The Ups and Downs of Being Dead (28 page)

If Robert could look in a mirror, he was sure his hair would
all be singed, his face black with soot. The instant he’d made contact with
Suzanne, he was thrown through the air and slammed into the beach. There was no
doubt that he would be climbing out of a crater in the sand—if and when he was
able to move his arms and legs again.

As he lay helplessly gazing up at the stars, he took an
assessment. No pain, no fear, just a feeling of paralysis and absolute
euphoria; like waking from a wonderful dream. But what was he dreaming about?

Suzanne!

Robert rolled his head to the left, but she was no longer
beside him. He scrambled to his feet, amazed that he was not six feet deep.
Spinning in a tight circle, he searched for Suzanne. He finally spotted her
body way down the beach.

“I knew it,” he cursed as he started to run. Then
immediately he was at her side. He dropped to his knees, shaking his head. “I
never should have agreed.”

She didn’t look like she was in pain. In fact, she had an
incredibly serene smile on her face.

“Suzanne?”

Her eyes fluttered open. She tried to sit up, but she seemed
to be paralyzed like he’d been.

“Are you okay?” he whispered.

“Wow,” was all she could say.

Once he got her on her feet, they stumbled and weaved along
the beach.

“That wasn’t at all like what you described,” she told him.
“I didn’t feel like I was drowning. It was more like getting hit by lightning.”

“It was a stupid thing to do.”

“Why?”

For some reason, Robert was angry. “What if you had
disappeared? You know, like crossed over?”

“The mechanic didn’t.”

“Well, this was different.”

She looped an arm through his. “Let’s just say all’s well
that ends well.”

“We’re never doing anything like that again.”

“Aye, aye, sir,” she said, snapping her hand in a salute.
Then she slowed up as she stared at the hotel ahead. “I don’t believe it. How
long was I lying on the beach back there?”

Robert followed her gaze to discover the first hint of dawn
on the horizon.

“Are you kidding me?” he snapped. “We were out a lot longer
than I was with that mechanic. I told you it was dangerous. You’re lucky I
didn’t—”

She shushed him by pressing her fingers close to his mouth.
“We’re fine, Robert. Stop hounding me—at least until we find out if it worked.”

Suzanne started simple. She stood behind a woman in the
hotel’s café and leaned through just as she took a bite of bacon. A split
second later, Suzanne straightened back up, licking her lips.

“I’ve never tasted anything so delicious in my life,” she
said.

“You didn’t even stick around long enough to swallow,”
Robert chided her.

“I didn’t want to scare her with my groans of ecstasy.”

She scampered over to a table where a woman was eating
French toast. Once she’d hung around for a couple bites, Suzanne popped back
out.

“Yum, real maple syrup.” She got a sheepish grin on her face.
“I used to drive Phil crazy when we had pancakes. I didn’t care how much it
cost, I wanted maple syrup. And when I finished, I’d lick my plate clean.”

“Oh, that’s classy.”

She chortled. “That’s the same thing Phil said!”

After gorging on smoked salmon with capers, Belgian waffles
buried under a mound of roasted pecans, and eggs Benedict slathered in rich
Hollandaise sauce, Suzanne called it quits.

“I’m stuffed,” she moaned, patting her stomach.

“I can imagine.”

“Hey, I never got to eat that way when I was alive. You’ve
got your scotch, I’ve got whipped cream.”

“So, do you want to work off some of that parasailing?” he
asked.

“Absolutely.”

On the boat ride out, Suzanne overheard some people who had
just arrived from Cancun, talking about a zipline in Playa del Carmen.

“We’ve got to do that!” she told Robert.

What was a zipline? Robert wondered.

* * *

A zipline was when crazy people stepped into a flimsy
harness, got latched onto a thin cable, and went zipping across an incredibly
deep chasm at a thousand miles an hour. The zipline at Playa del Carmen had
fourteen death-defying runs.

At least the man Robert occupied on the first run was just
as scared as he was. They both white-knuckled the grip bar and said their
prayers. “Oh, God. Oh, God.”

The man’s heart raced, he panted with anxiety. His eyes
squeezed tight as he counted off the seconds until he reached the other side of
the ravine.

The realization that he could not quit, that he had
committed to thirteen more such runs, had the guy in an even greater panic.
When they reached the other side, the man’s legs were trembling. Robert
couldn’t get back out fast enough.

Suzanne arrived on the next rider. She stood on the platform
with her hands on her knees, her head between her legs.

“Wow!” she said when she straightened. “I think I would have
had a heart attack if I wasn’t already dead.”

“I think the guy I was riding with lost bladder control.”

She laughed, then stepped to the front of the line, hopped
on the next rider, and disappeared.

The rider Robert had occupied was holding back at the end of
the line. Had Robert’s fear affected him? Had he inadvertently intensified the
man’s experience?

Feeling a little guilty, Robert slipped back in, and said
softly, “Let’s do this.”

On the next run, Robert kept his eyes open and his mouth
shut. The jungle below was breathtaking. And the sense of accomplishment was
empowering. The man he was riding with had calmed down considerably, too.

By the time Robert reached the bottom of the runs, he was
ready to do it all again.

“Let’s go with the instructors this time,” he said. “They
take more chances.”

That evening, they strolled along the streets of Playa del
Carmen looking for an interesting restaurant. Purple lights shining on palm
trees in the distance drew them to a funky restaurant with rock walls,
hieroglyphs of Mayans, and twinkling lights wrapped around tree trunks that
appeared to be holding up the ceiling.

People dining on the veranda got the added bonus of
squawking parrots.

“You think anyone ever gets bird poop in their guacamole?”
Robert asked.

Suzanne wasn’t at all shy about wandering among the diners,
sticking her nose in their plates to check out the food.

She popped into a woman dipping a piece of shrimp into some
kind of fruit sauce.

“Mmmm!” Suzanne exclaimed when she came back out. “Mango
salsa!”

Robert stopped at a guy with a plate of some kind of beef.
When he scooped up a big bite, Robert urged him to sop up more sauce before
shoveling the bite in his mouth. It was divine.

“Whooo!” Robert blew out a breath. “Spicy. That guy’s going
to need some Tagamet.”

Suzanne ogled a dish tied up in a banana leaf and after
sampling a bite, declared that it was fish. Another shrimp dish two tables over
caught Robert’s attention. He was going for a second bite when he heard Suzanne
squeal.

A waiter had delivered a white chocolate pyramid to a table
with three ladies, all poised with forks. When they attacked, Robert discovered
the confection was filled with a dark chocolate mousse.

Suzanne swooned—and sampled through all three women.

After dinner, they drifted into a salsa bar along the main
thoroughfare. At first, Robert and Suzanne held back, just watching.
Scantily-clad women with their chests thrust forward and their butts cocked
back, tiptoe-danced around men in shirts unbuttoned to the navel, and tight,
tight pants.

Then an announcement came on in Spanish, and all the dancers
cleared the floor.

A single couple stepped into a spotlight and the music
began.

“This must be some kind of dance contest,” Suzanne said.

Robert gave the female contestant high marks for her
costume. She wore a skin-tight halter that shimmered white, and a lavender
ruffled skirt that just barely covered her tush. Her silver high heels
accentuated tight calves and firm thighs.

The girl’s partner tossed her over his shoulders and pulled
her between his legs. She fell against his chest with her back and slid down
his crotch, then ducked her head between his legs while he held her by the
shoulders.

How did the man keep the bulge in his tight pants from swelling?

After the crowd quieted down, two more contestants took
their turn.

“Oh, come on, Robert,” Suzanne urged. “We’ve got to try
this.”

“I don’t know—”

But Suzanne was already on the dance floor.

The trick seemed to be remaining absolutely relaxed so that
Robert didn’t interfere with the male dancer’s moves. And what moves he had. He
tossed that woman over his shoulder, she did the splits between his legs; she
even did this back-bending move where she leaned onto his thigh and slid down
to the toe of his shoe. He did a little mamba with her on his foot, then kicked
up and she hopped back to her feet.

The couple was panting and glistening with sweat when the
song ended. And Robert had never been so aroused. He jumped out quickly before
embarrassing the dancer with his lascivious thoughts.

Outside, Robert and Suzanne giggled as they tried to
recreate some of the moves they’d just performed. It was hopeless, and they
laughed even harder.

The night was winding down, pedestrians on the sidewalks
dwindled, but Robert wasn’t ready to give up the wonderful evening. The whole
day—no the whole trip with Suzanne—had been one exhilarating experience after
another. He eagerly anticipated what might be next.

He spotted a fancy hotel that looked like it might still be
jumping. But inside, the only bar still open was playing soft island music. A
few couples sat at tables, sipping wine.

“Looks like everyone is winding down,” Suzanne said. “One
last drink before they call it quits.”

“Or move to the next level,” Robert said. “Check those two
out.”

From table level, a man and woman seemed to be having a
pleasant chat. But under the table, they both were rubbing their hands on each
other’s crotch.

“Check please,” Robert mimicked.

Sure enough, the man paid their tab while the woman clung to
his side. They looked like they were in some kind of erotic three-legged race
to the exit.

An older couple at a different table sat holding hands.

“They’re too old for all that lusty stuff,” Suzanne said.
“Now they take it slow, and do lots of cuddling.”

“What do you make of those two?” Robert nodded at a
distinguished, silver-haired gentleman and a thirty-something babe sitting back
in a dark corner. The babe dabbed her eyes with a napkin. The man looked just
as forlorn.

“Oh, my,” Suzanne said. “Let’s see. He’s a politician. And
he’s come down here to tell his girlfriend they can’t see each other anymore.”

“Good guess,” Robert said. “Or he’s a businessman down here
with his sex-etary and he just realized he left his Viagra at home.”

Suzanne threw her head back and laughed.

“I can’t believe you’re the same old stiff I met at the
hospital.” She paused and gave her head a little tilt. “You actually are a lot
of fun to be with.”

“I owe it all to your uninhibited aggression.”

“Are you saying I’m pushy?”

“If the shoe fits—”

“Come on,” she said, flipping a finger under his chin.
“Let’s get us a nightcap before everyone’s gone.”

They picked a couple that had just come in. She was wearing
a cute little wrap-dress in vibrant oranges and yellows. He was more subdued in
a polo and golf shorts.

A waitress delivered two Kahluas in fancy liqueur glasses,
and coffee. Robert would rather a cognac or brandy, but when in the islands—

The man thanked the woman for a wonderful day. She thanked
him for a delightful dinner. They scooted their chairs closer to toast, and
each took a sip of liqueur. Robert and Suzanne slipped in to partake as well.

“I don’t usually go on these singles excursions,” the man
told his date.

And she quickly agreed that she never would have come without
her girlfriends.

Then they just kind of stared at each other. And Robert
found himself staring beyond the woman, trying to see Suzanne in her eyes.

He felt a flush on his cheeks, and a tingle that began at
his heart and radiated out. A pulse of electricity jolted between his legs.
When the man leaned in, Robert followed, and the next thing Robert knew his
lips were pressing against velvety bliss.

A zinging current ran down his arms and legs, his body heat
kicked in. He deepened the kiss and felt a rush of excitement that made his
heart lurch.

He moaned, the man startled, and Robert got dumped. So did
Suzanne.

“Wow!” Robert said, uneasily scratching at an eyebrow. “That
was unexpected.”

“No kidding,” Suzanne agreed while tugging at an earlobe.

The couple however, suffered no such hesitation. They downed
their Kahlua, left the coffee and nearly sprinted to the elevators.

“Do you think they’re going to his room?” Robert asked
casually.

“It’s hard to say. She might come to her senses in the
elevator.”

He kind of twitched his head in the direction of the lobby.
“We could see if they get off on the same floor.”

“—If he goes for the goodnight kiss at the door—”

“—or she invites him in.” He jerked his head again.

Suzanne nearly knocked him down trying to get to the
elevator first.

The kissing began in earnest the moment the elevator door
closed, with the woman pushed against the wall. Her arms tangled around the
man’s neck, his hands slid up her thigh. By the time they reached the man’s
room, clothes were coming off with abandon.