The Truth She Knew (6 page)

I chanced a quick glance at him, but I couldn’t stand to watch the disappointment register on his face when I told him.

“
Tell me—what did I do? I’ll make it right,” he said as his concern deepened.

“
Walker, I’m a virgin,” I said, staring at the ground. “I didn’t think things would progress this far and a part of me was afraid that if I told you, after your relationship with Brittany . . . that you wouldn’t want to go out with me again.”

Walker threw his head back and laughed.

“
It’s not funny! What the hell is wrong with you?” I said as I tried to pull my arms away.

“
I thought I hurt you. I’m sorry. Come here,” he said as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to him. He kissed the top of my head as he rubbed my back. “Lacey, I’ll take anything you’re comfortable giving me and no more. You set the rules and I’ll follow them. We can take a break, find something else to do, and I’ll stand under a shitload of cold showers. God, you are so beautiful.”

I tilted my head up and searched his face. Was he serious?

“
Really? You’re okay with stopping?” I asked. I examined his face for any signs that he was lying but didn’t find any. The earlier tension slipped away from my shoulders.

“
Yes, I really am. I was telling you the truth when I said I just wanted to spend time with you. I don’t care what we do—watch movies, go hiking, hang out at home with my family—it’s fine. I just want to be with you.” He brushed a few strands of hair from my face.

“
And kiss me? You still want to kiss me right?”

“
I want to kiss you forever,” he whispered as he brought his mouth to mine.

I couldn’t believe that Walker and I had already been dating for three weeks. I smiled to myself as I pulled my car into the college parking lot and searched for a space. Monday mornings weren’t as busy because no student in their right mind wanted an 8
a.m.
class. I didn’t mind; it was just another excuse to not be home.

I grabbed my English composition and psychology books and made my way to my first class. Mrs. Jones entered the classroom as I settled into my seat.

“
Good morning, everyone. I hope you all caught up on your reading assignment over the weekend,” she said, smiling as though she knew better.

I glanced out the window as she talked and my mind drifted to Walker sitting at the pool, half-dressed. The country club closed the outdoor pool in the beginning of October, which meant that Walker was babysitting at the indoor pool today. I sighed and leaned back in my seat. I suddenly had an overwhelming desire to swim this afternoon.

The morning flew by and my stomach growled as I walked from psychology class across campus to the student center.

The student center was packed as I pushed through the door and searched the tables for Emma. A group of kids gathered around the Ping-Pong table and cheered as a fast-paced game took place. I meandered through the line at the vending machines and continued my search. Most students came to unwind between classes and grab a bite to eat, but it was also party-planning central. If you were searching for a party, the student center was the place to ask around. If half the campus hadn’t been underage drinkers, I’m sure flyers would have been posted.

Emma and I hadn’t seen each other since school started, so we had agreed to start meeting on Mondays and Wednesdays for lunch to catch up. Between my course load, job, and her nursing classes, we understood that times like these could separate a friendship, and we didn’t want that to happen.

Emma and I met during our sophomore year of high school. She’d been the new girl from an even smaller town, and she’d landed in my English class.

The first time I spent the night at her house, I tossed my glasses on her bed and, not realizing they were there, she sat on them. I got so excited trying to tell her my glasses were getting smashed that I sent myself flailing off the edge of her bed and flat onto the floor. The only thing Emma could see were my feet sticking straight up in the air. When she leaned over to see if I was okay, she said my face was almost purple from laughing so hard. There was no turning back after that. She could make me laugh no matter what happened in my life, and I loved her for that.

Emma’s aunt and uncle attended the same church as my cousins, so she was already familiar with all the nasty lesbian rumors about Mama and Patsy. Although her parents kept an eye on her, they always let her spend the night, and they invited me over often. For a few years I’d fit almost seamlessly into their perfect family—or so I told myself—but you can only hide ugly for so long before everyone sees it.

“
Lacey!” Emma yelled over the noise of the crowd.

I waved as I made my way to the table and smiled as I noted her hair color of the week. Emma had a lot of fun with her hair, but this time it had taken a wrong turn, leaving her with hot pink, spiky locks. Although it was an accident, it fit her: spunky and fun.

“
Is it busier than normal?” I yelled as I sat down and unwrapped my sandwich.

“
Good Lord, I’m thinking so.”

“
How are you?” I smiled, glad to have time with her.

“
Labs are kicking my butt, Lacey. What in the world was I thinking wanting to become a nurse?”

“
That you get to change bedpans and wipe old-people ass?” I laughed.

“
Right?” she said as she threw a grape at me.

“
You’re in a smiley mood today,” she said as she peered at me over her glasses. “What gives, Lacey Anne?”

I giggled. I couldn’t slip anything past her even if I’d tried.

“
Guess?”

“
You passed algebra?”

“
Crap, thanks for ruining my mood. I hate that class!”

“
You’ll pass it, keep studying. Hmmmm. You’re moving out?”

“
Emma, no,” I said, laughing.

“
Then quit torturing me and spill. You’re glowing.” She paused as she leaned across the table and peered around as though anyone could actually hear our conversation, “Crap! Lacey! You’re not pregnant are you?”

“
No, Emma—you have to have sex to get pregnant, from what I remember in our sex-ed class.”

She feigned relief as she ran the back of her hand across her forehead. “That’s good. I could imagine your mom now.”

“
Emma, knock it off. You’re taking all the fun out of it!”

“
Okay, Lacey, what gives?”

I leaned on the table and propped my chin on my hand.

“
I’m dating someone.” I couldn’t control the grin that spread across my face. The Joker had nothing on me.

“
Whaaat? Who? When? Where? Fill me in!” she squealed as she set her sandwich down, picked up her drink, and situated herself to hear the full story.

“
Well, there’s not a lot to tell, but his name is Walker. I met him at Joss’s party last month and we’ve gone out for three weeks, and . . . he’s gorgeous, Emma!”

She leaned farther across the table and her eyes widened as I told her how we met at the party, Tammy’s rude attempt to distract him, the repercussions of Walker calling after 9
p.m.,
and our first few dates.

“
First of all, Lacey Anne Beaumont, you’re in big trouble for holding out on me,” she said, waving her finger at me.

“
I’m sorry, I just didn’t want to say anything until I knew it was real. And, I haven’t seen you to tell you,” I said.

Emma leaned back in her chair and bolted upright again.

“
Holy crap, Lacey, your mom doesn’t have any idea?”

“
No! Dammit, Emma, what am I going to do?” I asked and slumped in my chair.

“
Well, so far he sounds acceptable, but in order to fully support this relationship I need to meet this Walker Farren. Second, I do
not
want to be anywhere close by when you tell your mom you’re dating him. She does
not
respond well to you dating. Granted, your last choice was complete gutter material, but maybe this one’s different.” She took a sip of her iced tea.

“
Emma, I’m in trouble. I shouldn’t be with him, but I like him, and I mean
really
like him. He’s different—there’s something special about him.”

“
Well, good grief, don’t knock it. Who cares why as long as he’s good to you? And who says you’re in trouble? Because your mom says you make bad choices? Well, the last one wasn’t a hit by any means, but that doesn’t mean you’re not capable of having a good boyfriend in your life. Besides, everyone knows she hates men.”

“
Emma! I don’t want to talk about this again,” I said. A frown crept across my face at how quickly the conversation had turned in an uncomfortable direction.

“
Lacey, you know I love you, and I even like your mom, but you need to recognize things for what they are. Your mom isn’t right all the time. In fact, she’s wrong about a lot.”

“
Emma, I can’t talk about her right now. I wanted to tell you about Walker,” I said as I slid my chair back to leave.

“
No, wait, Lacey, I’m sorry. My timing sucks. Don’t go.” Emma tilted her head to the side, brought her prayer hands together, and turned the puppy-dog eyes on. She made me laugh every time.

“
Okay, but no more talk about Mama. Not right now, okay?”

“
Promise,” she said as she saluted and grinned. “When do I get to meet him?”

“
I’m not sure, maybe next week? He’s taking me to meet his mom and little brother this Friday. I’m really nervous, but he assured me it’ll be okay.”

“
Wow, meeting his mom already, huh? He must really like you. I’m impressed!”

“
I hope so,” I said as I picked at the corner of my notebook. “Emma, I’m scared. I’ve never liked anyone this much before. It’s weird. It’s almost like I’ve known him forever—like we’ve met before and somehow found each other again.”

“
Alright, you’ve lost your mind now!” Emma said and smacked her forehead. “You’re talking about reincarnation or something silly.”

I spewed my soda across the table as I burst into giggles. I grabbed a few napkins to soak up my mess before it reached our books. I shook my head and smiled.

“
Mama would really be praying for my soul,” I said, laughing. “What would I do without you, Emma?”

“
Well, lucky you, you won’t ever find out,” she said and winked.

I didn’t manage anything productive in my journalism class that afternoon after talking with Emma about Walker. My mind constantly drifted toward him, and I couldn’t wait until Friday when I would meet his family. I wouldn’t see him tonight since I had to work, but I promised I’d call him as soon as possible after my shift.

The minutes ticked by slower than molasses at work, but I finally pulled my Mustang into the carport at home. I would talk to Mama for a few minutes, but I intended to make it quick.

“
Hi, Mama,” I said as I opened the door. “How was your day?”

“
It’s been hell,” she said.

I stopped cold and considered stepping right back out the door. I stood close enough to do it. I should leave before it got bad, but one look at Mama and I couldn’t. We were family, and family stuck together. I also wanted to tell her about Walker. Maybe this was my opportunity: show her some support, and then ease into the conversation.

“
Why? What’s wrong?” I asked as I put my purse on the stairs and sat in the rocking chair farthest away from her.

“
Where have you been?”

“
At work—I told you I had classes and work tonight. Gosh, Mama, if I forgot to tell you I’m really sorry. Why didn’t you call me?” My foot jiggled as the tension mounted between us.

“
Shut up, Lacey.” Her eyes narrowed as she stared at me. “You ruined my day. I’ve told you over and over that God gave me special gifts. I feel it when you’re telling me the truth or lying.”

“
Mama, what are you talking about? I went to my classes today, worked on the newspaper, and then went to work. I don’t understand what you’re talking about.” I tried to keep my voice even and non-defensive.

“
Are you sneaking around with some boy?”

My heart stopped. What did she mean? Had she seen me with Walker somewhere? How did she know? Did God tattle on me again?

“
Mama, I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

“
I was praying all day, worried about your safety and praying for your demons to leave. I kept having this awful feeling about you. Then God told me you had snuck off with a boy. So who is it?”

“
I was alright—you shouldn’t have worried about me. I was at school and work, nowhere else.” I stood up slowly and walked to the kitchen for some water; my heart was pounding so hard that my mind turned fuzzy.

I took a long drink, trying to calm down, and then placed the glass on the counter. I hadn’t heard the recliner creak over the running water. I began to turn away from the sink as Mama grabbed my hair and pulled me backward. I tripped and stumbled over the kitchen chair, but managed to grab the table and break my fall.

“
You’re lying and you know it you little bitch! You’ve been my worst enemy since you were born. All you’ve ever done is bring pain into my life with your lies and slutty ways. You’re nothing, and you’ll never amount to anything as long as you keep living your life this way.” Her face darkened with each word.

My mind screamed at me to move back and put some space between us, but my feet refused to obey. Those words shouldn’t hurt anymore, but they did. Every one of them cut me and it was only a matter of time before I would bleed out.