The Space Within (The Book of Phoenix #3) (27 page)

Chapter 27

As the Gate we’d opened with the Book of Phoenix dimmed, a tear leaked out of the corner of my eye and slid across the bridge of my nose before falling to the ground under my cheek. I thought, at first, the sense of loss inexplicable since I had given up hope for Brock and me long ago, but it hit me hard nonetheless. Then I realized it was the thought of
everyone
losing Brock that broke me. That shattered my heart into a million pieces. A world without him—a universe without his soul—was unimaginable. Devastating. The loss of his soul completely wasn’t fair to all of those who loved him, especially his other half. That other half wasn’t me, I knew in my head, but I felt the pain as if it were my own.

The ice-cold Darkness from the little slug-like things all over my skin seeped into my blood, and I waited for its numbness to take over. To push the pain away completely. To Darken the last bit of Light that remained in my soul and to fill that space within me that had become so empty. I’d been longing for the promised peace of the Darkness for what felt like half a lifetime. But if I hadn’t been ready for it before, I was now, especially as I watched the Gate before me fall completely dark. I closed my eyes.

A blast of Darkness hit me again, as if to say, “Come with me.” Along with it, Enyxa flooded me with the worst memories of this lifetime. Walking into the abortion clinic and running out of it, losing my baby anyway, fighting the deepest pits of depression in my room, leaving my life and everything I knew behind, living out of my car, seeing Kami return for her family, hearing Brock say those words: “You don’t belong in my life.” The memories crushed me. Ground the pieces of my heart into powder. Opened my soul so the Darkness could wash in.

But it wasn’t Darkness that filled me.

Warmth. Light. Hope. Love.

“
NO!
” I silently screamed, wishing I could explain to whoever was trying to help me—probably Hope—that it was too late. That the Darkness was what I wanted.

Thankfully, the feelings subsided. They were too weak to overcome what already possessed me.

“I’m sorry,” someone whispered above me. “So sorry.”

A heavy weight fell on top of my chest. The Darkness within it was nearly as thorough as my own. The being’s essence lifted, and I only knew this because it pulled at my own, wanting to take me with it. My soul rose, too, unable to fight it. Not
wanting
to fight it. Because this was the one I belonged with. This soul, as Dark as it was, was my true other half. My Twin Flame. Wherever it had come from, whatever Dark world it had been on, it had finally found me. I felt it in the space within me—in every fiber of my soul.

“
Welcome back
,” my soul whispered to the other one, and they both crashed into each other.

If I hadn’t known for sure before, I definitely knew now. We filled each other with utter completeness. Our Darkness swirled together, as did the little bit of Light until the black became a dark charcoal gray. The more our essences mingled and combined, the stronger mine became. A new hope blossomed, bringing with it love. We gave it back and forth, sharing it with each other until it became one love, both of ours, nobody else’s. Love like no other, so complete and solid like I’d never felt before. A bond so tight, it could only belong to Twin Flames.
This
was my true love. My Twin Flame. My other half of our dyad pair.

“
You are mine
,” his soul sang into mine.

“
Forever and always
,” I confirmed into his.

“
I don’t deserve it.
”

“
Don’t ever doubt it.
”

“
Never again. Your love is my life force.
”

We looked down at our bodies. If I’d been in my physical form, I would have wept. If my soul wasn’t a part of his this very moment, I would have never believed it. I’d already written us off, believing we’d been Forged together even though we didn’t belong together. But all of that doubt disappeared the moment I felt his soul with mine again. The Darkness had tried to deceive me, but the Light won. Brock’s body was draped over my torso, his thickly muscled arms wrapped around me. Hope knelt by the two of us, her head bent, probably crying.

“
She’s alive!
” His emotions ran through me.

“
She’s been our Hope all along. Let’s give her a little now.
”

She looked up at us, at our souls, as if she could see us. Maybe she could. But we slid into our bodies anyway. Brock lifted his weight off of me, and I opened my eyes to find his dark ones hovering right over me. He lowered his head and pressed his lips gently against mine. Hope let out a cry. The joy in it was nothing compared to what filled me.

“You’re back,” I whispered.

“Only because of you. I’ve been to Hell and back, literally I think. And I almost gave in. I almost bought the lie Enyxa tried to feed me. But when we finally landed back here, I knew this was where I belonged. With you.”

“You remember me? Everything?”

He cocked his head. “How could I ever forget you? You are my one and only love, Asia.”

“After everything I’ve done …” Even knowing now, feeling it in my soul that his and mine belonged together, I still didn’t know if this current person—Brock Verdor—could truly love me, who I was right now, in
this
life.

“You’ve done nothing but love me, Asia. Don’t blame yourself for what Enyxa did to us. Just focus on us, babe. Focus on what matters most.”

I blinked away the tears of gratitude and gave a tiny nod, the most movement I could muster against the pain of my crushed legs. “Us. Our love. That’s what matters most. I feel it in every space within my soul.”

His lips turned up into a smile. I wanted to feel them on me again. I wanted to kiss him until I could feel nothing else but his lips moving against mine. I wanted his mouth to drive away the pain and bring the bliss it always delivered. But what I wanted would have to wait. The sounds of war still surrounded us, and our fellow Guardians needed our help.

“Let’s shove this bitch back to the Dark where she belongs,” Brock said as he rolled completely off of me and lay next to me. His fingers intertwined with mine.

“I’ll guard your bodies,” Hope said.

Brock and I projected our souls from our bodies again. We swirled together for a moment for another boost of strength.

And then we went to battle. Together. As one, as we were always meant to be.

Chapter 28

Something changed. I didn’t know how long I’d been in the Dark, how long I’d been wherever I was now, but I felt the change in my chest … in my heart. A bit of Lightness that made it pound out one more beat, as shriveled as it was. And then another. My heart rate picked up pace, although blood already rushed in my head, drowning out everything else. It began to quiet, though, allowing other sounds in as my vision cleared as well. I blinked against the blackness surrounding me, trying to make sense of what I heard—roars and growls, cries of pain, metal clashing against metal. It sounded like a battle.

My surroundings became clearer as I grew fully alert. I stood in water, facing the shore. It was night and hard to see, but I thought a large shape loomed just ahead. I squinted. A big building?  Between it and me were dark shadows moving against the darker night. Fighting. Why? Where was I? What was going on? I shook my head, trying to clear it, but nothing made sense. I couldn’t remember how I’d arrived here. Why I would be standing in a body of water. I didn’t even know if I was in a lake or a sea, although the waves pushing at me told me it was at least bigger than a pond.

What had I been doing before? Was I brought here? Who would throw me into the middle of a battle like this? Or had I come here on my own? Was I supposed to be a part of it? Nothing but a deep black filled my mind. No memories of a past. Nothing at all.

Panic began to rise. My heart rate spiked even faster. I tried to draw in air, but couldn’t. What was I going to do? I needed to get out of here.

And then …

I felt it. In that space within me that had been so empty. My soul. My
soul
felt another. It recognized the other and immediately responded. Growing inside me, the little bit of Light remaining in it brightening. Jeremicah. The other half to me … Jacquelena. That’s right. And my Jeremicah was here.

Here …?
Here
! Earth! I’d made it back to my Earth! To my home! To my Jeric!

Everything flooded back to me. The worlds, the Gates, struggling to return to this place, to this man, my love and my other half.

His soul was very Dark, like my own had become, but I felt it nonetheless. And just feeling his so close Lightened mine considerably. A heavy weight lifted from my shoulders. Strength returned to me. And even with the battle waging fiercely in front of my eyes, hope exploded.

We had a chance.

But there was so much to do. A war to win.

Now that my awareness returned, I realized Bex and Hayden stood in the water with me, although Brock was gone. I wished there was time to send Bex and Hayden’s souls to the Gate to be Forged, now that we were in a world where Darkness didn’t rule, but there wasn’t. I ran through the water with them right behind me. My knife was in my hand, and I targeted the physical beasts first—gozzards and Weirans and those centipede things that made me shudder, as well as others I hadn’t had the pleasure to meet and kill on the Dark worlds. My speed hadn’t fully returned, but I still moved quickly, latching onto shoulders and backs, and stabbing eyes and throats before jumping to the next beast. The Phoenix Guardians were hugely outnumbered, but Hayden and I made a pretty big dent in the number of alien monsters, with some help from Bex.

The first break we had, I ran over to Jeric’s body laying half under a dead gozzard.

“Oh, no!” I pressed my hand against his cheek and stroked his lips with my thumb. “Don’t give up, babe. I’m here.”

He was so still, but I could feel his soul. He wasn’t gone yet.

Asia lay next to him with Brock already sprawled over her and a woman kneeling next to them, her face buried in her hands. At least Brock had found Asia. We’d been able to bring him back, but his soul had become so black with all of the times Enyxa had put his horrible memories of losing his son on repeat. He’d pretty much given up before we brought him home, and I could only hope Asia’s love was enough to return the Light to his soul. I could only hope he was wrong about them being forced together. The way he’d come straight to her when we arrived and held her now, I had to believe they were meant for each other. They just had to believe it themselves.

A hand clamped over mine that was pressed to Jeric’s face. I looked back at him. His blue eyes were open and although full of pain, also somehow smiling.

“Jeric!” I threw myself on top of him, and he groaned underneath me. He was hurt. I sat back up. “I’m sorry. So sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He squeezed my hand. “You’re here. Everything else will be okay.”

I nodded and looked around. “Yes, but there’s still a fight to be won.”

“Go. I’ll be waiting right here.”

I studied the gigantic gozzard squishing him and Asia. Although some of my strength had returned, I knew there was no way I could move it myself. A Weiran cut off all thoughts of that anyway as he threw a fist at me.

I ducked and rolled away from the others, hoping to keep the troll’s attention on me. He turned toward me with a snarl, both of his fists coming together with my body right in the middle. I rolled again, then sprang to my feet, launched myself into the air, and landed on the back of his fat neck. I aimed for the eye with my knife, but he twisted and batted at me, and the point stabbed into his ear. He didn’t like that, either, and wailed, but it didn’t take him down. He tried to shake me off, then hit at me again, landing a blow into the side of my head. Stars shot across my vision, but I didn’t let go. I hung onto the knife’s hilt and tightened my legs around his neck. He stopped trying to throw me off for a moment, and I seized the opportunity. After wiggling the blade free from his thick hide, I tried again. This time it landed in his eye. He fell to his knees with his arms reaching out. They plowed into the gozzard, moving the other beast off of Jeric and Asia as he fell face forward. I leapt from its neck before its shoulders hit the ground.

As I swung around to look for another attacker, my gaze landed on Enyxa and her hellhounds halfway across the lawn. Her black eyes locked with mine. She gave me what I thought was a taunting wave. There was nothing taunting about it. A force of Darkness slammed into me, knocking me down.

I fell hard on my knees and then on my side as she blasted me again and again, reminding me once more of all of the atrocities I’d done to others, including her, and the agony I’d suffered. I clamped my hands over my ears and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block her out. But there was only one way to overcome her. One way to defeat her. One way to win.

The Light.

And the Light came from love. I reached my arm out toward Jeric, but he was several feet too far away. He looked at me and reached his own tattooed arm for me. I tried to scooch closer to him. It took all of my determination and will to budge a few inches. His mouth moved, but I couldn’t hear him over the din of the fighting around us. I wiggled a little closer, but Darkness began to crowd into my vision.

“
No!
” I silently shouted against it. “
You will not take me!
”

There was a tugging at my soul. I felt Jeric’s right over me.
Project!
That’s what he’d been trying to tell me. It had been so long since I’d been able to, I’d forgotten that I could now. But it would be stupid to do so. Enyxa was probably waiting for us to do exactly that so she could send one of her Dark souls to destroy our bodies.

“Go ahead,” said the woman who’d been kneeling next to Brock and Asia. She stood now, looking as though she was guarding them. “I’ll watch your bodies. Don’t worry.”

I didn’t know who she was, but I had no choice but to trust her.

“I’m Hope,” she said, and now I knew why she looked familiar—like Brock. I didn’t know how it was possible that she was alive, though. I’d seen the memories of the accident replay more times than my heart could take. But at this moment, I could only believe she was that: our Hope.

I threw myself out of my body and straight into Jeric’s soul. Our forces combined, swirled together, filled each other’s empty spaces.

“
Damn it, Leni, I’ve missed you so much
,” Jeric’s soul said into mine. “
I’ve missed
this
so much.
”

“
I almost can’t believe we’re doing this. I didn’t think we’d ever be able to again.
” Love and disbelief nearly overwhelmed me. I wanted to stay in that moment, to stretch it out into eternity.

If Enyxa didn’t blast more Darkness our way, I might have done just that.

“Can we kill this fucking bitch already?” Brock asked from beside us. He and Asia had pulled apart, their projected forms floating next to us, both of them a light gray now, nearly the color their souls should be.

Jeric and I pulled our souls away from each other.

“Hell yeah!” Jeric said.

“You’ll have to take her soul,” Hope said as if she were part of the conversation.

Could she see us? She seemed to be looking directly at us, but how could she? How did she even know who we were and anything about us? Jeric’s soul shared with mine in less than a second who and what Hope was. I had no words, but was glad to have her on our side.

“Get her soul,” she instructed. “You’ll know what to do with it, Jacquelena.”

The four of us floated down to ground level, side by side, Asia and I in the middle and the guys on our flanks. Enyxa stared at us from across the lawn, seeing us in soul form. She gave us a mocking grin. Bex and Hayden stepped up, pushing Asia and me apart.

“We sense you,” Bex whispered in answer to the question I didn’t ask but had been thinking.

Enyxa laughed.

“We’re here, too,” said Kel, and he and Mat stood on Brock’s far side.

“Us, too,” said an Asian man. Jeric told me his name was Yoshi and the woman with him was Tasha. They stood on the other side of Jeric.

“If you’re in your physical bodies, take the hellhounds,” Jeric instructed. “If you can get through them, go for Enyxa herself.”

That was my man. Giving orders like a commander. Like a leader … the leader he was supposed to be. I beamed, my soul shining brightly.

“On my three,” Jeric said, and he quietly counted down.

We all soared for Enyxa and her hellhounds. She laughed at first. The dogs snarled and growled, and then went on the attack. While her hounds went after the other Guardians, Enyxa targeted our souls, trying to blast us with more Darkness, but we split and swooped, and it missed us. She threw another hit toward Asia and Brock. I felt them take the blow, their souls rolling through the air, but Jeric and I took advantage of Enyxa’s distraction. We flew directly at her, brightening ourselves as much as possible, and planned to hit her hard with our Light, hopefully hard enough to knock her soul out. But we flew right
through
her.

“What the hell?” Jeric asked.

We swooped back around, taking in the scene below us. Bodies, belonging to both Guardians and creatures from other worlds, lay strewn around the manor’s lawn. Many still fought, mostly against Lakari. As far as we could tell, all of the aliens had been killed. But the Lakari outnumbered us twenty-to-one, easily.

“If we can defeat her, the Lakari will follow her to the Dark worlds,” I said.

“Let’s—ah, shit.”

We watched below as one of the hellhounds snapped Mat off the ground with its mouth and shook him like a rag doll. Kel already lay lifelessly on the ground in front of its paws.

Hayden and Bex, however, who hadn’t even been Forged and strengthened yet, managed to kill their hellhound. They went after Enyxa next. Bex held her knife in the air as she ran to the face of evil. Hayden ran with a dagger in each hand. Brock, Asia, Jeric, and I charged at Enyxa simultaneously, giving Bex and Hayden a fair chance. We slammed into her at the same time. Her body shattered into pieces. They all flew up above us to reform.

“Ohmagosh, I’ve seen that before!” Bex exclaimed, remembering the Shadowmen’s attack at the K-bomb party. I didn’t know she’d even seen that much.

“She can’t hold her form,” Jeric said.

“Get her soul!” Hope yelled at us.

“Project,” I told Bex and Hayden before Jeric and I flew up toward Enyxa.

She dropped out of our reach, though, to the ground, and returned to her physical form. We soared at her again. This time as we passed through her, I took hold of whatever my fingers could grasp. Being in soul form myself, I could only grab onto her soul. I yanked at it. Jeric came back and latched onto me. Together we pulled, stretching Enyxa’s soul as she let out a blood-curdling scream. Finally, her soul detached. Her physical “form” fell to the ground and disintegrated. A black, smoke-like substance, but more tangible and with thin strands of white running through it, shaped itself into Enyxa’s form. She twisted and turned in my grip, trying to pull free.

“Doesn’t feel very nice to be torn out of your body, does it?” Jeric asked.

She snarled and fought against me. I held on as tight as I could.

“Bring her here,” Hope called. She’d stepped away from our bodies a few feet and into the water, where she knelt down, wetting the cover of the Book of Phoenix. The light of a new Gate began shining under the water. When it hit the surface, though, a fire burned in a circle on top of the water.

“NOOOOO!” Enyxa shrieked. With a hard jerk, she flew out of my grip.

“Get her!” I yelled.

She swooped out of the Guardians’ reach and upward toward a cloud of Dark souls. We couldn’t let her reach it.

“Hurry!” Jeric yelled as he soared faster and higher than any of us.

His fist swung out, and he punched her in her soul’s throat. The force sent her off course, directly into Brock and Asia. They all tumbled in the air. Bex and Hayden’s soul forms were closer, and they went after them. By the time they all stopped, Brock and Hayden both held a squirming Enyxa.

We all dropped down in front of Hope and the ring of fire, the guys holding Enyxa tightly. I almost felt sorry for her with her black-as-night soul. Well, except for the few streaks of white.

“Look what I have, Enyxa,” Hope said calmly. She held a ball of dark gray, almost black, light in her hand, like a sphere of shadow. It began to unfurl, wisps curling upwards and out.

Enyxa fell completely still. The white strands of her soul brightened.

“Gabrixander?” she gasped. We all knew immediately who that was: Enyxa’s other half. At one time, they’d been a part of our Phoenix family.

“Yes,” Hope confirmed. “I’ve been holding him for you for nearly two millennia. Unfortunately, you were too focused on your vendetta to realize the true reason you’ve been wanting to return to this Earth all of this time. Because he’d been here.”

“My love,” Enyxa cried, and the sound of her wails pierced my heart.

Who knew she still had any love? The white of her soul grew even more. And I realized
I
should have known. Wasn’t that what she’d been telling us? Wasn’t love the reason she’d been so focused on her revenge? All of this, over the millennia, everything she’d ever done to us and the rest of the Guardians, had always been for her love, for her other half, and for the need to avenge her loss of him. To alleviate the pain of her broken heart and soul.

“You two can join each other now,” Hope said. “You can be together, at least, in the Dark worlds.”

Brock and Hayden moved her closer to the ring of fire. Hope held her hand out with the gray of Gabrixander’s soul—a slightly lighter gray now—dripping over the sides of her cupped palm. After having no physical form for so long, he was unable to take any shape. Enyxa reached out for him. He glowed brighter. Brock and Hayden held her over the flames. They were about to drop her in, and Hope would let her other half follow so they could rejoin, even if it was in the pits of Hell. Even if they did finally find each other again and could reunite with the hope of love forever.

Hope …

“
We don’t kill unless there’s no hope
.” That chick Alexis’s words echoed in my mind. “
If there’s even the slightest bit, we save them.
”

I hadn’t understood her meaning then. The only Dark souls we’d had experience with at the time—the Lakari and the aliens of the Dark worlds—were Dark through and through. They’d succumbed, given themselves completely over to evil. There was no hope for them. I’d thought maybe Alexis had meant their equivalent to our Broken and Lost, who only needed help to the Space Between so they could find the Light and their loves. But, I knew now, she’d meant more than that. She’d also meant that the souls who appeared to be all Dark, who had been gone to the other side for even thousands of years, could still hold a trace of love. Of hope. Strands of Light left in the Darkness.