The Unorthodox Arrival of Pumpkin Allan (26 page)

“You’re doing great Lois! Lean back against Tom, that’s it, now push hard into your bottom, like you’re having a poo!”

“Ahhh!” Lois shouted, as she pushed with all her might.

“That’s it. Well done. Keep pushing. Good!”

The contraction petered away. “Lois, that was great, same again next time, you’re doing really well!”

Four more contractions came and went. Lois followed Hattie’s instructions, pushing as hard as she could. “Fantastic Lois!” smiled Hattie, “I could just see the top of the baby’s head. Now when the next one comes, push, just like you were, and if I say ‘pant’, then pant.” Lois nodded. There was a knock at the door. Hattie went and let Jess in.

“Hi, I’m Jess,” said the enthusiastic newcomer. “I don’t know what’s going on, but I just saw three police cars lurking about at the top of your road!”

“That’ll be something to do with Chaz I expect,” said Tom, as Lois started to growl her way into the next contraction.

Meanwhile, as Lois pushed with every ounce of her strength, Chaz was getting an inkling that there may be a police presence in the Park. Expecting the majority of the residents to be at the wedding, he had returned to Lois and Tom’s shed to collect the five kilos of cocaine that he’d stashed in the twist off heads of the garden gnomes. On hearing several cars go by and catching a brief glimpse of what appeared to be a police car passing Lois and Tom’s house, Chaz decided he’d better hide. Unfortunately for him, having had a very large joint as he made his way ‘stealthily’ along the bridleway towards their house, he was no longer in full command of his faculties. So, to avoid detection, he hid in the shrubbery towards the back of the garden at Honeysuckle, carefully arranging the gnomes in a semi-circle in front of him, for protection.

The drug squad had been tracking Chaz for the past two days, hoping that they would catch him red handed in possession of a large quantity of coke. They were unsure as to whether or not he carried a gun. When he headed for the Park, thinking it might be their golden opportunity and not wanting to blow it, they called in the armed response unit and the dog handlers. They started in Chaz’s shed where the dogs picked up the scent and in no time the canine detectives had pulled their handlers, via the bridleway, to Tom and Lois’s house, with four other officers in hot pursuit.

“Ahh, it’s coming again,” shouted Lois, anxiously, as the next contraction started. Then she screamed a long piercing scream and she pushed with all her strength.

Hearing the scream issuing from inside the house, the officer in charge of the operation ignored the fact that the German Shepherds were eager to make their way down the garden, choosing to assume that Chaz was inside the house doing something unspeakable to one of the occupants. Two of them stayed at the front door to cut off his escape route, while two more, with guns poised, crept passed the French doors and into the kitchen, then as Lois emitted her final scream to help push out her baby’s head, they burst through the door into the lounge, guns pointing, one at Lois, one at Tom.

“What the hell?” came, more or less as a chorus, from all six occupants of the room. Each individual equally shocked.

The officers let their guns down and both of them instinctively removed their hats as a sign of respect for the poor woman who was half way through delivering her baby, its head in the pool, awaiting the next contraction to deliver the body. They slowly reversed out the way they came, mumbling apologies. As they walked out of the kitchen, still in shock and not quite ready for arresting a potentially armed drugs dealer, they saw Chaz being frog marched up the garden by the two dog handlers. The other officers appeared from the front of the house. Lois’s father had just told them that his daughter was inside giving birth. And “why the hell was her house surrounded by police?”

Lois and Tom being so totally absorbed by the imminent birth of their first baby, quickly regained their composure and re-focused on the matter in hand. Whereas Hattie, sitting down on the floor next to the pool, her heart pounding in her chest, was completely traumatised. She had focused on the guns and not contemplated the fact that the men wielding them were police officers.

“Hattie, are you ok?” asked Jess, putting a hand on her shoulder. Before Hattie had time to answer the next contraction came. Hattie pulled herself together. She’d come this far delivering the baby, she wasn’t going to give up now.

“Pant Lois, pant! That’s it, gently now.” Lois followed Hattie’s instructions and within seconds the baby was born into Hattie’s waiting, slightly shaking hands and lifted gently onto Lois’s chest. “It’s a girl! Lois, Tom, congratulations!”

Lois gazed in amazement at the little person lying on her, blue eyes open and looking up towards Lois’s face. “Oh my God Tom, look at her, she’s so beautiful!”

Tom, who was still sitting behind Lois, reached around her and gently put his index finger into the babies palm and the tiny fingers clasped it. “Hello, most beautiful baby in the world,” he whispered. “Do you think she looks like a Mia? Mia Grace?”

“Yes she does, that’s who she is,” Lois stroked her little cheek, “Mia Grace.” The three of them stayed in the same position for several minutes, then Hattie suggested Jess took the baby, checked her over and dressed her. Hopefully the placenta would deliver soon and it may be more comfortable for Lois if that happened on ‘dry land’.

“Tom, would you like to cut the cord?” Hattie asked as she put a little plastic clamps close to Mia’s tummy. Tom looked a bit bewildered as Hattie handed him the scissors.

“Uh…oh right. What do I do?” Hattie guided his hand to where the cut needed to be made between the two clamps. Apprehensively he opened the blades of the scissors, and looked up to Hattie for approval.

“That’s it Tom, don’t worry, it won’t hurt.”

Tom cut the cord and breathed a sigh of relief that he had successfully managed to complete his role in the birthing process, along with being a fantastic support and masseur of course. Hattie carefully lifted Mia and placed her in the soft white towel awaiting her in Jess’s arms. Then she and Tom slowly helped Lois out of the pool and onto towels and pads arranged on the sofa, where the placenta was successfully delivered moments later. Tom went and got dressed and brought down some comfy clothes for Lois to put on.

Jess handed Mia, dressed in a little yellow babygrow, to Tom. “She’s perfect,” said Jess, “seven pounds, one ounce.” He gazed at Mia, completely mesmerised, gently stroking her face and her soft, downy hair. He counted her fingers and marvelled over her tiny fingernails.

“Lo, I’ve never seen anything so beautiful. Thank you.” He sat down next to Lois and slowly and carefully passed Mia to her. Lois was grinning from ear to ear.

“Ah, she’s beautiful,” Hattie said, swapping places with Tom, who went to make some tea. “Blue eyes, just like yours Lois.”

Arriving in the kitchen, it suddenly occurred to Tom that having had armed officers in the house, pointing guns at himself and his wife during the delivery of their baby, it would be a good idea to take a look in the garden and see what was going on. He gingerly peered out of the back door. Nothing, nobody. He walked slowly around the back of the house and through the side gate. As he emerged at the front of the house he was stopped in his tracks. The front garden was full of people waiting quietly. Some were sitting on the lawn, some on garden chairs that had been brought round from elsewhere. There was a trestle table with the untouched wedding cake, a pot of tea and what looked like wedding leftovers. The majority of the crowd was made up of wedding guests, but there were also, to Tom’s astonishment, the team of police officers, complete with dogs. Then he noticed, sat on the lawn between the two very large German shepherds, Chaz, trussed up in handcuffs, looking completely befuddled by the goings on, and a thick, transparent plastic bag containing, what looked like four garden gnomes.

It took Tom a few moments to comprehend the scene. Everyone looked at him expectantly. Unable to contain his suspense any longer, Jack piped up, “Oh bugger off?” raising a questioning hand as he spoke.

Tom shook his head, grounding himself. Then said quietly, “Sorry, um, yes, a girl. Mia Grace.” There was a huge cheer and Tom was engulfed in handshakes, hugs and kisses. From inside the house Lois could hear the cheers and asked Hattie to help her to take Mia out to meet her friends and relatives. A chair and cushion were taken outside for her and as she walked through the door there was another cheer, quieter this time, individuals instinctively not wanting to frighten the baby. Lois sat down, utterly exhausted, yet never happier in her life, with Tom behind her, baby in her arms.

Just then an Interflora van drew up outside the house. “Blimey, that was quick!” said Lois, as the delivery woman lifted out an enormous bouquet in a cellophane vase and walked into the garden looking a little surprised by the scene. “Are they from you Tom? They’re stunning.” The woman, carefully put them on the ground by Lois’s feet, made some complementary noises about the baby and departed.

Tom felt slightly embarrassed, “No, they’re not from me.” Someone had beaten him to it. He crouched down next to Lois, removed the attached card from the envelope and read out loud, “Wishing the three of you health and happiness in your life together. Best wishes. Charles Black?”

Lois looked at Tom and grinned, “Well that nicely wraps up a day of momentous events!”

Acknowledgements

A huge thank you to all of my friends and family who have been so influential in the writing and producing of this book. Most importantly, my husband Martin, whose encouragement, enthusiasm and patience, made the whole thing possible; Helen & Richard for being such helpful and generous friends; John, for his very apt painting; Matthew, Branka and Louise M for giving feedback on the pre-edited version; the ‘Common Book Club’ for giving feedback on the almost edited version; Nitia and Angie, for being such supportive and wonderful friends; various mistake spotters, including Lucy, Emma and Mel and last but not least, my three children, for their help and encouragement.