The Unorthodox Arrival of Pumpkin Allan (20 page)

“Life can be very unfair can’t it?” said Lois.

“It certainly can,” said Annie, with Dave nodding in agreement behind her. “Anyway, we’ll leave you to it, see you over the weekend no doubt?”

“I hope so. Thanks for everything,” said Lois as she and Tom waved their goodbyes. Having closed the door, exhausted, they went straight up to bed, in luxury.

Lois and Tom woke late on Friday. Lois felt very relieved that the move had been completed the day before and that they had the next three days to get the house ship-shape before Tom went back to work. She went down to make breakfast and while waiting for the toast to pop, in an actual toaster, and the water to boil, in a real kettle, phoned Dean.

When Lois mentioned the lack of plumbing for the washing machine, Dean laughed. “There is plumbing for it, have you not noticed?”

“Apparently not.” said Lois. She had looked for it. Oh God, this was embarrassing.

“It’s in that little outhouse bit by the outside loo. Oh look, I’ll pop over, I’ve got nothing on today, well clothes obviously,” Lois laughed weakly, “but no work. I’ll come and do any odd jobs you want doing. You okay to be on shopping standby?”

“Yep! No problem.”

Lois went and looked in the outhouse. She’d only been in it once before, seen it was full of spider’s webs, a rusty old fridge and an old do-it-yourself brewing kit, and had backed out quickly. The outhouse was a narrow building adjoined at one end to the outside loo and the other to the small porch-way containing the back door that then led into the kitchen. When Lois stood outside looking at the arrangement, she couldn’t believe they hadn’t thought to knock it all into one so they had a utility room and an internal downstairs loo. Oh well, too late now, she couldn’t bear the thought of more dust now that the furniture was all in place. She opened the door to the outhouse and stepped in cautiously. Yes, still lots of cobwebs and yes, plumbing for a washing machine, fantastic, one less thing to worry about.

The day passed quickly. It transpired there was very little for Dean to do. Not only had Lois not noticed the plumbing, but also, much to her embarrassment, she had failed to spot the outside sensor light that George had mounted by the front door. It simply needed to be switched on from inside the house! Lois thought what a clever idea it was having an over-ride switch. Next time her husband was throwing up in the front garden she could turn it off in case anyone walked by.

Dean and Tom cleared out and cleaned the outhouse. Lois refused to help, exaggerating her fear of spiders a little as an excuse. Then Dean, with minimal help from Tom, carried the washing machine and drier through from where Ed and co. had left it in the middle of the kitchen floor. Dean then plumbed in the washing machine. Lois was relieved to get some washing done, the foul smell of stale vomit had been lurking in the house since Wednesday and she hoped washing all their clothes and bed linen would clear it.

The remainder of the day was spent unpacking the boxes that the movers had not had time for, mainly books, some office files and kitchen equipment. Dean put up two lines of coat hooks, one by the front door and one by the back and mounted their pictures and framed photos on walls throughout the house, as instructed by a rather pernickety Tom. Lois ordered a lawn mower online, they needed one ASAP, so, without giving it a great deal of thought, she ordered something big, green and moderately expensive.

In the early evening Lois and Tom walked to the pub for supper. On the way back, they could not resist going to Richard and Debbie’s to see how they’d managed the previous day. Richard opened the door and smirked at Tom like a naughty schoolboy. He invited them in and offered tea or coffee, adding with a chuckle, that he wasn’t allowed alcohol at the moment. They were just sitting down at the kitchen table, when Debbie came in from the garden with a huge washing basket full of clothes from the line. Richard leapt up from his seat at such a rate that Tom thought there must be a disaster about to happen.

“Let me help you with that Darling!” Richard said, taking the basket from Debbie and disappearing through the kitchen door with it.

“What was all that about?” Lois asked Debbie.

“Ah, he’s trying to wheedle his way back into my affections after his bad behaviour on Wednesday night.” They smiled at each other.

“Come on then, tell me how he disgraced himself and I’ll tell you what my lovely fiancé did,” said Lois.

“I think I’ll go and give Richard a hand with the washing!” Tom said, making a hasty exit in search of comradeship.

Debbie picked up Richard’s tea and began to sip it. “Well. I’d left fish pie in the oven for them as you know, Richard was bound to invite Tom and Adam back here. They came in at about eleven thirty and were making so much noise; I came down and told them, in no uncertain terms, not to wake the children. Richard said they would be quiet, that the lads were just having a bite to eat, and would then be off home. I noticed the whisky bottle on the table at which point Richard said, like a five year old doing something he shouldn’t, ‘I was just showing them the bottle, the label, we’re not going to drink it.’ And Tom and Adam stood behind him, trying to look serious and nodding their agreement. It was very funny; I wish I could have filmed it really.

“Anyway, I took the whisky away, shut the kitchen door and left them to it. When I woke at two in the morning to find Richard still not in bed, I came downstairs to see what was going on. I went into the kitchen first and found an empty bottle, creme de menthe of all things, and three half pint glasses with a shade of green lurking in the bottom. Then I went and looked in the rest of the downstairs rooms until I found him, in the study.”

Lois, covered her eyes in preparation for what disgusting description was to come, she knew it was going to be bad after Richard’s response earlier, two days after the event.

“Oh Lois, you cannot imagine the mess!” Lois thought she probably could, but left Debbie to continue the story. “Blood and puke all over the carpet!”

“Blood! Why on earth?”

“Well, having been sick, in a heap, on the carpet. I don’t know how he piled it up, I imagine he was lying down on his side perhaps?” Lois wrinkled up her face and groaned. “Anyway, he then decided that the easiest way to clear it up was to excise the carpet!” Lois looked quizzically at Debbie. “Yes, he got a scalpel and tried to cut out the area of carpet, brand new carpet!”

“No!”

“Yes. In the process he sliced into his knee without even noticing AND his finger. When I came downstairs, he was flat out on the floor, asleep. Well, I thought he might be dead at first. But then he did an enormous burp and, I think I was relieved to see that he wasn’t.”

“Oh my God, how did you sort it all out? No wonder you’re so cross with him.”

“Well, I got him out of the way first, mainly because he was so eager to help clear up the mess. I stripped him off, made him sit in the shower and hosed him down.”

Lois laughed, “Sounds familiar.”

“I put a couple of steri-strips and several plasters on the finger, that cut was quite deep. The knee wasn’t so bad. Slicing through his jeans first offered a bit of protection. I then left him to sleep on the bathroom floor.” Debbie laughed. “Well, I didn’t want him in bed with me!”

“Then I bagged up the sick, which smelt just awful!”

“I know!” said Lois. They both laughed and said at the same time, “Fish pie and creme de menthe!”

“I was stifling retches the whole time. Anyway, once I’d removed as much of it as possible with rubber gloved human hand, I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed.”

“Had he done much damage with the knife?”

“Only to himself. No, he’d made very little impact on the carpet. Lucky he was so drunk! But it’s going to have to be covered up with a rug now anyway.”

“Heh, perhaps you can make an insurance claim.”

“That would be funny wouldn’t it, making him fill out the claim-form. I think he’d rather shell out for a new carpet.”

“Didn’t he have a patient coming on Thursday?”

“Yes he did!” said Debbie, getting up to making more tea. “So, having scrubbed the carpet to within an inch of its life, I got all the scented candles from around the house and left them in the study to burn through what was left of the night.”

Lois laughed, “I thought you were going to say, ‘to burn through what was left of the study!’”

“Wouldn’t have been a bad idea! Anyway I got up at six and opened the study windows and the front door to try and circulate some air. I took the rug from the living room and placed it strategically over the stains. Even though the carpet underneath was still wet, I felt it would stop any more of that terrible smell coming out. Then I got air freshener and squirted it everywhere! It wasn’t until I went to take the kids out, that I realised he had puked up the garden path as well. And trodden in it. So when I got home I had to pressure wash the path. Even though it had been raining, oh yuk, I don’t even want to think about it!” Debbie said, raising her hand to suppress the thought, as she grimaced.

“Anyway, I woke him up before I went on a mega-shop and told him he’d got an hour to sober up before his patient came. He had two hours actually, but it gave him an extra incentive to get going.”

“It might not have been him on the garden path. Richard wasn’t the only one to be sick.”

“Go on.”

Lois proceeded to tell Debbie about finding Tom in the garden in the pouring rain and how the little willow tree may not see adulthood as a consequence and about her shoes and trousers having to be thrown out. They were both laughing hysterically when they heard Richard and Tom coming down the stairs and quickly changed the subject.

“So Richard,” said Lois as he was putting the kettle back on, “how did you get on with your private patient on Thursday?”

“Oh God, don’t ask. I felt like death. She looked slightly perturbed when she walked into the house; presumably it still smelt a bit? I’d drunk about a gallon of water before she came so I had to go to the loo twice in the hour! Fortunately she was able to give me a very clear and concise history, which pointed very directly to a particular remedy AND I was able to remember the name of it AND write it down legibly for her to order from the pharmacy! So, it wasn’t all bad. She’s coming back for a follow up next week, so fingers crossed.”

“And, no sooner had she driven away than he was sick again.”

“Debbie! Don’t tell them that! Oh I get it, you two have been sitting down here comparing notes haven’t you?”

“We might have. By the way, has anyone heard how Adam was the next day?”

“I saw him. You know, the Ellie saga,” said Lois.

“What Ellie saga?” asked Debbie.

“Oh God you’ve not heard?” Lois went on to tell them what had happened.

“Crikey, we’ll have to keep a close eye on those two,” said Richard, shaking his head in dismay, “poor old Jack’ll really struggle with this.”

“I thought I’d pop round tomorrow morning,” said Lois, glancing at her watch. “Gosh it’s late, we’d better make a move.” Lois pulled Tom to his feet. Debbie told Richard that Hannah needed help with learning lines for a play and sent him off to look for her.

On the walk home, Lois asked Tom if he knew why Richard and Adam hadn’t invited Dave to the pub. Tom’s response, much to Lois’s amusement was, “Apparently they did invite him, but he said he’d rather not go. He was worried he would have too much to drink and embarrass himself!”

On Saturday morning Lois dragged herself out of bed at eight-thirty. It was a stunning day. She had breakfast, put a load of washing in the machine and had a quick tidy up. Then she sat in the living room for five minutes, because she could. The sun was streaming in through the front window making the world a happy place! She had realised during the night, on one of her seemingly numerous trips to the loo, that if she and Tom were actually going to get married before the baby was born they were going to have to get organised pretty quickly. To this end she took out her laptop and started to make a list of what they needed to do.

Lois found she wasn’t thinking straight. Having spent ten minutes and not really made much headway, she gave up. Her mind was not clear enough, mainly due to lack of sleep, but also she kept thinking about her proposed visit to Doreen and Jack’s and what she was going to say.

With Tom still fast asleep, Lois decided the best thing to do was to go for a walk and try and clear her poor addled brain. As she walked down the lane, Rupert and Reaver appeared from Annie and Dave’s garden and followed her for a short distance, then trotted back home. Lois felt it was a shame they didn’t come with her. She liked walking dogs. In fact, wouldn’t it be great to have a dog of their own? It would encourage, no, force her to exercise, which had to be a bonus. She felt it was good for children to be brought up with animals. Her family had never had a dog and as a child she’d always felt she’d missed out. Now, this really was a good idea. In fact it would be almost criminal to live in a place like Harewood Park and not have a dog! By the time she had completed her thirty-minute walk she’d decided that her priority for the day should be to find herself, no themselves, a nice puppy.

Lois made Tom a bacon sandwich and a proper coffee and took it up to him in bed. “I’ve had a great idea!”

“Oh yes?” said Tom, a little suspiciously.

“I think we should get a dog!”

“A dog,” Tom repeated slowly, “we’re getting a baby in a matter of weeks, don’t you think you’ll be busy enough?”

“You know me, the busier the better! Come on, up you get, let’s go buy a puppy!”

“Lois, you cannot just go out and buy a puppy! It needs careful thought and research. We’ve got a wedding to organise, there’s also plenty to get ready for Pumpkin’s arrival. We’ve still got loads to do to get the garden straight. Presumably you need to sell your car and get something a little more child friendly!”

“Sell my car? I’m not selling my car!” Lois sat and thought for a moment. Of course, she hadn’t even contemplated how she would fit baby, pushchair and God knows what other paraphernalia in the car. “Ok. Yes, I’ve got to sell my car, I’d thought of that!” She looked at Tom and they both started laughing. “Ahh, a puppy would be nice though wouldn’t it?”

“Come on!” said Tom, almost leaping out of bed. “Let’s get on with some of these jobs.”

They spent the morning researching wedding venues on the Internet. Their number one choice was Harefield Manor, mainly due to its location. They walked down to the Manor and the duty manager gave them a very quick tour. The room which would best accommodate them was much more traditionally furnished than the areas of the hotel Lois had seen previously, and Lois was quite taken with it. The wedding was only going to be small and simple. A ceremony and a buffet lunch was all they wanted and surprisingly the Manor was able to provide this at a not unreasonable cost. They also said they could organise the flowers; even offering them a five percent resident’s discount. And the grounds looked so beautiful, weather permitting much of the reception could be spent outside.

There was availability for either of the first two Fridays in September, so returning home they did a quick ring-around to family and the close friends they planned to invite. With only four or five weeks before these dates, they wanted to make sure that the important people could come. It transpired that the best date for the majority of the guests was the first one, so they took the plunge and booked it, subject to being able to arrange the registrar, which would have to be done on Monday. Tom put down the phone, gave Lois a hug and muttered, “Job done!” into her ear.

After lunch Lois decided she really ought to go and see how Doreen and Jack were getting on.

Doreen seemed really pleased to see her, welcoming her with a hug. “Come on in Lois. Cup of tea?”

“That would be lovely, milk and one sugar please.” Lois followed Doreen into the kitchen. There was no sign of Jack. Lois noticed Ellie’s basket was still sitting in the corner of the room. Doreen saw her glance at it.

“We’re not ready to get rid of it. Not yet.”

“Oh Doreen, I’m so sorry. You must be having a really tough time.”

“Do you know, I’d never had a pet before. To be honest, I didn’t really want her. It was only in the hope that she would benefit Jack.” Lois could see tears welling up in Doreen’s eyes as she tried to pour water from the kettle into the teapot.

“Where is Jack?”

“In bed. He hasn’t been up since Thursday. I can’t get him up if he won’t co-operate. He’s barely eating or drinking, he’s not even reading.” Doreen handed Lois a cup of tea. “I suppose it’s going to take time. I think I’ll ask the doctor to come and see him on Monday if he’s no better, not that he’ll be able to do anything.”

“If you need me to help in any way Doreen, please do give me a call. I could get shopping for you, or stay here with Jack while you get out if you like.”

“Oh Lois, would you? It would be great to go out, it’s so depressing just staying here, but I worry about leaving him alone at the moment.”

“Let me give you my phone numbers.”

Doreen passed Lois her address book and a pen. When she’d finished writing, Lois asked, “Would you like to go now?”

Doreen’s face lit up. “You’re an angel,” she said grabbing her coat from the peg on the back door. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

“Not at all. How long do you think you’ll be?”

“Half an hour at the most. You’re a gem!” said Doreen, picking up her bag and keys and she was gone before Lois had an opportunity to change her mind, or indeed to ask her if she should do anything for Jack.

Lois spent the first five minutes or so pottering around the lounge and kitchen, looking at photos and some cards on the mantle piece. The cards were all ‘sorry to hear of your loss’ types. One was from the charity, which had supplied Ellie for Jack. It had a beautiful photo of a black Labrador on the front. Lois wondered what Jack had thought of that, if he’d seen it.

Feeling at a bit of a loose end, Lois decided she would take Jack a cup of tea. She found a tray and headed up the stairs with it fully loaded. She squeezed herself past the seat of the stair-lift, starting to feel quite nervous about what she would say to Jack. Not knowing which room he was in, she struggled to hold the tray and knocked on the wrong door to start with, going into what must have been the guest room. The next door was ajar, that turned out to be the bathroom. Third time lucky, Lois thought, now feeling ridiculously nervous. She struggled to knock again and pushed the door. Jack was lying on his side in the bed, looking totally miserable. Lois saw him only briefly before tripping, managing to just regain her footing before falling flat on her face. However, the entire contents of the tray flew across the room, the majority, including the teapot landing on the bed!

“Oh Jesus! Jack,” she grabbed the teapot in one hand and the lid with the other. “The lid didn’t come off, thank God for that!” Lois was by now in such a fluster, she could see that tea had leaked onto the bed so pulled the duvet up to see if Jack was getting burned.

“Oh bugger off!” said Jack, as Lois peered into the bed, his voice sounded like he was going to cry. The tea fortunately hadn’t gone right through the duvet and even if it had, the jug-full of milk that had landed close by, would have cooled it almost instantaneously. As Lois lowered the duvet back down and started to apologise again, she looked at Jack and was amazed to see that he was starting to laugh. She must have looked astounded, because he pointed at her and laughed more, and more. Then he pointed at the door, gesticulated a somersault with his hand, laughed an “Oh bugger off,” and continued to laugh until tears were pouring down his face.

Lois pulled up a chair to sit facing him and joined in the laughter. She looked through the doorway to see if she could see what had tripped her up, but there was nothing there. Yet, looking at Jack’s smiling face, she had to wonder whether it had been a ‘fall of fate’.

Lois picked up the biscuits that were still on the floor, blew on them, put them back on the plate and offered Jack one. He accepted with a chuckle.

“I’ll go and make more tea,” said Lois.

“Oh bugger off!” said Jack, pointing to his wheel chair.

“You want to get up?” said Lois in surprise. Jack nodded. “I can’t really lift you.” Lois pointed to her bump.

“Oh bugger off!” Jack pointed to a board by the side of the bed. Then he pressed a button on a remote control to lift the head of the bed. Between them, Jack and Lois managed to transfer him from bed to wheelchair, wheelchair to stair-lift and stair-lift to his electric wheelchair, just a Doreen arrived home.

Doreen was staggered, “Lois, how on earth?” Jack started laughing.

“Well it’s a funny story actually!” Lois looked at Jack and laughed. “I’m afraid I’ve made a bit of a mess of your bedroom! I’ll make some tea and tell you what happened.”