The Touchstone Trilogy (131 page)

I gestured for him to come closer, and tugged at one of his thick, wavy locks, then brought all three of them into the channel with Kaoren and me and said: "We have to get Kaoren give both of us a haircut, I think."

Ys came in then, and completely floored me.  Because Lira was with her.  Lira.  Dressed in Ys' clothes, with some bruises of her own, glowering at me in an unusually subdued way.

"But how?" I asked, holding out a hand for her in complete disbelief.  I hadn't been wanting to think about what the destruction of the installation had meant for Lira, and certainly hadn't expected to find her with Ys.

"We're not certain," Kaoren said, helping me sit up so I could hug Lira.  "She was beneath you when we reached you."

"How wonderful," I managed to say aloud, my throat sounding like it had been sandpapered.  "I'm so glad."

"There's no reason she can't use Siame's room," Ys said – a pronouncement rather than a question, and I had to laugh, which hurt a lot.  Ys is so protective of her family.  I'm so glad she's decided to expand it to Lira.

"I think we can manage a room of her very own," I said, with some effort, and when Kaoren had given me a drink to make it easier, added to him: "If Cruzatch are gone, was hoping they let us build house on that island where we go swimming."

"I was thinking the same thing," Kaoren said, looking pleased.  "When you're a little better we can all work on the design together."

I fell asleep before I really got to see more than their initial reaction to that.  Rye was the only one looking openly delighted, but I think they were all pleased, and Kaoren told them that they had to make sure they had a good idea of what they needed for their rooms.  I've had a chance to talk to them all individually since, and every single one of them has obviously put considerable thought into the kind of room they would like, for all that it's quite hard to drag the details out of some of them.

So Kaoren and I have four children now, though Isten Notra has told me quite bluntly that there's a strong possibility that Lira will one day simply fade away, just as my origami cranes apparently have begun to.  Isten Notra isn't sure if she will age, or remain as she is now, and if she counts as an Ionoth or not.  She's something very new and unexpected, and there's a huge amount of scientific and public interest in her, which we're going to have to shield her from.  Kaoren vetoed an awful lot of the tests the greysuits wanted to run on her, and fortunately Isten Notra is backing him up.  Lira, in turn, is claiming to no longer be able to visualise or project, which we're not altogether sure is true.  She certainly enhances the Setari when they touch her (and without the distortion I cause).  They're holding off implanting the interface for the moment, given its tendency to try and kill me, but I'm going to argue against keeping her permanently unconnected since I can see she already has realised the lack.  She and Ys are thick as thieves, which I find a very handy thing.

After a long second sleep I've been awake for most of today (well, with occasional naps).  Sen has stayed stubbornly by my side, sneaking back if anyone tries to remove her, and seems to have appointed herself as my social secretary, happily bullying everyone who comes and visits me.  The only times she's left of her own accord is when I've spoken to Ys and to Lira, and the rest of them time she gives my visitors their marching orders when she thinks they've stayed too long.  Unfortunately I can't convince anyone that I'm well enough to not need to be in medical, despite not being that injured and in no apparent further danger.

It really is over.

It's been very interesting seeing First and Second Squad particularly.  There's just something different about their eyes.  Relief, of course, that we escaped any more deaths (on Muina, anyway), but also this introspective quality.  They're all thinking rather seriously about a different sort of future.  The tears between real-space and the Ena haven't miraculously vanished, and Isten Notra says we won't know if destroying the malachite marbles has had a positive effect until the initial disruption has died down, but she does think that removing the pressure of the parasite world can only be a good thing.

What exactly happened to the Cruzatch and the parasite world is anyone's guess.  It might all still be there, but it's far more likely to have been destroyed or to now be fading away.  Just desserts for the Photoshop Gods, but I don't think I'll ever forget those children.  Calling their world a parasite makes it easier, but it doesn't make their lives any less gone.  I can only choose to count what's been saved, rather than who was lost.

I'm still having trouble believing I'm not dead.

Tuesday, November 4

Out of Touch

Slept a lot today, in between various medical things being done to me.  Then Alay and Ketzaren came and kidnapped me in the afternoon and gave me a proper haircut.  It's now shorter than Kaoren's but at least even.  Still, I was able to emerge from medical to have dinner and watch the sunset and enjoy sitting around in the common room and on the patio with the mass of Setari now filling the building, watching their faces, listening to the changed note in their voices.

The squads – everyone on the planet – are currently gathered in Pandora, not even a hardy few trying to sift through the rubble at Oriath.  For safety reasons, KOTIS is keeping everyone in one place until the rift stops letting out strange power surges, and so we've all these squads with only a little guarding duty between them.  They've mostly been given a break to recover from the past hectic weeks and their various injuries, and are otherwise helping with colony work.  They're not even allowed in near-space.

This means accommodating First, Second, Fourth, Fifth (who are being low-key, at least), Sixth, Ninth, Tenth, Eleventh, Fifteenth, Sixteenth, Squad One and Squad Two.  Plus the Nuran Setari.  Everyone's doubled up, and they've started a second (or third, given the school) building on the south side.  It will be more exposed, since there's less hill there.

There are far more squads on Muina than on Tare and I know Maze is concerned about what this will mean to the squads defending Tare.  Especially since so many of those on Tare are there because of injuries.  Though it seems from the cautious drone surveys they've done of near-space here that the unstable environment might discourage most Ionoth anyway.

The prospect of the separation from Tare and Kolar being a long, extended one is naturally upsetting for many Pandorans, since it represents a complete loss of contact with friends and family.  It's mainly Zan I'll miss, and Ghost, who we think maybe is on Tare.  I can only be thankful that Kaoren insisted on moving the kids here, since Zan would have been practically the only person on Tare they've spent any time with at all.

The dinner discussion remained firmly on rebuilding Muina, and the progress of the colonies, at least partly because it was Lira's first large group outing and I'm willing to bet that everyone's under strict orders not to upset her.  I spoke to Isten Notra today about the way everyone is itching to pick Lira's brain about all things Lantaren, and fortunately they're willing to hold off until Isten Notra gives them the go-ahead, and she doesn't plan to do that for weeks or months, and even then only sparingly.  She says they can just live with whatever Lira chooses to volunteer until then.

And I am very extremely happy to no longer be so important – not even the only touchstone!  I'm still not allowed out without a guard, at least until they're absolutely certain the Cruzatch won't reappear, and there'll be laws about my visualisation and projection abilities regardless, but it's the beginning of a new phase, and I can look forward to just focusing on looking after the kids and being with Kaoren and escaping the cycle of injuries which seems to be the inevitable consequence of playing hero.

And maybe occasionally making dragons.  Because!

Kaoren's asleep in the chair next to my bed again.  I haven't had enough chance to be alone with him.  He needs to be able to hold me, I think, and know properly that I'm still with him.

Wednesday, November 5

Looking Ahead

Considerably better today, and cleared to not have to live in medical, so I immediately went for a walk down to the lake's edge all by myself and sat on a rock feeling very daring.  I'm a sad case.  It was quite five minutes before anyone noticed (for all I was in full view of the common room) and I sat there sunning myself and looking forward to the days when no-one is assigned to guard me.

Par and Glade were my current watchdogs, and Glade came out very aggrieved and said: "You have no idea the tortures we'll be subjected to.  If you're going to sneak off, make sure it's when someone from First is assigned to you."

I grinned at him (as much as my very sore face would allow anyway).  "I won't tell Kaoren if you don't."

"He'll know.  He always does."  Glade gave me an equivocal look.  "I think for the moment it's just easier on all of us to know exactly where you are, and to be sure you've someone with you."

He meant that Kaoren has been stressed beyond the point of endurance, and I wrinkled my nose, but nodded.  "I know.  But I give fair warning that I'm going to be a lot less biddable and obedient about staying where I'm put in future.  Just walking out here is the first time I've gone anywhere by myself in months.  Once we're sure that the Cruzatch aren't able to get here anymore, I hope to go back to not having people assigned to guard me at all."

"I'm glad it's not me you have to win that argument with."  He glanced toward Pandora's heart, probably thinking about Tsur Selkie, who had summoned all the captains for a meeting with Muina's leaders to talk about colony-building.  "Not that the rules haven't changed in a big way.  But Cruzatch aren't the only thing we're protecting you from, and given all that you've done and
could
do, I don't see any end to your guard roster."

"Maybe they'll guard me secretly, like the Nurans do those at Nurenor," I said, and saw from Glade's lack of reaction that he thought it very likely, if I kicked up too much of a fuss about people following me around.

That kind of put a damper on my day, but I'm still too pleased and amazed to be alive to get too upset about it.  Instead I went up to the seats on the very top of the Setari building – the tree is very leafy and shady up there now and it was a warm day – only to find Nils asleep in the grass, surrounded by little daisies.  There's a bruise on one side of his mouth from impacting with the back of my head and his split lip has only started healing, but somehow this made him look smexier than usual.

I'm pretty sure he woke up straight away, but pretended not to, and I decided to act like I thought he was still asleep.  Nils' quick thinking with the drones basically saved the planet, but I'm still uncomfortable with him – mainly because I'm bursting to tell him that he's being very unkind to Zee, or tell Zee just how hurt Nils is – and I don't think either of them would forgive me for raising the subject.

After finding a position on the bench that didn't pinch my ribs, I opened a channel to Mara (who had the kids for the morning and was teaching them more basic combat moves) and asked if I could borrow Ys for a while.  Ys duly came up, her expression particularly fierce.  It made my heart turn over, because I knew it meant she was feeling uncertain.  I'd never 'summoned' any of them before.  Glade and Par had retired a little down slope, and Nils continued pretending to be asleep as I pointed to the seat opposite.

"You're supposed to be in medical," Ys said.  She much prefers attack to defence.

"I escaped while they were looking the other way," I said cheerfully.  "I have a particular job for you.  I found this program which we can use to help try and work out what our house will be like.  It's a bit fiddly and annoying, and I keep getting a headache trying to use it.  See if you have better luck, and if you think you can work it properly, we'll have a family meeting and start figuring out what we'd like to have where.  Let me know if it's too hard for you, and I'll ask Kaoren instead."

Nils lifted his head and gave me an amused look, but Ys was properly insulted by the suggestion that anything might fall in the too hard basket for her, and promptly lost herself in my thinly disguised present for her.

"You're building a house?" Nils asked, propping himself on one hand.

"We want to try get permission to build on one of the islands.  Barracks living some good points, but this give us more privacy, and I can have garden to neglect, and we won't have to be escorted about as much for fear of passers-by."  I shrugged.  "It's just more what I'm used to."

"And given your capacity to acquire children, the barracks won't be large enough," he added over the interface.  "Are you planning on many more?"

"Not for a while.  Four's more than I was thinking of, already.  We won't worry about that until after we're married anyway."

My face had gone hot, and Nils laughed at me.  "So easy," he said aloud, making Ys give him a deeply suspicious look.  Fortunately Lohn showed up, and told us about a ceremony of thanksgiving that the provisional council had decided they wanted, to celebrate the colony's survival, and to honour the Setari for their work in fighting the Cruzatch.

That news was a sign that the captains had been released from the meeting, and Kaoren and Grif dropped down a couple of minutes later.  Kaoren just rested against me silently, without saying anything at all.  He's finding it incredibly difficult to be away from me at the moment, so I'm glad I've been cleared to sleep in our quarters.  Mara arrived with the rest of the kids, so I had Sen for my other side, and smiled to see that Sen and Lira are both wearing their hair in two beribboned braids and are looking disconcertingly like sisters.  Ys seems to have donated all her girlier clothes to Lira.

Lira is very upright and distant with most everyone, and is being very formally polite to me, as if she's a guest with relative strangers, but she immediately sat down beside Ys and the pair of them kept whispering comments to each other.