The Sum of All Kisses (25 page)

“I’m not,” she gasped, swiping away her tears with her sleeve.

“Sarah . . .”

“I’m not crying!” she sobbed.

He didn’t argue. Instead, he sat beside her on the bed, and he held her and stroked her hair, and murmured nonsensical sounds of comfort until she sagged next to him, utterly spent.

“I can’t imagine what you think of me,” she finally whispered.

“I think,” he said with every ounce of his soul, “that you are magnificent.”

And that he did not deserve her.

She had come and saved the day; she had bloody well done what he and Daniel had not managed in nearly four years, and she’d done it while Hugh had been tied to a damned bed. Perhaps not at the exact moment of her triumph, but if he’d been freed, it was only because
she
had been the one to do it.

She
had saved
him
. And while he understood that the circumstances of this particular situation were unique, it clawed at him that he would never be able to protect her as a husband was meant to protect his wife.

This was where any man worth his salt would step aside and allow her to marry someone else, someone better.

Someone whole.

Except that any man worth his salt wouldn’t have been in this situation to begin with. Hugh had caused this debacle. He had been the one to get drunk and challenge an innocent man to a duel. He was the one with a bat-crazy father who required a threat of suicide to get him to leave Daniel alone. But Sarah was the one who was paying the price. And Hugh—even if he was that man worth his salt—couldn’t possibly step aside. Because to do so would be to put Daniel in peril. And Sarah would be mortified.

And Hugh loved her too much to ever let her go.

I’m a selfish bastard.

“What?” Sarah murmured, not moving her head from the cradle of his chest.

Had he said that aloud?

“Hugh?” She shifted her position, her chin rising so that she could see his face.

“I can’t let you go,” he whispered.

“What are you talking about?” She moved again, pulling away, just enough so that she could look into his eyes.

She was frowning. He did not want to make her frown.

“I can’t let you go,” he said again, shaking his head in a slow, tiny motion.

“We’re getting married,” she said. Cautiously, like she wasn’t sure why she was saying it. “You don’t have to let me go.”

“I should. I can’t be the man you need.”

She touched his cheek. “Isn’t that for me to decide?”

He took a deep, shuddering breath, closing his eyes against the awfulness of memory. “I hate that you had to see my father today.”

“I hate it, too, but it’s done.”

He stared at her in amazement. When had she become so calm? Not five minutes earlier, she had been sobbing and he had been soothing her, and now she was clear-eyed, watching him with such peace and wisdom he could almost believe that their future was bright and uncomplicated.

“Thank you,” he said.

She tilted her head to the side.

“For today. For so much more than today, but for now I’ll stick with today.”

“I—” Her mouth hung open in an indecisive oval, and then she said, “It seems a very strange thing about which to say,
You’re welcome
.”

He searched her face, although for what he was not certain. Perhaps he just wanted to look at her, at the deep chocolate warmth of her eyes and her wide, lush mouth that understood so well how to smile. He looked at her in amazement, and in wonder, as he recalled the fierce warrior of that afternoon. If she defended him so well, he could not imagine how she might be as a mother, with her own flesh and blood to protect.

“I love you,” he said, the words tumbling from his lips. He was not sure he’d meant to say them, but now he could not stop. “I don’t deserve you, but I love you, and I know you never thought to marry someone under such circumstances, but I vow that I will devote the rest of my life toward your happiness.”

He took her hands to his lips and kissed them fervently, nearly undone by the force of his emotions. “Sarah Pleinsworth,” he said, “will you marry me?”

Tears glistened on her lashes, and her lips quivered as she said, “We already—”

“But I did not ask you,” he cut in. “You deserve to be asked. I don’t have a ring, but I can get one later, and—”

“I don’t need a ring,” she blurted out. “I just need you.”

He touched her cheek, his hand softly caressing her skin, and then—

He kissed her. It came without thought—this urge, this hunger. His hand sank into the thick tumble of her hair as his lips devoured hers.

“Wait!” she gasped.

He pulled back, but just an inch.

“I love you, too,” she whispered. “You didn’t give me a chance to say it.”

If he had had any hope of controlling his desire, it was lost in that moment. He kissed her mouth, her ear, her throat, and when she was on her back and he was over her, he took the delicate tie that held her gown together between his teeth and pulled open the knot.

She laughed, a throaty, wonderful sound that nevertheless startled him in so heated a moment.

“It was so easily undone,” she said with a helpless smile. “I could not help but compare it to your father’s knots this morning. And we’re in bed, too!”

He couldn’t help but grin, even though bed was the last place he ever wanted to think about his father.

“I’m sorry,” she said with a giggle. “I couldn’t help it.”

“I wouldn’t love you so well if you could,” he teased.

“What does that mean?”

“Just that you have a marvelous ability to find humor in the most unexpected of places.”

She touched his nose. “I found humor in
you
.”

“Precisely.”

Her lips came together in a rather satisfied smile. “I think— Oh!”

Clearly, she had just noticed his hand sliding up her leg.

“You were saying?” he murmured.

She made a delightful little noise when he found the soft flesh of her thigh, then said in a breathy voice, “I was going to say that I think we should not have a lengthy engagement.”

His hand crept higher. “Really?”

“For the sake of . . . Daniel . . . of course, and— Hugh!”

“Definitely for my sake,” he said, taking her earlobe lightly between his teeth. But he rather thought her exclamation had a bit more to do with the soft heat he had just discovered between her legs.

“We need to show that we mean to keep our side of the bargain,” she said, her words punctuated by soft squeals and moans.

“Mmmm-hmmm.” He let his lips trail softly down her neck as he pondered the wisdom of sliding one finger into her. He had just enough presence of mind to estimate that they had about thirty minutes before her cousin returned, certainly not enough time to properly make love to her.

But it was more than enough time to give her pleasure.

“Sarah?” he murmured.

“Yes?”

He touched his fingers to her core.

“Hugh!”

He smiled against her skin as he slid one finger into her heat. Her body jerked, but not away from him, and even as he began to move within her, his thumb found her most sensitive spot, pressing lightly on the nub before beginning a slow spiral of pressure.

“What is this . . . I didn’t . . .”

She wasn’t making any sense, and he didn’t want her to. He just wanted her to feel the pleasure of his touch, to know that he
worshipped
her. “Relax,” he murmured.

“Impossible.”

He chuckled. He had no idea how he was keeping his own urges in check. He was rock hard but still in control. Maybe it was because his breeches were doing a fine job of holding him back; maybe it was because he knew that this was not the time or the place.

But he thought . . . No, he knew it was because he just wanted to please
her
.

Sarah.

His Sarah.

He wanted to watch her face when she climaxed. He wanted to hold her as she came shuddering down from heaven. Anything he desired could wait. This was for her.

But when it happened, and he watched her face and held her while her body sang with bliss, he realized that it had been for him, too.

“Your cousin will be back soon,” he said once her breathing had returned to normal.

“But you locked the door,” she said, not bothering to open her eyes.

He smiled down at her. She was adorable when she was sleepy. “You know I have to leave.”

“I know.” She opened one eye. “But I don’t have to like it.”

“I would be most grievously wounded if you did.” He slid from the bed, grateful that he was still fully dressed, and retrieved his cane. “I will see you tomorrow,” he said, leaning over to drop one last kiss on her cheek. Then, before he could fall back into temptation, he crossed the room to the door.

“Oh, Hugh?”

He turned to see her smiling like a cat with cream. “Yes, my love?”

“I said I didn’t need a ring.”

He quirked a brow.

“I do.” She wiggled her fingers. “Need a ring. Just so you know.”

He threw back his head and laughed.

Chapter Twenty-two

Even later that evening

Technically the next day

But only just

T
he house was very quiet as Sarah tiptoed through the night-dark hallways. She had not grown up at Whipple Hill, but if she added all of her visits together, she was certain it would come to more than a year.

It would not be hyperbole to say that she knew the house like the back of her hand.

You could never know a house like the ones you roamed as a child. Hide-and-seek had ensured that she knew every connecting door and every back staircase. But most importantly, it meant that when someone had mentioned to her several days earlier that Lord Hugh Prentice had been given the north green bedroom, she knew precisely what that meant.

And how best to get there.

When Hugh had left her room that evening, just five minutes before Honoria had returned, Sarah had thought that she would fall into a lazy, luxurious sleep. She was not sure she understood what exactly he’d done to her body, but she’d found it quite impossible to lift even a finger for some time after he left. She felt so . . . sated.

But despite her utter physical contentment, she did not sleep. Perhaps it was due to all the napping she’d done earlier, perhaps it was a casualty of an overactive mind (she did have a lot to think about, after all), but by the time her mantel clock read one in the morning, she had to accept that she would not be sleeping that night.

This should have frustrated her—she was not one who did well when overtired—and she did not want to be cranky at breakfast. But instead, all she could think was that this extra period of wakefulness was a gift, or at least she ought to consider it as such.

And gifts should never be squandered.

Which was why, at one-oh-nine in the morning, she wrapped her fingers around the handle of the door to the north green bedroom, carefully applied pressure until she felt the mechanism click, and allowed the door to swing open on its thankfully silent hinges.

With very careful movements, she closed the door behind her, turned the key in the lock, and tiptoed toward the bed. A pale shaft of moonlight striped across the carpet, providing just enough light for her to make out Hugh’s sleeping form.

She smiled. It wasn’t a large bed, but it was large enough.

He was splayed more toward the right side of the mattress, so she padded around to the left, took a small breath of courage, and climbed in. Slowly, carefully, she inched toward him until she was close enough to feel the heat that rose off his body. She moved even closer, lightly placing her hand on his back, which she was delighted to discover was bare. . . .

He came awake with a start, making such a funny snorting sound that she couldn’t help but giggle.

“Sarah?”

She smiled flirtatiously, even though he probably couldn’t see her in the darkness. “Good evening.”

“What are you doing here?” he asked groggily.

“Are you complaining?”

There was a beat of silence. And then, in a husky timbre she recognized from earlier that evening: “No.”

“I missed you,” she whispered.

“Apparently.”

She poked his chest even though she’d heard the smile in his voice. “You’re supposed to say that you missed me, too.”

His arms came around her, and before she could say a word, he’d pulled her on top of him, his hands lightly cupping her bottom through her nightgown. “I missed you, too,” he said.

Softly, she kissed his lips. “I’m going to marry you,” she said with a goofy smile.

He returned the expression, then rolled them both so they were on their sides, facing one another.

“I’m going to marry you,” she said again. “I really like saying that, you know.”

“I could listen all day.”

“But the thing is . . .” She let her head rest on her arm and slowly reached out her foot, letting her toes run lightly along one of his legs, which, she was delighted to note, were also quite bare. “I just can’t seem to summon the moral rectitude required of a woman in my position.”

“An interesting choice of words, considering your current position in my bed.”

“As I was saying, I
am
going to marry you.”

His hand found the curve of her hip, and the hem of her nightgown began to travel up her leg as his fingers slowly bunched the fabric.

“It will be a short engagement.”

“Very short,” he agreed.

“So short, in fact, that—” She gasped; he’d managed to get her nightgown all the way up to her waist, and now his hand was squeezing her bottom in the most delightful manner.

“You were saying?” he murmured, one of his fingers straying wickedly toward the very spot it had pleasured earlier that evening.

“Just that . . . maybe . . .” She tried to breathe, but with everything he was doing to her, she wasn’t so sure she remembered how. “It wouldn’t be so very naughty if we got a bit ahead of our vows.”

He pulled her closer. “Oh, it will be naughty. It will be very naughty.”

She smiled. “You’re terrible.”

“May I remind you that you were the one to sneak into my bed?”

“May I remind you that I’m a monster of
your
making?”

“A monster, eh?”

“An expression of speech.” She kissed him, softly, at the corner of his mouth. “I didn’t know I could feel this way.”

“Neither did I,” he admitted.

She stilled. Surely he wasn’t saying that he’d never done this before. “Hugh? This isn’t . . . Is this your first time?”

He smiled as he drew her into his arms and rolled her onto her back. “No,” he said quietly, “but it might as well be. With you, it’s all new.” And then, while she was still reeling from the beauty of that statement, he kissed her deeply.

“I love you,” he said, his words almost lost against her mouth. “I love you so much.”

She wanted to return the sentiment, she wanted to whisper her own love against his skin, but her nightgown seemed to have melted away, and the moment his body touched hers, skin to skin in full, she was insensible.

“Can you feel how much I want you?” he said, his lips moving along her cheek to her temple. He pushed his hips against hers, the hard length of him pressing relentlessly against her belly. “Every night,” he groaned. “Every night I have dreamed of you, and every night I have been like this, with no release. But tonight”—his mouth made a slow, wicked trail down her neck—“it will be different.”

“Yes,” she sighed, arching beneath him. He was cupping her breasts, plumping them in his hands. Then he licked his lips . . .

She nearly came off the bed when he took her into his mouth. “Oh my oh my oh my oh my,” she gasped, clutching at the sheets beneath her for purchase. She’d barely given thought to this part of her body before. They looked nice in a dress, and she’d been warned that men liked to look at them, but heaven above, no one had told her that her breasts could feel such pleasure.

“I had a feeling you’d like that,” he said with a satisfied grin.

“Why do I feel it . . . everywhere?”

“Everywhere?” he murmured. His fingers moved between her legs. “Or here?”

“Everywhere,” she said breathlessly, “but there most of all.”

“I really can’t be sure,” he said in a teasing voice. “We shall have to investigate the matter, don’t you think?”

“Wait,” she said, placing a hand on his arm.

He gazed down at her, his brows rising in question.

“I want to touch you,” she said shyly.

She saw the instant he understood what she meant. “Sarah,” he said hoarsely, “that might not be such a good idea.”

“Please.”

He drew a ragged breath as he took her hand and slowly led her down his body. She watched his face as she drifted past his ribs, his abdomen . . . He almost looked as if he was in pain. His eyes closed, and when her fingers reached the smooth, taut skin of his manhood, he groaned audibly, his breath coming in shorter, hotter gasps.

“Am I hurting you?” she whispered. It wasn’t at all what she’d expected. She knew what went on between a man and a woman; she had more older cousins than she could count, and several were quite indiscreet. But she had not expected him to be quite so . . . solid. His skin was soft and smooth as velvet, but underneath . . .

She wrapped her hand around him, so intent on her exploration that she did not even notice the indrawn breath that shook his body.

Underneath, he was hard as stone.

“Is it always like this?” she asked. Because it didn’t seem comfortable, and she could not imagine how men fit it into their breeches.

“No,” he rasped. “It . . . changes. With desire.”

She thought about that, her fingers continuing to stroke him until his hand closed over hers and pulled it away.

She looked up at him apprehensively. Had she displeased him in some way?

“It’s too much,” he said raggedly. “I can’t hold out . . .”

“Then don’t,” she whispered.

He shuddered as his lips rejoined hers, nipping and teasing. His movements, once languid and seductive, grew hot and needy, and she gasped as his hands splayed over her thighs and pushed them apart.

“I can’t wait any longer,” he growled, and she felt him at her entrance. “Please tell me you’re ready.”

“I-I think so,” she whispered. She knew she wanted something. When he’d pressed his fingers into her earlier, it had been the most amazingly intimate sensation, but his member was so much larger.

His hand snaked between their bodies and touched her the same way he had before, although not as deeply. “My God, you’re so wet,” he groaned, and then he pulled his hand away, bracing himself above her. “I’ll try to be gentle,” he promised, and then his manhood was back, slowly pushing forward.

Sarah’s breath caught, and she tensed as the friction increased. It hurt. Not a lot, but enough to dampen the fire that had been burning within her.

“Are you all right?” he asked anxiously.

She nodded.

“Don’t lie.”

“I’m almost all right.” She gave him a weak smile. “Really.”

He started to withdraw. “We shouldn’t have—”

“No!” She wrapped her arms tightly around him. “Don’t go.”

“But you—”

“Everyone tells me it hurts the first time,” she said reassuringly.

“Everyone?” He managed a shaky smile. “Who have you been talking to?”

A nervous bubble of laughter crossed her lips. “I have a great many cousins.
Not
Honoria,” she said quickly, because she could see that was what he was thinking. “Some of the older ones like to talk. Quite a bit.”

He braced himself above her, leaning on his forearms so as not to crush her with his weight. But he didn’t say anything. From the look of intense concentration on his face, she was not sure that he could.

“But then it gets better,” she murmured. “That’s what they say. If your husband is kind, it gets much better.”

“I’m not your husband,” he said in a hoarse voice.

She sank one of her hands in his thick hair and drew his lips down to hers, whispering, “You will be.”

It was his undoing. All thought of stopping was swept aside as he captured her in a searing kiss. He moved slowly, but with great deliberation, until somehow—she was not sure how they managed it—their hips met, and he was fully sheathed within her.

“I love you,” she said, before he could ask if she was all right. She wanted no more questions, just passion. He began to move again, and they tumbled into a rhythm that brought them to the edge of their precipice.

And then, in a moment of blinding beauty, she quivered and tightened around him. He buried his face in her neck to muffle his shout, and he thrust forward one last time, spilling himself within her.

They breathed. It was all either of them could do. They breathed, and then they slept.

H
ugh awakened first, and once he assured himself that they were still several hours from dawn, he allowed himself the simple luxury of lying on his side and watching Sarah sleep. After several minutes, however, he could no longer ignore the cramping in his leg. It had been quite some time since he’d used his muscles in such a manner, but while the exertions were delightful, the aftermath was not.

Moving slowly so as not to wake Sarah, he slid himself into a sitting position, stretching his injured limb before him. Wincing, he dug his fingers into the muscle, kneading through the stiffness. He’d done this countless times; he knew exactly how to locate a knot and jab his thumb into it—
hard
—until the muscle quivered and relaxed. It hurt like the devil, but it was an oddly good sort of pain.

When his fingers grew tired, he switched to the heel of his hand, moving it against his leg in a tight, circular motion. This was followed by a firm, sweeping motion, then—

“Hugh?”

He turned at the sleepy sound of Sarah’s voice. “It’s all right,” he said with a smile. “You can go back to sleep.”

“But . . .” She yawned.

“It’s hours yet until morning.” He leaned down and kissed the top of her head, then returned to his slowly relaxing muscle, going back to using his thumbs against the knots.

“What are you doing?” She yawned again, pulling herself into a slightly more upright position.