The Truth She Knew (29 page)

I drove out to Walker’s house a few times. His car sat in the driveway, unmoved. I never stopped by or called Susan and Garrett again. I was afraid someone might spot me, but it didn’t keep me from going there anyway. I hadn’t figured out how to hurt any less than a few weeks ago. I didn’t think it was possible to heal this betrayal after I’d given Walker every part of me. I went back and forth from loving him to hating him for going back to Brittany.

In the end, though, it didn’t matter. He’d moved on without me.

Saturday arrived and once again I packed my things in a car. Emma and I’d gathered some furniture for our new place and stored it in the garage. I owned a bed and dresser again; they were both snow white. Maybe I was attempting a fresh start. I didn’t really care; I was just trying to get through the days.

I swore under my breath as we moved the furniture up two flights of stairs and into our new apartment. We’d agreed that we would feel safer on the top floor. I regretted our decision by the third trip.

Jim and a few of his friends helped us move the heavy stuff. After we’d set a few things up, we ordered pizza and fed everyone. We sat at the table and kitchen counter of our new apartment, exhausted but relieved it was over.

Emma stared at me as I ate my pizza.

“
What?” I asked.

“
I was just curious what you were thinking.”

“
That I don’t ever want to move again,” I said, laughing.

“
I won’t disagree with you there,” she said and raised her Diet Coke.

We finished eating and Jim hugged us goodbye, making us promise that we’d call him if we needed anything. Emma closed the door behind everyone and locked it.

“
Well, here’s to our first night in our new apartment. I’m excited.”

“
Me too. And thank you for everything,” I said. “You’re pretty awesome.”

“
I don’t feel awesome. I let you down. I wasn’t there when you needed me the most.”

“
Let it go—neither was Walker, and we were engaged. It’s over. You’ve been here helping me get my shit together.”

“
Is it working? Am I helping at all?”

“
Yeah, you are.”

I stood and stretched. My muscles screamed as I tossed the paper plates into our new trash can.

“
I’m gonna hit the shower and crash out,” I said.

“
Wait, I have something else for the apartment,” Emma said as she raced out of the kitchen and into her bedroom.

“
Okay, come into the living room,” she yelled.

I walked into our living room and Emma smiled from ear to ear. She held a framed collage of pictures that included our times at high school and more recent ones too.

“
I love it,” I said, smiling. “It’s perfect.”

I hugged Emma and then went to my new bedroom and closed the door behind me. Emma and I agreed that I’d take the larger bedroom with the bathroom and pay a little more rent than she did. She thought I’d more than earned my space and privacy. She recognized I needed time to heal.

I turned on the shower and filled up the tiny bathroom with steam. I hurt everywhere, and I looked forward to my shower and a new bed.

Half an hour later, I crawled into my own bed, turned the lamp off, and fell asleep.

I woke to Emma singing Elvis and making breakfast.

“
Good morning!”

“
Morning,” I said and grabbed a cup of coffee. “You’re seriously chipper for so early in the morning.”

“
I know, I can’t help it,” she said and smiled as she flipped a piece of French toast over.

“
Your French toast kicks ass,” I said as I sipped my steaming-hot coffee.

I settled in at the table and grabbed the Sunday newspaper. Emma flew out of the kitchen and placed my plate right on top of the paper.

“
Hey, what—I was going to read that.”

“
Oh, sorry,” she said as she turned back to the stove.

I stared at her as I finally woke up enough and realized that her energy wasn’t from the excitement. She was nervous, and when Emma got nervous she got flighty. She would flit around the house and clean, bake, or whatever she needed to do to calm down.

“
Emma, what’s going on?” I asked between bites.

“
Nothing, I just wanted to make breakfast for us, is all. Is it good? Do you want some more?”

“
I’m good, thank you.”

I held up my plate and grabbed the paper before she could take it away. There was something she didn’t want me to see, which meant that I needed to see it.

I shook the pages open and scanned for anything that might be of interest. I had no idea what she was freaking out over.

Then I turned the page.

How any paper could have weddings and obituaries listed on the same page was beyond me, but there I was, greeted by both. My breath shot out of me like someone had punched me in the stomach. In the upper left-hand corner was a picture announcing Walker and Brittany’s marriage. I scanned the announcement and read that they’d gotten married the weekend before Emma and I had moved.

My eyes continued down the page. On the bottom, in the opposite corner, was Susan’s obituary and funeral announcement.

“
Nooo! Oh my God!” I cried out, instantly breaking into tears.

“
Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.”

“
When?” I asked, handing her the paper to read.

Emma opened the paper back up.

“
A few days ago. I’m so sorry.”

“
When’s the funeral?”

“
Today,” she whispered.

“
What time and where?”

“
Lacey, you can’t go! Walker and Brittany will be there too. You can’t put yourself through that.”

“
When and where, Emma?” I stood up from the kitchen table.

“
It’s at three o’clock today at the Westside Church,” she said and folded the paper up nicely. She had the foresight to realize I would want to keep it.

I glanced at my watch. I had enough time. I grabbed the paper off the kitchen counter and ran to my bedroom. I wasn’t going to miss Susan’s funeral too.

*   *   *

The church was packed with cars. A lot of people loved Susan, including me. I hoped she now knew that I hadn’t left her alone, that I’d wanted to be a part of her life. She’d been the closest thing I’d had to a real mom, and I would forever love her for it. She’d given me the strength to stand up to Mama and follow my heart. I just wish it had turned out differently.

I wore a black dress and borrowed one of Emma’s mom’s hats, which had a veil that hid my face. I didn’t want to cause any problems. I just wanted to attend the funeral.

I entered the church and stood toward the back. I wanted to wait and find out where Walker and Brittany were before I chose my seat. I realized they would sit at the front of the church, but I couldn’t take a chance of being spotted before they were settled.

I scanned the group for any familiar faces and finally located Garrett. He sat on the second pew alone, looking at the floor. I wanted to grab him and hug him so much my chest ached. I needed him to know that I hadn’t left him and I hadn’t broken my promises to him or to his mom.

I stepped forward, determined that I was going to speak to him, when Walker and Brittany entered through a side door. I stopped in my tracks. Walker seemed different. I’d never seen him in a suit before, but that wasn’t it.

His jaw clenched and unclenched as he sat next to Brittany. She snuggled up to him, but he didn’t put his arm around her. He stared straight ahead and didn’t speak to anyone. I couldn’t blame him; he’d just lost his mother.

I chose a seat toward the back and hoped that I’d be able to grab Garrett after the funeral.

The service was beautiful. A picture of Susan was displayed at the front of the church and her casket was beside it. Aunt Linda spoke for a few minutes and then Walker’s father stepped up to the podium. I’d never met him before. I frowned and wondered why, after years of not spending time with his sons, he would come to Susan’s funeral. Then I realized that he was most likely here for Garrett. He was still his legal parent, regardless of their actual relationship.

He spoke fondly of Susan and their years together. I wouldn’t have expected anything less. Susan had a heart of gold, even when she was sick. She had opened her arms and life to me and had taken me in. Anyone who said differently needed their head examined.

A few other people I didn’t recognize took the podium. Music played as everyone lined up to say goodbye to Susan. Walker and Brittany stood next to the casket, which meant I wasn’t going to make it. I wasn’t going to get to see her one last time before they lowered her into the ground.

I sat quietly in my pew as people said their final words. Garrett still sat in his seat, but I still couldn’t reach him. I just wanted everyone to leave.

I wasn’t sure if God heard me or if I’d finally sat there long enough for everyone to clear out. I glanced around the church and realized I had my chance. I hurried down the aisle and prayed no one would catch me. I stopped short when I reached the coffin.

I gasped. Susan’s lifeless body lay in the coffin and she was so thin and pale. She’d lost more weight before she died.

“
I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. I love you,” I whispered.

“
Lacey?”

I froze. I thought I’d waited long enough to not get caught. I turned slowly, afraid to see who’d called my name. Relief flooded me as Garrett stood in front of me.

“
Garrett,” I whispered. “Please don’t tell Walker and Brittany I’m here. I just wanted to see you and say goodbye to Susan. I’m sorry. I’ll go now.”

“
No, wait. Don’t go yet,” he said. He stuffed his hands in his pockets as his eyes pleaded with me.

“
What? Are you sure?” I asked, unable to hide the surprise in my voice.

“
Yeah, I want to talk to you.”

“
Okay, but we need to go somewhere we won’t be spotted. I’m not here to cause trouble.”

He nodded and followed me out the front door of the church and to my car. I took off my hat as I unlocked the doors and we slipped into my car. I turned it on to provide some heat as we talked.

“
Will anyone be looking for you, Garrett?”

“
No, they’re busy in the kitchen. I don’t understand why they have food at a funeral.”

“
Me either, buddy.” I paused for a moment. “I—I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for not being there for you, I’m sorry I broke my promise to Walker, and I’m sorry I let your mom down.”

“
What happened? Why didn’t you come back?” He turned away and stared out the window. I realized he was trying not to cry in front of me, so I looked away and gave him a moment.

“
I
was
coming back. I was packed and ready to go with you to Texas. I was supposed to drive, remember?”

“
Yeah, which is why it was so weird when you didn’t show up. Mom got really upset and called Brittany to drive us down there, and James came too. She wanted to visit Walker and didn’t care who drove. She realized her time was short.”

“
My mom is what happened. She stopped me from going. I can’t tell you any more, but I was on my way. I had no intention of leaving you or Walker. I was going to marry him and you were going to be my little brother. I finally had the family I’d always wanted. You have to believe me.”

“
I do. I do believe you. I wanted to look for you, but then Mom got so sick right after the trip. We went down a few more times with Brittany, but it was only a matter of time. I even called you a few times, but your mom just said you weren’t home.”

“
You called?”

“
Yeah, Mom asked me to try one more time. She realized Brittany was getting her nasty-ass claws back into Walker. She was upset you didn’t show, but she didn’t want Brittany back in Walker’s life. He’s different when she’s around, Lacey, and I don’t mean in a good way.”

I nodded, not sure what to say. At least it explained the difference I noted in Walker during the service, but I didn’t want to discuss it with Garrett. He had enough on his mind.

“
I heard your dad talk up there,” I said.

“
Yeah, he’s in town for a little while. He’s trying to patch things up with Walker and me.”

“
Are you okay with that?”

“
I don’t have much of a choice—I’m only thirteen. I live where the court tells me to live.”

“
Wait? Are you moving?”

“
Yeah, I think so. I think they said I’ll leave in a few days and move to Missouri.”

“
I thought you were going to stay with Linda!” I gasped.

“
I can’t, Dad said no.”

“
Shit! You’re moving?”

He nodded.

“
Can’t someone do something? I mean, why make you move on top of everything else?” I asked.

“
He’s my dad. I don’t have a choice,” Garrett said and shrugged his shoulders.

It was tearing Garrett apart, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I grabbed my purse and wrote down my new phone number and mailing address.

“
You better stay in touch, Garrett. I mean it,” I said as I folded the paper and placed it in his hand. “I get that this is weird, but you’re like my little brother and I love you. I miss you really bad.” I couldn’t stop the tears anymore.

“
Yeah, I might like you a lot too,” he said. “I need to go before someone starts looking for me. I’m glad you came. I’m glad Walker met you, because whether he knows it yet or not, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him. He was a good guy when you were with him. You made us all better people.”