The Summer House (5 page)

Mandy recited facts, but Rick could easily see past them. “What are you waiting for?” he asked. “Or have you already started the adoption procedure.”

Mandy looked surprised. “Is it that obvious?”

“It is to me.”

She sighed. “The situation is complicated. If I adopted her, I would be a single mother. Eva deserves a lot of individual attention. How much would I be able to give her, working all the time?”

“Wouldn’t your schedules be similar?”

“Most of the time. But not all of it. There are some financial issues, too. My dad has offered to help, but I hate the idea of sponging off him. It’s a big step and I’m trying to figure out if it’s one I’m prepared to take on my own.”

Earlier he’d asked if there was anyone special in her life. Now Mandy had confirmed she was alone. Rick couldn’t figure out why some guy hadn’t snapped her up years ago. She was pure fantasy material. Even though they’d just made love, knowing that she was less than two feet away, and naked, made him hard.

But it was more than sex, he told himself. He enjoyed talking to her. Being around her. Why wouldn’t she be chasing off men with a stick?

“Why have you been avoiding Mr. Right?” he asked.

“He’s been avoiding me.” Her mouth twisted. “You would be amazed how fast men can run when someone mentions the phrase ‘special-needs child.’”

“Why?” he asked, knowing the situation would create challenges, but not clear on why they would
be a deal breaker. “Are you saying with Eva you wouldn’t want children of your own?”

“Of course not. I think both would be great, but so far I haven’t had a lot of offers. Most of the men I’ve met are only interested in ‘perfect’ children. Those who don’t qualify need not apply.”

She sounded bitter, and he couldn’t blame her. While adopting Eva sounded like what she wanted to do, it wouldn’t be easy, whether or not she was alone.

He tried to reconcile the thoughtful adult sitting in his bed with the volatile young woman he’d married.

“I’m impressed with all that you’ve done,” he said lightly. “Next you’ll be telling me that you’ve taken up a hobby or two yourself.”

She flipped her hair over her shoulders. “I’ll have you know that I not only crochet, I hike. I even camp on occasion.”

“You? Camp? Where do you plug in your electric curlers?”

She grabbed the free pillow and threw it at him. “I do without for those days.”

“I’m even more impressed.”

She raised her eyebrows. “I’ve been horseback riding, too. I’ve taken Eva a few times and she loves it.”

The longing was back in her eyes. He wanted to tell her to just go for it—that everything would work out fine. But time and experience had taught him that saying the words didn’t make anyone a believer. Nor did they change the situation. Mandy would have to figure out what to do on her own.

If only he’d known this much about life and people eight years ago, he thought, things might not have ended so badly.

“I’m sorry,” he said, reaching out his hand and capturing her fingers.

“For what?”

“Before. How it ended. My part in that. I know back then I made a big case about not technically doing anything wrong. I’ve learned since then. The problem wasn’t with what I did or didn’t do, it was about disconnecting from the marriage.”

Mandy squeezed Rick’s fingers, then released them. So they were going to talk about
that,
she thought, not sure if she wanted to.

“Maybe we shouldn’t go there,” she whispered, but it was too late.

The memories returned in vivid detail and blinding color. Of the silence in the hallway of their apartment building. Of the melting snow dampening the hem of her jeans. She had hated winter in Boston, hated the snow and the cold. She’d walked into their tiny apartment to find coats on the sofa. Not just Rick’s coat, but another one…an unfamiliar one.

Her heart had stopped. She remembered that distinctly. The sensation of a steady beating in her chest, followed by nothing. Not even a flutter.

Knowing she shouldn’t, yet unable to stop herself, she’d entered the small bedroom. The room was so tiny that the bed took up most of the floor space. Their battered dresser was in the living room by the bookcase.

Mandy told herself to breathe slowly, that the past didn’t matter. But suddenly she was there again. Staring at Rick, a younger Rick, kissing another woman. Touching her. They were both still dressed, but with their lips locked and his hand on her breast, it was pretty clear where things were going.

“Mandy?”

She tried to shake off the memories. “It was a long time ago,” she said.

“Not long enough.” He stared at her face. “Does it still bother you?”

“Not in the way that you mean. I’m not hurt or anything.”

How could she explain there were lingering shards of her shattered life stabbing her soul? The ghosts weren’t as much about him or her but about what should have been and what was.

Suddenly she was very aware of being naked. She hated to get out from under the protection of the covers, but there didn’t seem to be any other way to reach her clothes. She sucked in a breath and stood, then circled around the bed, picking up panties and her bra as she went.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“It’s getting late.”

“I thought you didn’t have other plans for the day.”

“I don’t. It’s just…” She pulled her dress up over her hips. “I really need to get going.”

Rick watched her without speaking. His serious gaze spoke volumes for him, though. She zipped up her dress and searched for her shoes before remembering she’d left them downstairs. She faced him and crossed her arms over her chest.

“What?” she asked.

“Why does it have to end like this?”

“Like what?”

He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”

But it did. She couldn’t explain her compulsion to
leave. After all that had happened, she felt unsettled. Time and distance would ease that.

“You haven’t changed as much as I thought,” he said flatly, not bothering to get up and get dressed. “After all these years, you still run when things get tough.”

His words cut through her…probably because she didn’t have a good defense.

“You call this tough?” she asked, motioning to the bed. “In my mind, it was too easy. I don’t have a clue as to what happened today. One minute I was minding my own business, the next Jo suggested I contact you for lunch. Somehow we ended up in bed. Doesn’t any part of that strike you as strange?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Well, it does for me. We shouldn’t have done this. The sex…” What about the sex? It had been great, but what had she been thinking? Or not thinking? She and Rick were strangers.

“I have to go,” she repeated, and headed out the door.

As she ran down the steps she half expected him to come after her. He didn’t. Rick claimed she hadn’t changed as much as he had thought. She could say the same about him. She might be the one who was running, but he’d always found it far too convenient to let her go.

M
andy was still shaking when she arrived back at Cassie’s beach house. It had taken her five tries to get from Rick’s house to the highway; she’d been so upset, she’d turned north instead of south. What should have been about a thirty-minute trip had taken her nearly an hour.

But she was safe now, she told herself as she paced the length of the living room. Safe and everything would be fine. Eventually. She just had to figure out what had happened back there and how to put it in perspective. Oh, and she also had to find a place to put her growing anger.

The anger surprised her. After the past five or six hours she would have expected to be dealing with a lot of emotions, but why was she mad? Or was the anger simply a cover for some other feeling?

She didn’t want to think about that, so she contin
ued to pace and mutter and try to distract herself. Only her brain kept flashing back to her time with Rick. She could recall dozens of things he’d said—how he’d smiled, the changes in his body and the way they’d been together in bed.

“Not that!” she said aloud. “It was a mistake. All of it. What should have been a charming, easy encounter with my ex turned into something…”

What? Horrible? Not exactly. Scary? Maybe. Confusing? Yes. Definitely confusing.

The phone rang. Mandy spun to face the plain beige instrument sitting on the counter dividing the kitchen from the living area. Her first instinct was to run. She didn’t want to hear whatever Rick had to say. Then she reminded herself that not only did he
not
have her phone number, he’d never been very good on damage control or follow-up. He preferred to disappear until things blew over.

“Hello?” she said into the receiver.

“Hey, how’s sunny Southern California?”

Mandy sagged against the counter. Relief filled her. Cassie. Just the person she needed to talk to.

“It’s beautiful here,” she said, pulling out a stool and settling on it. “August is always wonderful weather.”

“I can’t wait until I get to experience it myself.”

“How’s the transition?” Mandy asked.

Cassie worked in a hospital in Arizona. She’d recently given notice, causing her boss to panic and swear she couldn’t survive without Cassie there.

“Slow. Really slow. I think they’re hoping to entice me into staying here, but that’s not going to happen.”

Mandy nodded sympathetically. “How are you doing?”

It was more than a casual question. It hadn’t been all that long since Cassie had walked in on her fiancé and roommate doing the wild thing. What was it about men and other women?

“Okay. Some days are easier than others. I’m working hard, which helps me forget. Maybe it will all crash in on me when I’m at the beach and don’t have as many distractions.”

“Maybe you’ll find out that you didn’t care about him as much as you thought.”

“I can only hope.” Cassie sighed. “Okay, enough about my pathetic life. What’s going on there?”

Mandy didn’t know what to say. How to explain the past few hours of her life.

“Oh, Mandy, it’s not Eva, is it? Has something happened?”

“No. She’s fine. At least she was a couple of days ago. I talked with Daisy, her foster mother, and she’s enjoying the summer.”

“Then what?”

“I’m stupid.”

“That’s not how I think of you, but okay.”

Despite everything, Mandy smiled. “You weren’t supposed to agree.”

“But how could I help myself?” She chuckled. “Never mind. Why do you think you’re stupid?”

“I had lunch with Rick.”

The pause on Cassie’s end was oddly satisfying, Mandy thought.

“Rick?” Cassie said, sounding stunned. “Your ex-husband Rick?”

“Uh-huh. He lives in Santa Barbara now, and when
Jo found out I was coming up here, she suggested we get together.”

“How was it?”

Mandy found herself blinking away unexpected tears. “I don’t know. At first it was great, but then everything sort of fell apart. I don’t know what Jo was thinking. It’s been eight years. Why would she want us to see each other? I guess she thought we had unfinished business or something, but as far as I’m concerned, it should have stayed unfinished.”

No way was she going to mention that they’d made love.

“You sound angry,” Cassie said.

“I am, which is crazy. I don’t exactly know why, but I have a strong desire to start throwing things.”

“Feel free to toss the couch. For the past three years I’ve been telling my folks we need to replace it.”

Despite everything, Mandy smiled. “I’m not sure I could. It looks big.”

“Suit yourself.” Cassie cleared her throat. “Here’s the thing. And you’re not going to like it.”

“I already don’t.”

Cassie laughed. “Listen first, complain later. Okay?”

“Sure.”

“There’s too much energy there, Mandy. Whatever happened between you and Rick should have been over a long time ago. The fact that he can push your buttons means that you’re still connected in some way. Jo was right. You did need to see Rick so you could figure that out.”

“I don’t want to be connected to him,” she said, even as she had a bad feeling Cassie might be right.
Why else would she, Mandy, have jumped into bed so quickly and easily? Why else would she now be so upset?

“I’m not sure you get a choice in the matter. But now that you know what the problem is, you can start to fix it.”

Mandy didn’t like the sound of that. Could she really have been stuck on her ex for all these years? “I’ll have to think about it.”

“Fine by me.”

Mandy shifted the receiver to the other ear. “You forgot to say that he was a complete jerk and was never grateful enough that he was lucky enough to have been married to me.”

Cassie laughed again. “That, too.”

They talked for a few more minutes. When Mandy hung up, she felt marginally better…and marginally worse.

Connected to Rick? Was it possible? Surely time would have severed all the ties they had.

Yesterday Mandy would have staked her life on that fact, but now she wasn’t so sure. Still restless, she walked into the kitchen and started cleaning already clean counters. She needed physical activity to release her pent-up energy. Maybe she should take a long walk on the beach. That would be a whole lot more fun than cleaning.

She put down her sponge, rinsed her hands, then headed upstairs to the bedroom she was using for her visit. The master suite had its own bath, while the other two bedrooms shared a Jack-and-Jill-style bathroom.

Mandy slipped out of her dress and pulled on shorts and a T-shirt. It took her a couple of minutes to brush
her hair and secure it in a ponytail. After reapplying sunscreen, she grabbed a hat, a pair of flat sandals and hurried back down the stairs.

As her feet hit the main level, she heard a voice in the back of her head.

You haven’t changed at all. You still run when things get tough.

Rick’s words echoed, making her come to a stop.

She didn’t, she wanted to protest. There were times to stay and fight and times for a sensible retreat. That’s what had happened this afternoon. A sensible retreat. Nothing more. But of course he wouldn’t see it that way. He would see it the way he wanted—so that he looked good and she was the bad guy. In fact—

A knock on the front door made her freeze in place. No one she knew should be showing up here. Her father had left for a few weeks in the south of France. Several of her teacher friends were traveling with their families. The others were busy with summer jobs or—

Mandy slapped the hat against her bare thigh. Why was she hesitating? There was only one person who would come calling here. As her car was parked right in front of the house, it was unlikely that he was going away anytime soon.

She sucked in a breath, then walked to the door and pulled it open.

Rick stood there. Like her, he’d changed into shorts and a T-shirt. He was tall, tanned and not smiling. Nor could she see his eyes. Dark glasses hid them from view.

Her heart fluttered, her stomach started that pesky
roller-coaster movement again and a blush flared on her cheeks.

“How did you find me?” she asked.

He removed his sunglasses, allowing her to see emotions flickering through his blue eyes. Not that she could read any of them.

“I know Cassie’s last name. With that information and a general idea of where the house was located, it wasn’t difficult.”

She nodded. Rick had always been a whiz on a computer.

She stepped back to allow him in, then closed the door and followed him into the living room. He glanced around. When he motioned to the sofa, she nodded again, taking a seat across from him in an old club chair.

To her mind, Cassie’s summer home had always been a wonderful place to visit. A block from the ocean, the sunny patio with the BBQ and comfortable furniture had made this pretty darned close to paradise. Right up until she’d seen Rick’s place. By comparison, the beach house was barely an upgraded double-wide.

Perspective, she thought, trying to find the humor in the situation. Life was all about perspective.

“I’m sorry about what happened,” Rick said, setting his sunglasses on the worn coffee table between them and resting his forearms on his thighs. “Seeing each other after all these years was enough of a shock without throwing anything else into the mix. I guess the chemistry got the better of us.” He gave her a slight smile. “I was never a fan of chemistry.”

“It certainly seems to have gotten us into trouble,” she said with a shrug. While she appreciated his apol
ogy, she wasn’t exactly sure what he meant by it. Was he sorry they’d made love? Or for what happened afterward? Not that she was feeling brave enough to ask at the moment.

“I’m sorry, too,” she said, and made a vague gesture.

He nodded. “I started thinking after you left. About why my mom suggested we get together. You know she doesn’t do anything without a reason. In this case she was right, we
do
have unfinished business between us.”

His words were a little too close to what she and Cassie had talked about for comfort. She shifted in her seat. “Is that a surprise? I would think most divorced couples have left a few untrimmed threads. Does that have to be significant?”

He raised his eyebrows. “Mandy, two hours ago we were making love. I’m going to guess that makes our untrimmed threads damned significant.”

Well, if he was going to put it like
that.
“Okay. Maybe.” She rubbed her temples. Trouble was coming; she could feel it all the way down to her bones.

“I think we need to straighten this out so we can both move on with our lives,” he said.

She glared at him. “I’ve sort of figured that out for myself.”

With a little help from Cassie. Not that she wanted to. Let the threads dangle—that was her motto. Except there was every possibility that Rick was the reason she hadn’t once fallen in love in the past eight years.

“I thought you might,” he said. “So what do we do now?”

She sighed. Lord but she hated being mature. “I
don’t know. Spend time together, I guess. Talk about stuff.” She narrowed her gaze. “Stay out of bed.”

A flicker of fire flared to life in his eyes. “You sure about that one?”

“Absolutely.”

She was lying, but he didn’t have to know that.

“I’ll agree to your terms,” he said. “But only on one condition.”

“Which is?”

“You won’t tell my mom she was right.”

Mandy stared at him, then burst out laughing. He had a point. Jo would hold it over them for months.

“I won’t say a word,” she promised. “I don’t want to hear about it any more than you do.” She leaned forward a little. “This is a real mess. How did we get here?”

“I don’t know. You’re the woman. Aren’t you supposed to be the relationship expert?”

He was being funny, but she didn’t smile. “I’m hardly an expert. If I was…a lot of things would have been different.”

“Like what?”

Like a thousand things, she thought sadly. “I would have talked to you more. Told you what I was feeling. I wouldn’t have—” Gee, they were going to jump right into this, weren’t they? “I wouldn’t have used sex as a weapon.”

He winced. “We’re both guilty of using sex to get what we wanted,” he said. “I used it to tell you I cared about you, because saying the words made me feel weak, as if I was giving you the upper hand.”

She hadn’t known that, but the information didn’t surprise her. “I used sex to keep you in line and get what I wanted. When I didn’t, I withheld. Not my
finest hour.” She rested her elbows on her knees and her chin on her hands. “I wanted to feel that you were close to me emotionally, but all I could get was the physical.”

“I don’t know that I was capable of more. Not then.”

And now? But she didn’t ask that. Besides, she already knew the answer.

“More if onlys,” she said. “If only we’d been more grown-up. If only we’d talked. If only I hadn’t run back to my dad’s that last time and—”

She pressed her lips together to hold back the words. Not that there was any point. Rick already knew what had happened.

Embarrassment swept over her. She straightened and fought the urge to change the subject. Except they needed to talk about this—about the fact that Rick had fooled around with some woman but hadn’t gone all the way, while she’d slept with a stranger.

“Mandy, we don’t have to go there.”

“Why? It was significant.”

“Sure, but the marriage was already pretty much over.”

Amazing. After all this time, he was trying to spare her feelings. She didn’t know what that meant. Especially when she’d been the one to cheat.

“I was so angry,” she said, almost unable to stop herself from telling the truth, maybe for the first time ever. “After I saw you with that grad student, I was furious. I went to the airport and got on the first plane back to L.A. By the time I got to my dad’s it was nine or ten at night. I don’t remember. There was a party.” She swallowed. “Back then there was always a party.”

She could remember walking into his spacious Beverly Hills mansion. People spilled out of every room. Most of them were drunk, or on their way to being so. By then Mandy had calmed down enough to feel pain, as well as rage. It was as if someone had played handball with her heart. She hated Rick and longed for him in equal measures.