The Universe is a Very Big Place (22 page)

"I owe you? What do you want?" Spring didn’t understand.

Kimberly sat for a long moment, her lips puckered as she appraised Spring."Your hair."

"My hair?"

"Yes. What are you deaf as well? I-Want-Your-Hair."

Kimberly sat on the edge of the desk, one toned leg crossed over the other. When Spring said nothing Kimberly rolled her eyes and fiddled with her temples. Spring watched in horror as Kimberly peeled the hair from her head like the shell from a hard-boiled egg.

"You’re bald!"

"No shit, genius." Kimberly positioned her bob back into place. "It’s a condition I’ve had since I took some weight loss drugs that may not have been FDA-approved. And if you tell anyone you will be very, very sorry."

"But why me? You don’t even like me." Spring tried not to stare at Kimberly. She felt like a gazelle in a lion’s den.

"Dunno. Always wanted to be a blond I guess." Kimberly reached across her desk, fiddled in a drawer and produced a pair of scissors. "We can rubber band it off and cut across the pony tail. You can say you donated it to those sick cancer kids."

"You can’t have my hair!" Spring tucked the ends of her hair protectively in her collar and backed away.

"Give it some thought. I’ll even throw in an office," she said, tossing the scissors back in the drawer. "I might even be able to wrangle you a raise. Let’s just say, Jane does anything I ask."

Spring shook her head. "You’re a sick woman. Sick."

"Suit yourself, Miss Ryan. But know this; you are digging your own grave."

Spring ran for the door. "Sarah won’t give you her hair, either," Spring hissed as she opened it.

Kimberly shrugged. "Like I’d want that mop. Please."
 

Spring left the room to find Sarah waiting on a seat right outside the office.

"How’d it go? Still have your job?" Sarah looked up nervously at Spring.
 

Spring contemplated telling Sarah, but decided against it. "Let’s say I will probably be looking for another job very soon."

"Oh, God. I can’t wear the condom outfit without you, Spring." Sarah was visibly panicked and Spring thought she might pass out again.

"I think you’re off the hook for a while, Sarah. John sliced it like a fish to get you out of it."

"John?"

"No one special. Just a man I know from the grocery store."

"I’m not going back to that crazy woman!" Spring was adamant as she threw dishes into the sink. Sam studied her from the dining room table, scratching his chin while she worked.

"Now, Pookie. You gotta stay. At least until you find another job." He chewed on the eraser of a Number 2 pencil thoughtfully, contemplating their options. His eyes widened in an epiphany. "Maybe you can work with me! I’m looking for a personal assistant."

Spring thought of an existence where she had to choose between being bald in a condom costume, or one as Sam’s personal assistant at the Islamic Banking Institute. All roads led to hell.

"I tell you what I’d do," said Lanie who was busy playing with a wind-up pig in the living room. Ever since she had seen a program on TLC, she had been on a pig craze, insisting they needed one in order to be prepared for the end times to come. She had purchased a mechanical one to convince Sam and Spring how cute they were, but had only succeeded in annoying them instead. "I’d put a curse on her. Put her in the freezer."

"Mother. Stop it. You’re the one who goes on and on about karma, and then you say things like that."

"It’s only bad karma if they don’t deserve it," Lanie hissed, scooping up the pig.

"In the freezer?" Sam scratched his head.

"You make a likeness of the person who has wronged you...like a voodoo doll. I make mine out of socks. Then you throw it in the freezer. Their life pretty much sucks after that. They get all skinny and lumpy." Lanie gave Sam a knowing smile.

"I don’t think Allah would smile upon that," Sam said. "In fact, I think he’d be pretty pissed about the whole thing."

Lanie snarled. "Yeah, but he doesn’t mind you having five wives? Some god."

"You two, stop it." Spring readied herself to stand between them.

"Maybe you could give her half of your hair," Sam said. "It’s not like it wouldn’t grow back. Did she mention what kind of raise you’d be getting?"

"Oh, you’d love that, wouldn’t you baldie?" Lanie hissed. "Misery loves company."

Sam was about to say something cutting. Spring could tell by the way the ends of his lips twisted up in disdain. But before he could speak there was a knock on the door. The three looked at one another, and Spring went to answer it, expecting to be greeted either by a salesman or a Jehovah’s Witness. But the man at the door was neither seller nor preacher. In fact, he was a pleasant looking man with wheat-colored hair, pale blue eyes, and faded old jeans.

"John. What are you doing here?"

Eighteen

John Smith had not intended to stalk the woman.

Though she seemed to haunt his thoughts every hour of every day, he was not the kind that followed women home, however attractive they might be. But when she came into the pub Friday night, immediately after seeing him at the store, his first guess was that
she
was stalking him. Or at the very least paying off her debt. Of course, the very next thing she did was to advance towards the pretty boy at the counter and his hopes disappeared as quickly as a drop of water on a hot frying pan.
 

"It figures," he said to himself. No girl as pretty and as interesting as Spring would be chasing after him. It was just like home.

He drank his beer slowly, watching the scene. They moved from the bar to a corner table. She looking worried and talking excitedly. He looking horny and amused. She talked quickly and the pretty boy watched her, cracking a smile now and then and copping feels when he had the chance. And then she left. He wondered where she had gone and why pretty boy was not going with her. But pretty boy seemed to forget Spring the second she was out the door.
 

This disturbed John. How could anyone forget a woman like that? She was unlike any of the women he had grown up with in Samson, Indiana. And as far as John could tell, unlike any woman out here in the hot lands as well. As John got up to take a leak he noticed something under the table where Spring had been sitting. Something shiny. He left a few bills on the table for his tab and walked towards it, looking over to make sure pretty boy was not watching. He wasn’t.

There on the floor where her feet had dangled lay a small diamond earring. He could have returned it to her at work. He still had the name of her organization, courtesy of a rubber thrown at him by a twitchy girl. But he wanted to see her alone, and soon, and with a little help from the internet
he found her address and worked up the courage to go to her house.

"John," she said, surprised, looking behind her to see if anyone had followed. "I promised I’d call you. Couldn’t you give me a few days at least?" She tried to shut the door but he wedged his foot in quickly.

"I’m sorry," he said, wishing he hadn’t alarmed her. "I found this at the bar on Friday and I knew it belonged to you."

Spring took the stud and held it in her hand, looking at it like she had never seen it before. Recognition registered in her eyes and she grinned at him. A large, Disney Princess grin.
 

"You are returning this to me."

Behind her, two figures moved. A large woman with clown-red hair and a stick man without any hair at all. Both stood on tiptoes, craning their necks to see who was at the door. The large woman barreled forward, shoving Spring out of her way. When her eyes took him in she smacked her lips like she were about to have dinner and smiled.
 

"Who’s this?" the woman asked, rubbing her hands.

Spring looked up at the woman, who stood a good foot taller, and stammered. "He, he is a guy I know from the grocery store. John Smith."

The woman extended a fleshy hand towards John, and instead of shaking it, yanked him indoors. "I’m Spring‘s mama, Lanie. Glad to meet you. We could use an attractive man around here." John caught the cutting look Spring gave her mother when she invited him inside.

It was an open space. The dining room, kitchen, and living room were delineated only by a small bar and floor coverings. And it was bright. Every bulb in the place was lit. John squinted as his eyes fought for adjustment. The thin man advanced and John offered his hand.
 

"You must be Spring’s father then."
 

The man turned a shade of red John had never seen before and John knew that he had been mistaken.

"No. I’m not Spring’s father. I’m Spring’s fiancé, Sam Wayne."

Lanie snorted as she retreated. "As if I couldn’t do better than this jackass."

For a minute John could think of nothing to say. He had been sure the pretty boy was her boyfriend. He forced himself to say the words. "Nice to meet you, Sam."

Sam appraised John in the same manner Pete appraised his competition at the bars. After a moment Sam smiled and shook his head. For once John was thankful for his nondescript looks. Sam didn’t view him as any threat at all.

"Why don’t you have a seat, John?" Spring motioned towards a chair next to her at the dining room table. Sam did not look pleased as John settled in beside her.

"So, sweetie. Where did you say you know John from?" Sam skillfully delivered three glasses of soda to the table, followed by three neon bendy straws, and sat himself on the other side of Spring. Spring dipped a straw into her drink and took a long sip before answering.

"The grocery store. We both shop at the Food Fortress."

Sam lounged lazily in his chair, propping his head in his clasped hands. "No little woman around to shop for you, eh? Now that’s too bad. Every home needs a woman. It’s in the Bible and the Koran. Of course, sometimes more than one woman in those days." Sam laughed. "Oh, but who would want all that trouble? One female in the house is more than I can handle." Sam gave Lanie a disdainful sideways look that she didn’t seem to notice.

John nodded and said nothing. The soda was flat but he drank it anyway. The three sat in such complete silence that John could hear the tick tock of the grandfather clock which looked strangely out of place in this fluorescent cave.

"He found my earring," Spring finally spoke, smiling sweetly at Sam. "At the store. Wasn’t that nice?" She looked at John, her eyes begging him to confirm the story. He nodded in agreement.

"Sweetie. Why would you wear your diamond studs to the grocery store? You know those are for special occasions only." He leaned over and patted her head. Spring looked down at her hands on the table but did not answer. "Not a big deal," Sam picked up again. "Just remember. Diamonds are forever, but only if you don’t lose them."

"Got it," she said and laughed a nervous laugh. "It’s my first pair of diamonds. Sam bought them for me on a business trip to Mexico. I’m still learning to take care of them."

Sam elbowed John. "Good deals down in Mexico if you know who to talk to. Don’t suppose you’ve ever been south of the border?"
 

John shook his head that he had not, and Sam continued.