The Tome of Bill Compendium Vol. 1 (Books 1-4) (57 page)

“Wiped?”

“Yes. They didn’t just disappear in a puff of smoke...or did you think that they had?”

“Well...” I said. Actually, I had never bothered to wonder. Now that he mentioned it, I guess immortals wouldn’t just normally disappear unless something happened to them.

“What the portents did not tell us was that the reborn Freewill would be so...unimpressive,” he continued.

“You apparently haven’t seen Bill in action,” commented Sally. Hard to tell if she was complimenting me or agreeing with him.

He ignored her and went on. “All of our divinings pointed to you, but we couldn’t be sure. We couldn’t risk warfare with the vampires over a nobody. Thus we have been watching you, waiting for confirmation.”

“So you took a job at my place just to keep tabs on me?”

“Yes. Although the sign-on bonus wasn’t half bad either,” he replied. Asshole just had to rub it in. “However, I needn’t have bothered. If I had known how readily your friend here would spill his guts in exchange for a little female companionship, I would have sent my protégé in sooner.”

Let that be a lesson to you, my male friends. Never underestimate the power of the pussy.

He continued with his insane monologue, “Tonight only further confirmed your status...or did you think I hadn’t noticed your little
transformation
outside of the cafe?”

“You saw that?”

“I see
many
things,” he said as what looked like an electric charge passed behind his eyes. Ooh, spooky.

“I see things, too. For example, I saw your ass get shot down tonight,” I snarked at him, but it was weak. The ball was back in his court.

He continued, his grin growing wider. “Thus I saw no reason to hesitate any longer. Our legends tell that your coming heralds disaster for my people. Thus if you are erased, that future cannot come to pass.”

“So you’re saying I’m gonna kill all the wizards? You know, it’d be funny if that happened, especially considering that before tonight I had nothing against you. Hell, I didn’t even know you existed.”

“Not you, fool,” he replied.

“Not me what?”

“Not you! You aren’t the one to bring disaster to us.”

“But you just said...”

“I said your coming heralds it. There’s a difference.”

“Okay, I’m confused now,” I said.

“Just now?” Sally asked. “I haven’t understood a word of what this whackjob has been saying for at least ten minutes.”

“ICONS!” he screamed.

“Huh?”

“Your coming foretells their return. If the Freewills shall ever return, so, too, shall the Icons of faith. It was they who decimated the Magi so long ago. If they return, they shall do so again,” he raved.

Okay, I had heard of Icons. They were supposedly people of such great faith that their whole bodies became living, breathing weapons against vampires. They could turn us into French fries just by their touch, but they were supposed to be as rare as vampires like me, maybe even more so.

“I thought Icons fought vampires.” I said with some confusion.

“Some did in the distant past. But then Christianity came. The vampires slunk off into the shadows before its wake and became nothing more than legends to the humans. My ancestors were not so fortunate,” he said, a little touch of mania starting to enter his voice. “Once, we were like
deities
to the people. We protected them against your kind and the other scourges of the night, and in return they made us their priests, their wise-men, their
god kings
!”

“Let me guess,” I interrupted. “Then this little thing called the Inquisition hit.”

“Yes!” he snarled. “That and other uprisings like it. Those who had praised us suddenly turned on us. They called us tools of Satan and suffered us not to live. We fought back and might have won if not for the zealots...the Icons...amongst them. They were able to resist our powers and drag us from our many seats of power. We were hunted almost to extinction before we, too, managed to retreat into the relative safety of legend, where we have waited ever since.”

“So let me get this straight,” I said, “you think that my being here heralds the return of another group and that if you kill me it somehow cancels out them as well?”

“Yes.”

“That is one of the stupidest fucking things I think I have ever heard.”

“How dare you...”

“No, seriously,” I interrupted. “It makes no sense. You have about the biggest, stupidest case of circular logic that I’ve ever seen. It’s not much better than ‘a duck has two legs, I have two legs, therefore I must be a duck.’ Think about it. I’ll wait. You are in marketing, after all.”

“I did not expect you to understand. You are not even a man anymore; just an animal. What did you think that woman would ever see in
you
? She could no more love you than she could a beast,” he sneered.

Ooh, that was low. I didn’t want to do this, but now it was time to get nasty.

I tensed up and blurted out, “
Wingardium Leviosa
!” (
What? Hasn’t everyone read those books by now?
)

“What?” he spat.

“
Accio
...err, asskicking?” I replied.

“Cut that out!”

I threw in a bad English accent to top things off. “Or what, you’ll make me drink
polyjuice
potion?”

“I’ll kill you right now.”

“Oh no!
Avada Kedavra
...ugh!” I said, rolling my head back and playing dead.

“I do not find this amusing.”

I lifted my head and shouted, “
Stupefy
! Oh wait, too late. Guess someone got you with that one already.”

“Enough!” he screamed and threw up his hands. There was an electric jolt through the air, and suddenly I found myself flying back. I slammed into the wall and went down in a heap. I pretty much felt like I had just been put through a microwave, but a quick tense of my muscles confirmed that whatever he had just done had also broken his little containment spell.

I stood up and turned to face him and his little bitch of a witch, too.

I had no idea what the hell to do against them, but that didn’t stop me from throwing them a grin of my own and saying, “Here I am, assholes. Rock you like a hurricane!”

And that’s when the front door blew off its hinges.

Well, even if that line did sound lame, the follow through was pretty damn badass. Pity it wasn’t mine. Unfortunately, there was also nothing about it that boded well for me. Decker and his bullshit had hit at exactly the wrong time in my life. Yeah, okay, there probably wasn’t actually a right time for a coven of witches to come along and declare that I needed to die so that they could go on frolicking naked in the woods during the full moon. I especially didn’t need this crap right then, since it served to distract me from the assassins that were on a mission to turn my skull into an ashtray. I had been so preoccupied with Decker’s loony ramblings that I had forgotten we were stuck in the loft, a place the assassins already had a heads-up about (
just ask Dusk Reaper
).

The front door, despite being of the heavy duty security variety, literally flew off its hinges and went slamming into the far wall. If anyone had been standing behind it, they would have been pancaked. Nergui stood in the doorway, flanked by his two death-dealing flunkies, Bang (
damn, that never stopped being funny
) and Cheng-gong.

“Give us the princess, and your death will be painless,” Nergui said to me, ignoring the others in the room.

The odds were pretty skewed against me, no matter how you looked at them. Three assassins and two mages on team ‘Fuck-up Bill’s Day’ versus just three allies on my side, all of whom were either restrained, unconscious, or both.

Fortunately, that whole
the enemy of my enemy is my friend
thing is mostly bullshit. Decker’s ego was too big to allow the three bruisers at the door to do his dirty work for him. “The Freewill is mine, vampire filth,” he hissed, bringing his hands up in a defensive gesture. Christy did likewise. Bunch of idiots. If Nergui killed me, then their insane little problem would be solved. Not that I was complaining if they wanted to fight it out, mind you. Still, what a pack of morons.

“His life is ours...” Nergui gave a sniff of the air and spat out, “
maapamba
. Leave now, and you will live.” He and his three companions stepped into the room. They unsheathed nasty looking daggers,
silver
daggers.

I stepped back, not wanting any part of the sharp objects being brandished at me. “Sorry, Harry,” I said to Decker. “They’ve got dibs. Good for you because I’m afraid of them. You...not so much.”

“Then I shall teach you fear, beast,” he snarled, pretty much right on cue. I tell you, some people are just no challenge.

Decker and Christy both murmured something unintelligible and gestured again. What can best be described as a distortion in the air appeared in front of them and then rushed forward to slam into my three would-be killers.

It looked impressive, like something right out of Hollywood, but it more or less did dick. The three vampires were pushed back and slammed into the wall, but none lost their footing. I don’t think Harry was quite prepared for three elder vampire warriors. Guess he was still a first year at Hogwarts. Maybe he and Christy should go back to practicing their card tricks.

Though no damage appeared to be done, Decker was at least proving to be a distraction for the vamps. Nergui turned to Cheng-gong and gave a nod. Cheng threw his dagger. It landed hilt-deep in the floor at Decker’s feet.

“That will be the only warning,” Nergui said to him.

Decker glared back, a look of madness in his eyes. He did not like being casually dismissed, not one bit. He actually started to glow. It started out as a dim white light, but quickly turned an angry red.

What occurred next happened fast.

* * *

Nergui barked something, and Bang let loose with his dagger in my direction. However, right before the knife left his hand, Harry Decker let loose with...well, whatever he let loose with. The red glow leapt from him across the room, directly at Nergui. Cheng-gong uttered a shout of warning and dove in front of it. The blast hit him full on.

The backlash of it ruined Bang’s aim. The dagger slammed into the wall not an inch from my face, close enough so that I felt the air it displaced as it flew by. I’d like to tell you that I just stood there rooted to the spot, an arrogant sneer on my face at the pathetic failed attack on me. The first part was true at least. I was rooted to the spot, all right, but the only thing that kept me from screaming and cowering like a little girl was the spectacle of what happened to Cheng.

Decker’s attack enveloped him in the red glow, and Cheng-gong exploded in a shower of sparks and dust. Holy shit, the wizard had game after all. I never thought I would be happy that a bunch of assassins had burst in to try to kill me. I had no qualms about admitting that whatever Decker had done to Cheng would have likewise left me little more than dust in the wind.

This was turning serious. Unfortunately, it was almost over, too. The glow left Decker, and he collapsed to the ground with a glazed look in his eyes. Guess he had blown his load with that last attack. I’d keep that in mind for later...if there was a later. He had some nasty guns, but apparently limited ammunition. Good to know. If I could figure out a way to keep him from blasting me to ash on the first try, I’d be set.

He was no longer the problem, at least not until his batteries recharged; however, that still left two ancient vampires with a hard-on for some killing. Still, two was better than three. After this was all said and done, maybe I’d send a fruit basket to Decker’s office. Or maybe that should be a funeral wreath instead, as he now had Nergui and Bang’s full attention. That’s the thing with teams. You somehow manage to kill Howling Mad Murdock, and you’ve still got Face, Hannibal, and BA Baracus to deal with. Both assassins faced the dazed wizard and hissed through their fangs. This was not going to be pretty.

Speaking of pretty, a gorgeous blonde projectile suddenly slammed into Nergui and Bang, taking them both off their feet. Way to go, Sally! The wonder twins’ concentration on her bonds must have faltered as the battle started. Sally could have probably easily dispatched both of them but she wasn’t stupid. She knew who the bigger threat here was.

As the three vampires went down in a heap, I heard Decker’s voice wheeze, “This isn’t finished, Freewill. (
yeah yeah, haven’t heard that one before
) Get us out of here!”

Christy started to repeat the same movements she’d made back when she dismissed Gan. Before she could finish, though, I locked eyes with her. “Take them with you...
please
,” I said.

She gave me a hard look back, but then her gaze softened and she looked away. A moment later her, Decker and my two bound roommates disappeared from the room. Thank God. Who knows, maybe she actually had some real feelings for Tom (
for whatever insane reason
). More likely, she knew that two helpless humans stood absolutely no chance of surviving. Whatever the reason, my roommates were out of there at least. The only potential problem was if they all went back to my apartment. A very angry Gan might be waiting for them. There was no time to worry about that, though. I had to be content with hoping for the best.

I ran to the pile of tangled vampires just as Nergui flung Sally off him. Bang had still not made it back to his feet, so I, in classic unsportsmanlike manner, kicked him in the face while he was still down. It was a solid connect, and he went flying, but I had no delusions that my strength was anywhere close to what was needed to make him stay down. Then again, maybe I could do something about that.