother’s baby, aren’t you? That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?”

“No!” A switch flipped, and I returned to myself. I took a step toward Kami, putting us toe-to-toe, and bowed out my chest. “Poor mother?
You?
My ass. Who do you think you are? You abandoned your own son. You had a great guy and a sweet baby, and you
left
them! How can you make such accusations? If I’d had what you did—”

I choked on the angry sob building in my throat and forced myself to draw in a deep, calming breath before I completely lost my shit.

“But you didn’t have it,” Kami sneered, taking advantage of my pause. “So here you are, trying to take
my
life.”

“The life you didn’t want?” I couldn’t help but say it.

“See! You are, aren’t you? You’re a fucking imposter. You’re nothing but a lying, scheming little bitch.”

My breath caught audibly, and Brock stepped between us. Good thing. Otherwise, I might have punched her.

“You know nothing about me,” I seethed, glaring at her around his arm.

“And that’s the problem, isn’t it?” Brock said, and my head snapped up to look at him. His tone and words were unexpected. “Kami’s right. I don’t know much about you at all.”

“Brock—” I started, feeling like I’d been slapped. He didn’t believe her, did he? “Nothing she’s saying is true.”

“So you didn’t meet at the support group?”

“Yes, but—”

“But nothing,” he said. “I feel like I don’t know who you are, Asia. After everything I’ve told you, everything we’ve been through, I don’t really know anything about you, do I? But I do know this. You don’t belong in my life.”

My mouth fell open. I thought my heart would fly out of it. Instead, it became lodged in my throat, choking me. I stared blankly at him, waiting for him to qualify that statement with something like, “until you tell me what happened” or “until I know all about you.” But he only glared at me, his eyes full of as much accusation as Kami held.

“Brock,” I whispered, my hand pressed against my throat.

In answer, he turned his back toward me and handed Connor over to Kami. She smiled up at Brock and then at Connor, her expression triumphant. My stomach heaved as if I’d been punched. My insides battled against each other, part of me wanting to stay and explain, and another part wanting to run away. I simply turned on my heel and strode toward the garage and my apartment. If either of them noticed, they didn’t try to stop me.

Once inside, I thought the sobs would come, but they didn’t. I dropped to the couch, and stared at the wall as my mind tried to process what just happened. Did Brock really believe Kami’s accusations of me? How could he? He knew me better than that! So I hadn’t told him everything. That much was true. But how could he believe I was that type of person? That I could be so heartless and manipulative? She’d shut him out, treated him like dirt, and he believed her over me? Wouldn’t even let me explain?

I fell over onto my side and curled into myself, my body sinking further into the couch cushions as a new realization washed over me. It didn’t matter if I had explained. My past had nothing to do with our present, which was why I hadn’t told him in the first place. And the present situation was that Connor’s mother wanted back into their lives. Who was I to stop that?

I swallowed this truth pill, but it was long and hard to do so. Darkness started settling in on me, not only outside as the afternoon became evening, but also onto my heart and soul. Once again, I was completely alone. And so fucking hollow.

Hope showed up at my door the next morning with two Starbucks cups in her hands.

“I had to get away from the arguing for a while,” she said, holding a cup out to me. “They’ve been at it all night.”

I took the cup and stepped aside, silently inviting her in. We both sat on the couch, side by side. Hope put her cup on the table and enveloped me in a hug.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “This shouldn’t be happening to you. To any of you.”

“Did you hear what she said about me?”

“The lies?”

I pulled back to look into her eyes. She gave me a soft smile.

“Yes, I know the truth, Asia. You didn’t really think I’d let you into my house, into my personal life and the lives of my son and grandbaby, without knowing everything about you, did you? I saw the hospital records.” She chuckled at what must have been a shocked look in my eyes. Of course, I understood why she’d do a background check, but she shouldn’t have found what she obviously had. Not just because they were private medical records, but because they were supposed to have been destroyed. “I have my ways of finding out what I need to know. And I know you are a good person. A kind, generous, intelligent young woman who’d never do what that little hussy accused you of.”

“Hussy?” I choked out.

“She abandoned the two people I love most in the world. Left my grandbaby—her own son—on a doorstep! No, I don’t like her. And I certainly don’t like what she’s saying to Brock about you.”

“He said I don’t belong in his life,” I muttered.

She pulled me back against her and tightened her arms around me. “He’s wrong. And I’ll make sure he knows it.”

Her kindness broke me, and I finally cried as she held me.

“Please don’t tell him the truth,” I said once I pulled away and scrubbed at my wet cheeks. A dark spot stained the shoulder of her shirt. “Because it doesn’t really matter.”

“It
does
matter. But don’t worry. I’ll make sure he gets it from you.”

I blew out a sigh as she left. Hope was right in one way. It mattered to me that Brock knew the truth. But only because I didn’t want him thinking that I was a manipulative liar who’d scammed her way into his and his son’s lives. I wanted him to know because I cared about what he thought of me. I cared about him period.

Which made the heartache so much worse.

I’d been wondering if he cared about me at all, at least enough to find out the truth, for a day and a half before he finally came over. We stood at my open door staring at each other over the threshold for a long moment. Then he glanced over his shoulder before pulling me into his arms.

“I’ve missed you so much,” he murmured into my hair as he squeezed me tightly. I took a moment to inhale his familiar scent and linger in the embrace of his strong arms before he let me go, and then I stepped backwards so he could come inside.

“I don’t understand,” I said as soon as I closed the door.

He turned to face me and pushed a hand through his dark hair. “I’m sorry I said what I did. It was mean and wrong. I
know
you aren’t the type of person to do what Kami was saying. I was just … overwhelmed. In shock. I mean, you confirmed part of her story, so I didn’t know what to believe. And Kami … besides what she did to Connor and me, I wouldn’t have thought her capable of making up such lies. I’m sorry, Asia. I’m so sorry.”

“So you don’t think I used her to get to you and Connor and manipulate my way into your lives? That I tried to steal your baby?”

He chuckled, though it held no sound of humor. “Of course not. I know there are some fucked-up people who do that, but you’re not one of them.” He pressed his hand against the left side of his chest. “I know it here in my heart, and in my soul.”

A thousand-pound weight lifted from my chest, and I felt like I could breathe for the first time in over a day. I did just that—breathed deeply—as Brock rested his hands on his hips and watched me.

“Thank you,” I finally said.

“There’s nothing to thank me for.” He glanced at the couch. “But we do need to talk.”

I nodded. He walked around the coffee table and took a seat on the edge of the sofa. He rested his elbows on his knees, wrapped a palm around a fist, and looked up at me. I remained standing on the other side of the coffee table, too wired with anxiety to sit down.

“You were pregnant?” he asked. “That part’s true?”

I nodded again as I inhaled another breath.

“I had a miscarriage last summer,” I said quietly.

My hands moved automatically to my stomach, as they used to when I’d had a life growing in there and after I’d lost it. The habit had died many months ago, but I suddenly felt just as empty as I had the moment I woke up in the hospital. I closed my eyes, squeezing them shut against the memories of how it had all happened. When I opened them, Brock was staring at me. The anxious energy of only a moment ago had completely drained away with the words I’d never said before. I moved over to the couch and sat next to him, but I couldn’t look him in the eyes so I stared at my hands as they tried to wring the life out of each other.

“I was a little over four months along. Everything, all of it, was horrible and messy, and not something I want to remember. My life had been turned upside down twice, leaving me an emotional mess, and I’d finally gotten over it—at least, as much as someone can. It’s in the past and has nothing to do with us, so I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want you getting all weird with me, especially when it came to Connor.” I sniffed and swiped at my cheeks to find them wet. I hadn’t realized I’d been crying.

“The father?”

My jaw clenched, and my spine stiffened. I looked up at Brock, right into the eye. “Doesn’t deserve to live.”

His brows raised slightly, and I could tell he had many questions about what that meant, but the fucker didn’t deserve two breaths for me to explain. I’d vowed to never speak of him again. Thankfully, Brock nodded, getting the message loud and clear. “So you went to the support group?”

“Yeah, the end of last spring semester, shortly after I found out I was pregnant. I’d seen Kami there the one and only time I went. I didn’t talk to her at all, and then I went home for the summer the moment exams were over. I had to get out of that place. Home ended up being no better, and my summer turned out to be the worst one ever. I tried to go back to school in the fall, but I was different. I couldn’t handle it. I was on my way out of town, headed down here, when I stopped at a coffee shop and ran into her. We only talked for a few minutes. She never told me what happened with her and her baby, I swear, but I could tell she regretted it. I thought maybe she’d aborted it or given it up for adoption. I really had no idea about you, Brock. I mean, even after I met you and knew about Connor, it never crossed my mind. You weren’t even in Boston. And maybe bringing it up to you would have helped both of us, but I just didn’t see how. I didn’t want to relive any of it. And that’s all I’ve been doing since yesterday.”

“Damn, babe. I’m so sorry you had to go through it.” He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me against him again. More tears leaked from my eyes.

“God, I haven’t cried this much since it happened,” I said when I finally pulled away.

We sat sideways on the couch, facing each other. His eyes averted from mine, and the corners of his mouth turned down. I dropped my head, knowing I was about to cry some more.

“I’m sorry for all of this,” he said, his voice a hoarse whisper. “I know you’re telling me the truth. I can feel it.” He picked up my hands and lifted them to his mouth to kiss my knuckles. “I wasn’t lying when I said I love you, Asia. I still do.”

I slowly lifted my head to look up at him. “I hear a
but
in there.”

He closed his eyes, grimaced as though he didn’t like what he saw on the backs of his lids, and nodded before opening them. “We’ve been talking through things day and night, and Kami wants to try to make it work. Between us. Her and me, I mean.” His voice shook on that last bit, and he blew out a breath. “I have to try, Asia. I owe it to Connor. He deserves to have his father
and
mother.”