The Survivor (17 page)

She was stunned. “Why not?”

“Jenna, I promise, I wasn’t thinking about them when this happened. I stopped living my life for their approval years ago.” While she processed that, he murmured, “So, you promise that you’ll open the door for me?”

His lack of belief in her made Jenna feel even lower. “I promise.”

“Good.”

Before she knew it, she found herself smiling at him. Just like she used to when he’d rush around the counter to see her.

“Good.” Surprising her, he put his arm around her shoulders and guided her back to the sidewalk. “Are you walking the rest of the way?”

“Of course.”

Reaching out, he flicked a snowflake from the brim of her bonnet. “It’s snowing pretty good right now,” he stated, his voice all warm and cozy. “Will you be all right?”

Her mouth went dry. “Yes. I’ll be fine, Chris.”

“Sure? Because I don’t want you to get sick.”

“I’m not a child, Chris. I am fine.”

Looking less confident, he nodded. “Okay.”

Surprising her again, he reached out and brushed a finger against her cheek. His lips curved. “Jenna, you should have never avoided me. I promise you, I’m the last person in your life who you need to steer clear of. ” Then, before she could respond, Chris turned and walked away.

Now that the snow was beginning to fall in earnest, Jenna picked up her pace and walked faster. Funny how her quick pace seemed to be in time with her rapidly beating heart.

Chapter Twenty-Two

I
t turned out that Graham didn’t have to wait all that long to see William after all. On Tuesday morning, Scott had asked Graham, William, and Frank to accompany him on an installation. When the two other men had to make an emergency run to the hardware store, Graham knew the time was right to bring up Mattie.

Truth be told, he felt mighty uncomfortable about it. After all, he’d been the one to talk to William about Mattie. Furthermore, he’d kept his mouth shut when he’d discovered William had called on her.

But after a moment’s pause, Graham shrugged off his misgivings. He’d made his decision and he needed to stick to it.

Steeling his resolve, he joined William at the back of the truck. Picking up a pair of two-by-fours, he plunged in. “Listen, after you told me about you visiting Mattie so much, I’ve been thinking about it a lot.”

William looked at him from the corner of his eye as he scooted a gas-powered generator forward. “Why?”

Why? “I’ve been thinking about the two of you, and I wanted to talk to you about her.”

“Because?”

“Because she and I are friends,” Graham said as he made another trip from the truck to their workspace.

William raised his brows. “I know that.”

Graham’s mild irritation with William’s manner churned into a simmering anger. “So, I just want to tell you that lately things have changed between us. Between Mattie and me, I mean.”

William set an armful of wood down on the tailgate. “Changed . . . how?”

“We’ve become closer.” Thinking of their kiss, Graham felt himself blush. That embarrassed him. “So close, that, uh, I’d rather you not see her anymore.”

“That’s not your choice, Graham.”

“Listen, what Mattie and I have is special. It would be best for all involved if you just, you know, moved on.”

William shook his head. “I don’t think so. I’m planning to see her tonight, and that’s what I’m going to do.”

Everything inside of him protested. “Look, I’m trying to be reasonable about this. But you have to see—”

William cut him off. “What’s wrong, Graham? Having Jenna Yoder wasn’t enough?”

“Jenna has nothing to do with this.”

“I disagree.” His voice hardened. “You can’t have all the women, Graham. You need to get over that,
jah
? Now, are you going to help me unload, or just pry into my business some more?”

In answer, Graham grabbed the toolbox and carried it to the house. Though he did his best to keep his expression calm, inside, he knew he’d never been angrier. He was mad at William for being such a jerk, at Mattie for ever giving William the time of day, at Jenna for ruining his reputation, and at himself most of all.

None of this would have ever happened if he’d been brave enough to admit his attraction and love for Mattie years ago.

Truly, he only had himself to blame.

“T
here was no need for you to come over on your day off to work like this,” Loyal said from the other end of the measuring tape in his back bedroom. “I feel badly, taking up your extra time.”

Graham shook his head at his brother. “You know I don’t work full-time so I can still help around the farm.”

“But this isn’t our farm . . .”

“It’s yours, you’re my brother, so it’s mine, too. Right?”

After a pause, Loyal smiled. “
Jah.
I suppose you have a point there. Well, help me line this tape up carefully. The last thing Ella is going to want is crooked bookshelves in here.”

Dutifully, Graham held firm to the tape and double-checked the measurements. “Seventy-two inches?”

Loyal nodded. “That’s what I have as well. All right, then,” he said as he walked over to his makeshift workbench, marked the piece of oak, and then began to saw. “No going back now, eh?”

“I guess not.” After Loyal cut that piece of wood, he grabbed another. “I’m still surprised you’re making Ella a library of her own here. You’d think since she now works in a library, she wouldn’t need another one at home.”

Loyal smiled smugly. “That’s why she’s my
frau
and not yours. She loves books. I’m going to make her a little reading area in here. A place where she can have her books and sit in a rocking chair and relax.”

With so much to do around the house and barn, Graham still was having a difficult time understanding why Loyal was making a special room for Ella. It seemed like a waste of time. “What did she do when you told her you were doing this?”

“She cried.” Loyal grinned. “It was a mighty happy moment.”

Graham paused. It was comments like those that made him wish for something more. “You don’t have any doubts or regrets about your marriage, do you?”

Loyal paused in his cutting and looked at Graham curiously. “Not at all. Did you really think I would?”

“No.” Realizing how clumsy he sounded, Graham added, “What I meant to say was that I know you’ve known Ella a long time. I guess I’m just surprised that you fell in love with her so quickly.”

“You’re forgetting that we hadn’t been close. For most of our lives, we merely just nodded to each other in passing.” He paused. “We were never like you and Mattie, for example. You two are like two peas in a pod. A matched set.”

Graham frowned. “I don’t know what Mattie and I are now.”

“Really?”

“Things between us are pretty confusing, if you want to know the truth.”

“My advice is to talk to her. That’s what helped with me and Ella.”

“We keep meaning to talk . . . but for some reason we never get to the important stuff.” With a sigh, he added, “The truth is, I think I really messed things up between us.”

“How did you do that?”

“Things between us changed.” For a moment, Graham weighed the pros and cons of telling his brother more, then ultimately decided to tell him everything. He needed help.

After all, that’s why he came over, wasn’t it?

“She’s been kind of courting William from my work. Actually, I set them up.”

Loyal shook his head. “Oh, Graham. Then what happened?”

“Well, William turned out to be the wrong person for Mattie. Actually, he’s an irritating man.”

“So you should tell Mattie that—”

“I did. But when I talked to her about him, she told me that her outings with him were none of my business.”

With a wince, Loyal took off his hat and ran a hand through his hair. “And then what happened?”

“I kissed her,” he blurted.

Loyal smiled as he left the piece of wood and approached. “It’s about time.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Really, did everyone around him have to have so many personal opinions about his love life?

“For years, we’ve all been waiting for the two of you to come to your senses.”

Graham crossed his arms over his chest. “We?”

“Me, Calvin, Mamm, John. Even Katie.” With a grin, he added, “I say it hasn’t come a moment too soon.”

“We’ve just been friends.”

“You’ve been more than friends. She’s depended on you something fierce during all of her treatments.”

Remembering how she’d even sent for him sometimes, Graham knew it to be true. “But still . . .”

“She’s special to you. So, uh, is everything better with Jenna?”

“I suppose. I’ve been trying to avoid her,” Graham said, feeling the veins in his neck tightening even as he thought of the trouble she’d caused him. Still, there were lots of people who practically refused to acknowledge him. The last thing he ever wanted to do was be in the same room with Jenna Yoder.

But instead of looking sympathetic, his brother frowned. “I don’t think anything is over with. At least, it’s not for everyone.”

“Everyone else doesn’t matter.” If this experience had taught him anything, it was that it was wrong to depend on other people’s perception of him. He could only depend on himself and his relationship with God.

Loyal sighed. “I don’t think you’ll ever be able to move on if you don’t get things settled with Jenna. Find out why she’s been lying.” With a waving motion of his hands, he added, “Graham, you should go talk to her.”

And say what? Graham thought bitterly. It wasn’t like he owed her an apology. “There’s nothing for me to say.”

“Then maybe instead of going to talk, you should go to Jenna’s and listen to what she has to say.” Sounding almost like their father used to, Loyal added, “There’s got to be a reason she named you as the baby’s father. Go see what it is.”

Though he never would have admitted it, Graham was afraid. He’d never intended to lead her on, had he? Inadvertently? Had she named him the father as some kind of revenge? Out of a twisted spite?

Or was there something else that Jenna was battling? If so, he didn’t want to think about it.

“I just want to forget about her.”

“You know you can’t do that.”

“I can try.”

“That’s impossible, unless you want to do what Uncle John did and move away. But, then, he pretty much proved to us that it was hard to move away, too. Because you always want to come back.”

“Sooner or later,” Graham finished. Couldn’t he postpone things until later?

“Go see her tonight,” Loyal prodded. “Even if she doesn’t tell you what you want to hear, at least she’ll tell you something.”

“And what if nothing she tells me makes any sense? What if it’s nothing I want to hear?”

“The Lord never promises the right path is the easiest. But at least you’ll have some answers. And those answers would be more than you have right now.”

With reluctance, Graham got to his feet. This was going to be difficult, but he had a feeling that it would also unburden his heart and help things between him and Jenna heal. “I hate it when you’re right, brother.”

As expected, Loyal grinned over his shoulder. “I know. Of course, I kind of fancy the feeling myself.”

T
he doorbell rang. Mattie rushed to answer it, then found herself sputtering. “William?”

“Hi there, Mattie. I happened to be driving by.” His gaze skimmed over her slowly. “May I visit with you for a bit?”

“Well . . . I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” Looking at him, she wondered again about Graham’s mistrust of the man. Was he justified? Or had he simply been jealous?

“Mattie?” her mother called out from the kitchen. “Who is here?”

“William,” she said reluctantly.

Her mother popped out of the kitchen doorway, all smiles. “
Wilkum!
Would you like to come in for a spell and have some banana bread?”

“
Danke,
but . . .” William cast another meaningful look her way. “Perhaps in a little while?”

“Oh. Sure.” Her mother looked at them both, obviously curious as to why William had stopped over.

Mattie was curious, too. Especially since she thought she’d been pretty clear about her feelings that last time he’d stopped by.

But when William didn’t say anything, just looked at her in a heated way, Mattie knew they needed some time alone. Some things couldn’t be said with her mother’s sensitive ears listening for every snippet of conversation.

“I think we’re going to go to the barn,” she said, suddenly making a decision.

“Barn?”

“Yes. Um, William was interested in our new rabbits.” Glancing at him quickly, she added, “Weren’t you, William?”

“Very much so.”

Grabbing her cloak and black bonnet, Mattie tossed them both on and led the way outside. “I’m sorry to drag you out to the barn,” she said to him as they stepped down her front steps. “It’s so snowy and cold out. Too snowy to be tromping around. But I thought you might appreciate a bit of privacy.”

William smiled. “The barn is fine. I’m glad you thought of it.”

When they got inside, the building felt especially drafty and cold. So cold that she felt as if the wind was flowing right through her clothes. The cloak didn’t seem to offer any protection from the wind.

She shivered. “Here are the rabbits,” she said, showing him a stall lined well with shredded paper and straw. In the middle of it, six Dutch rabbits were snuggled together, looking like angels. “They’re sweet, don’tcha think?”

Dutifully, he leaned over the rail and looked at the bunnies. But he didn’t seem particularly interested in them. “Mattie, we both know I didn’t come to see the rabbits.”

She turned to him. “I know that.” Because he looked so ill at ease, she prodded a bit. “But what I don’t know is your real reason. Why did you really come over, William?”

“Because I wanted to see you again.”

“But I told you I didn’t think we’d suit.”

He stepped closer. “And I told you that I thought you hadn’t given us enough of a chance.”

“What are you talking about?” she asked, trying not to let his nearness disconcert her. But when he stepped even closer, effectively trapping her in his embrace, her mouth went dry. Licking her lips, she blurted, “We’ve tried and tried to talk to each other. You had to have realized that things between us were strained—”