The Story of Channon Rose: Lessons between the Lines (13 page)
Read The Story of Channon Rose: Lessons between the Lines Online
Authors: Channon Rose
This is what I learned:
- You can recover from anything. Even if you do awful things and are made to suffer through the consequences of your bad decisions, there is always a way to recover. Find your way back to happiness because it is waiting for you.
- Happiness is a choice. A lot of my hard times were made harder because my brain was stuck in a negative mood all the time. You have to choose to see things in a positive light. The impossible is possible—I know because I survived my childhood. I walked when they said I would never walk again, and graduated high school after being expelled more than 10 times from different schools.
- When someone is having a panic attack, help them. That is some seriously debilitating stuff. I would not wish it on anyone. Yoga, running, cutting down on caffeine, and eating properly can help you manage panic attacks. I also have a video on my YouTube channel on how I cope with panic attacks and anxiety disorders. If you or someone you know suffer from this awful disorder, please watch that video; I made it for
you.
Chapter 10
“Life is like photography, you need negatives to develop.”
ANONYMOUS
I
graduated high school when I was 17 years old. I didn’t turn 18 until the end of summer in September. On my eighteenth birthday the insurance company had automatically awarded me $85,000 as a settlement from my car accident. I planned to use the money to get my own apartment and pay for college. I was still with my boyfriend Joe, and madly in love with him. He was everything to me, and I loved him more than anyone else I had ever dated. I wanted him to move in with me once I got my new apartment. We talked about it a couple months earlier and he agreed that once I had graduated from high school, he would move in. He was a few years older than me, so it was better to wait until I was 18 years old.
As soon as I had that $85,000 and it was in my bank account, I went crazy with it. I wasn’t used to having that much money. That’s a lot of money all at once for an 18-year-old kid. None of my teachers, parents, nor any classes in school had ever taught me about savings, budgeting, or investing, and if they did I was most likely ditching class that day so I had no idea about managing my money. So I bought anything and everything that I wanted. I found the nicest apartment I could find and rented it. I bought my boyfriend a brand new street bike. We went out to fancy dinners almost every night. I went shopping almost every day. I also paid for a semester of college at FIDM and that school wasn’t cheap. Four months later, I ran out of money. I spent $85,000 in less than 120 days! I really screwed up, I wasn’t thinking or paying attention to what I was doing. I had nobody to blame but myself and I took full responsibility for blowing through that money. I didn’t want to tell my parents that I had spent all of my money. They would have absolutely freaked out on me and would have killed me! I didn’t have a job at the time, as I was living on the money awarded to me. My boyfriend was pretty much a deadbeat pothead stoner who didn’t have a job either and was basically living off me but I was so in love with him, and he was so good looking that I just looked right past it. When I told him that we were out of money, instead of talking about how we could make money as a couple, or even him offering to get a job and help out, he immediately suggested that I do amateur night at the local strip club so I could pay the rent and all of our expenses. I told him he was crazy and there was NO WAY I was going to do that. I was definitely not planning or wanting to do that, but Joe had a way of convincing me to do it. I still loved him, and wanted to make him happy, and even though I didn’t want to do it, we did need money for rent and bills.
That same night happened to be amateur night at the strip club. I had made up my mind I was going to do it after all. I got really drunk at home first because I was so nervous. I put on my platform sandals, the shortest skirt that I owned, a Victoria’s Secret bra, and a tank top. Then we headed over to the local strip club. It was the first time I had ever been to a strip club. It’s kind of funny, my first time walking into a strip club was going to be so that I can dance on stage. Not to hang out, not to watch a friend dance, and not for a laugh or a fun night with friends watching strippers. I was the stripper that night, and the people were going to be watching me. I was beyond nervous. Even as drunk as I was, I was still nervous about the whole thing. Once we got inside I realized that my shoes and outfit were way off, but whatever, it was amateur night and I how was I supposed to know, I had never been in a strip club before. I had butterflies in my stomach backstage as it was getting closer to my time to go on stage. I thought what the hell am I going to do out there? What if people boo me off stage? What if they don’t think I’m pretty enough to be up on stage? Anytime you’re in front of people on any kind of stage or platform, regardless of what it’s for, they judge you. They look over your entire body and rate you. It’s really scary. They finally called my stage name and my music came on and I walked out on stage! Immediately people started cheering and whistling for me. All the support and cheering really helped my confidence and I wasn’t so nervous anymore. I still had no idea what to do on stage though! Yes, I had escorted before, but dancing on a stage in front of a huge group of horny men is different. After about 30 seconds, I got really into my song that was playing, and I started dancing way better. I got a rush of adrenaline and a feeling of being high. It felt good, and it was kind of fun. I started to like it, and the power that I felt with it. Everyone was looking at me and admiring me, and while on that stage I felt like I belonged there. I felt accepted. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. I had fun on stage and I made a lot of tips, almost $100 in tips to dance to one song. I was kind of sad when my song was over I wanted to keep dancing. I couldn’t believe I got paid to have fun. I watched a few of the other amateur girls dance on stage and I was blown away, these girls weren’t amateurs, they were like acrobat performers! I had no idea you could do so many tricks on a pole. After I watched a few of them dance I knew I had no chance of winning that night. But I still had fun and I made $100.00! Not long after, I was getting ready to leave just as they were about to announce the winners for the night. Then I heard them call my name. To my surprise, I had won first place! I couldn’t believe it. I won $1000 for first place. When I went into the manager’s office to get my money, he told me that I did a really good job and asked if I wanted a job there. I said, “I would love to work here. I had so much fun!” I needed a job anyways, so I accepted. He smiled at me and said I would make a lot of money working there. I walked away with $1,100 cash in my pocket that night. It was almost enough money to cover rent. I was so glad I was offered a job, I didn’t have to stress about paying bills or having to call and ask my parents for money. I could also still afford go to school. Life was looking brighter again. I spent four months dancing at that strip club until one night something happened that would change my life forever.
To be continued……
No one’s life is perfect.
We all know that no one’s life is perfect; in fact, Instagram, YouTube, movies and magazines make us sometimes believe that the people around us are living these perfect lives that are so much better than ours, and I just want to say IT IS NOT TRUE! Let me repeat that again so it is VERY clear, NO ONE’S LIFE IS PERFECT. Everyone goes through stuff, whether it be an eating disorder, being abused, having a drug problem, having divorced parents, the list goes on. Every one of you reading this book right now has been through some sort of traumatic event, maybe not as crazy as mine or maybe it’s crazier. What is important for me to let you know is that you are not alone. I know personally I have felt so alone in this world, thinking that I was the most awful person on this planet and that my life would be a living hell as long as I lived but I wanted to share my story with you so that maybe you could relate to me in some way through my story, or maybe I helped you realize that you are going down the wrong path and you want to start being a better person. It is very important to me that I share my stories with people to let them know that whatever happens, there is always a way to reach the light at the end of the tunnel. I do not just want to share my story; I want you to learn from my mistakes.
Schools can be a hostile environment.
Perhaps school was once a safe, nice place to learn, but times have changed. Bullying is on the rise, and children can be cruel. Know that you are perfect just the way you are, and that people that say mean things to you may be jealous of you, or maybe they talk bad about you behind your back because they hope that other people won’t think you are cooler than them. There are so many reasons people bully people but I believe the main reason is because the people being mean are the ones that hurt the most on the inside. My dad would always talk down to my mom, but today I realize he only did that because he had low self-esteem. So try to grow thick skin and know that it is not you, it is them. And just remember that I love you and you can come watch my YouTube videos if you need a good friend.
The psychiatric industry can be deadly.
This is a touchy subject for me because I believe I was wrongly medicated as a child and it really f*cked me up, but I also now suffer from anxiety and panic attacks and I rely on medication to help me with that once in awhile so I do think there are good and bad sides to psych meds. I think you need to be very careful when choosing a doctor because I believe the pharmaceutical company and doctors are overmedicating our society to make money. That is just my personal opinion. Be careful when being medicated, and try to live without it if you think you can. Do not trust every doctor just because they are a doctor. Not all of them have your best interest in mind; what they have in mind is growing their bank accounts. But again, I do think medication is great when used properly. Unfortunately, I think it rarely is.
Life is a precious thing.
You have heard it before. Life is precious. Somehow you managed to be born, and now you exist along with trillions of other “living” things in the universe. It is a gift and a responsibility. Either you can use your life to inspire, help others, leave a legacy, invent something awesome, spread positive messages, entertain others or you can use it to drag everyone you know and love into a pit of despair. It is your choice, and it begins with your mindset—how you perceive the world. If you are unhappy with the world you are living in, you need to change yourself and your way of thinking until you find your true happiness. The best part about finding happiness is that it all lies within you! Once you realize that no one else but you has the power to change your life, that is when you will know you are on the right path. You have the power to make your life exactly how you want it to be, you are the creator of your life, so make it freaking AWESOMESAUCE!
You can recover from a traumatic childhood.
For a long time I believed that I had been through too much to survive to adulthood, but I did. Traumatic childhoods are a great way to learn a lot when you are young. It’s never something kids ask for, but once it’s happened, it is important to know that there is life after the rubble clears. You can be anyone you want to be; your childhood does not define you.
Instead of blaming everything on your parents, forgive them. Instead of dwelling on the mistakes that you made when you were young, move past them. Life is not always fair, but it is forgiving. You can renew your faith in yourself and in the world by starting over. You might have to learn how to get along in a “normal” way, but that is just another great adventure. Life is fun! Make the best of it.
Choose happiness.
If I told you that you are the only one that can make yourself happy would you believe me? It is true, sure others can make you happy, but it is only temporary, you are the one that determines your happiness. Choosing happiness is about knowing how to get there. That means removing the obstacles keeping you from being happy and then challenging yourself to fight for that positive mindset. Train yourself to see the good first, even though seeing the bad comes naturally. Train your brain to see the glass as half full, not half empty.
I remember when I was younger I told my dad I wanted to be a doctor, he told me that the only kids that become doctors are the kids that get perfect grades and study medical books from a really young age. I know my dad didn’t know it but in that moment I felt like I could never be a doctor. I let my dad influence my life because I didn’t know that I had the power to do whatever I wanted.
Things are going to happen to you in your life, and how you react to them will determine your experiences. A happy person does not face any fewer challenges than you do; they simply choose to find the good and amplify it for their own self-care and sanity. You are important. Care for yourself and others, and always focus on the good things. You can do anything you want to do in life. I wish my parents had told me that. But because I know that not all parents are perfect and sometimes make mistakes or forget to tell us important things I want you to know that no matter how old you are, no matter what your grades were, what you have done in your past, that you CAN do and be whatever you want regardless of what anyone has told you. Only you can make it happen, so follow your dreams and do what makes you happy. Don’t wait around for it to come to you; you have to go after it! What are you waiting for?!