The Unorthodox Arrival of Pumpkin Allan (16 page)

“No Tom! We’re saving five grand today. We’ll eat in a pub as we’d planned. The money can stay in the bank until we need to buy something, like, oh I don’t know, the piece of land behind our house?”

“Oh yes? Is this the reason you’re declining my engagement ring, you want to buy land, so you can get yourself a pony?”

“No, no, no,” said Lois rubbing her face lovingly on Tom’s shoulder, “I was just thinking what we needed to spend a large sum of money on and that was the only thing that sprang to mind. Mind you five thousand wouldn’t go very far towards buying it.”

“Why, how much do they want?”

“A hundred.”

“A hundred thousand for that bit of scrub land.”

“I know, it’s a lot isn’t it? But that’s what it’s been valued at. I bet they’ll get it as well. God, I hope old Black doesn’t buy it!”

Lois and Tom had a leisurely lunch, discussing all sorts of issues that they had not found time for before. The progress of the house came first, but didn’t need much time spent on it as, surprisingly, all the work seemed to be well ahead of schedule. Dean and his chums had been doing a great job. Adam had been to replace the missing roof tiles the previous day. The electrics were sorted. Even the landline and broadband were functioning. By Friday, the likelihood was that all the interior work would be complete in time for them moving in.

“Ah, curtains. I haven’t done anything about curtains yet. Off the rail or get them made up?”

“Up to you my treasure, that’s woman’s work.”

“Ok, suits me. So you don’t want any input into colour, style or pattern then?”

“Ah, that’s not what I said. Well, that’s not what I meant,” Tom said, backtracking fast, he was actually very particular about decor.

They moved on. The next subject was the wedding, where and when. Lois told Tom about the appointment at the registry office.

“Registry office?” Tom looked surprised. “Can’t you get married pretty much anywhere these days? Wouldn’t you prefer to do it in a nice stately home, or, church? Hey, is there something you haven’t told me, have you been married before?”

“Stop it Tom,” Lois said, laughing, “I can hardly walk down the aisle eight months pregnant can I?” she paused, “but maybe a stately home?” Lois sat and thought about this for a couple of minutes, munching her way through an enormous plate of cheddar ploughman’s. “Hey, what about Harewood Manor, I wonder if they do wedding ceremonies there? I bet they do. It’s a bit tacky inside mind you, Mel won’t be impressed, but the grounds are very beautiful and it’s so convenient.”

“Sounds good to me.”

Lois got out her phone and put in an alarmed note to remind her to make enquiries on Monday.

The next thing Lois wanted to discuss was the birth of the baby. Attending her antenatal appointment the previous week, she had talked through with the midwife the possibility of a home delivery. Much to Lois’s surprise, the midwife had been very enthusiastic. She said they tried to encourage as many fit, healthy women as possible to have home births. She had given Lois some web links to gather more information so she and Tom could make an informed decision. Lois wanted to sound Tom out before spending time researching.

Tom sat for a moment, thinking through the idea. Then said, “Well, I’m not averse to reading the research to see why they encourage it.”

“Great! I’ll look into it next week. The other thing I wanted to mention is a birthing pool, apparently you can hire them to have at home. Do you remember we saw that documentary on babies being born in water? I’ll do some research into that too, if you’re that open minded?” Lois gave Tom her most spectacular smile, showing off her orthodontically perfected teeth and the dimples in her cheeks.

“Okay, but I won’t be happy unless the research is very positive. I don’t want you or Pumpkin to be at unnecessary risk.”

“Of course!”

After lunch, Lois and Tom made their way back to the Park, with plenty of time for a rest before going to Richard and Debbie’s for dinner. Just as they both settled down to what they had started to call their ‘rehabilitatory nap’, Tom’s phone rang. He wasn’t happy to be disturbed. Seeing that it was his mother, he pulled a face and was about to put it back down on the floor, but Lois was peering over his shoulder.

“Go on, answer it, Mr. Grumpy!”

Tom grunted, then pressed the answer button, “Pippa! How nice to hear from you! How are you?” Tom said in a loud, bold voice, with a forced smile on his face. As his mother talked, he managed to push himself into an upright position and made his way downstairs, so at least Lois could have some shut-eye.

When the phone-call had finished, Tom came back into the bedroom and eased himself, as quietly as he could, back into bed. His weight on the rubber mattress, tilting Lois, disturbed her. She opened one eye. “How’s Pippa?”

“Yes, she’s fine.” Tom said thoughtfully. “Apparently she and Chris want to give us some money as a sort of house warming, wedding present.”

“That’s nice,” Lois said, still half asleep.

“Yes, the figure she mentioned was fifty.”

“That’s nice. We could put it towards the curtains.”

“No Lo, not fifty pounds, fifty thousand pounds!”

Lois sat bolt upright in bed, “Bloody hell Tom, fifty thousand pounds!”

“I reckon they’re, I mean she, Pippa, is in competition with your mum and dad. Never a one to be upstaged, my mother.”

“Hey, at this rate, we could end up with that paddock after all!”

“Don’t get too carried away now Lo!”

It took some time for Lois and Tom to fall asleep. After the phone call, both of them had very active minds, contemplating what they could use the money for. When Lois eventually did fall asleep, she dreamed of a birthing pool, which she was desperate to get into, but couldn’t, because it was full of diamonds.

Tom and Lois woke to a hard hammering on the door. Tom dragged himself downstairs to open it and found Annie and Dave standing in the rain.

“Are you ready?” asked Dave, shaking his umbrella outside as he backed into the house after Annie.

“Ready?” responded a very bleary eyed Tom.

“Dinner, Debbie and Richard’s?”

“Oh no! What’s the time?”

“Seven thirty.”

“Oh God! We only went upstairs for a little snooze at four o’clock,” exclaimed Tom, ushering Annie and Dave into the sitting room and realising there was nowhere for them to sit.

“Oh, perhaps you’d prefer to go on ahead and we’ll meet you up there?”

Annie pointed to the rug on the floor, “No, no, we’ll wait. We’ll make ourselves comfy, won’t we Dave?”

“I doubt that,” Dave chortled, “but we’ll wait anyway.”

Hearing the voices downstairs, Lois had woken, looked at the time, had a minor panic attack and started to change as fast as she could. When Tom reappeared she was just resurrecting her make-up. “I’m ready,” she said, “how about you?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be!” said Tom, spraying on some deodorant. He looked reasonably smart from the trip to London that morning, if a little crinkled. They grabbed the bottle of red wine they’d bought in town and the orchid that Lois had carefully chosen for Debbie. Dave, who had decided to wait standing-up, heaved Annie to her feet, pretending she was much heavier than she was.

“You’ll need your waterproofs or a brolly,” said Dave, “it’s foul out there.”

Tom gave Lois his ‘You know where everything is!’ look. “It’s in the car, the brolly,” said Lois, tossing him the keys. “Go, be gallant, good knight, save me from this dreaded downpour!”

“Good night!” said Tom, as he ventured out into the rain.

Making their way up the lane, brollies aloft, Dave said to Annie, “Now are you sure you locked the door properly? Should I check it?”

“Yes I locked it properly and no, you shouldn’t check it!” Annie said, grabbing Dave by the elbow with one hand, whilst taking the umbrella from him with the other, pre-empting his retreat to double, triple, quadruple check the door, and dragging him forward.

“It won’t take a second, just one push.” Dave jerked away from Annie’s grasp and went running towards the front door. When he got there, he pushed it with as much force as he could muster and called back to Annie, “Did you check the oven and hob?”

“Dave, for God’s sake, we’ve been through this already this evening. Stephen’s in anyway, he’ll be using the cooker in a minute.”

“Even so,” said Dave, taking the house keys from his pocket and letting him self in, “you go ahead, I’ll catch you up!”

Lois could see Annie’s face reddening and her forehead becoming increasingly wrinkled during this performance. Indeed by the time they started to walk on, she looked like she was about to blow a gasket. But she didn’t, she took three long breaths, muttering “in through the nose, out through her mouth,” and she visibly started to relax again. “Yoga,” she said, “I’ve started going with Sicily, she’s really into it you know. I’ve found it very useful in helping me to cope with, life,” she paused, “well, more precisely, my husband. Honestly, leaving the house is a nightmare with him. As for going on holiday, it takes what feels like hours to get him in the car and finally drive away! Every plug in the house has to be removed from its socket, then, he stands looking at the empty sockets for ages, contemplating whether they are really empty. The windows and external doors have to be checked and double checked and treble checked, until I’m just about tearing my hair out. The cooker is checked endless times to make sure it’s off. He actually stands with his hand underneath each tap in turn, for at least a minute, then having walked away he invariably goes back again to make sure that not one single drip is going to escape from the tap while we’re away.”

“He can’t be that bad, surely?” said Lois.

Annie nodded as she continued, “Then of course there’s the locking of the front door. He checks it at least five times pushing the door with all his strength to make sure it’s shut. He then walks a few yards from the house, goes back and pushes it again… and again… and again! Then he asks me to check it!” They walked through the gate to Debbie and Richard’s house. “One of these days I swear, I’ll go on holiday without him!” Annie reached up and rang the doorbell, just as they heard footsteps running up behind them.

“There, that only took a minute, didn’t it?” said Dave, grinning. Then the grin suddenly disappeared, “Oh bugger, I can’t remember whether I shut the door properly.” This time it was Lois and Tom who grabbed an elbow each and frog marched Dave through the front door, which Debbie had just opened. Richard appeared almost immediately, followed by two of the children, in wet swimming costumes, dripping over the floor and shivering, eager to catch sight of the new neighbours. Annie introduced everybody who didn’t already know each other. The children, twelve-year-old Lisa, and eight year old Luke, said a brief hello on being introduced to Lois and Tom and then disappeared back out to the garden. “Only another ten minutes in the pool!” Debbie called after them, in a voice that seemed surprisingly loud for somebody so petite. It surprised Lois that the children were allowed in the pool with a storm brewing, but Debbie seemed very relaxed about the whole thing. Lois was also amazed by Debbie’s figure. For a woman who had had four children, she looked astonishingly trim and vibrant.

Tom and Lois handed over the wine and orchid to Richard and Debbie. Debbie, appearing very grateful and excited by the gift of the orchid, ushered the four of them into the sitting room, where Adam and Mel were already sitting. The first thing that struck Lois about the room, was its size, they really had managed to add an enormous extension to this cottage. The second thing was the number of orchids that were sitting on every available surface. Lois felt embarrassed to have bought her another one. But as Debbie saw Lois’s face drop slightly on seeing the other plants, she grabbed her by the arm, with both hands and said, “I love them, you couldn’t have bought me a more perfect present, honestly!”

“Ah yes,” boomed Richard, “talking of presents, I have your house warming present in the garage, I’ll just get it. Sorry it’s not wrapped.”

Lois felt slightly sick as Richard walked through the French doors and out towards the garage. She really couldn’t imagine having a stuffed animal on her windowsill.

Debbie asked her newly arrived guests what they would like to drink. Lois felt like asking for a large gin and tonic to settle her nerves, but didn’t want to give the wrong impression to the doctor and his wife, so requested an orange juice.

She glanced around the room, to see if there were any dead animals on display. She couldn’t see any. What would she say to Richard? How could she respond without looking disgusted? As she heard the garage door slam, Lois firmly fixed a grin onto her face, in readiness for expressing enthusiastic praise and gratitude.

Lois was pleased that Debbie had not yet returned to the room when the huge sigh of relief escaped her, as Richard came into view. He was carrying a sweet little tree, which Lois later learned, from a surreptitious glance at the label, was a miniature weeping willow. She went over to the French windows to see it more closely.

“Oh, Richard, it’s beautiful. Thank you so much. What a lovely surprise! But come on in, you’re getting soaked.”

“I don’t know why you’re looking so amazed. What were you expecting? A couple of stuffed glis glis or something?” Richard put the tree down outside the doors and came back in, shutting the rain out behind him.

“Well,” said Lois, cautiously, “I did wonder.”

“Are you disappointed? I have almost finished a pair. Very fiddly they were too. I’ve never done anything quite so small before. Debbie said I couldn’t give them to you because you’re a veggie, but if you’d like them? Do you want to come and see?” He ushered Lois towards the door. She felt unable to refuse the offer, he seemed really sweet, the willow was lovely and she didn’t want to, or indeed feel a need to refuse. As they walked out of the door, Debbie came in with the drinks.

“Richard!” she shouted, firmly, “do not take Lois out to your little house of horrors!”

“I’m fine Debbie, don’t worry.” Lois decided not to add, ‘as long as I don’t have to have them sitting on my mantelpiece!’