The Survivor (11 page)

Chapter Thirteen

J
enna was running late. For the last hour, she’d been in Jacob’s Crossing finishing up the two errands Mary had asked her to accomplish before she returned home.

The first had been easy enough. Mary had asked her to bring home two cookbooks from the library. Jenna was discovering that Mary loved to cook and try out new recipes, much to Abel’s dismay. That morning, Mary had given Jenna a list of four choices of cookbooks. “See if you can get any of them, wouldja?” she’d asked hopefully. “I’m so anxious to try out some new recipes for hamburger casseroles.”

Mary had said hamburger like it was something wondrous and special. It had taken all Jenna’s restraint to not tease her, but of course she hadn’t. Jenna was learning that just about everything was special to Mary. She had a way of looking about her that was full of interest and fresh hope.

After she collected the cookbooks and checked them out, she slipped on her cloak, scarf, and mittens, and headed into the chilly weather.

Her next task should’ve been easier, but in fact it was far more difficult to complete. She needed to go to the market and pick up a dozen eggs. And there was the problem, really. Because if she had her choice, Jenna was sure she’d never step foot in the grocery again.

All because Chris was there.

Though she usually walked as fast as possible in the cold, she found herself slowing down to look at one family’s Thanksgiving decorations on their front porch, then stopped to pet a particularly friendly poodle that two girls were taking for a walk.

As Jenna wasted time, the sun continued to fall. Soon the twilight glow would fade into night, and walking back to Mary’s home in the dark wasn’t something she wanted to do.

So she steeled her shoulders and pushed open the glass door, then exhaled in relief as she realized the store was fairly busy. This was
wunderbaar
! All she would have to do was scurry to the dairy section, grab the eggs, and walk to the cash register.

If she kept her head down, she wouldn’t see him, and maybe he wouldn’t see her, either.

After a quick glance at the signs at the beginning of each aisle, she darted down aisle three. At the very end was a refrigerated case holding the eggs. With the end in sight, Jenna quickened her pace, determined to finish her chore and escape. All she had to do was pass the woman in the denim skirt and get to the eggs—

“Jenna? Jenna, it
is
you!”

Startled, Jenna stared at the woman who’d just called out her name. Ah. It was Mrs. Berch. Her neighbor.

Well, her parents’ neighbor now.

“Hello, Mrs. Berch,” she said politely. “Good evening to you.”

“My evening is even better now that we’ve crossed paths here at the market.” The woman examined her over the rim of her reading glasses. “How are you doing, dear? I haven’t seen you lately.”

“I am fine.”

“I asked your mother if you wanted to come over the other day to babysit Jeremy, but she said you weren’t available.”

She wasn’t available because she wasn’t around! But her mother’s evasive words weren’t a surprise. Mrs. Berch was English. Never would her family have told an
Englischer
about their personal troubles. It just wasn’t done.

“Actually, I’ve been living with a friend.”

“Really? Why? Is anything the matter?”

Jenna knew the lady well enough to know that the question was asked with the best of intentions. She really was a kind person, and someone with whom Jenna would’ve confided in, if she had felt comfortable doing that. “Everything is fine. I took a job at the library, and I’m tutoring, too. The woman lives within walking distance, so it’s easier.”

After looking her over again, Mrs. Berch nodded. “Well, I guess that makes sense. You always have been such a hard worker. You take care, dear. I’ll tell your parents not to let you be a stranger.”

Jenna flashed a weak smile before moving forward, hastily dipping a hand into the cold section, pulling out a dozen eggs, and then, holding the carton securely in front of her stomach, started walking to the front up the next aisle. She was in no hurry to say anything else to Mrs. Berch!

Aisle four was far more crowded. She kept her head down as she darted in between parked grocery carts, a stroller, and a pair of elderly gentlemen examining two packages of bacon.

But all of that rushing did little good. She had to wait for the six people in front of her to pay for their goods. Time seemed to inch along slowly, suspended, as her heart beat quicker and quicker.

Behind her, chatter and conversations floated forward. Mothers talking about school with their children. An
Englischer
was talking far too loudly on his cell phone.

A pair of Amish teenagers were looking through magazines and chuckling.

And then she heard
his
voice. Laughing and joking with someone.

Just like he didn’t have a care in the world.

Anger, strong and sharp, filled her as she thought of how unfair that was. Why was she the one who’d gotten kicked out, and now was reduced to skulking around the market, practically afraid to see her own shadow?

“Two sixty-five,” the blond teenage girl said as she stuck the eggs in a plastic bag.

“Pardon?”

“You’ve got to pay for your eggs.” She chomped on her gum, looking bored. “Anytime, now.”

Fumbling with her wallet, Jenna pulled out a five. “Oh. Yes. Yes, of course.”

With little fanfare, the cashier took the five-dollar bill, opened the cash register drawer, then gave her change. “Here you go.”

“Thank you,” Jenna said. Quickly, she stuffed the change in her tote then strode to the exit. But yet again, she was forced to stop as a mother got her toddler settled in a grocery cart.

Which delayed her far too long. “Jenna? Hey, Jenna. Hold up.”

He’d said almost the same thing the last time they’d been together. She’d been trying to find a way to tell him that she was pregnant. He’d been fiddling with something on his laptop computer.

As she’d sat beside him and waited, her already frayed nerves pulled tighter and tighter until she was sure her temper was going to snap. Well, that, or the tears would start falling and never stop.

In a rush, she’d left his side and ran . . . and he had stood and called after her.

Though it shamed her to be running again, Jenna pushed the glass door open with a fierce shove and practically ran down the sidewalk.

“Watch it!” a man said as she practically knocked him down.

“Sorry!” she called out, cradling the carton of eggs to her chest. Afraid to look back to see if he followed, the tears started to fall.

Making her realize yet again that there was going to be no hiding. No hiding from him.

Or from herself.

Not any longer.

W
hen Mary heard the door open, she turned around to greet Jenna with a smile, but instead saw that the new arrival was Abel. “What are you doing home so early?” she asked. “Did Mr. Carpenter not need you today?”

Abel walked to the sink.
“Nee.”

Mary winced. After two days of being almost happy, Abel was back to his sullen ways. “Well, then? What happened? Usually you don’t come home for another three hours.”

“I had to stay after school.”

Oh, this was like pulling teeth! “Why?”

“I messed up my homework.” With a bitter expression, he added, “The teacher said I messed it up good. I had to stay late and redo it all.”

Seeing the disappointment in his eyes broke her heart. “I’m sorry, Abel. Do you understand things better now?”

“Nee.”
He turned off the faucet and started drying his hands. “Mamm, I don’t want to go to school no more. Can’t I stop now?”

“Oh, no. You’ve got two more years.”

“But I hate it. Everyone makes fun of me because I still can’t write good.”

He had problems reading, too. “I’ll ask Jenna to help you more. You said she helped last time, right?”

“She helped, but I’m still the worst in the class.”

“You won’t be if you keep studying extra hard. All you need is more time, I bet.” Thinking quickly, Mary added, “I’ll offer to watch her baby when it’s born and she goes back to work. That will be a wonderful-
gut
trade, I expect.”

But instead of looking hopeful, Abel just slumped. “Jenna can’t help me do things for the next two years, Mamm.”

“I’ll go talk to your teacher. Maybe she can give you some special help before school, too.”

“None of that’s going to make a difference.”

“It might. You just need to be positive. That helps me.”

“Stop talking to me like a child, wouldja?”

“Abel, I’m not—”

“Stop. Just stop.”

When he rushed off, anger apparent in every step, Mary was tempted to run after him, but she decided to let him go. This anger inside of him had been brewing for some time. The only way to make things better was to make drastic changes, and frankly, she’d been too unsure of herself to do that.

But now that she had Jenna and John, she felt stronger. Amazing how much easier it was to make decisions when she knew there was a person or two on her side. Available to help her solve problems.

With a new resolve, she pulled out the flour, sugar, and yeast. When Jenna arrived with the eggs, she would make pretzels. Their warm goodness used to always make Abel feel better. Perhaps it would today, as well, even though Abel was growing up.

She was still stewing on Abel’s problems when the door opened again. Seeing it was Jenna, she smiled. “Jenna! Did you remember my eggs?”

“Jah.”
Moving like a wooden doll, Jenna stepped forward. “Here you are. I’m going to go lie down.” As soon as she set them on the counter, she walked down the hall.

Concerned, Mary followed. “Jenna, are you all right? Are you sick?”

Finally, Jenna lifted her chin and met Mary’s gaze. “I’m not sick,” she said. Right before she burst into tears.

Mary wrapped an arm around Jenna and gathered her into her arms. “Oh, you poor dear. Tough day?”

But to Mary’s dismay, Jenna didn’t answer. Instead, she only cried harder.

Closing her eyes, Mary held her closer, and gently patted the girl’s back. The girl really was distraught. Once again, Mary wished Jenna’s parents would bend a little and reach out to their daughter. What Jenna really needed was her family’s love and support.

But since that wasn’t available, she had to make due with Mary.

Opening her eyes, Mary saw Abel standing at the end of the hall, watching them. By his gaze, she couldn’t tell if he was upset by Jenna’s tears, or upset that she was getting his mother’s attention.

When he turned away and closed his door, for about the thousandth time, Mary closed her eyes and prayed. “Lord, it’s me again. I know I was asking you for companionship, and I’m truly grateful for Jenna’s company, but I’m afraid I still need more from you. When you have a moment, could you please send me some guidance? There’s too much going on in my life to tackle it alone!”

Chapter Fourteen

G
raham heard laughter coming from his mother’s kitchen before he actually saw anyone. He was glad of that, because it gave him the time to school his tense features into something far more easy and relaxed.

If he didn’t, his mother would catch on and immediately begin asking too many questions. Questions that he was in no mood to answer. No, what he needed to do was push his troubles aside and not bring his black mood into the house. Lucy didn’t deserve it, and he wouldn’t welcome the attention, either.

But all his stern warnings and intentions didn’t seem to make a bit of difference. No matter how hard he tried, he felt desolate and out of sorts. And no amount of warnings enabled him to push everything away easily.

He gripped the doorframe for support.

He was still so terribly angry at William, and—though it made no sense—at Mattie, too. Didn’t she understand how careful she needed to be around men? Especially men like William who surely had the wrong things in mind? What had she talked to him about when he visited, anyway?

Guilt and regret slammed into him like an uneasy horse when he thought of how he should have never even talked to William about Mattie. How he should have never promised Mattie he’d help her meet a man. For that matter, he should have been praying while they’d been sitting in that elevator, not thinking about kissing Mattie.

Yes, this whole situation was surely all his fault.

He was still standing at the door, doing his best to push his worries away but somehow still stewing on them, when Loyal exited the kitchen and turned the corner, a box of oranges in his hands.

When he almost ran straight into Graham, he jerked to a stop. “What are you doing, standing here by yourself like a stranger?”

“Nothing. Just getting settled.”

“Well, it’s taking you awhile,” Loyal said with an older brother’s disdain. “It’s near freezing here, too. If you’re going to stand around doing nothing, you should do it somewhere warmer, don’t you think?”

“Ha, ha.” With a push at the wood behind him, Graham stepped forward and finally slipped off his black wool jacket and blue scarf. Without looking at his brother, he hung both on a peg. “What’s going on?”

“About what you’d expect,” Loyal said drily. “Everyone’s eating and talking. Our Katie most of all.”

As if to punctuate Loyal’s words, Graham heard a shriek of laughter from his little sister drift down the hall. It was loud and unconstrained and altogether infectious.

It was also far different than anything he, Loyal, or Calvin had ever done. When he had been six, his mother had constantly encouraged him to behave himself. He could only imagine that it had been the same for his two older brothers.

When Katie’s laughter and chatter burst down the hall again, Graham shook his head in dismay. “Mamm never let us carry on so.”

“She wouldn’t have, but of course, I never thought about shrieking like that. Did you?”

“Nee.”

As they heard Katie giggle again, Loyal smiled. “Though, I think Daed would’ve enjoyed Katie’s silliness,” he added. “As a matter of fact, I think our father would’ve been carrying on right there with her, cracking jokes and being merry. He always loved having a
gut
time.”

“You’re right. He surely did.” A flash of a long ago memory surfaced. In it, their father was teasing their mother about the wishbone on their Thanksgiving turkey. Their mother had blushed and told him not to be so fanciful, but it had been obvious to the three boys that she was enjoying every single minute of their father’s banter.

“Before you go in, hold on a minute, would you?”

Graham waited for Loyal to exit the back door, drop off the box, and come back in. Just when they were about to start walking down the hall, Loyal looked him over. “You got out late from work today, didn’t you? We thought you’d have been here before now.”

“I am late. I, uh, lost track of time. I got caught up talking with the other men at the factory.”

“Oh.” Loyal blinked, then shrugged. “Well, that’s
gut
. I hope you don’t mind me saying so, but I’ve been kind of worried about you, starting this new job at the factory and all. Maybe you’re pushing yourself too hard.”

“I’m not.”

“Mamm told Ella she was worried about you working so much.”

“She shouldn’t worry. I’m fine.” Curious, he asked, “Loyal, do you think I should have never taken a job at the factory?”

“Honestly? A little. But not for the same reasons. I knew you were a hard worker. We all are.”

“Well, then, what were you worried about?”

He paused. “I wasn’t sure how you’d get along with all the men in a factory setting. I’d have worries about myself, too. It’s a pretty quiet life we lead, here on the farm.”

Hearing his brother’s matter-of-fact appraisal made Graham realize he’d practically been holding his breath until he heard the answer. Graham sighed. When in the world had he started worrying about pleasing his older brothers?

And when had he become so sensitive, anyway? “I’ll tell Mamm I’m sorry I’m late.”

“I don’t think she minded. I mean, it’s not like this dinner was something special, anyway.”

“Oh, it sounded plenty special to me. As a matter of fact, I heard we were having a true celebration. Someone had heard about Lucy’s news.”

Loyal beamed. “It’s wonderful-
gut
news,
jah
? Calvin’s about to burst, he’s so pleased.”

“I can only imagine.” As far as Graham could tell, Calvin thought nearly everything Lucy did was special. Remembering Loyal’s armful of oranges, he said, “Where did those oranges come from?” They definitely weren’t something they usually had on hand.

“Calvin, of course.” With a wink, Loyal rocked back on his feet. “He asked Uncle John to take him over to some fancy store in East Cleveland today. It turns out nothing makes Lucy happier right now than cold, sweet clementines.”

He laughed. “I’ll make sure I don’t swipe any, then. At least not when he’s looking.”

“I wouldn’t even swipe
one,
” Loyal said with a laugh. “Calvin’s right proud of that gift.”

“And Lucy? How did she receive them? Was she pleased?”

Loyal’s eyes softened. “Oh,
jah.
Very much so. She started crying and carrying on, saying how our brother spoils her.”

Knowing her history, Graham nodded. “I’m glad of that.”

Finally they started walking down the hall. “So, are you sure you’re okay? You have a strange look about you. Like something big is on your mind.”

“I’m fine. Just working through some things.”

“Well, we’d best go on in then before all the fine food is gone. Mamm and Ella have been cooking all day.”

His brother was right. The closer they got to the kitchen, the more tantalizing the aromas. His mouth watered as he smelled the unmistakable scent of sweet potato casserole, roast chicken, and roasted winter vegetables. But overriding it all was the wonderful scent of homemade yeast rolls.

Graham doubted anyone could make a batch of rolls like his mother.

He pasted a smile on his face, then strode into the kitchen, where everyone was gathered around the large oak table. As he approached, Calvin, Mamm, Katie, Lucy, Ella, and Uncle John each popped their heads up and smiled.

Lucy was the first to speak. “Graham, I’m so glad you made it here in time to join us.”

“And just in time for the big celebration, I see,” he said softly as he crossed the room to the butcher block table in the middle of the room and gently squeezed her shoulder. “Congratulations, Lucy. I hear you’re going to be expanding our family.”

She blushed. “That is true.”

Calvin walked to her side and took her hand. “She’s a miracle, don’tcha think?”

Graham wisely refrained from doing anything but agreeing wholeheartedly. “Absolutely.” He slapped Calvin on the shoulder. “When I came in, I ran into Loyal lugging about the biggest box of clementines I’ve ever seen.”

“Lucy loves them, so don’t eat any.”

Graham lifted a hand. “Believe me, I won’t.”

“Don’t listen to him, Graham,” Lucy said with a shy smile. “There is plenty to share.”

“You may share the fruit if you want, but just don’t forget about yourself,” Calvin said. “ I want you to have something special.”

“He spoils me,” Lucy said.

“Nonsense,” Ella said, coming forward, her full cheeks bright pink and shining under the usual wire-rimmed glasses. “I don’t think any of us can ever spoil Lucy too much.”

As if she was made of spun glass, Calvin gently pulled his wife closer to him, then slipped his hand around her waist. “How are you feeling? Lightheaded? Do you need to sit down?”

“Of course not.”

“If you do—”

“I’ll tell you.” Looking back over her shoulder, Lucy threw Graham an exasperated look.

Graham winked at her as he made his way to the sink. While washing his hands, he mused that Calvin’s and Lucy’s love for each other felt cleansing, too. If they could overcome all their problems, then perhaps there was someone special for each person in the world.

Unable to help himself, he said, “Is, uh, Mattie coming over?”

Lucy shook her head. “I asked her, but she said she had other plans. William is stopping by to see her tonight.”

Just as he expected, irritation and anger coursed through him again.

Uncle John stepped to his side. “Why don’t you take a seat and I’ll serve you some chicken.”

“There’s no need. I can do it . . .”

“Let yourself be helped, son,” John murmured. Lowering his voice, he added, “It’s obvious you’re troubled. I’ve already finished my meal. Let me help you.”

It was good advice. Graham did his best to push his worries to the side as he ate and caught up on the day’s events.

And listened about Lucy’s doctor’s appointment. And looked at Katie’s new picture book.

And heard about the new baby goat at Loyal’s and Ella’s farm.

He tried really hard to push all his worries about Mattie and William away. To forget about the fact that many in his community still thought he’d ruined Jenna.

Doing his best, he tried to care about little things, and to take the time to listen to Katie tell him about her day, too.

Later, he pulled out a dishcloth and helped the women dry the dishes, then went outside and helped Calvin bring in more firewood and stack it by the fireplace.

Hours later, when Loyal, Ella, and John left, after Calvin and Lucy and his mother went to prepare for bed, Graham knew he couldn’t wait a moment longer.

He grabbed his coat and a flashlight. He was going to go see Mattie and talk to her about William.

It didn’t matter that it was late. Or that he should probably visit her when his emotions weren’t running so high.

All that really mattered was that he wasn’t going to be able to rest or sit until he knew things with her were all right.

Only when he was walking in the dark did he dare admit the truth. He wanted to make sure things were all right with himself, too.