Read The Stag and Hen Weekend Online
Authors: Mike Gayle
With the late morning sun already high in the sky the two friends headed back to the hotel with the intention of checking out. Reaching the far edge of the hotel they gazed across the grounds taking in the full glory of their surroundings.
‘We should come back here one day and do this whole thing properly,’ said Helen solemnly as a flock of geese passed by overhead. ‘No weddings, separations, sisters-in-law or anything else that might rain on our parade. Just me, you, and a weekend of high-end luxury.’
‘I’ll book it first thing, Monday,’ said Yaz, ‘but for now I think we should concentrate on just getting through today.’
It was twenty minutes to midday by the time Helen reached her room and surveyed all the work that needed to be done in order to check out on time. At the beginning of the weekend she had been scrupulous about packing dirty clothes away as she used them and generally keeping things organised and tidy but as time passed, her standards had dropped and her room looked like a bomb had hit it. There were dresses and tops spread over armchairs, underwear and swimwear on the floor and the entire contents of her make-up bag spread across the mirrored vanity table.
She opened her case, now largely empty, and made a start with the wardrobe, scooping all the items she had so carefully hung up there and unceremoniously dumping them inside before turning her attention to the floor. Within a few minutes she’d managed to cram more of her belongings in the case than there were scattered around the room but then she remembered the bathroom.
It took the best part of ten very frantic minutes to get everything done and as Helen stood surveying the room one last time she felt a pang of disappointment that this haven would no longer be hers. Soon the cleaners would come, strip down the bed and Hoover, sweep and dust away every trace of her existence ready for the next guest. Wishing the new occupants of the room better luck than she had enjoyed, Helen picked up her keys, left the room and closed the door behind her.
Most of the girls were already queuing up, wheelie suitcases and all, at reception. She joined the back of the queue behind an older guy who resembled an off duty rock star and his considerably younger significant other.
She wondered whether Aiden and his friends had checked out yet or whether, given their VIP status they had to check out at all, and were instead enjoying an early lunch or squeezing in a last-minute massage. Things were different if you had money. You could spare yourself the things that troubled the lives of mere mortals.
‘Did you manage to bag all the toiletries?’
It was Yaz.
‘All of them,’ she nodded. ‘You?’
‘I couldn’t fit in the conditioner or the moisturiser. I’m gutted.’
‘Don’t worry,’ said Helen. ‘I’ll treat you for Christmas.’
‘Any sign of you know who?’
Helen shook her head. ‘I was just thinking about him actually.’
‘In a good way or a bad?’
Helen sighed. ‘Pretty neutral, considering.’
More members of staff arrived to help at reception and soon the queue had been dealt with and there was only Helen and Yaz left to check out.
Helen handed over her key and closed her eyes in anticipation of the bill. She began totting up some of the goods she had availed herself of that had seemed so reasonable at the time: several bottles of water at six pounds a go, numerous bottles of champagne, the twenty-pounds-per-bottle massage oil and the thirty-six-pounds-per-tub skin cream that she had asked the beauty therapist to add to her bill. She shuddered at all that wasted money and how long it would take to pay off her next overdraft.
She looked apprehensively at the receptionist.
‘How much is it?’
The receptionist looked confused. ‘Nothing. Your bill has already been settled.’
‘There must be some mistake, I haven’t—’
The receptionist looked concerned. ‘Is there a problem? Mr Reid assured us that he had spoken to you about this.’
‘Oh right,’ said Helen quickly. ‘It just slipped my mind. When did he sort this out?’
‘About an hour ago.’
‘Has he checked out?’
‘I’m afraid I’m not authorised to give out that information.’
‘Of course, I understand. I’ll catch up with him later.’
She was surrounded by the rest of the girls.
‘So come on then,’ said Kerry, ‘what was the damage? If it was anything like mine I bet it was a real killer! How they can charge sixteen pounds for a glorified tuna sandwich and keep a straight face is a complete mystery to me.’
‘You should have seen mine,’ added Lorna. ‘When the bloke at reception handed it to me I nearly had a stroke. I said I’d only come for a weekend stay, not to buy the bloody place! Ian is going to do his nut when he sees the next Visa bill. Still, it’s got to be a better use of our hard earned than flying out to Belgium for the weekend to watch motor racing in the rain.’
‘So come on then,’ said Kerry. ‘How much was it?’
‘More than I can afford,’ said Helen. ‘Much more.’ She looked at Kerry. ‘Could you do me a favour? Could you get all the girls together in the Silver Lounge? I think it’s about time I explained what’s been going on.’
16.
‘So it’s really, well and truly all off?’
Helen nodded. The sense of relief now that everyone knew was overwhelming.
‘You poor thing,’ said Carla giving her a hug. ‘You’ve been completely put through the wringer.’
‘I’m fine,’ said Helen. ‘Or at least I will be.’
‘It is the right thing to do though,’ said Heather. ‘When I was younger and I broke off my engagement with Louis, it broke my heart at the time but it was absolutely the right thing to do. If I hadn’t I’d never have met Wes, or had my lovely babies.’
Ros nodded in agreement. ‘I know I’m not exactly the right person to be handing out advice given that I’m in the middle of a divorce but the only real crime would be to go through with it out of a sense of misplaced guilt. Of course it’s sad, for you and for Phil but in the long term he’ll appreciate you were looking out for him as much as you were yourself.’
‘Thanks,’ said Helen. ‘I really appreciate all of your support. But the reason I gathered you all here is because I wanted you all to know that well . . . this whole weekend was supposed to be about us having a good time and being really close when in fact I was doing everything I could to keep secrets from you.’
‘It was a difficult situation,’ said Heather. ‘Anyway, most of us had guessed something was up and we knew you’d tell us when the time was right.’
Helen smiled. ‘Bang goes my future with MI5. Anyway, despite everything, it has been amazing catching up with all of you and when the dust settles we should definitely put our heads together and come up with a good excuse for doing this again.’
‘You’re making it sound like you’re off this very second.’
Helen looked guilty. ‘That’s because I am. I’ve got a lot of thinking to do before Phil gets back this evening so I thought it best to go now. I’ll get a cab to the station, get a connection to Derby and then on to Nottingham.’
‘You’ll do no such thing,’ protested Yaz and the others nodded in agreement.
‘If you go,’ said Ros, ‘we all go.’
‘Don’t girls, please. The last thing I want is to ruin this weekend more than I already have.’
‘Ruin the weekend?’ laughed Dee. ‘You have got to be kidding! A top hotel, relaxing beauty treatments, a Michelin-starred restaurant topped off with dancing until the early hours in Manchester! I’d pay twice the money for just half the fun.’
‘She’s right,’ said Ros. ‘I haven’t laughed so much in ages. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. And while I know you’re not putting it to the vote I don’t think you should go home early either. We’ve still got lunch to look forward to, use of the spa and the swimming pool and while I understand that the bridal treatment we booked might not be appropriate right now, I’m sure they’d swap it for something else you’d enjoy. Just because the wedding isn’t happening doesn’t mean you don’t need to treat yourself well.’
‘You’re not going to take no for an answer are you?’ asked Helen wryly.
‘Of course not,’ replied Carla, ‘we’re sitting in paradise! This time last week I was being threatened with a broken beer bottle by a tattooed methadone addict who didn’t like the fact that I was making her kids go to school! Frankly I’d handcuff myself to you for the rest of the afternoon if it meant we got to stay here an hour longer.’
‘Fine,’ said Helen, grateful to be surrounded by so many friends. ‘I’ll stay. I’d only sit at home and brood. So what now? The choice is up to you guys.’
‘Let’s check out the thermal pool that we passed on the way to the sauna,’ said Ros. ‘It’s just a tiny covered pool with a bunch of lights stuck in the ceiling but it might be good for a laugh.’
‘Or we could go back to the sauna,’ said Ros, ‘but we should use the plunge pool instead of chickening out like we did last time.’
‘I felt the water,’ laughed Yaz. ‘It was bloody freezing!’
‘We should do them all,’ suggested Carla, ‘and then this afternoon make out like we’re posh nobs and hijack the croquet lawn and order afternoon tea. By the time we leave I want to really feel like we’ve exhausted everything on offer! I don’t want to go back to north London! It’s a ming hole compared to this!’
‘So it’s agreed,’ chuckled Helen, ‘thermal pool, followed by the sauna, followed by plunge pool, insert lunch somewhere in amongst the proceedings but make sure to leave enough time for croquet and cucumber sandwiches! I can already see they’re going to have to call security to—’
Helen stopped abruptly.
‘What’s up?’ asked Yaz. Caitlin was staring intently at them. ‘I thought she’d left. What does she want now?’
‘I’m not sure,’ said Helen, ‘but at a guess I’d say: round two.’
The Cross Keys was an old, stone-built, ivy-covered pub, the kind perfect for whiling away a lazy afternoon partaking of a traditional pint and Sunday lunch. Sadly, Helen wasn’t there to while away an afternoon but rather to participate in her second confrontation of the day with Caitlin.
Caitlin bought the drinks (a mineral water for herself and a half of cider for Helen) and they made their way out to the beer garden which was heavily populated with locals enjoying the afternoon sunshine. There were no free seats so they followed the path down to the river and sat down on a wall overlooking the water.
Neither woman had said more than a handful of words since they had climbed into Caitlin’s convertible, and as Helen took a sip from her glass she wondered if they were going to talk at all.
‘What made you come back?’ she finally asked, placing her glass down on the wall.
Caitlin shrugged. ‘I felt bad. Truth is I have been a bit of a bitch to you from day one and you did nothing to deserve it. It wasn’t fair. I never gave you a chance.’ Helen felt dizzy hearing these words as though at any moment she might wake up and find herself in bed with a fever. ‘The thing is,’ continued Caitlin, ‘I love my brother, Helen, I really do and he thinks the absolute world of you so I should have tried harder. I suppose what I’m trying to say is that I really wish you’d reconsider what you said today . . . I know there’s nothing going on with you and Aiden and I should have known better than to have suggested otherwise . . . please don’t call off the wedding. It would kill Phil if you did.’
‘Is that what you’re scared of? Phil blaming you if I call off the wedding?’
Caitlin shook her head. ‘It doesn’t matter why, does it? All that matters is not breaking my brother’s heart. I’m begging you, Helen, don’t call it off. Let’s just put this whole thing behind us. We can do that, can’t we?’
‘I can’t think of anything I’d like more, but it’s just not going to be possible.’
‘Because of me?’
‘No,’ said Helen. ‘Because of me.’
‘But Phil adores you.’
‘I know,’ said Helen. ‘But I’m not sure it’s enough.’
Caitlin looked bewildered. ‘I know girls who would kill to have a guy like Phil in their lives.’
‘So do I,’ replied Helen. ‘He’s amazing. A truly wonderful man.’
‘But?’
‘I know you can never be one hundred per cent sure. I know that nearly all of life is a gamble. But the odds of us not working out feel too high.’
‘It’s just last-minute nerves.’ It was ironic to hear Caitlin echoing Yaz. ‘Have you tried talking to him?’ she added cautiously.
‘No,’ Helen wondered if the stress in Caitlin’s voice meant that she already had. ‘His phone’s been off every time I called. Have you managed to reach him?’
‘I didn’t try,’ said Caitlin a little too quickly. ‘It’s not really my place is it?’
The words: ‘Well, that’s never stopped you before,’ sprang to mind but Helen kept them to herself.
‘So what now?’
‘I go back to Nottingham and break the news to Phil when he gets home.’
‘He’ll be devastated.’
‘He’ll need all the support you can offer.’
‘And there’s no way around this?’
‘None that I can see.’
‘My mum was so looking forward to it.’