The Totems of Abydos (24 page)

“I am not an errand boy,” Rodriguez said to her.

The blonde cried out with misery and, putting down the tray on the floor, flung herself on her knees, sobbing, her head to the floor, before the zard.

He picked up the letter, opened, which Rodriguez had dropped on his desk. He perused it.

His expression did not change, and it is difficult for those of Rodriguez’ and Brenner’s species to read most expressions of zards. We might mention, however, that the tiny ridge of plates on the back of its head and neck did not erect, nor did the mouth open, emitting a loud, hissing noise. His forward right appendage, however, reached out, grasping the heavy quirt.

“No, no, please!” wept the blonde, her head down.

Rodriguez put his hand on the clawed hand of the zard, and shook his head.

The blonde looked up, frightened, at the zard, and then at Rodriguez.

“I expect you will be watched rather carefully now, for some time,” speculated Rodriguez. “Perhaps you will not be allowed to wear silk on the floor for some time, and your body may be examined, before you are permitted on the floor, to make certain you are not concealing any such messages. I would not wish, if I were you, incidentally, to be caught attempting such a childish, stupid trick again.”

“No, sir,” wept the blonde.

“I do not know what might be done to you.”

“No, sir,” she wept.

“Rejoice that you are not a slave,” said Rodriguez.

“Yes, sir!” she said.

“But that can come later,” said Rodriguez.

“No, no!” wept the blonde.

“Such is certain to become your eventual fate,” said Rodriguez.

“No! No!” she wept.

“I will let you know in the morning,” said Rodriguez, “if she is satisfactory.”

The zard inclined his head.

“I will try to be as pleasing as I can be to you,” said the blonde.

“I am confident of it,” said Rodriguez.

“Do not complain of me in the morning, I beg of you,” said the blonde.

“We shall see how you perform,” said Rodriguez.

“What do you want of me? What must I do?” she wept.

“Pick up the tray,” said Rodriguez.

Sobbing the blond picked up the tray. She then stood before Rodriguez. The articles on the tray trembled slightly. She did not meet Rodriguez’ eyes. Although she was tall, Rodriguez was considerably taller.

“Do you fear you will be “pawed,”” asked Rodriguez.

She kept her head down, and did not respond.

“Before I am through with you,” said Rodriguez, “you will beg to be merely “pawed,” and brutally.”

“Yes, sir,” she said.

“Get your ass upstairs,” he said.

“Yes, sir,” she said.

She then preceded Rodriguez up the stairs. She looked nice ascending the stairs.

Brenner then looked at the brunette. She was standing, holding the small tray, on which were a coffee, a desert, a small custard, and a tiny glass of some liqueur. Their eyes met. Then she looked down. Brenner recalled how she had been angry with him earlier in the day. He had not been pleased by that. “Get your ass upstairs,” he said.

“Yes, sir,” she said.

He then followed her upstairs. The blonde had turned left. The brunette turned to the right, and led the way to a room near the end of the hall.

Chapter 5

Brenner sipped his coffee.

He looked down at the brunette. She was kneeling beside the small table on which she had placed the tray, behind which Brenner sat.

“Remain as you are,” said Brenner.

She looked well there, in the silk.

He put the cup down on the tray and leaned forward, reaching to his right. He put his hand fully in the glossy dark hair of the brunette, grasping it, and drew her head a little forward, toward him. Then he released her hair and she knelt back again. She had knelt on the right without having been told to do so. She had been trained to do so, of course, just she had been trained to set a table in the zardian fashion, and such. Most zards, you see, like most in Brenner’s species as well, and as he was, were right-handed. In this fashion she would be more convenient to hand. It might be mentioned, however, that, as she was a highly intelligent female, the appropriateness and naturalness of this position, its convenience, significance, and such, were quite obvious to her, quite aside from the sanctions of her training.

Brenner looked down upon her. It was hard for him to take his eyes off her.

“Earlier,” she said, “I had thought it disturbed you to have me at your feet.”

He regarded her, musingly.

They were in the room to which she had conducted Brenner.

It was a comfortable room, which contained a large, soft bed. It contained no window. Brenner had locked the door on the inside.

“One grows used to it,” said Brenner.

“You learn quickly,” she said.

There was, incidentally, only one chair in the room, that in which Brenner sat.

Brenner took a another sip of the coffee, a tiny sip, a lingering sip. He continued to regard the young woman, kneeling there, in the revealing silk, beside him, attendant upon him.

“I should not have you there,” he said.

“It is where I belong,” she said.

“We are sames, identicals,” he said.

“That is a pretense I have never found either plausible or congenial,” she said.

“I am a person,” he said.

“It is my hope that you are a man,” she said.

“You are a person,” he said.

“No,” she said.

“How then should I think of you?” he asked.

“I am a girl,” she said.

Brenner looked at her.

“It is common to think of women under contract, and female slaves, and such, as girls,” she said.

“Surely you find that grossly demeaning,” he said.

“I like it,” she said.

“Oh?” asked Brenner.

“I find it appropriate, and flattering,” she said. “And surely it is fitting, and obviously so, considering our status.”

“I see,” said Brenner. “It has more to do with status, and such.”

“Yes,” she said, “and with interest, and beauty, and how it is appropriate to relate to us, that sort of thing.”

“Then I shall call you a “girl,”” said Brenner, “that being appropriate for a woman such as you.”

“Exactly,” she smiled.

“You seem submissive, and docile,” he said.

“I am submissive and docile,” she said.

“You did not seem so earlier today,” he said.

“I am now,” she said.

He regarded her.

“You may beat me,” she said. “Implements for that purpose are available in the room.”

Brenner glanced about. To be sure, on the far wall there hung a whip, and a quirt. There also hung, here and there about the room, some other articles, a coil of rope, a pair of linked bracelets, some shackles, a chain and collar, and some thongs. There was a ring set in the far wall, and one in the floor, near the foot of the bed. There was also a bar in evidence, the latter fixed in the lower portion of the stout headboard of the bed, to which he supposed a woman, perhaps by tied, crossed wrists, perhaps on her back or belly, might be fastened.

“I shall consider it,” said Brenner.

She looked at him suddenly, frightened.

He suddenly realized that he could do that, if he wished. He did not think that the zard would object, assuming, of course, that her value was not reduced. Indeed, perhaps a beating might improve her value. Brenner suspected, for example, that the blonde’s value might be considerably increased by something of that sort. In any event, it seemed, at least for most practical purposes, that the zard would not be involved. The matter was primarily between him and the girl, or, as he had gathered from her glance, actually, rather, up to him.

He regarded her.

“You can do with me what you want,” she said, “that is, within reason, as I am a free woman.”

“And if you were a slave?” asked Brenner.

“Then,” she said, looking down, “you could do with me as you want.”

“I see,” said Brenner.

“I was upset!” she said.

He looked at her.

“Earlier you said you forgave me!” she said.

“I may rethink the matter,” said Brenner.

“Do you forgive me?” she asked.

“I have not decided,” he said.

“I see,” she said.

He regarded her. Her curves seemed incredibly delicious to him.

“I was cold, out in the mud, miserable, and barefoot, and I was not looking where I was going,” she said.

Brenner finished the coffee, and put down the cup.

“I should not have lost my temper, of course,” she said. “I realize that.”

“And perhaps you realize it with a special emphasis now,” said Brenner.

“Now that I am here, at your feet, and, as you doubtless must understand, much at your mercy?”

“Yes,” he said.

“Yes, of course,” she said.

“You were wearing a dress,” said Brenner.

“Yes,” she said. “Women at Company Station must wear skirts, dresses, and such things. They are not permitted masculine garb.”

“But such things,” said Brenner soberly, critically, “tend to emphasize gender differences.”

“Certainly,” she said, puzzled.

“Surely you regard that as wrong,” he said.

“I regard it as wrong not to emphasize such differences,” she said.

“Surely you object to being forced to wear dresses, and such things,” he said.

“No,” she said. “I want to wear such things. I love such things. And, too, I am pleased that we are
forced
to wear them. I enjoy having no choice in this matter. Such garmenture, and the coercions attached to it, speak to me of my differences from men, and of my own nature, and of the rightfulness and legitimacy of these differences, and of this nature. Too, it then makes it more difficult for a certain form of woman to imitate men, and to attempt to instill guilts in others, who would prefer not to follow their perverse example.”

“You know that women on the home world do not wear such things,” said Brenner.

“Perhaps they do in secret, with their lovers,” she said.

“Surely such things do not occur,” said Brenner.

“Perhaps not,” she said. “I would not know.”

“Are you from the home world?” asked Brenner.

“Once,” she said.

“What of your silk?” asked Brenner. “Surely you regard that as deplorably feminine.”

“Why deplorably?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” admitted Brenner. He didn’t. He supposed that perhaps it was his conditioning program which, in effect, had spoken. Conditioning programs are useful in the inculcation of values. They are useful in the production of uncritical, reflexive responses. They have many advantages, such as social control, the manufacture of consensus, and the protection of particular establishments, depending on the program in question. Also, of course, from the individual’s point of view, they can produce the comfort of unquestioned certitude and the illusion of knowledge. That they save the time and trouble of thought is another considerable advantage. It is not unusual for a puppet to interpret the jerking of its strings as the deliverances of rational intuition. That is part of the jerking of the strings. How very few individuals, incidentally, are even aware of their conditioning. It is rather as though colored glasses were strapped on them at birth and, as a consequence, they lived their lives seeing the world as green, and not even knowing they saw it as green. In a sense, of course, our sensors are such, too. We see the world in a given way, and few of us suspect, or understand, that it might be seen in an infinite number of alternative fashions. Brenner’s species did not live in the same world, experientially speaking, as the zards, or the teswits, or, say, the ant, the bat, and cuttlefish. Returning to conditionings, it must be understood that not all stings and shocks, all negative reinforcements, are as simplistic as those administered through electric grids, nor all rewards as obvious and naive as the food pellet rattling about in the feed pan. And if many individuals are not even aware of their conditioning, taking their conditioned responses as the deliverances of reason, or rational inspection, or insights into the nature of reality, or whatever, it is even less surprising that fewer individuals have the audacity or courage, or simple curiosity, to inquire into the nature, justification, or validity of these programs. That, in virtue of the program itself, part of which is to the effect that it itself may not be questioned, except perhaps in a superficial or token fashion, is dangerous, being attended with various risks to the individual, internal, such as self-doubts, miseries, and guilts, and external, such as social sanctions, which may range from ridicule and exclusion to death. It is not surprising that many individuals who pretend to undertake an inquiry into the validity of their conditioning programs will not cease their endeavors nor rest easy until they find themselves securely returned to the point they started from, whatever that point happens to be in the particular case.