The Surgeon's New-Year Wedding Wish (14 page)

He called her mother, who claimed she hadn’t seen Celeste. He grew more and more worried. Where could she have gone with Danny? Then he received the call from the police.

Your wife is dead and your son is in shock. He won’t leave her side.

Danny had apparently been screaming into the phone over and over again to the 911 operator until he’d been too hoarse to say any more. And then he’d stopped talking altogether.

Until now.

Quinn closed his eyes against the memories, putting the past back where it belonged, in the past. Celeste was gone and he and Danny had finally moved on.

Healed, in part, by the people of Cedar Bluff.

“Is it over now?” Danny asked in a loud whisper.

He nodded, smiling as Danny grimaced when Seth loudly kissed his bride. “Yes, it’s over. After they’re finished taking pictures, it’ll be time for dinner.”

“Good. I’m hungry.”

Quinn caught sight of Leila, looking stunningly beautiful in an emerald-green dress that hugged her curves, the slit in the long skirt revealing her nicely shaped legs. Legs that had wrapped perfectly around his waist as he’d plunged deep.

Whoa. He pulled himself up short. Don’t go there.

She saw him and gave him a brief nod, weary acceptance in her eyes, but then turned away, as if determined to keep her distance.

Jadon was right, he was an ass. At the very least he owed Leila an explanation. He couldn’t just pretend that night of passion had never happened.

It was bad enough that it would never happen again.

He didn’t get a chance to make his way over to her until after dinner. Ben and Danny had taken off as fast as Danny’s walking cast had let him, searching for
something to do, and Leila was finally standing off to the side, alone.

He made his way over to her. “Hi, Leila.”

Her back went straight and she lifted her chin. “Hello, Quinn.”

“Do you have a minute? I think we need to talk.”

Her eyes widened in apprehension and she looked ready to bolt. “Um, no, I have to leave early, I’m on second back-up call and New Year’s Eve is always a busy night.”

“Please.” He captured her hand with his. He could feel her pulse fluttering in her slender wrist. “I owe you an apology.”

That seemed to surprise her, and she slowly nodded. “All right.”

Now that he had her attention, he wasn’t sure where to begin. He drew her a little farther away from the crowd, to a secluded corner of the room. “I’m sorry for jumping all over you yesterday in the hospital after you spoke with Danny.”

“Look, about that, I swear I didn’t bring up his mother, Quinn. He did. He told me he shook her and shook her but she wouldn’t wake up.”

He swallowed hard. “Yes. But the part that I hope and pray Danny doesn’t ever have to know is that his mother didn’t just get sick and die. She killed herself, by swallowing a full bottle of Valium.”

“Oh, Quinn,” Leila whispered, her eyes full of empathy.

Finish it
, he told himself.
Tell her all of it
. “Leila, I care about you. That night we spent together was amazing. But I’m not interested in marriage. Celeste
accused me of being a lousy father and a lousy husband. And then she took her own life rather than stay married to me.” He forced himself to meet her gaze. Pouring out his deepest fears wasn’t easy. “I’ve been given a second chance with Danny. I’m proving that I can be a good father. But I can’t risk being a husband.”

L
EILA
didn’t know what to say. Clearly Quinn wasn’t mourning his dead wife, at least not in the way she’d assumed.

The circumstances around his wife’s death were horrible. Poor Danny. And poor Quinn. She couldn’t imagine how awful they must have felt after Celeste had died.

But didn’t Quinn and Danny deserve to move forward with their lives, too?

Quinn cared about her. His words had warmed her heart. The night they’d spent together hadn’t been just about sex. But he also wasn’t open to exploring a relationship either.

And suddenly, knowing that he cared, at least a little, made her realize she hadn’t completely lost him. Not yet. And she’d fight to keep him if that’s what it took. “Quinn, I’m not Celeste. Please, give me a chance. I love you.”

He stared at her in surprised shock.

She gave his arm a hard shake, trying to snap him out of it. “Did you hear me? I love you.”

His eyes widened and he took a hasty step backward, pulling out of her grasp. “No. Don’t say that. You don’t love me. You can’t.”

“Quinn.” She reached for him, but he shook his head and stepped away.

“No. I can’t do this. I’m sorry, Leila.” He turned and disappeared into the crowd gathering on the dance floor in front of the DJ who was asking for the bride and the groom to start off the first dance.

She tried to find Quinn in the crowd, but couldn’t. Her heart squeezed in her chest. Had he left? No, Danny was still there, on the dance floor, having abandoned his crutches. He was trying to imitate Ben’s dance moves in spite of his bulky walking cast.

Quinn hadn’t left, but he wasn’t open to talking to her anymore either.

Her shoulders sagged and she ran her fingers through her hair. This was worse than she’d thought. This wasn’t just about Quinn being protective of Danny. The problem was deeper, much deeper than that. It was Quinn himself, closing himself off to love. To having a future.

She collapsed into a chair and closed her eyes. What on earth could she say to him? How could she convince him to give their love a chance?

She wasn’t sure there was a way to reach him. Especially as he hadn’t admitted he loved her.

Maybe he wasn’t capable of love. Other than for his son.

Despair sucked the air from her lungs, making her stomach cramp painfully.

This might not be a battle she was able to win.

Leila couldn’t leave the wedding without saying goodbye to Seth and Kylie, and since they were entwined in each other’s arms on the dance floor, she tapped her foot and waited for them to finish.

“Alyssa!” Ben shrieked, as he dashed across the room when Jadon and Alyssa walked in. They’d been at the ceremony, but had skipped dinner, going home to take care of the twins before returning to the reception.

“Hi, Ben,” Alyssa greeted the boy, bending over to give him a big hug. “How are you?”

“Good. How’re the twins?” he asked.

Alyssa laughed. “Growing like weeds.”

Leila approached, glad to see Alyssa and Jadon were doing so well. She was sure that raising premature twin girls was trying, but the two of them still glowed with happiness. A happiness she envied.

“Who’s your new friend?” Alyssa asked because Danny had followed Ben like a shadow.

“This is my friend Danny. He couldn’t talk before but now he can.”

Alyssa shot Jadon a puzzled look, before smiling at the boy. “Hi, Danny, it’s nice to meet you.”

Danny ducked his head shyly. Leila glanced around, looking for Quinn, but he was over at the bar, deep in conversation with Simon Carter.

“Danny is Quinn’s son,” Leila explained, placing a reassuring hand on Danny’s shoulder.

“Quinn?” Alyssa asked with a frown. Then her eyes widened. “You mean Dr. Torres?”

“Yes, exactly.” Leila remembered on Quinn’s first day in the trauma bay how he’d jumped all over Alyssa, threatening to call Security as she hadn’t been officially
on duty when she’d helped out a coworker. “I see you remember him, but don’t worry, Quinn Torres has mellowed out since that day he threatened to call Security on you. He’s a great physician.”

“Yeah, if you say so,” Alyssa said doubtfully.

“Would you like something to drink?” Jadon asked, including Leila in his question.

“Just a caffeine-free ginger ale,” Alyssa said with a deep sigh.

Leila smiled, knowing Alyssa couldn’t drink while she was breastfeeding. “I’ll have the same. I’m on call later,” she said to Jadon.

“Be right back.” He disappeared, heading over to the bar.

“Alyssa, will you dance with me?” Ben asked.

Alyssa looked surprised and pleased. “Well, certainly, Ben. I’d love to dance.”

They walked onto the dance floor. Ben took both of her hands in his and then carefully stepped from side to side, his tongue sticking out between his teeth as he concentrated on not stepping on his partner’s feet.

“Will you dance with me?” Danny surprised Leila by taking her hand in his.

She hesitated, knowing Quinn wouldn’t like it, but then couldn’t bring herself to refuse him. Not when his large dark eyes warily waited for her response. She smiled gently. “Of course, Danny. I’d love to dance with you.”

She towered over Danny, and his movements were limited with his cast, but he was sweetly earnest in his attempt to dance with her, copying Ben’s steps the best he could.

This was how great it could be, if Quinn would only give her a chance. She loved Quinn and already cared deeply about his son. Her eyes welled with tears, and she blinked them away, telling herself she’d leave right after this last dance.

Halfway through the song, Jadon came up behind Ben, tapping him lightly on the shoulder. “Hey, there, mind if I take over for a while?”

“I’ll dance with you again, Ben, don’t worry,” Alyssa assured the boy.

“Okay.” Ben relinquished control and allowed Jadon to sweep Alyssa close. Watching Jadon as he ardently kissed Alyssa made her want to cry all over again.

“Hey, Danny, mind if I cut in?”

Simon stood behind Danny and Leila had to swallow her disappointment because he wasn’t Quinn.

“Sure,” Danny said, seemingly relieved to be given the opportunity to hobble over to Ben.

She tried to smile. “Hi, Simon.”

“Hi, yourself,” he answered with a wide grin, taking her into his arms but not holding her too close. “You look gorgeous tonight, Leila.”

“Thanks.” She wished, not for the first time, that she’d been attracted to Simon. He was single, good-looking and a great guy.

But there had never been any spark of attraction between them. Simon was nice, but he wasn’t the man she wanted.

She wanted Quinn.

Why had she fallen for the one man who didn’t want anything to do with having a permanent relationship?

The DJ played another waltz and Simon kept right
on dancing, although she found herself subtly glancing around for Seth and Kylie. She was leaving right after this dance, regardless of where the bride and groom happened to be. If Seth and Kylie weren’t around for her to say goodbye, too bad.

A wedding, especially one on New Year’s Eve, was the last place to be when your heart was breaking.

Quinn sipped his drink, a dry martini, and watched his son ask Leila to dance.

His heart twisted painfully as they approached the dance floor, Danny’s step uneven with the walking cast, knowing he was being ridiculous to be jealous of his six-year-old son. Yet they looked good together. His son liked Leila, he could tell. She was gentle with him, teasing him and making him laugh.

He’d been so adamant that Danny didn’t need a mother, but maybe he was wrong. Danny was on the road to recovering from the trauma he’d suffered when Celeste had died.

As he watched Leila, another thought nagged at him. What if Leila decided to give up on him? What if she decided to move on with someone else? Like Simon Carter? Or Michael Hendricks?

Who Leila chose to see was none of his business. He’d walked away from her, told her they didn’t have a future. Yet the more he stood there, imagining her turning to one of the single guys at Cedar Bluff like Simon or Michael, the angrier he got.

What in the hell was wrong with him? He didn’t want a wife, but he wanted Leila. And he didn’t want anyone else to have her either.

“I think I’ll cut in on Ben,” Jadon said. “The poor kid has a serious case of hero-worship for Alyssa, but with the twins home, we’re lucky to have any time alone together. I want to dance with my fiancée.”

“Good idea. I’ll come with you and cut in on Danny,” Simon chimed in.

Quinn sent him a sharp glance and Simon pretended to ignore him. He wanted to protest, to say, Back off, buddy, she’s mine. But he kept his mouth shut. This was a free country; he couldn’t stop Leila from dancing with whomever she chose. He couldn’t do anything but watch helplessly as Jadon and Simon left him alone at the bar.

The two men wove through the crowd of dancers, each claiming their new partners. His jaw tense, Quinn tortured himself by watching, unable to tear his gaze from Simon and Leila.

They made a nice-looking couple. Leila was beautiful in her long green gown and Simon, formally dressed in his tux, was a perfect match for her, laughing down at something Leila was saying.

He had to restrain himself from marching over and planting his fist into Simon’s laughing face.

Dammit, he shouldn’t be torturing himself like this. But it was no use. He didn’t want to see Leila with another man. Not now, not ever.

Because she belonged with him.

He loved her. The shocking realization hit hard. He loved her, but he was desperately afraid of being a husband and messing things up, the way everything had gone wrong with Celeste.

Yet at the same time he couldn’t let Leila move on to someone else.

The slow dance finally ended and he tossed back the rest of his martini before crossing over to where couples were leaving the dance floor. Simon watched him approach, flashing him a knowing smirk, betraying the fact he’d purposefully asked Leila to dance just to get to Quinn. A fact that did not make him the least bit happy.

His warning glare told Simon to back off. He held her arm before she could disappear into the crowd. “Leila, wait.”

She swung to face him, and when recognition dawned, her eyes darkened with apprehension. “Danny asked me to dance and I didn’t want to disappoint him by refusing,” she said in a rush.

“I know,” he said, feeling like a jerk because it was clear she expected him to be angry. “I saw him ask you and I’m glad you didn’t hurt his feelings. May I have the next dance?”

“I, uh, don’t think so.” She avoided his gaze. “I’m, uh, leaving. Gosh, where are Seth and Kylie? I keep missing them.”

She was running away because he’d hurt her. Panic made him tighten his grip on her hand. “Leila, please. One dance.”

She wanted to brush him off, he could tell, but she finally nodded and allowed him to lead her onto the crowded dance floor.

He pulled her into his arms, holding her close. She fit in his embrace perfectly. He wanted to kiss her, but she kept her head angled away from his, as if trying to keep a respectable distance between them.

“I’m so glad Danny’s doing better,” she murmured. “He seems to be talking all the time now.”

“Yeah, and I’ll never get tired of listening.”

“No, I’m sure you won’t.” Her smile was brittle.

“Leila, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Her chin lifted a notch. “I’m a big girl, I’ll get over you.”

But he didn’t want her to get over him. He wasn’t explaining himself well at all. “I’m sorry I hurt you,” he said. “But I’ve already failed once at being a husband. Do you blame me for being cautious?”

Leila was quiet for a moment. “Did you ever think that it was Celeste who failed you?”

His head snapped back in surprise. What was she talking about? “It was my fault. She was depressed, but being with me, being married to me, made her worse.”

“No.” She looked up at him now. “You can’t really believe that. A marriage takes two people. Your wife was sick, but she could have gotten help. She could have asked for a divorce. She had plenty of options.”

“There aren’t a lot of options when you’re depressed, it’s part of the disease.” And looking back, he knew he had to take some accountability. “I wasn’t home enough,” he said, repeating the words Celeste had flung at him in bitter anger. “I didn’t love her enough.”

“Maybe you didn’t,” she agreed. “But we don’t have control over our feelings. We can’t make something out of nothing, no matter how much we want to.”

He swallowed hard, knowing she was right. She’d nailed the source of the deep guilt he’d lived with. That he hadn’t loved Celeste enough. Had wanted to help her
to get better, but had been unable to love her the way she’d needed to be loved.

It was sobering to admit he hadn’t loved Celeste the way he loved Leila.

“Besides, if you ask me, she didn’t love you enough either. Or her son. She was obviously very sick, or she wouldn’t have taken her own life, especially putting her own son at risk. Her death was a tragedy, but you must know it’s not all your fault. You can’t keep beating yourself up over her illness.”

“I should have helped her.” That much he firmly believed.

“Maybe, but she also had to want to help herself.”

He drew a deep breath and let it out slowly, absorbing her words. He had tried to help her, but Celeste hadn’t listened. She’d refused to go to counseling. He hadn’t been able to force her into treatment, not without proving she was a danger to herself. And he hadn’t known she had been until it had been too late.

Leila was right. He couldn’t keep punishing himself for Celeste’s death. But he was afraid of starting over. Of failing.

“I love you, Quinn,” she told him. “And it doesn’t matter if you return those feelings for me or not, I’ll still love you. Now and forever.”

His arms tightened around her. “I’m afraid,” he admitted in a low voice.

She surprised him by smiling. “That’s okay. Being in love is scary.”

She was trying to make light of it, to help him relax, but so far it wasn’t working. “I don’t think you under
stand. I’m afraid I’ll mess up. How do you know I’m not a bad husband?”