The Swarm Trilogy (56 page)

“I’m alive.” I held my wrist out to her. “You can feel my heartbeat if you want.”

Sebrina stuck her tongue. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.” She sank onto the bed next to me, grabbing my hands in hers.

“I know. You’re talking about Chase and me.”

“He loves you, any fool can see that. But do you love him back?”

This time it was my turn to glance down at my dress. “I think I might.”

Sebrina placed a finger under my chin, gently forcing it upward. “You might?”

“Okay, okay.” I pushed her finger away. “I do. It’s so different than what I felt for Bryden.”

“It’s supposed to be, Lianne. Will isn’t the first man I’ve fallen for.”

My eyes widened. I’d forgotten how little I knew about my twin. “He’s not?”

“Of course not. It’s different every time. I might have even had some teeny little feelings for Bryden too.”

I knocked her on the shoulder. “I knew it! I knew there was something going on between the two of you, but you both denied it!”

“It was just me. Bryden never glanced at me twice. You and I are twins, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew what he wanted and that was you, Lianne.” She sighed, placing her hands over her heart. “What is it with you and these guys who would do anything for you?”

I shrugged. I’d never asked for any of it. “Don’t know.”

“You don’t know how to let anyone love you, do you?”

I sat still, afraid to move, afraid to say anything.

“I’m sorry you weren’t loved the way you should have been growing up. You are totally worthy of a love that spans the farthest reaches of the world.”

Before I could hold it in, a laugh bubbled up in my throat and escaped through my lips. “What the heck does that mean?” I doubled over, wrapping my arms around my stomach, giggling into the nearest pillow.

“Stop! I’m not eloquent, I get that. You don’t have to rub it in!”

As I sat up, a pillow landed squarely on my face. “Hey!” I grabbed the nearest pillow, hitting her back lightly. I knew I was stronger than Sebrina. I didn’t want to hurt her.

“Okay, truce!” She dropped the pillow and held her hands up. “I just want you to know that no matter what you’ve done or who you’ve been, you’re totally worthy of love again. Bryden wouldn’t want you to be lonely.”

“Everyone keeps saying that,” I muttered.

“Probably because it’s true. You’re just too thick headed to listen to anyone. But I have to tell you that you better not let Chase get away. Eventually he’ll give up on you. Don’t be stupid, Lianne. Tell him how you feel. Don’t let what you heard last night get in the way of that.”

I nodded. She was right. Even if it was Bryden, I couldn’t have a relationship with a voice. I squeezed my hands into fists. “I’ll do it. I’ll tell him.”

“Tonight?” Sebrina asked.

“Soon.”

“Tonight, Lianne. Don’t wait. Grab life with both hands and don’t let go.” Sebrina’s eyes twinkled. “Or grab, Chase.”

I rolled my eyes and groaned.

“Sorry,” she said, “I had to.” Sebrina pushed me until I scooted off the bed. “You need to leave. Will’s going to be here soon. It’s not that I don’t want him to meet you right now, I just need to get ready. We’re going for a walk in the gardens.”

“You don’t have to explain.” I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. “I’ll see you soon, okay? Have fun today.”

“Thanks! Oh, and use the door next time.” Sebrina grabbed a comb, dragging it through her unruly hair. I reached over and pinched her cheeks, giving them a healthy glow. “I missed you every day when I was growing up. I knew you were out there somewhere. I’m so glad we’re finally together.”

“It’s just the beginning for us, isn’t it?” I envied her. I never knew I had a sister out there. I’d always been alone.

“It is. There’s so much more to come for us.”

A knock at the door startled us both. “I’ll get out of here.” I winked at Sebrina and opened a portal. Except it wasn’t to go back to my room. I wanted to talk to our mother one more time before requesting an audience with the council.

Chapter Twenty-One

Instead of entering outside the cottages, I ported directly into the cottage my mother, Mags, and Trevin shared. Mags jumped when I appeared.

“Lianne!” Her laugh rang out through the cottage. “I’m glad you’re back, but you scared me!”

“Where’s my mother?” I didn’t waste any time with pleasantries. Too much was at stake.

“She’s eating her morning meal. Trevin and I finished early, so we came back here to rest. He’s teething, which means he’s not sleeping. We’re both exhausted.” She stretched her arms over her head and yawned.

“I’m so sorry. I’ll come back another time.” I paced around the tiny cottage, wringing my hands. I needed answers.

She grabbed my hand. “No you don’t. Sit down right here. We can talk. Trevin will probably sleep right through it.”

“What about you?” Being a mother was exhausting. I’d seen Mags will all three of her boys since they were babies. She rarely got sleep, particularly when new teeth were about to emerge.

“I’ll be fine. It’ll be nice to have someone to talk to.” She glanced at me. “Oh, sorry. Your mother’s a fine roommate, but she’s not exactly talkative.”

I nodded my head. “She can be intense.”

“That’s putting it mildly,” Mags said. “So tell me why you’re here.”

“There’s some really crazy stuff happening and I don’t know how to make sense of any of it.”

The door creaked open. My mother stood in the doorway, blocking the sunlight behind her. “I think I can help you.”

“I think you can too.”

My mother looked at Mags. “Can you leave us?”

“She can stay,” I said.

“No,” Mags said, scooping a newly awakened Trevin from his bed, “I don’t mind. There’s nothing I can do to help, other than lend an ear. I have to take care of Trevin. He needs to be changed and I’m sure he’s hungry.”

Mags leaned over and kissed me on top of my head. With a smile and a shrug, she left us alone.

My mother took a seat at the table, folding her hands together on top of the table. “You told me how I tried to steal your magic from you. I thought perhaps if you returned mine, we could work together to bring your lover back. It’s the least I can do to make up for all of the cruel things I’ve done to you. And to him.”

“Bring him back? What do you mean?” My stomach turned. What could she mean by that? There was no way she could have known I heard Bryden’s voice last night.

A smile unfurled on her lips. It was sweet, unlike anything I’d ever seen from her. “Maybe there’s a way we can reconnect the two of you.”

I released a breath. For a moment, I thought she was suggesting we dig up his body and reanimate him. A shudder tore through my body. No matter how much I loved him, I’d never consider that. But if she was right, if there was a way I could talk to him again, I’d try almost anything. It might be the closure I needed to finally allow myself to open up to others.

“I wouldn’t have any idea how to give your magic back to you.” I wasn’t sure I wanted to. Even though I was sure she’d changed, reversing the severing would go against everything Reychel had done to secure the safety of her people.

“Of course you wouldn’t. It was just a silly notion. I only want to help you, Lianne. I want to make things better.” She was watching me like a hawk. I thought I saw a flash of anger in her eye, but she blinked and it was gone. I’d imagined it, still nervous about who she used to be. It wasn’t fair of me to continue to judge her when that person was long gone.

She reached out, brushing a curl of hair behind my ear. “My sweet daughter. I’d do anything to make you happy. I hope you know that. I only thought that if I had found a way to take yours, maybe you could reverse it and give mine back. I could use it for good. Make up for the harm I caused you.”

I nodded, tears burning behind my eyelids. “I’ll find a way to get you out of here, Mother.”

“We can be a little family. You and me.”

“And Sebrina,” I said quickly. We couldn’t be complete without my twin sister.

“Of course, that’s what I meant.”

Had she forgotten Sebrina? Perhaps. None of this was clear and I’d told her so much of her history. I just wasn’t sure how she could so easily forget another daughter. Neither of us was more important than the other, though Sebrina had grown up with her while we’d only recently met again.

“I thought maybe when you came back it meant you had already come up with a plan.”

Guilt gnawed at me. I had told her I’d be back with a way out. I hadn’t pursued it yet, though. I was too busy trying to figure out if I should try to contact Bryden again. I’d let my own selfish wants get in the way of helping them.

“I’m sorry. Last night was distracting. I’ll go back now. I promise I’ll figure something out.”

She nodded. A small tear formed in the corner of her eye. Discreetly, she bowed her head, wiping it away with her thumb. Then I really felt awful. I shut my eyes, but it was impossible to push away the guilt gnawing at my stomach. Here she was, trapped in a village, her memories ripped away from her. I had to find her a way out of here.

Chapter Twenty-Two

I sat down on my bed, my head in my hands. Too much was happening too fast. After months of ignoring the world around me, it was all crashing in on me like an errant wave. I struggled to breathe, to make sense of everything I had to do. Finally, some of the pieces were coming together. Sebrina’s idea of severing everyone, no matter how offhand, was the perfect solution.

I didn’t know how to find the council without help. I only knew about them because Johna told me they made the decision to sever my mother. I straightened out my clothes, ran my fingers through my hair, and left my chambers.

I strode through the stone hallways, determined to find Johna and demand she take me to this mysterious council. I needed their approval and help, and I hoped I would get it. According to Elessia, the Malborn were coming soon. We needed to be prepared. I couldn’t fight them alone and no one here seemed intent on readying for war. If I couldn’t fight back, then I’d take away their only weapon.

No one needed magic to survive. All it did was tear us apart, dividing us into various shades of evil. So few used it for good. It wasn’t worth preserving.

My blood boiled in my stomach. I picked up the pace, stomping my heavy boots on the tile floor while I pushed past people in the hallway. Whispers travelled faster than me, and soon enough everyone stood to the side of the hall, letting me pass without intervention.

I could imagine what they thought as my black cape fluttered in the wind behind my black dress, my silver hair billowing over my shoulders. If I weren’t so focused on reaching Johna, I might have chuckled to myself. I didn’t have time for laughter now. I had to focus on my goal. Now that I had a chance to make a difference, to end the war, I was going to grab it with both hands until I choked the answers out of the council.

I stopped at Johna’s door, but the crowd didn’t dissipate. Instead, many had followed me, hanging back a few paces, but still obviously curious what had gotten me so riled up.

“Did any of you hear what I did to the Malborn army in Fithia?” Only a brave couple nodded their heads. The rest tried to hide the fear in their eyes. “Then, you know what happens when I lose control. Don’t force me to release my anger here.”

The crowd dispersed quickly, leaving nothing in the hallway but fading whispers. I raised my hand to knock on the door, but before my fist could connect with the dark wood, the door creaked open.

“I didn’t think you’d actually come to my door when I told you to stop opening portals directly into my room.” Johna grabbed my hand, pulling me into her room.

“How did you know I was out there?”

“Your little entourage made a racket. Usually people are very quiet and respectful outside my little herbal room. I knew something was up when traffic slowed and whispers grew louder. I may have also listened at the door.” Johna winked at me. “A little knowledge always comes in handy.”

“So you could have come out and made them all go away before I had to threaten them?” I planted my fists on my hips, cocking my head as I eyed Johna.

She shrugged. “Never hurts to let people take care of themselves.”

I rolled my eyes. “Thanks for nothing.”

“You’re welcome, child.” She headed back to her table, which was covered in lavender clippings. Her knobby fingers deftly swept them into piles. She tied ribbon on the end of each bunch, and then attached it to a drying rack on the wall. “I know you well enough to realize you’re not here for a casual chat.”

My heart sank for a moment. I wished I had shown up just to spend time with her for no other reason than enjoying her company. I couldn’t rest. Not yet. “I need to meet with the council.”

Johna dropped the lavender she’d been grasping between her forefinger and thumb. It landed on the table, releasing a relaxing scent into the air. I took a deep breath. Lavender was new to me, and I found it intoxicating. It reminded me of Trevin after a bath. Clean. Fresh. Sweet.