The Universe is a Very Big Place (26 page)

"It’s me. Can I come in?"

Trevor opened the door wearing only a t-shirt and underwear, both of which had seen better days. His hair had that ‘just woke up’ look to it and he had facial hair that had probably been growing for the last three days. He scratched his head, yawned, and smiled.

"Hello, beautiful," he said, kissing her on the cheek and pulling her inside.

"Oh, God, Trevor. I’ve missed you so much. I’m sorry I couldn’t see you earlier. It’s just been hard with Sam and all. You forgive me?" She hugged him, latching on and taking in his scent. Expensive cologne and cheap beer.

"Of course." He lifted her chin and pecked her on the lips. Then he led her to his bed, which was right in the middle of his living room, its headboard positioned up against the wall. The sheets were askew and a remote controller lay on an uncased pillow. They sat on the edge and Trevor leaned over, picking up a bottle from the ground. He popped open the lid.
 

"Beer?"

"No thanks. I’m good."
 

Trevor nodded and leaned his head all the way back, sucking in half the contents in one swallow. He replaced the cap and placed the bottle back onto the floor.

"So, this is your place?” Spring looked around. Dirty clothes in piles all over the room. An adult film playing on the TV. A table with one chair. Spring was confused. He was living like a refugee. He used to stay in a large loft with expensive furniture and stainless-steel appliances.

"Yep. My castle. My father cut me off, so I had to cut back a little. You say one fucking thing about his girlfriend looking a bit like a horse and you’re disowned for good, you know?" Trevor stroked his chin and looked around the room. "I’ll be back in his good graces soon enough. It’s just a matter of time before he drops the nag and moves on to the next filly." Trevor grinned and took another swig of his beer. "Anyway, I’m only here 'til fall, then I’m gonna head home, patch things up with the old man. I just needed some sunshine. Maybe I’ll move here once things are settled." His eyes widened as he stared at her.

Spring nodded. She had felt that pulling many times as a child, especially when they traveled through colder climates. "You miss me, too? Is that one of the reasons you came back?"
 

Trevor looked puzzled for a moment and the corner of his mouth twitched. Taking her face in his hands he responded. "God, yes. Of course. I think about you all the time." He kissed her neck, his warm breath covering her, sending sensations she hadn’t felt for a very long time down her spine.

"Mmmm," she moaned into his ear. "God, how I needed this."

"Me too, babe." His lips made his way across her cheek, past her nose, to her lips. They tasted like stale Miller Lite. Or Budweiser. She couldn’t tell. Trevor pulled her up onto the bed, leaned her back, and straddled her. He lay his wonderfully muscular body over hers, draping her like a blanket. He kissed her chin, her cheek, her ear, one hand running his hands over her thigh, the other in her hair.

"Trevor," Spring said, in-between those tiny moments when his lips were not on hers. "You think about me a lot?"

"All the time." He spread her legs, burrowing his knees between hers. His hand moved from her breast to her knee, and then walked its way up her dress. She shuddered, feeling that rush of sexuality and love she had for the man. Nothing could ever be this good. Nothing. Ever.

"I think about you, too." She took his head and held it steady, looking into the green abyss of his eyes.

"We are good together. So good." Trevor's hand was on her thigh. "Let me make you feel things. Wonderful things."

"Trevor?"

"Yes?" His finger was looped around the elastic of her underwear, urging them down. "Terrible panties by the way, love. You’re too young to be wearing these."

"Take me with you when you go?"

"Huh?"

"When you leave, take me with you? Please. If we come back to Arizona, that’s great. But if we need to live somewhere else, I can do that, too. I grew up in the carnival. I’m adaptable. I didn’t ask you last time until it was too late. I won’t make that mistake again."

Trevor’s eyes narrowed and he loosened his grip on her underwear. He pulled himself up onto his knees and let his chin fall on his knuckles.

Spring slid into a sitting position. "What’s wrong?"

"I don’t think my wife would like that. She’s funny about that sort of thing. I guess we could ask her, though."

Spring blinked, drawing her knees up into her stomach. "What? Wife? Since when?"

Trevor twisted his body around, placing his feet back on the floor. He leaned forward, holding out his hands and counting on his fingers. "Three years. Maybe four."

Spring felt her temples pulse.
Three years? Maybe four?
"We were together two and a half years ago. You were married two and a half years ago?" She was on her knees now, ready to pummel him. He had been drinking. His math had to be off. It had to be a mistake.

"Yeah, that seems about right. What year is it again?"

"Trevor!" Spring flew from the bed and stood in front of him. He looked up at her like a puppy that had been caught digging through the garbage. "You told me you loved me. You told me you fuckin’ loved me then. And you had a wife!"

Trevor squinted. "I’m sorry." His words felt sincere. "She and I have an understanding. As long as I don’t bring them home..."

"Them? Fuck, Trevor. Them? Am I just one of them? Do you even fucking remember me?"

He stared off to the side, his eyes flickering with what Spring guessed were pieces of memory. The gears were turning, she could see, but it was work for him.
 

Her heart almost stopped beating. "Trevor. Tell me what you remember." A tear waited in queue, ready to slide down at a moment’s notice.

He smiled coyly, a lock of his dark hair falling to his forehead. "Well, the good parts."

"The good parts? You mean screwing me right? That’s all you remember?"

His brows formed soft C’s over his eyes. They were gentle, but they told the truth. He didn’t remember much of anything about his relationship with Spring two and a half years ago. His eyes broke her heart.

"You drank Piña Coladas. I remember that. Does that count for something?"

Spring said nothing but continued to stare at him, her mouth agape. He shrugged.
 

"I’m having a hard time remembering things these days." He went to touch her shoulder but she evaded him and stumbled from the bed. The tears fell. She tried to stop them but the dam had broken. Trevor stood up, putting his arms around her. "I really am sorry."

"Get away from me! You asshole! You goddamned asshole." Spring pushed him off, tripping over her feet as she backed away. She scrambled towards the door, her eyes stinging.

"I don’t understand why you’re so mad." He looked confused. "Didn’t you have fun?"

"We were in love!" She was hunched over, choking. "We were in love, you moron."

"We were?" Trevor stared at a picture on the wall. Two little boys playing baseball. His eyes blinked repeatedly. "I’m sorry if I misled you. I need to work on that."

"You go to hell, Trevor Donnelly. I hate you."

"No you don’t," he said. "You just told me you loved me."

Spring wrestled with the door, yanking on it. It was broken, like everything else she touched. Trevor stood, kicking through heaps of laundry, looking for clothes. She managed to escape before he could dress, and stumbled back down the three flights of stairs to her car. She turned the key in the ignition but it wouldn’t start.

"Perfect!" she screamed. "That’s fucking perfect."

On the radio a salesman declared that Casey the Condom would be making a special guest appearance at the Fourth of July Toyotathon.

"It was all a lie," she said, wiping her nose with the hem of the dress. Why didn’t she ever have a Kleenex when she needed one? "The last two years of my life have been a lie." The realization washed over her like a wave bringing in ocean garbage to a pristine beach. It made her sick. She opened the car door and hurled, then quickly closed it again.

"God, I was stupid. I was so fucking stupid." She held her knees into her chest, rocking back and forth like a baby. People passed by her on their way in and out of the complex, but she didn’t care. As far as she could tell, her life was over."

"You okay?"

She was startled by the voice and the rap on the door. She sat there for a moment, snot dripping down her nose, her hair clinging to it like lint on a sweater. She did not want to see him, talk to him, face him. Him or anyone. Ever. She tried to ignore his tapping on the window but he wasn’t going to stop. If she could have started the car and put it in reverse, running over his toe, she might have. Finally, reluctantly, she rolled down the window.

"Go away." She wiped the snot from her nose with the back of her hand, and transferred it to her dress. "I’ve had about all I could handle from men right now. And I’m a mess."

John kneeled down to her level. "You look beautiful to me. You could never look anything but beautiful."

She forced a smile. She knew he was trying to cheer her up, but it worked. It had been so long since someone had actually worked on making her feel better. "Watch out for the puke," she pointed to the mess on the ground and he positioned his shoes on either side of the puddle.

"Noted. Car problems?"

"Won’t start. Not sure what to do. I can call AA I guess."

"This might not be my place to say, but you don’t look like you are in any condition to drive right now." He opened the car door and gently pulled her out, lifting her over the pile of vomit.

"Wait, I need to lock it."

"Anyone who is going to leap over your throw-up to break in probably needs whatever is in that car more than you do." John led her up three flights of stairs to apartment 354, a few doors down from Trevor’s.

"You wouldn’t happen to be a killer, would you?" Spring went inside and he motioned that she should take the only seat on an old blue recliner.

"Maybe. You never know."

"Good. When you are done with me will you visit apartment 314?" She smiled over the glass of milk he offered her.

"So, all these tears aren’t about Sam or a car that wouldn’t start. I should have guessed."

"No. They were for Trevor Donnelly, the man from the bar. I thought we were in love." She couldn’t control her sobbing then, long slow wails that began deep in her chest and pushed their way out of her throat. Ethereal moans she almost didn’t recognize. She fought for control, and finally steadied herself.

"Weren’t you?"

"He barely remembers me. I built a whole fantasy around a man who doesn’t even know my name. And get this..." Spring paused and took a breath. "He is married." Spring turned her head so that John couldn’t see her face. She felt like someone had taken a fork and stabbed it into her heart. "God, I’m a fool." She buried her face in her hands, mourning the loss of a love that apparently never existed.

"There’s no nobler reason to be a fool, in my humble opinion," he said. John stepped forward to touch her but she halted him with one of her hands.

"I’m okay. I’m okay." She took a deep breath. "Just feels like the Universe is out to get me."

John looked baffled. "The universe? As in God?"

"Yes. As in God. But more. Much more. Everything, I think. Lanie explains it better."