The Summer of Me & You (21 page)

“Because. I'd like to have sex with you.”

“I am.”

“Do you want me?” I whispered in her ear.

“Yes, but—”

“Do you trust me?”

“I do trust you, I just—”

“I can make you feel good without actually doing it. I don't have to penetrate you. There's another way. I can kiss you. Not on your lips, but—
there
. If you'd just let go and let me?”

“Are you serious?” she asked me.

I nodded my head. “Yeah.”

She bit her lip, like she was thinking about it. Or debating it. I waited for an answer.

“What do
I
need to do?”
 

“You just enjoy it.”

She looked reluctant, so I didn't press it. I backed away from her, and sat up, unzipping and removing my jeans.

“What're you doing?” she asked.

“I'm just taking my jeans off because it's way too hot in here.” She realized as I pulled my jeans off that my black swim trunks were underneath.

“Oh,” she said.

I tossed my jeans upfront, then scooted back over to her. I planted kisses along her neck. Her hands fell to the waistband of my shorts. She slid her fingertips beneath it, sliding them along the rim. “You can pull them down if you want.”

She didn't say anything, but her hands traveled further down and came into contact with my erection. She gasped. “Whoa.”

As I kissed her, I glided my hand up her shirt and over her breasts. Kayleigh wasn't wearing a bra, she was wearing her bikini top instead, so it was easy for me to maneuver beneath the fabric and tease her nipples with my finger until they were erect. She moaned.

I didn't know at what point to stop. So I didn't. But I told her, “You can say no at any time and I'll stop. Promise. Okay?”

She nodded. “Okay.”

I want to ruin you so damn badly
I thought to myself.
 

I reached down and unbuttoned and unzipped her shorts. I tugged on them, pulling them down. I watched her face. She didn't stop me. She even lifted off the seat an inch so I could wrestle them over her buttocks. I pulled them all the way off, tossed them up front with my jeans. Then I removed my shirt.

I leaned back down to her, kissing her lips again. I rubbed her again from the outside. When I realized from her body ques and the sounds she was making that she enjoyed what I was doing to her, I slipped past the fabric and found my way inside. Her mouth opened wider and she closed her eyes in a dazed bliss. Fan-fucking-tastic. She was in a sex haze. I didn't stop until her body convulsed and she clinched around me, crying out my name.

My dick was aching so damn bad I had to pull off my shorts. I paused what I was doing so I could. Kayleigh's eyes opened.

“Kaleb, you're naked,” she said.

“I know.”

“Are you going to—”

“Shh,” I said. “Kayleigh, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm just going to insert it so you can feel what it's like. I promise, I will take it out.”

“You sure?”

“I promise.” I had to rearrange our positions. There wasn't a lot of space. I parted her legs, wrapping her right one around my waist, and settled myself between them, one of my legs partially in the floorboard. I moved the fabric of her bikini bottom aside and pressed myself to her.

“Is this going to hurt?” she asked.

“A little,” I said. “But not a lot.”

She shook, nervously and closed her eyes, waiting. I slipped it inside of her. She gasped and I groaned. God, it felt so damn good.

I wanted to do it again.

I pulled back and thrust into her again. I didn't want to stop. My head reeled, my blood rushing too fast through my body.

“How does it feel?” I asked.

“I don't know,” she said. “It hurts, but it feels kinda good, too.”

I kissed her. She shuddered. I withdrew halfway, then slowly slid in again. I needed to quit. It was feeling too good. My body said
no keep going
but my mind said
what in the hell are you doing?!
 

“One more time, Kayleigh,
please
. Then I'll stop.” I opened my eyes.

She shook her head. “No.” It looked like she was about to cry, so I pulled all the way out and reached up front for my swim shorts. I pulled them over my legs, redressing.

“What's wrong?” I asked.

“I am so stupid,” she said. Damn. She was crying. I'd made her cry. I hadn't meant to.

“Here,” I handed her her shorts. She sat up. Kayleigh quickly stuck her feet through her shorts and pulled them back on, zipping and buttoning them. “I bet this is where you take all of the girls who are stupid enough to believe you. I'm one of them.”

I didn't understand what she meant. She'd agreed to this. Or, so I thought. I wouldn't take advantage of her like that. But that was how she was making me feel. “Kayleigh, no. It's not like that. With you it's different.”

“Right,” her eyes were cold and furious, full of regret.

“I'm sure you've said the same to them.”

I moved closer to her. I wanted to wipe her tears away, tell her I was sorry, that I didn't know she'd feel like that. All I wanted was to be closer to her. But her hands pressed hard against my chest, pushing me away. “You treat everyone like trash, Kaleb. Junkyard trash.”

“Is that how you feel with me?” The heated energy between us receded.

“Yes,” she quivered. I felt her slipping away.

“Why would you say something like that, Kayleigh?”

“Because it's true.” She glared at me.

Oh shit. I'd screwed up. Big time.

I tried reaching for her, to pull her back but I didn't reach quickly enough. She popped open the car door and jumped out into the rain. As soon as her feet landed, she ran away from me as quickly as she could. I didn't even bother jerking my jeans back on. I jumped out into the rain in my swim shorts and no shirt, and decided to chase after her. I called her name, but I don't think she heard me through the drumming of the rain, or if she did, she didn't care to respond. I watched her dip down and slide beneath the fence, leaving me behind in the junkyard.

Frequencies changed and the rain was nothing but static, noise. I peered into the gray-chrome. It took me minutes to move my feet, to snap back to the present moment. And when I did, I found myself standing alone and water sogged.

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

What happened in the Junkyard

*

When I got home, I was soaking wet and couldn't breathe. My chest heaved. My heart felt bruised on the inside. I stumbled up the stairs to my room and collapsed to the floor beside the bed.

I hadn't meant it. What I said to Kaleb. I hadn't meant.

I was terrified of being that close to someone. I knew from our kiss, and because of the way he made me feel, if I allowed myself to fall for him, I would be giving him the power to rip me open and tear out my heart.

When he was kissing me, I didn't want him to stop.

When he was inside of me, I didn't want him to stop, or pull away from me either.

I was afraid of feeling like this, or letting him this close to me. But at the same time, I wanted to. I pulled the cover off my bed, wrapping it around me. I grabbed a pillow, buried my head in it, and screamed as loudly as I could. This was the only way I could let out what I felt. And letting it out was liberating. I screamed again.

A minute later, someone snatched the pillow from me.

I jumped, turning around. When I looked up, my mother was standing there.

“What in the world are you doing, Kayleigh Jamison? And why are you soaking wet?” She crossed her arms over her chest, demanding answers.

“You're home early,” I said.

“I want to know what's wrong with you, and where you were. You're acting like a child.”

“I got caught in the rain, mom. That's all.”

She gave me an evil eye. “You were with Kaleb, weren't you?”

“No.”

“Don't lie to me. Up on your feet, now!”

I leapt up, tossing my cover back on the bed.

“You're in your room screaming like some crazy person and I want to know why. Did that boy hurt you?”

“No, mother. And if he did, I wouldn't tell you because you're counting on it.”

She looked like she wanted to hit me again. But she didn't.

“Pull yourself together and change your clothes. You're a mess.” She stormed out of my room and headed back downstairs.

I peeled myself out of my rain soaked clothing and redressed. I spritzed my hair with styling gel that smelled of bamboo. I dried it with a towel, turning my straight hair wavy.

I checked my phone, thinking that he'd call me. I wanted things to be okay between us. Actually, I wanted everything to be
more
than okay.
 

No call. No message.

I still couldn't believe that'd happened, or that I'd passively let it go that far. Maybe I wanted it to? Maybe I wanted to do more with Kaleb than just kiss him. Maybe I'd
been
wanting more with him for a long time. And it scared me. Because what now? We'd only begun to kiss. But after what happened in the junkyard? There was no going back. We couldn't just go back to just kissing. He completely slid past doing only that,
literally.
After this, every time I'd kissed him, I'd think about how he'd breathed hard, the way he felt, the heat, how he said
please
, begging for more and the distinct memory of how I wanted to give him more, too.
 

God, and I'd said all those mean things to him. Things I hadn't meant. If I hadn't said any of those things, or pushed him away, we would've definitely gone all the way. It was my only way of escaping. I couldn't say no to him. I just couldn't. All of this time I'd been waiting for a simple kiss, and I'd gotten so much more than that. The sparks between us just zinged. If I wasn't careful, I'd end up losing control.

My mind swirled with so many thoughts. It hadn't hurt like I thought it would. And
oh my God, was I still a virgin, or no?
Because we hadn't really done it, we
almost
did. Right? And how could I be near him again without either of our minds
going
there. It wasn't like we'd planned it. It just sorta
happened.
Totally unexpectedly.
 

 I replayed everything in my head.
Why
had he waited so damn long to kiss me? Each time he'd waited, it'd added emphasis, making the kiss more important. Had he wanted
more
than a kiss? Was that the reason? He didn't trust himself with me? Maybe he'd wanted to avoid doing
this.
What if he'd imagined something like this happening? I didn't know, but even when I thought back to our first date, and how he'd made me feel during that dance, without having to really do
anything
at all but just gaze at me, run his hands along my body, I shivered. Kaleb had become aroused then, too. So this incident, if I should even call it that, really shouldn't be so shocking.
 

Another thought zapped me. What would it have been like if he and I would've kept going? What
will
it be like when we do?
 

I perked up when I heard my mom's keys jingle. “Kayleigh, I'm leaving,” she called up the stairs. “Lock up.”

I jumped up, and stood by my bedroom window. I pulled back the curtain and peeked out the blind. I waited until she backed out of the driveway, and was down the road a good ways, before I darted downstairs and headed to the garage to get my bicycle.

 I couldn't get him off my mind. Not after what had happened, especially not after what I'd said. There was a great possibility that he didn't want to ever speak to me again. I was the same girl as the one who'd ran away from his kiss a year and a half ago. I was still afraid. But I'd ran away from more than a kiss this time.

Because wasn't sex a serious thing that two people engaged in when they were serious about each other? Or was I wrong?

To me, that's how it was supposed to be, even though it'd been portrayed differently in movies a thousand times. Pretty boys like Kaleb Scheffler? Sex was no big deal to them.

But it was to me, especially sex with him. And I didn't want it to mean one thing to me, and entirely something else to him.

I wasn't exactly sure how to bring the topic up, but I knew we needed to discuss it. I needed to see him.