The UN Series Complete Box Set (144 page)

I raise my hand, getting angry. “I get it,” I snap. “If you would have known I was a virgin you wouldn’t have touched me,” I say with my voice rising. “But you did. Grow up and get over it. It was only sex for Christ’s sake. Quit acting like it was something important. It meant nothing to you and nothing to me. It was just a drunken fuck,” I scream as hot tears run down my face as I speak of that night. The lie hurts more than I thought it would. Like I just stabbed myself in the heart.

He just stands there and looks down at me with hard blue eyes and I swallow the lump in my throat. “I already told you. I can’t do this anymore. Goodbye, Tate.” I go to the door but he grabs me and spins me around.

“You don’t think it kills me to see you with Braxton?” he asks with a bite to his words. “Do you really think I don’t want you?” he asks as his voice rises.

I throw my hands out to my side. “I don’t know what to think.” I shake my head and look down to the floor. I watch my tears fall to the floor. “You want me. You don’t want me.” I look up at him. “Please just do what you did before?” I beg of him. When he continues to just stand there and look at me, I point to the back door. “Just walk out the door and don’t look back.” My words are broken and my chest heaves as I try to catch my breath.

I close my eyes, trying to hide my fear, my brokenness. I don’t want to watch him walk away again.

I smell his muscular scent and tequila before I feel his body against mine. He leans down and places a soft kiss to my forehead. Then I feel my body go cold as he pulls away from me. I flinch when I hear the back door shut, indicating he did exactly as I asked. Without even opening my eyes, I fall to the floor and place my head in my hands as I cry my eyes out. 

******

I stand in Sam and Slade’s kitchen sipping on a Long Island that Sam made me as I look around the beautiful home that they built together. I’ve been looking forward to this party all day. I went home and continued to cry my eyes out last night after Tate left the bakery. I couldn’t get to the alcohol fast enough. I still have no idea what he was doing there, and I haven’t spoken a word of it to anyone. Sam keeps asking me what’s wrong but I just tell her it’s Braxton. I really need to quit lying. News travels so fast in this group of friends. Sam knows I was the one who broke up with him so I don’t know why she would believe that I’m upset over it. But for now she seems to be buying it.

I’ve tried to be cheerful tonight. It is my birthday after all. I called my mother and had lunch with her today. I then went over to my parents’ house before I came over to Sam and Slade’s house. My dad had asked me about school and thankfully my mother covered for me. I think she knows that I have enough on my plate, and she doesn’t want me to go back to ignoring them.

I look up from my drink and scan the kitchen one more time.

Tate hasn’t shown!

Did you expect him to?
I ask myself before I take a long drink from my straw.

I guess I thought he would. I thought that he was the type of guy who never did what others asked of him. I halfway expected him to show up with a beautiful woman under his arm and a smug smile on his face. Just to rub it in my face what I can’t have.

My phone lights up in front of me on the counter signaling I have a message. I set my drink down and pick it up.

Kat:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BITCH!!!

I let out a little laugh. Katherine is the girl who had told my mother I quit school. We had a class together. I wouldn’t say we’re best friends—we don’t hang out or anything—but she will text me every now and then.

Me:
Thank you.

I respond and then place my phone back down on the counter before I pick up my drink and take another sip as I look around the kitchen and dining room.

“What are you doing in here?” Holly asks as she enters. “Everyone has been looking for you.” She smiles as her black bob bounces. Holly is a sweetheart as much as Sam is. She married Slade’s younger brother about a year ago and welcomed me into their group with open arms. “We were about to start searching the bathrooms.”

I laugh and lift my drink up in the air. “Not yet. This is my first one.” And it’s still more than half full.

She loops her arm into mine. “Well, then, you need to get to drinking faster. Come on.” She starts to drag me out of the kitchen. “Josh wants to play beer pong.”

“Geez, last time I lost. Big time.”

“There’s the birthday girl,” Slade shouts as I enter his man cave.

I giggle as I see all the balloons hung from the ceiling and the birthday banner hanging in front of the minibar. There’s also a dozen red roses in a beautiful pink vase over by the fireplace. I’m so thankful to have them all as my friends. “So,” Josh, Courtney’s husband, comes over to me and throws his arm over my shoulder. His dusty brown hair falls, covering his eyes, and he shakes his head to the side to push it away. “Ready to lose to me again, little lady?” he asks with a smile.

I nod before tossing back another drink of my Long Island. “Bring It.” 

I spend the next hour getting my butt handed to me by Josh, Slade’s best friend, and Micah, Slade’s brother.

For as much as I have had to drink, I feel fine. I make it to the restroom and once I finish up I unlock the door and go to walk out when I run into the one person I didn’t expect to see tonight. I close my eyes and inhale his masculine scent and it has my heart beating faster and my knees starting to buckle. How do I stop this reaction to him? Why can’t I make it easier on myself and just hate him?

CHAPTER THREE

TATE

“Whoa,” I say reaching out to grab her small hips before she falls to the ground.

This party was not even an option. No way in hell could I show up here and see her. Then I started getting texts from Sam asking where in the hell I was. That they finally had a night without Sadey and Josh and Courtney didn’t have their twin boys. They wanted us all together to have some fun. From the looks of the beautiful blond in my arms I would say she has had a little too much.

“I’m fine,” she says before pulling away and trying to straighten herself.

“Are you sick?” I ask worried that she has already had too much.

She shakes her head and then looks down to the floor. I stand there silently and the tension starts to build up. Why did I fucking come? What was I thinking it would help?

“I didn’t think you would come,” she says softly, continuing to look down at the floor.

I take a step up to her and place my hand under her chin, lifting it so she has to look at me. “I didn’t think you wanted me to after what I did at the bakery,” I say honestly.  

Showing up there was foolish on my part. I knew she was working. I had just finished having dinner at Sam and Slade’s house when Sam had mentioned that Missy was working late. On my way home I had stopped off at a bar. I somehow found myself at the bakery and when I had been hit from behind I thought that maybe she had already left and someone was there robbing the place. I wish that would have been the case. A robbery I could have handled much better.

“I’m surprised you remember even being there,” she whispers.

I take in a deep breath, getting ready to speak, but she beats me to it. “I do miss you,” she says, and I hate the way it makes me feel. Almost…hopeful. Like I could love her if only I understood what that word meant. I know she has feelings for me, but I don’t know why she has them. If only I could make her see the real me, she would understand that she needs to stay away.

I sigh heavily trying to relax my tense shoulders. “I’m sorry about Vegas.” I have to get this off of my chest. I’ve been a dick to her for too long. She did nothing to deserve that side of me.

“Sorry for which part?” she asks, and I stare at her for a few seconds, confused by her question. “The part where we had sex? Or the part where you cussed me like a dog the next morning?”

I run a hand over my unshaven face trying to think of the right words once again. “I’m sorry for us sleeping together. I’m sorry for taking something that should have been special to you,” I admit.

Her beautiful face hardens as she stares up at me. “I might have been drunk, but I knew what I was doing. Why do you keep blaming yourself?”

I should have known better. “Because you were my best friend.” I run my hand through her blond hair. “And I took that for granted. I let it go too far.”

Her eyes soften and her tense shoulders fall. “I wanted it, Tate. I wanted you. That night meant the world to me and you made me feel like nothing.” She looks back down to the floor.

My chest rises and falls as I breathe deeply needing to say the right thing. Slade and Parker said that I need to get back on her good side but I can’t get that close to her. Not without hurting her again.

I pull her into me, and I place a kiss in her hair. The smell of coconuts fills my senses and I smile to myself. I hold her for a few seconds longer than I should. It feels so good to have her small frame in my arms. She reaches up and wraps her arms around my waist and my chest tightens. She makes me feel needed. All my life I’ve felt worthless and like a coward. But with her it’s different. She makes me think I could be a better person but it’s not true. I can’t change my past, and I sure as hell won’t ruin her future.

She pulls away and looks up at me. “You told me at the bakery that you miss me. Was that a lie?” she whispers.

I place my hands on her face. “I do miss you. I’ve always wanted you, Missy. You’re beautiful. You’re smart.” I pause. “You’re perfect,” I say with a small smile. “You’re my dream girl but not everyone’s dreams come true. I have nothing to give you. Don’t you understand that? You deserve a prince and a happily ever after, not me.”

She sniffs as tears run down her face and I know it’s time for me to leave. I lean down and place a soft kiss on her forehead before speaking. “Happy birthday, Missy.” Then I turn and leave, not even bothering to tell anyone else goodbye. Hell, I’m not even sure that I told everyone hello.

I get into my truck and pull my phone out of the center console. I dial up the number for the one person who I know is always available when I call.

“Hello?” Cindy answers and I can hear the smile in her voice. Even through all the noise in the background.

“Busy tonight?” I ask, before I back out of Sam and Slade’s driveway.

She chuckles. “Not anymore.”

“Meet me at my house,” I say before I hang up and toss my phone into my passenger seat. I don’t need to give her directions. She’s been there enough times before. Cindy and I met out at a club one night. She’s in an all-girl band and played right before Jacob, Missy’s brother, and his band. We hit it off and started hooking up. And once again I need that release tonight. I need to get the smell of Missy off of me. I need to get that memory of her out of my mind.

I make my way to my house and am thankful when I pull into my driveway and the only car I see is Cindy’s car. Parker must be working tonight. Thank God.

I get out of my truck and lock it up before I head to the front door. Cindy gets out of her car and greets me just as I push it open. I hold it open for her to enter before slamming it shut.

She goes to walk to my room but I grab her arm and pull her back before slamming her back into the wall. My lips are on hers before I can reach down to pull her shirt up and over her head.

She pulls away panting and I take the opportunity to grab a hold of her shirt and rip it off of her. She’s learned by now to always be ready for me to fuck up her clothing.

I reach down and place my fingers through the holes in her black fishnet tights and rip them even more as well. She fumbles quickly to undo her skirt before it falls to the floor.

She pants as she grabs the back of my neck and slams her lips to mine. My cock gets so hard it hurts as I picture this being Missy. Wanting it to be her touching me like this. Demanding I please her. But instead I’ve only had her once and I still can’t remember all of it. But Braxton. He has probably had her more times than I can count.

This should be her with me right now. I should be taking her to bed. Showing her what I can help her get over him. But then what? Who will help her get over me?

The thought of it being Missy in front of me has me becoming more aggressive. I reach up and grab a handful of Cindy’s hair and yank it back. Her head hits the wall and she lets out a cry.

She wraps her arms around my neck and I pick her up as she wraps her legs around my waist. I carry her to my bedroom and don’t even bother closing the door. I could care less if Parker comes home and sees us. Plus, whores like Cindy like to have others watch. It turns them on even more.

She drops her legs and I spin her around before placing my hands on her back and forcefully bending her over the side of the bed.

I don’t even bother taking my jeans or boxer briefs. I just unzip my pants and pull my hard cock through the zipper.

I give her no warning.

No foreplay. She’s already dripping wet for me.

This was a call to get fucked and she knew that when she answered it. And I don’t care to see her face. I just want to close my eyes and imagine it’s Missy who I’m inside.

She bends over like a good little whore and takes what I have to offer. And then I’ll send her on her merry way.

******

“Tate?” my mommy cries as she crawls over to where I lie on my bedroom floor. Her face is covered in black watery stuff that runs down her cheeks.

“Mommy?” I cry as tears run down my face. I’m shaking and my side hurts.

Where was she? Why didn’t she stop him?

She cradles me to her chest and her body shakes with mine as she cries. “I love you, Tate. I love you so much.” She kisses my head as she holds me tightly.

Why do I always hurt when she tells me she loves me? Why does she allow Daddy to hurt me?

I sit straight up in bed with my hands clenched, ready to hit the fuck out of something or someone. I look around the dark room. My nostrils flare and my chest vibrates as if I’m growling like a fucking dog about to pounce.

Five. I was five years old when that happened and I still dream it like it was yesterday. Actually I remember a lot about my childhood. I try to forget but no such luck. That was why the drugs came into my life. I used to take pills to help me sleep at night. Then I needed pills to help me function throughout the day. One thing led to another and before I knew it, I was taking things that made me forget completely. I craved the emptiness they brought upon me.

I run a hand down the back of my neck and I scowl at my sweat-drenched skin. It’s disgusting. 

Once I calm down, I finally look over to the other side of the bed and sigh in relief when I see that Cindy had left after we were done. And that is exactly why I call her. The bitch hates to cuddle and talk about as much as I do. I was too tired and emotionally drained to fuck with what comes after sex.

I make my way into the dark bathroom and turn on the light and then the shower. I grab a towel out of the cabinet and then step into the shower. I place my body under the sprayer and let the water consume me.

As a little boy, I thought that water washed away your flaws. My mother used to tell me that if you stood in the rain God would cleanse your soul. A rough laugh leaves my lips as I think of that. It’s crazy how kids believe everything their parents tell them. I mean, you don’t know any better.

Now. Now I know there’s nothing pure enough that could cleanse me from evil. I had thoughts as a little kid of violence. It didn’t start until I was about seven, maybe eight. I started thinking of all these ways I could get away with killing someone. That someone being my mother’s husband. And although I have never actually killed anyone, I tried with my bare hands. And if given the option, I would do it again but I wouldn’t stop next time until it was done.

I get out of the shower and crawl back into bed. As soon as I pull the covers up my cell rings on my nightstand.

“Hello?” I snap. Who’s calling me this fucking late? It’s almost one in the morning.

“Hey, I know it’s late but I thought I should call and inform you that Missy is up here.” I hear my friend, Scott’s, voice on the other end. He works up at a little dive called Marvins and he was my first real friend when I finally was able to walk away from the destructive road that my life was heading down.

Missy!
I sigh. She’s fucking everywhere. Consuming and controlling my life. “So why call me?” I growl in aggravation.

And why the hell is she out at the bar on her birthday? When I saw her earlier she was at her party that Sam was throwing her. 

There’s a few seconds of silence before he speaks again. “She’s drunk and a man is all over her,” he says with a sigh.

A man all over her? Is she seeing someone new already? Sam had told me that she and Braxton broke up. “So?” I snap. “Why fucking call me?”  

“Tate,” he says softly, and it pisses me off. “I know you guys have a past but it’s her birthday and she seems drunk. You need to do something before something happens to her.”

“She is not my responsibility,” I say through gritted teeth. Plus, she wants nothing to do with me. Can I blame her? Doesn’t she see that I was doing the right thing in pushing her away? I’m no good for her.

“Listen,” he demands, getting irritated. “I understand that. But there’s no one else to call. No one else to look out for her. She’s not your responsibility but she is going to end up drugged and dead in a ditch somewhere. Can you live with that?” he snaps. 

Drugged.
That brings back memories of watching Slade carry Sam up from the basement of Jeremy’s house drugged, looking half dead. I walked away from Missy because she deserved better. And by better, I did not mean some asshole who is trying to get her drunk and take advantage of her.

“
Get close to Missy
,” Slade had said. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something happened to her.

“I’m on my way,” I growl before hanging up. 

******

I make my way up to the bar and walk in. I spot her immediately. Her platinum blond hair stands out under the neon lights and it takes my breath away at how beautiful she is. I always found her attractive in a girl next door kind of way. But what I feel for her was always more than skin deep. She was innocent and sweet. I took that from her.
I changed her
. Now, she’s drop-dead gorgeous. She’s like one of those models that you stare at on TV who always looks fucking perfect; it makes me hard and pissed at the same time.  

I square my shoulders and push those thoughts away.
Down boy!
I make my way over to her and come to a stop once I reach her bar stool. “Missy?” I say tightly.