The Twelve Dates of Christmas (25 page)

Penny turned toward the corridor. Claudia considered being stubborn, but she didn’t want to mess up anything else by not listening to what needed to be said. She followed Penny out of the room.

‘Nice dress,’ Claudia deadpanned when they were alone.

‘You too.’

‘What happened to the LBD?’

‘I was worried it was too slutty.’

Claudia felt a twist of guilt. ‘It wasn’t. Sorry about that.’

‘That’s okay. Listen, I’ve got something to tell you.’

‘Did Billy make you pregnant?’

Penny chuckled. ‘No. You don’t mind me bringing him do you?’

‘It was a surprise, but I’m actually really happy. He’s the nicest guy I’ve met in a long time.’

‘You don’t … like him like
that
do you?’

‘No, absolutely not. So what do you want to tell me?’

Penny shuffled on the spot and tugged at her dress. ‘I’m scared that what I tell you will make you think I’m being a bitch, but I’m not, I’m just trying to be a good friend.’

‘What’s going on? Is it about Nick?’

‘No, it’s about Seth.’

‘Oh.’

‘Claud, one of the bridesmaids just told me that Seth asked for her number. He was being smarmy and all over her, and then said they should hook up while he’s down here.’

Claudia’s mouth dried and she became very aware of the sound of her breathing. ‘Did she give it to him?’ she asked, as if that were important.

‘No, she’d seen him here with you and told him where to go. Plus she’s a lesbian.’

‘He’s really drunk.’ Claudia said.

‘I know. Maybe it was just that—’

‘No, I’m not excusing him. Who wants someone who can never get drunk because he’ll cheat on me?’ Her eyes filled with tears. It was Christmas Eve, why did she have to have tears on Christmas Eve?

Penny pulled her into a hug, their matching dress-beads clacking together. ‘I don’t know what’s going on between you two – if you’re getting back together or if you’re just trying to figure some things out – but I just think you’re brilliant and he’s such a massive arsehole and I hate him.’

Claudia mopped her eyes on Penny’s shoulder. ‘I don’t even know why I’m upset: I don’t want to be with him any more.’

‘It’s understandable; he hasn’t treated you very well,’ she said tactfully.

‘Ah yes, that’s why.’

‘Can I make a couple of suggestions?’

Penny took her big, snotty sniff as a ‘yes’ and went on.

‘Firstly, I’m going to go and find Seth and send him home to your dad in a taxi. No one wants him here, and he’s not going to ruin your evening.’

Claudia snorted another ‘yes’.

‘Then will you go and find Nick? You have to find out once and for all whether that text meant what you’re obsessing over it meaning. I was going to ask him but Billy told me not to stick my nose in.’

‘What if it did mean what I think it did?’

‘Then Nick’s a knob and we’ll send him home to your dad as well.’

‘What if he
says
it was something else, but he’s just being a big fat liar?’

‘Do you remember what happened to my birthday cake at my twenty-first?’

‘Nick ate it.’

‘Yes, Nick ate it. And do you remember how he tried to lie his way out of it, and the story got more and more elaborate and he broke out in hives and ended up having to lie down?’

‘Nick’s not very good at lying.’

‘Exactly.’

Claudia sighed and gripped her friend harder. ‘Penny, why are you being nice to me when I was such a cow to you yesterday?’

‘Because I was just as much of a cow to you. I didn’t even want to hear your side of the story.’

‘My side was pretty weak. But I said horrible things and called your clothes slutty, and they aren’t – they’re lovely, I really am just jealous.’

‘What I did was much worse,’ Penny cried, squeezing Claudia back. ‘I squashed a whoopie pie on your face, which was mean and childish. And not being able to make decisions isn’t a bad thing, it shows what an interesting, varied life you have. I wish I was you. I’m the one who’s been doing the same thing day in, day out since I was a teenager. At least you’ve tried other stuff, at least you still have a world of opportunity in front of you. What options do I have? I want a baby, but then what if I’m too old or too out of shape to go back into ballet again? I’m scared, Claudia. As much as I want a baby I don’t want it to be the end of me, and that’s why I put that monumental decision off. So I feel really crap for berating you about not making your mind up. Sometimes it’s just too
hard
.’

Now Claudia was bawling all over again, but thoughts of Seth had floated far away. ‘Don’t you dare feel crap, I feel crap. I need your help and opinions. I never meant for you to feel like a gooseberry, I was just feeling bitter and grumpy and it was easier to put my hands over my ears than hear what a cock-up I am.’

A bartender walked over and handed them each a hot toddy. ‘Here you go ladies, it’s our crying bridesmaids’ special. Chin up.’

‘We’re not—’ Penny started.

‘Shh.’ Claudia clinked glasses with her and they both gulped the fiery liquor. ‘Okay, I need to find Nick.’ Her hands were shaking as she put down the glass. Penny, her most brilliant friend in the whole world, went off to deal with her very-much-ex-boyfriend. Would her other best friend be as forgiving?

‘Nick.’

She found him by the vast Christmas tree, absentmindedly fiddling with a glass decoration in the shape of a sledge. He turned, the Christmas spirit draining from his eyes, and glanced behind her for Seth.

‘Can we talk for a moment?’ she asked.

‘You don’t need to, I’ve got the message. Can we just leave it?’

‘No.’ As soon as he said it she knew without a doubt she didn’t want to ‘just leave it’.

‘Guys, come and dance,’ ushered one of the bridesmaids.

‘We’ll be there soon,’ Claudia lied and turned back to Nick.

‘Nick and Claudia, you bloody gorgeous pair,’ shrieked a passing school friend.

They smiled politely and when he’d gone Claudia took Nick’s hand, an act that still felt natural, even in the current state of their relationship, and pulled him into the gap behind the Christmas tree.

And there they were. Alone, and so close that they breathed together. Surely they could just forget everything and go back to this. His face looked down at hers with sadness and a seriousness that made her feel very grown up, and scared for what was to follow.

‘Why are you here with me? Where’s your boyfriend?’

‘I need to know what that text message meant.’

‘What text message?’

She couldn’t say the words aloud, even though they were imprinted on her memory, so handed him her phone.

He read it and Claudia studied him carefully, holding her breath. ‘Oh. I wondered why Greg hadn’t replied.’ No embarrassment, no guilt. Then the penny dropped. ‘You thought this was about you.’

He pulled her into him with such force that she crushed her face against his suit.
It wasn’t about me.
She didn’t need to hear any more. She gripped her arms around his back but he gently unhooked them and stood back.

‘It’s not about you, I swear. I’d never say anything like that about you, or our date – you meant too much to me.’

Meant?
He couldn’t be saying it was too late? Her hands were shaking. She tried to put them back around him, but he resisted, pulling her off.

‘This text is about work. Not you. How could you ever think I’d write this about you?’

‘I – the words, and the timing—’

‘Greg needed me to interview a possible new set designer for the team because she was running late and he had to go. She finally showed up and her portfolio was awful, like a rubbish GCSE art project. It was a huge waste of time so I cut it short and got out. Then I came and met you. The next morning was the first time I even thought about work and remembered I had to let Greg know how it went.’

‘What about the “night out with the ladies” bit?’

‘That’s about
you
. Greg suggested we join him and his wife for a post-Christmas blues meal in January.’

Claudia almost fell into her second Christmas tree; she was so bowled over by a wave of relief and mortification. ‘I’m the world’s most humongous idiot.’ She smiled at him, but he didn’t smile back. A chill ran through her.
Please smile at me.

‘I can see why you took that the wrong way, it was bad timing and bad luck that I sent it to you, but do you really think so little of me?’

‘No I don’t – it was a mistake. I was heartbroken.’

‘But Claud, I’ve worshipped you for so many years; if you ever did anything wrong I’d always be adamant you had a reason, that you were right. But where’s your faith in me?’ She tried to reach to him but he flinched. ‘You were so quick to think I was a horrible person, to throw it all away and run back to him.’

‘I’m not with Seth, that was just a kiss, a bad reaction.’

‘It’s not just a kiss when it’s with him. He’s been a huge part of your life.’

‘Not as huge as you.’

‘He’s more to you than you want to admit, and I can’t compete with that any more.’

Don’t do this.
‘I need you, Nick.’

He shook his head, withdrawing from her further. ‘You don’t need me. You need to be on your own for a while; I can’t be your crutch.’

‘Don’t tell me I need to be on my own. Don’t put words in my mouth.’

‘You’re both my best friend and the person I’m in love with.’ He touched her face, painfully. ‘How is this ever going to work? I can’t be those things and see you keep going back to him.’

‘Listen to me: I’m not going back to him. I don’t want to be with him at all, I love you,’ she said fiercely. She clung to his suit but his arms hung at his sides.

‘I think you only love me as a friend.’

‘I did, once. But Nick, Seth is just … nothing now. Don’t let his stupid face ruin us.’

‘Every time I turn around he’s back there with you.’

‘
No
. That morning I thought you’d left and I felt used, and I missed you like I’d lost a limb, and he was just
there
.’

‘What happens next time he’s just “there”?’

‘There won’t be a next time!’ She was tired, fading to ashes.
Come on, Claudia, it’s not over yet.
She pushed her hair back from her face and looked at him. Looked at her best friend, the one who’d always been there, the one she’d fallen for hard as soon as she’d realised. ‘What can I do to make you forgive me? Tell me how to make it better.’

‘I don’t think it can be. We should have just stayed friends.’

‘Bollocks we should have. That’s not what either of us want.’ No way. They had to be together. ‘Let’s try, Nick, don’t give up – is this just a way to avoid my cooking?’

He smiled faintly. ‘Yep. Your cooking sucks. Christmas pizza, for Pete’s sake.’

‘But I’m good at other things. I can ice skate. We can go ice skating again.’

‘I got arrested.’

‘Well, it’s good to have new experiences, isn’t it? We can have all these new experiences together.’

‘Claudia, I don’t think we can be friends now. It’s too hard seeing you with him, or with other men.’

‘But I don’t even want to be friends with you, I want to be
with
you, so there won’t be any other men.’ Claudia tried to take his hand but he pulled it away. She found it and gripped it, hard. ‘I want you to annoy me with your huge build-ups to everything, I want you to flirt with me, I want you to throw snow at me because you know exactly when I need you to break the ice—’

‘Good one.’

‘What? Oh, ha. And I want to spend Christmas with you because you make it more magical than it’s ever been. You
are
Christmas.’

Nick looked over her face one last time. ‘It’s been a great month in a lot of ways, but I don’t think that can change anything.’

‘It’s been the best month I’ve ever had because of you, because of your crazy dates and your lovely, distracting arms and your … please don’t go.’

‘I need to be away from you for a while. I just need your face to fade away a little.’

He tore his eyes from her and edged slowly out from their hideaway, leaving her alone behind the Christmas tree.

Claudia collapsed to the floor. It really was over. The damage was done. Nick was a big part of her life and without him she’d never be herself again.

The strong scent of pine needles made her nauseous. Shaking, she stood up and wiped her eyes. It was time to go home.

Suddenly the branches were pushed back, the peal of tiny decorative bells rippling through her sorrow. Nick stood in front of her for no more than two seconds before he pulled her into a kiss that took her breath away. He crushed her against the wall and she kissed him back, afraid to let go and take a breath. What did this mean? Was it a goodbye kiss? Had he changed his mind? As he pulled back she linked her hands behind his neck, keeping close, if only for a moment longer.

‘Why am I being such a stubborn twat?’ he asked, searching her eyes, his lips millimetres from hers.

Claudia held her breath.

‘Are you really done with him?’

She nodded. ‘I was done with him when you bought me my first gingerbread latté this Christmas. It just took me a while to figure some stuff out. But I’m getting better at decisions and new adventures and stuff.’

Eventually he smiled softly. ‘Well, I am quite a rip-roaring adventure. What do you say, bestie, shall we just say to hell with everyone else and shack up together?’

Claudia answered by launching herself into him and covering his lovely warm face in kisses.

‘You’re getting lipstick all over me!’ Nick laughed, stumbling out from behind the Christmas tree, his arms still wrapped around Claudia.

‘Good, I’m marking my territory.’

‘Ahem.’ Emma cleared her throat and Claudia and Nick broke apart to see the entire wedding party gathered around the bride and bride. Some stared with surprise at two of their school mates hooking up, others with contempt at the slapper who was snogging a different man from the one she arrived with. They shuffled apart, but Claudia kept a strong grip on Nick’s sleeve, just in case.