The Spirit Who Loved Me: Spirit Whispers Book One (17 page)

Creator listened thoughtfully to the request of Star of Eternal Light, which at that time was coming close to the brink of finishing its living incarnations.

Why dear cherished one should you like to do this thing?
Creator asked.
Are you not pleased to be close to my presence, dearest one?

‘O holiest of Holy Ones, I am always pleased and bursting with joy to be in your presence. Indeed there is no place that I would rather desire to be.
The soul looked back over its shoulder towards the Earth, the newest platform and quite possibly the grandest stage set so far, for souls to learn, dream, and grow.
I feel my soul still desires to, not only learn more of love and the possibilities therein, but to teach my fellow Spirit of love as well.

The warm glowing light rays emitted from Creator made it impossible to see within the depths of the radiant light. Smaller orbs of light flew around the light of Creator emitting jubilant song in praise unlike any I’d ever heard with my human ears, and even these angels stilled and quieted as they awaited the Source of Creation’s answer.

It shall be done then. What a great pleasure you are to Creation to so love your fellow Spirit that you are willing to give them this Gift of your love and take such a grand journey. When your cycles of carnation are again completed you will be given the choice to become whole once more.

The form of the soul shifted, breaking apart into millions of barely seen particles. The tiny particles whirled, swirling into a vortex before beginning to separate themselves before forming into two distinct bodies. The particles settled, leaving the two forms breathless, seemingly suspended in midair.

My Erel will accompany the male essence of this soul. Saraphina,
Creator commanded, and my ethereal guardian angel stepped forward from the dark depths to stand before the Source.
Saraphina, you shall guard the female essence of this soul.

It would be my honor
. Saraphina bowed as her voice tinkled, sweet as bells.

And with that, the idea of Twin Flame souls were born—one soul allowing itself to be spilt into two, separating the male and female essences: always yearning, always searching, always desiring the other half, to be and become whole again if only for a moment.

Before my eyes,
I was given millions of flashes, millions of different pictures and pieces, each lasting less than a nanosecond, triggering images within my mind just like a movie reel, spanning from what seemed to be the beginning of time itself to this day and beyond. I found it interesting that my friends and family were sprinkled within many of my lives, and I better understood the concept of soul families.

In many lives, our pull towards one another was so strong we hurt others in our haste to be together. I saw Spiral when I had been his wife in Carthage. He didn’t have nearly as many tattoos then. I watched as I practically ripped apart his heart from my affairs with Abel, he a mere servant, Spiral a high ranking political official, dealing the final blow, when I left him for Abel. But it was this heartbreak that caused Spiral Spider much soul searching, driving him to leave politics and to achieve the spiritual heights that molded him into the Master he was to become. The pain I caused Spiral wrenched at my heart even though I knew my pull towards Abel was insatiable.

In other lives, it was our love itself that intrigued and inspired, as it did in bringing the populace together in small village in the north of France. I could only guess at the time, the 1600’s, maybe? As a mere girl of fifteen or sixteen, Abel saved, not only me, but somehow my whole family of six as our meager home caught on fire, the thatched roof burning as if alit by modern gasoline. A divine miracle it was called, and the story was recalled for the rest of our lives, as well as our children’s and grandchildren’s before it was quietly forgotten. But aside from this so called miracle, it was the kindness and love we garnered for one another at a time in history when people didn’t always treat one another lovingly that made our tale such an inspiration, a true love story.

At times we ran from our feelings—the draw so overpowering we thought ourselves mad and had no inkling of what else to do, causing much pain and misunderstanding. As a young woman, I fled to London, seeking out Westminster Abbey in hopes of becoming a nun, my love for Abel so intense it felt like worship. In fear for my eternal soul, I ran away in the middle of one night, sneaking in shadows as I made my way out of the country and was sadly raped by road bandits and left to die by the side of the road. A kindly monk found me and thankfully brought me to the abbey where the nuns nursed me to health. Many years passed before we were able to lay eyes on one another once more, but by that time it was too late for us. He was married with a wife and family; I was married to Christ.

After a while, the images began to jumble in my mind. I saw myself in all different ethnic backgrounds of light skin and dark, young and old, beautiful or plain or ugly. I was blond haired and black haired and shades in between.

Much to my amazement, I even lived as a male with my female’s essence trapped within the body, and with Abel a male as well, well, that life was more than challenging, ending with me tragically looking down the wrong end of the barrel of a Colt 45. I can still see the waves of long prairie grasses blowing over that body, my glazed and frozen blue eyes staring blankly towards the sky, still full of shock and surprise. Luckily, my spirit quickly alerted Abel, and he was able to safely get away before he too was murdered. Apparently, cowboys back in the day didn’t take all kindly to male on male love. If I took nothing else from this experience, I knew that I’d spend the rest of my days as Krystal Abagail Haggart, the world’s most tolerant, understanding person.

Before reaching my current lifetime, the pictures began to slow. I saw a massive round table set in a richly furnished library, much like the room I was sitting in now. My mother was seated next to the father I’d never known. Also present were many others I’d known in my life: Bobby, my grandmother, my deadbeat uncle, Spiral, and even Tammy and Malcom. And Abel, of course there was Abel seated on my right, as well as many others I didn’t realize I knew, but understood in an instant they were Spirit Guides and teachers for the others. In the background angelic orbs danced about, our guardians watching over us.

Let’s go to the United States. It will be amazing to be there during the Period of Awakening
, my mom thought to us, hugging onto the arm of my father.

We nodded, murmuring our assent.

I would love to be in the South. The women have the loveliest sounding voices,
I mentioned, causing laughter to erupt from the others.

Only you would choose a location based on dialect,
Abel chuckled low in his throat, giving me a good natured elbow to my side.

I looked at him pointedly.
So, are you going to do it this time?
I watched my soul self watching Abel wiggle in his seat uncomfortably.

I know you want me to be your Master Guide, but I’m not sure if it would be wise to try it again. When you were my Guide, it was one of my toughest lives. I was always searching for something, and you are more aware than any of us of the damage I did trying to fill the hole that only you would have been able to fill. It ended in my demise, and I love you so much I want to spare you that pain.

My soul leaned over to touch Abel on the arm, looking into his eyes.
I understand where you’re coming from…

But you don’t really,
Abel interrupted,
since you have never embarked on an incarnation without me.

Which is exactly why it is so important for me to do it. At least once, and we are coming close to the end of our cycles of incarnation.

If we are successful,
my mother added dryly.

I have a proposal.
Abigail, my grandmother, stood to make sure she had the table’s attention.
As many of you are aware, I am interested in pursuing a lifetime of spiritual awareness, and Bernie has just informed me of an opportunity in the near future where there will be a great need for a spiritual medium in the Carolinas. We have worked with the soul group currently in place before. I could be born as the family’s next child, inheriting the psychic gifts of mediumship, fulfilling my agenda. But,
she paused and looked from my soul to Abel’s before looking into the eyes of all our fellow comrades seated at the table,
this could also be a perfect opportunity for these Twin Flames.
Abigail inclined her head in my soul’s direction.
You could be born as either my daughter or granddaughter and also inherit these gifts of awareness. Abel could fill the role as Master Guide, but at the same, Abel, she will have enough awareness of you that you needn’t worry about her living a tortured existence searching for you.

The face of my soul lit up.
I say we do it!
And my soul looked to Abel for his reaction.

I saw how he studied her face, his gaze tracing over her features. With much hesitation, he nodded, and that was all, but it had my soul squealing with happiness before landing a wet kiss on his cheek.

A thought passed right through me,
He never really could say no to me…
I shuddered uncontrollably, and I saw the past Abel look over to me as if he knew I was there, our eyes seemingly meeting and holding for what must have only been a second or two but felt much longer. I shuddered again at the resignation in them.

The room began to slowly fade away by degrees as my soul family made plans for what they wanted to accomplish on their mission to Earth, each choosing the roles they would play, wondering if this soul or that would want in our fun too. The last thoughts to reach me were of my Spirit’s proclamations--I had no need of superficial romantic entanglements, as my soul called them, nor of having children either, as long as my Abel was but a spiritual arm’s length away.

Looking upward, I whispered, enunciating each word, “I am done. I don’t want to see anymore.”

As if obeying my command, the scene set in front of me finally faded to nothing more than flat black emptiness.

I placed my head in my hands and cried as the room in the Akashic Records reformed around me, my salt water tears spilling onto the ancient text of my history. In that moment, I wholly understood my attraction, the pull towards Abel. But I also understood the hopelessness, for while I was very much alive in this lifetime, Abel very much was not. And though I’d known this already, there was a feeling of finality settling heavy in my stomach that hadn’t been there before. Perhaps my soul thought this arrangement was suitable; I sure as hell did not. I knew what I wanted. I wanted out and would not be content until I was set free.

“Damn them all to Hell for doing this to me, my soul included,” I whispered it first, and screamed it over and over. “Damn them to hell!!!” My voice growing hoarse with my escalating voice.

Saraphina and Spiral rushed into the room, but before they could lay a comforting finger on me, I was screaming at them too. “Get me the hell outta here! Now!” I held up my hands with my palms facing outward as they came closer. “Don’t touch me!” I shrieked. “Don’t any of you touch me ever again!” The venom in my voice almost tasted bad in my mouth as Saraphina and Spiral briefly looked at one another in a mixture of horror and confusion before wiping the expression clean from their faces.

“Krystal,”
My angel’s sing song voice grated at my nerves.
“You are going to okay. Please take a moment to calm…”

“Calm down?! What the fuck is wrong with you people?! I just find out I’ve been sentenced to a life without love or even the hope of having my own children or a family? Don’t I deserve to choose for myself?! What was all this mumbo jumbo about,” I added air quotes with my fingers. “Free will? What? Free will gets thrown out the freaking door for me, huh?”

“I did not foresee this,”
mumbled Spiral as he eyed me.

“What the hell, Spiral! No more mind games.” I looked from him to Saraphina. “I am so done with this. Done. Done. Done,” I added in the last one for good measure. “Find yourselves a new,” I wiggled my fingers in air. “..A new…
 
God!
 
I don’t even know what I am!” I growled the words. “Well, whatever I am, was, know that it’s over. Find a new puppet. And take me home while you’re at it.”

“You’re a clairvoyant medium, Krystal,”
Saraphina’s voice was soft and low as she took a tentative step towards me.
“As a medium you are a conduit for Spirit to make contact in the physical world while also having the ability to hear, see and feel things clearly, among others; this is where your clairvoyant gifts come in.”

“Where one may see a gift, I see a curse.”

“Krystal,”
Spiral said my name slowly like you might to a dog you’re afraid might bite, and for a second, I seriously considered it. He stared at me blinking stupidly for a few seconds, and I knew he didn’t doubt I would do if I felt provoked enough.
“We’re going to take you home now. Take a break for a couple of days.”

“Don’t you get it yet, Spiral? I’m not taking a break for a couple of days.
 
I’m taking a break permanently.”