The Tension of Opposites (19 page)

“What're you doing out here?” I asked as I sat on the bench next to Elle. The leaves on the tree above us were budding, these fresh green tendrils stretching out toward the sun.

“Just sitting,” she said, pointing to the notebook and pen at her side. “I was working on an assignment before you pulled up.”

I nodded, staring into the leaping fountain, listening to the crash of the water.

“Where were you headed?” She nodded at my Jeep, which I'd parked along the side of the road.

“I was out looking for Max.”

“Oh, yeah?” She raised her eyebrows and pulled her legs to her chest, wrapping her arms around her knees. “Did you find him?”

“The Mustang's parked in his driveway.” I pressed my palms into my eyes and laughed. “I drove past his house, like, three times. But I was too chicken to stop.”

“It's not going to get better until you deal with it.”

I pushed Elle's knees, causing her to sway to the side. “What are you, a shrink-in-training?”

“You know, as much as I hated her in the beginning, for forcing me to remember stuff I'd pushed down, for making me talk and talk and talk, and for giving me all these stupid assignments”—Elle slapped the front of the notebook, the butterfly muffling the sound—“she's actually helped.”

“Well, that's good,” I said. “What was your assignment this time? Something about Chip?”

“God, no. She's been all over that since the beginning. Making me delve into my reasons for choosing someone who is emotionally unavailable. Guiding me to realize that I deserve happiness, and that guys like Chip aren't going to help me attain any balance or stability in life. Crap like that.” Elle plopped her feet to the thick grass covering the ground.

“Well, she sounds pretty smart.”

“Yeah. But guys like Chip … they're just so damn hot.”

I laughed, thinking that she really hadn't changed all that much.

“For this assignment, I'm supposed to list all the reasons I decided to escape. And all the things I have to look forward to now that I'm home.”

“Can I read it?” I asked before I could stop myself. “I mean, not if you don't want me to. It's just one of those things I've always wondered. Why, after all that time, you risked it and got away.”

“You don't need to read it,” she said. “There are only two things on the first list.”

I held my breath, waiting.

“I left because he said I needed a sister. And I knew that meant he was getting ready to kill me.” She looked at me and shrugged. “I think I'd become a little too old for his taste.”

“You say that he was going to kill you like it's nothing.”

“Back then, that's how it felt. I had worked so hard to make myself numb, I was this total void inside.”

“But you must have felt something, I mean, to figure out a plan and put it into motion.”

“I dunno.” Elle closed her eyes and tilted her face toward the sunlight trickling through the branches of the tree. “I think it was more about not letting him win.”

“Well,” I said, chuckling, “I'm glad you're so competitive.”

“I didn't mean it like—” Elle turned and faced me. “You heard all that stuff on the news about how there had been others, right?”

I nodded, holding my hands tight, because every time I heard their names or saw their faces, I got a little shaky.

“One night, I found a bunch of pictures and some videotapes of kids about my age, maybe a little younger. I wasn't stupid. I knew that none of them had gotten away from him.”

I rubbed my fingers along the wings of the blue butterfly, feeling the rise and fall of the fabric, listening to the sound of Elle's voice.

“That's what made me want to beat him. And when he started talking about a sister, I knew my time was almost up.”

“You were pretty brave. I mean, you could've just left, right? But you made sure he couldn't hurt anyone ever again.”

“But I couldn't have
just left
.” Elle fisted one hand and pounded it on her knee, emphasizing the last two words. “That's what people don't get. He knew where I lived. He repeated my address all the time, this sneer stretching across his fat face like it was some game. My home, everything about it, was his biggest hold on me.”

“How'd he know all that?” I asked. “How'd he know your name that day in the park?”

“He told me that he picked me. That I was special. And that he'd been watching me for a long time before he finally decided I was the one.”

I swallowed hard, not sure what to say.

“I have no clue how he found me, how he learned all the details of my life, or why he chose me in the first place. But, after months and months trying to figure it out, I realized that it didn't matter. If someone wants to have you, they're going to be able to make it happen.”

“That's why you took the risk to make sure he'd be captured? To keep your family safe? You thought he'd come after you.”

“I didn't
think
it. I
knew
it. If I had just left, he would have found a way to punish me.”

I took a deep breath. “I don't understand why you haven't told anyone. At least your parents.”

“My parents and Coop have already been through so much.” Elle swiveled her head from side to side. “They'd blame themselves. And I can't let that happen.”

“What about the other list?” I asked. “The one about all the stuff you have to look forward to now that you're home.”

Elle smiled and reached for the notebook. “That one's more fun,” she said, flipping through the pages. She plopped the book on my lap and tapped her finger on the top of the page.

“That's nice,” I said, my eyes tripping over the last three words, my thoughts turning to Max.

“It's perfect,” Elle said. “I mean, before this, I didn't think much about the future. It's like I have to retrain my brain or something, to think ahead more than a few days.”

I flipped through the last pages of the notebook, all of them blank and clear of pain. “You should fill the rest of the pages with things you want to do.”

“Yeah.” Elle grabbed the notebook and plucked the pen from the seat of the bench. “Like going to prom. And graduating.” She scribbled the words on the blank lines below
Falling in love
.

“Making it into Ohio State,” I offered.

“How could I have forgotten that one?” Elle's hand moved furiously fast. “Living in my very own apartment. Getting engaged.”

I leaned back against the bench, watching as Elle remembered all of her dreams, the dimple in her left cheek coming to life once again. And like her, for the first time in a long time, I started to think about what was important to me.

I tripped over a root half buried in the muddy trail, sprawling my arms in the air to steady myself. Grandpa Lou's camera, which was slung over my shoulder, slammed into my back. I wanted to scream. Not from pain, but from overwhelming frustration.

I knew he was there. Somewhere. His car was in the parking lot. And when I'd placed my hand on the hood of the Mustang, it had been warm to the touch. My breath became all shaky in that moment, as I listened to the popping sound of the settling engine, thinking about what I had to do.

But he wasn't at the Three Sisters.

And his phone was going straight to voice mail.

My thighs burned as I fought my way up a steep hill, away from the bubbling stream that ran through the lower section of the nature reserve. My breath came in huffs, and I couldn't seem to suck in enough air. I paused against the rough bark of a tree at the top of the hill, feeling drops of sweat trickle down the back of my neck. Birds chirped overhead, and I wished I could have their view for even a few minutes. Maybe that way I could find him.

As I waited for my breathing to become more even and controlled, I noticed the entrance to a clearing ten feet away. Through thick branches, I saw the fluttering pinkish white blossoms of several cherry trees. I almost walked past them, but when I reached the grassy path to the clearing and a large gust of wind blew through, tossing handfuls of petals into the wind, I couldn't stop myself from entering.

And when I saw what was in the center of that whirlwind, I actually laughed out loud.

He turned to face me as I pressed the viewfinder to my eye. He looked confused, the wrinkles creasing his forehead muted by a passing cloud.

“Hey,” I said.

He flashed me a half smile. “You scared me,” he said, pushing a wave of curls from his face.

I pressed the shutter-release button and caught him as he looked at me.

“You get some good shots?” I asked, lowering my camera and taking a few steps toward him.

“I hope so,” he said, looking up at the white blossoms.

Another gust of wind burst through the trees, curling up the perimeter of the clearing, whisking hundreds of delicate petals into the air. They dipped and flipped like large flakes of snow.

“It feels like we're in a snow globe,” I said, flinging my hands out in the air and swirling in a slow circle. When I stopped, I noticed he hadn't moved. Not one step toward me. Not one step away. “Am I freaking you out or something?”

He pressed his lips together in a way that made me think he was trying not to smile. “Why?”

“I dunno,” I said. “Something about your eyes.”

He shook his head. “That's about this girl.”

I took three steps toward him. “Oh, yeah?”

He nodded. “She kind of broke my heart.”

“Sounds awful.”

Max sat on the ground, on the blanket of petals that covered the grass, and placed his camera next to him. “It was.”

I walked toward him, pulling the strap of my camera over my head. “You seem pretty nice and all.”

He shrugged. “I like to think so.”

I sat next to him, put my camera right next to his, and stretched out my legs. “Wanna tell me what happened?”

He raised his eyebrows and splayed his hands in the air. “She blew me off for her friend.”

“Maybe,” I said, squeezing his knee, “her friend needed her.”

He tucked a curl behind his ear and nodded. “She did.”

“So … you'd forgive her?” I asked. “If she apologized?”

“Dunno,” he said, looking at me.

I placed a hand on his cheek, feeling the stubble on his skin. “I'm really sorry.”

He smiled, the lines around his mouth marking the humor he found in the moment. “Good.”

“Good?” I pulled my hand away and lay back on the grass. “That's a little harsh, isn't it?”

Max lay on his back, the heat from his body radiating toward me, reminding me of that night in his room when our skin touching had practically melted us into one. I was dizzy with the need to feel him like that again.

“No more harsh than all the times you chose her over me.” There was no anger or accusation in his voice. Just simple honesty.

Above, the petals swirled in the air, falling lazily around us, fluttering across our bodies.

“Okay,” I said. “That's fair.”

“You think you can stop?”

“What?” I turned my head, taking in the familiar curves of his profile with my eyes.

“Putting her first.”

“It's not a competition,” I said with a sigh. “She's my best friend.”

“I'm not talking about putting her before
me
.” Max turned his head. Our noses were inches apart. “I'm talking about how you always put her before
yourself
.”

I closed my eyes. Wished that I could snap my fingers and let it go. “I can try,” I said.

And then his hand was on my cheek, his thumb tracing the line of my lower lip. I inched forward, and our mouths found each other, pressing together with the heat and desire that I had been craving since he'd walked away from me that night at the party.

And I wanted him.

All of him.

And I knew, as the silky petals twisted into our hair and our bodies pressed against each other, that I wouldn't let him go again.

“Are you coming?” I asked, my cell phone pressed against my face.

“You're already there?” Elle sounded surprised.

“Um, yeah.” I pulled at Max's arm and gently twisted his wrist, checking his watch. “I said seven. It's seven fifteen.”

Max raised his eyebrows. Mouthed,
Is she coming?

I shrugged.
She better.

“I'm almost ready.” Elle's words came out shaky, and I pictured her running down her steps.

“Well, hurry. The light's almost perfect.” I glanced at three boys walking down the street. They carried a baseball bat and two gloves. One threw a ball up in the air and caught it over and over. “And this is my only chance.”

“Okay, okay. Geesh!”

I flipped the phone shut and looked at Max, who was facing away from me, pointing a digital camera toward the crystal plume of the fountain. The water glowed in the soft light of the setting sun.

I took several steps toward Max, my bare feet sinking into the cool grass, and placed my hands on his shoulders.

“Will it work?” I asked.

“If you two sit right where I put your flip-flops, it should line up just like you want.”

“Cool.” I turned and looked past the leafy limbs of the sweet gum to find Elle rounding the corner of her street and heading toward the park.

I was so surprised to see her riding a bike it kind of knocked the breath out of me. It wasn't that she was on the red Schwinn I found deserted all those years ago. But still. Elle and a bike just didn't go together. Not anymore.

“Why are you staring like that?” Elle asked as she rode up and hopped off the seat of the bike, her hair swinging from one shoulder to the other.

“I-I'm just surprised you got here so fast,” I stammered.

Elle lowered the kickstand and let go of the handlebars. She turned into the fading sunlight, a burnt-orange tint washing over her face. “No freaking way,” she said, ducking behind me. “He must've sprinted the whole way.”

Max put his hand above his eyes, shielding them from the sun, and stared across the field at a tall body advancing toward us. “Isn't that your brother?”

“Yeah.” Elle swung out from behind me and started waving like an overeager first grader. “He caught me.”

“Elle,” Coop said, his breath coming out in quick huffs. “What part of ‘No, you cannot take my bike' was so hard for you to understand?” Coop swiped his bangs out of his eyes and glared at his sister.

Elle shrugged. “Sorry,” she said, pointing at me. “I had to choose between Pooper's Wrath or the Fury of the Goody-Goody.”

Coop crossed his arms over his chest. “And I lost out, huh?”

Elle pointed at me. “She's
way
scarier than you.”

I propped a hand on my hip. “I'm not scary.”

Max laughed.

“I'm not,” I insisted.

“Obviously you've never kept yourself waiting,” Elle said.

“Whatever, okay?” Coop said, grabbing his bike and spinning it around. “I'm late for this thing with Allie Junette.”

“Ooooh,” Elle and I both cooed at the same time.

“Shut up, will you?” Coop swung a leg over the crossbar of his bike and started to pedal away.

“You might want to wash off some of that cologne,” Elle shouted after him. “You smell like you were attacked by a bunch of girls spraying the latest fragrance from Abercrombie.”

“That sounds like fun,” Coop yelled over his shoulder, flashing a huge grin.

As Coop pedaled toward the street, Max looked up at the sky, which was fading from its burnt orange to a raspberry pink.

“It's time.” He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and kissed my cheek, knowing that this moment was charged with stormy emotion.

“I still don't get this,” Elle said.

“You're not supposed to.” I walked toward the flip-flops and listened as she followed, her feet rustling the grass behind me.

“But I'll find out next weekend?” she asked.

“If you take off your shoes,” I said, sitting at the edge of the water.