The Truth About You (23 page)

Zav nodded, but didn’t stop crying. ‘I wish this Julia and her mother didn’t exist,’ he sobbed. ‘Everything was all right until they came along.’

‘I know,’ Lainey soothed. She looked at Max, and could see how hard he was struggling too.

‘I think what’s really important for you two,’ Lainey said, hugging Zav closer and wishing she could take Max’s hand, ‘Tierney as well,’ she added, ‘is to know that whatever happens with Julia and her mother, it’s never going to change how much Dad loves you.’ She was sure of that, she had to be, or there wouldn’t be any point to anything any more.

‘Tierney and Zav maybe,’ Max said gruffly, ‘but definitely not me.’

‘That’s not true . . .’

‘Yes it is. No, it’s OK, Lainey, I get what you’re trying to do, but you don’t have to. I’m cool with it. I’ve been here before, but you haven’t, so it’s you who matters now, and what he’s doing to you.’

Feeling her throat tightening at his sensitivity, she told him, ‘I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me.’

Looking up at her with teary eyes, Zav said, ‘Dad loves you too, doesn’t he?’

Hugging him to her, Lainey tried to think what to say, but there was nothing that he’d want to hear, so she simply kissed his head and tightened her embrace.

After a while he asked, ‘Can I ring Dad?’

‘Of course. I’m not sure if you’ll get through straight away, but you can always leave him a message,’ and connecting to Tom’s mobile, she handed her own to Zav.

‘Dad, it’s me,’ he said shakily into the voicemail, ‘please don’t leave us. We really love you and we want you to stay.’ As he rang off his eyes went to Max, as though, being the eldest and so like their father, he was the next best thing. ‘Will you come and watch me play cricket later?’ he asked.

‘Course I will, mate,’ Max responded, ‘be glad to. We can go and have a knock-around now if you like.’

Sniffing as he straightened himself up, Zav nodded and went into the utility room to get the bats.

‘Thanks,’ Lainey said quietly to Max.

He only shrugged, and following his brother outside he left Lainey preparing herself to go upstairs and deal with Tierney.

Tierney was lying on her bed, trying not to hear the Skype ringtone that kept burbling out of the computer every couple of minutes. She knew it was him, but she couldn’t speak to him now.

She didn’t want to speak to anyone, especially not her dad. If he thought she was ever going to have anything to do with
Julia
and her stupid mother, whatever her name was, he could bloody well think again. So what if she had cancer, it still didn’t change the fact that he’d been cheating on Mum for years, and her mother just didn’t deserve it. God, she hated him. He was such a hypocrite, always going on about morals and standards and stuff, and all the time he was having an affair with someone he’d been seeing since
before she was born
.

She couldn’t bear to think how that must be making her mother feel. She didn’t want anyone to hurt her mum, ever, because annoying and random as she could be, she was totally brilliant too, and there wasn’t anyone Tierney loved more in the world. She used to love her dad the same, but not any more. No way did she ever want to see him again, even if Zav did. He was history to her now, totally over.

Feeling another rush of tears welling up, she rolled off the bed and crawled across the room to pick up her phone. It was going off almost as regularly as the computer, telling her she had texts. If there was one from her dad she’d delete it.

The first was from Skye.
Parents flying to Morocco on Friday, so getting train to yours. Sx

For no reason she could think of, the message made her cry again. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw the next text was from him.
Trying to Skype. Where are you? Missing you, my beautiful girl.

She read it again, and considered sending a reply asking him if they could run away together. Would he want to do that? She’d promise him anything if he did, just to get out of here.

Feeling all fussed and horrible at the thought of leaving her mother, she quickly scrolled on to her next message. It was from Maudie, saying sorry for the things she’d said earlier.

Wishing desperately that she’d asked Maudie to come to Italy now, she started to call her, then stopped when she realised she couldn’t speak to anyone yet.

The last text was from Skye again, giving page numbers she should go straight to in the dreaded book.

She didn’t want to read any more of it.

Everything was going wrong.

Where was her dad? Why hadn’t
he
sent her a message?

‘Tierney, can I come in?’ her mother asked from the other side of the door.

‘No!’ Tierney shouted, without really knowing why. ‘Go away.’

‘Please let me in.’

‘I said go away.’

‘We need to talk.’

‘You might, I don’t.’

There were a few moments of quiet before her mother said, ‘Well, if you change your mind . . .’

‘I won’t.’ Tears were streaming down her face again. She had no idea why she was being mean to her mother, when really all she wanted was to go out there and try to make her feel better.

Getting to her feet, she used her fingers to wipe her eyes, and the back of a hand for her nose as she went to turn off the computer. She stood still for a moment, trying to collect herself. ‘All right,’ she said shakily, ‘you can come in now.’

When nothing happened she went to open the door. The landing was empty; her mother had already gone, and now she hated herself so much she just wanted to curl up in a tiny ball and die.

LAINEY’S SMILE WAS
hesitant as she joined Father Michael on a bench not far from her mother’s grave. It was the first time she’d seen him since the funeral, and she felt guilty for never going to church on Sunday, even though she wasn’t Catholic and he probably didn’t expect to see her there.

She’d just left a bunch of lilies on Alessandra’s marble tombstone, and spoken to her softly in her heart as she’d arranged them.
Love from me and Daddy, the children too, of course. If you can see us, if you know what’s happening, please tell me what to do.

Her only response had come from a faint stirring of a breeze.

Are you angry about me being here, at the church? Do you know what I’m about to do?

Though Lainey didn’t believe in the afterlife, or didn’t think she did, she felt it best to keep an open mind.

‘Thank you for seeing me,’ she said to Father Michael.

‘It’s always a pleasure,’ he replied, smiling with the reassuring mix of kindness and wisdom that had helped her so much during her mother’s final days. ‘How have you been keeping?’

‘Yes, fine, thanks,’ she said, feeling the strain of the lie stretching through her like a pain. ‘And you?’

He sighed softly. ‘Oh, I’m not going to grumble,’ he replied. ‘What news of your dear father? Is he still with you, at Bannerleigh Cross?’

‘Oh yes. It’s his home, and I hope it always will be.’ She didn’t want to believe Tom would end up forcing a sale, but with the way things were she couldn’t be sure of anything. ‘His dementia is worsening,’ she admitted. ‘He’s very detached, hardly ever speaks, apart from to recite poetry at times.’

Father Michael’s eyes softened with regret. ‘It is a tragedy indeed when such a brilliant mind falls victim to this horrible disease,’ he murmured. ‘And what about those sisters of yours, are they helping to take care of him?’

Lainey merely raised her eyebrows.

‘Ah, I see things haven’t changed on that front. It’s lucky he has you and Tom, so it is.’ He leaned in mischievously. ‘Can you tell me when the next book’s coming out? I’d like to impress a couple of colleagues with my inside info.’

Wondering what he’d make of the other inside info she could give him, she said, ‘It’s due at the beginning of December.’

Where would they be by then? How was she going to stop herself breaking apart?

Father Michael was twinkling. ‘I’ll look forward to it,’ he promised, ‘but I’m sure you didn’t come here to talk about that. So what can I do for you?’

Lainey’s mouth felt dry, her insides liquid and shaky as she said, ‘It probably won’t surprise you to hear it’s about my mother.’

‘No, I can’t say it does, may God rest her soul.’

She smiled gratefully. ‘I think you know,’ she began, ‘well, obviously you know that she came here from Italy, just after I was born.’

He nodded that he did.

‘You probably also know that she never talked about the family she left behind, at least not to me.’

He neither confirmed nor denied it.

‘Well, the thing is,’ she went on, ‘I’ve decided to go to Tuoro – that’s where she was born – to see what I can find out about her and . . . well, maybe about my father too. I mean my birth father, obviously, not Peter.’

He nodded understandingly.

She glanced down at her hands, summoning the courage to come to the point. She was sure he already knew what it was, but in his typical priestly way, he was allowing her to get there in her own time.

‘I know I’m not really supposed to ask this,’ she continued, ‘but before she died did my mother ever say anything about what had happened to make her leave Italy the way she did?’

Taking her hand, he held it gently between both of his as he said, ‘Even if I were allowed to break the seal of the confessional, which of course I am not, I’m afraid I still wouldn’t be able to give you the answers you’re seeking.’

Lainey’s eyes gazed deeply into his, absorbing his words and realising that he’d answered her question; at the last her mother still hadn’t spoken of what she’d kept hidden for almost forty years.

‘Do you think I’m wrong to try to find out about my roots?’ she asked.

He gave it some thought, tilting his silvery head to one side, while still cradling her hand. ‘I think it would be highly unusual if you weren’t curious,’ he replied in the end.

She waited for more, but it seemed that was all he had to say for now. ‘Tom thinks . . . He was all for me going to Italy a while ago, he was planning to come with me, but now he seems to have . . . reservations.’

‘Did he say what they were?’

‘He thinks my mother could have been trying to protect me from something.’

‘And you don’t agree with that?’

‘I don’t disagree, because of course it seems likely he’s right, but if she was . . . Whatever happened was over thirty-six years ago. I can’t see how it could hurt me now, and wouldn’t you want to find out who you really were, if you were me?’

He allowed some moments to pass as he considered the question. ‘Yes, I probably would,’ he replied. ‘I’d go even further and say that as they’re your roots, you have a right to know more about them.’

Lainey’s breath caught on a dry sob as she smiled. She’d had no idea until now just how much his approval would mean to her. ‘Thank you,’ she whispered.

He patted her hand and squeezed it gently. ‘Is that all that’s troubling you, Elenora?’

Lainey found her throat tightening. Only her mother called her by her full name; it was the first time she’d heard it in over a year.

‘It isn’t, is it?’ he prompted.

Her head went down as she fought back the tears. She so desperately wanted to tell him about Tom and Kirsten and Julia that it almost came tumbling out.

‘Perhaps I can help,’ he suggested.

She shook her head. ‘Thank you, but I’ll be fine. I just . . . Well, I hope some time in Italy will help to straighten things out for me in more ways than one.’

‘Then I shall pray that it does, and if you change your mind and would like to talk, you know where I am.’

As she walked back to the car she felt the phone vibrating in her hand, and opened her messages to find one from Tierney saying she was going to Maudie’s for the night, and another from Stacy confirming that she could fly to Italy on Saturday, but could probably only stay for a week.

‘The good news though,’ Stacy continued, ‘is that I’ll be back in Gloucestershire tonight, so I’ll come straight to you from the train. My car’s at the station, so don’t worry about picking me up.’

Though she’d spoken at length to Stacy over the past couple of days, telling her everything that was happening, the thought of actually seeing her was as uplifting as anything could be at this time. Things never felt quite so bad when her best friend was around.

By the time she got home she’d received several calls from Tom; she hadn’t taken them since she hadn’t wanted to speak to him while driving. She knew already, because he’d texted her this morning, that Kirsten had been released from hospital, but he hadn’t said when, or even if he was coming home again.

Surely he’d be back before they went to Italy? He knew how upset the children were now she’d broken the news, so she couldn’t imagine he’d want a whole month to pass before seeing them again. If they actually stayed for a month, and she wasn’t entirely sure at this stage that they would.

‘
Mum
! I’m not feeling the love,’ Zav cried indignantly as she walked through the door.

Looking up from her phone, she quickly put it down and went to give him a hug and a kiss. ‘Better?’ she asked, smoothing his hair. What had he been saying? Her mind was all over the place – she didn’t seem able to concentrate on anything any more.

‘Really soppy,’ he told her, but his dear, handsome face was gazing up at her lovingly, showing he wasn’t cross, only teasing – and worried, and confused and not quite as sure of himself as he’d been a couple of days ago. ‘So, are you coming?’ he asked.

‘Where?’

‘To feed the ducks with me and Grandpa and Max. They’ve already gone down to the pond, so we’ll have to run to catch them up.’

Kissing him again, she said, ‘Why don’t you go on ahead? I have a few calls to make.’

He stayed where he was. ‘To Dad?’ he asked uncertainly.

She nodded. ‘One of them, yes. Have you heard from him today?’

He shrugged. ‘Kind of. He rang to ask how I was, so I told him I thought he should come home, but then we got cut off.’

‘Didn’t he call you back?’

‘No, he texted to say he’d be home as soon as he could. Do you want to see it?’ And sliding his phone out of his pocket he handed it over.