The Urban Book of the Dead (12 page)

I looked back for my Gollum. He was in trouble, big trouble, he was finished. His limbs were dismembered and strewn over the night club office floor. “Jon!” he called, “I couldn’t contact you, I’m finished, they know about the balloons, they’ve dismantled them, I’m dieing, I’m scared.”

“I’m so sorry Redd, you did a good job, well done, do they know about Jane?” as I spoke two bouncers in the room paced around, kicking his limp body distractedly when they came into contact, figuring he was already dead. Their backs were hunched and their arms out, taught muscles filled out the creases in their shirts, they were caged brutes, animals; with an animal smell sensed in Redd’s flat photo nostrils.

“No!” said Redd, but they are getting frisky, this walking around, it’s like they are building up sexual tension and they’ve been talking dirty about her, I’m fading, I’m sorry I won’t see how this ends, good bye.”

Redd was dead. I felt him die like an absence in my brain.

I told my comrades. “We should get back; time is short, Jane is in trouble and . . .” I looked at my watch with its round floppy steel face and urgent crooked hands ticking away our short minutes towards the reckoning; it was ten past twelve “We have a dead line”.

“Can you get us back?” asked my friends in the Satan amalgamation.

I nodded my head with certainty “It is going to be very easy. We have only a few minutes, we should go.”

With that I took us back to the rear of the night club, near the fire escape, we materialised into shocking cold air after Hell, I shook and shivered before I could take anything else in. Judith and Jay were already there, armed with zip guns and squeezy bottles of the hallucinogenic contact poison, I felt mine in my pocket. Judith was at the top of the fire escape I went up to talk to her as whispered introductions took place at the bottom. Judith waved her hand at me and then at my old comrades; she knew them all I figured. As I climbed I watched Jay shaking and nodding his head. Jay was chatting and listening, bending his ear cupped in his hand; his gesticulations loud and heavy to make up for the necessary quiet of his voice. He talked mostly to Paul whose face was warm, suggesting to me they liked each other.

At the top of the fire escape Judith beamed and smiled, she whispered, taking me in to her confidence “Look!” and pointed madly at her belly. The translucent red of her belly had stretched so large and tight I could see the growing baby curled inside. It was perfectly formed and developed, there was already a covering of hair on its head and a net work of veins enveloped and fed it. The face was the young face of an angel that looked painted on as though by Michelangelo. Judith whispered grabbing my hand quickly and tightly and smiling into my face “It’s a boy!”

I stroked Judith’s belly with fondness for her and the baby, a hybrid of two unique people was growing there. I said “You should go, you can’t be here.”

Judith replied with sternness written on her face “You need me and I will hear no more about it.”

At the bottom of the steps, Jay pointed around the front of the building and handed a watch of several on his wrist to Deus Ecstatic. The watch had been altered as part of his body, it gleamed silver and wriggled, from where I was I got the impression he was handing Deus a fish. Jay made his way up the steps and my comrades moved against the side wall for as much cover as their strange and frightening appearance would allow. They cast strange shadows on the bricks of the wall under a security light, the shadow of one giant predator, reaching up to the top of the three floor building and seemingly poised to pounce around the corner.

Jay climbed the steps cautiously and with a great ironic reluctance in his body and face, each step a forced and tentative stride covering three steps. He reached me and Judith and smiled warmly but with a look like he was saying ‘this is terrible, but isn’t it funny, we’re all in this and going to die together’.

Jay said shaking his head in wonderment “I’ve told them to give us five. Hopefully that will give us long enough to get in and have the element of surprise.” He paused and his face froze with his mouth open like asking a question “that should draw the entire mob from attacking us.”

I put my hand on Jays shoulder and then Judith’s. Then without a word I bent down on my knees and got down to the task of picking the padlock that held the bolt in place. I was using a skill I had learnt squatting and doing commercial burglaries. I examined the lock and then selected a flat hooked piece of metal and let it dangle from the lock, and then I selected a serrated pick and wriggled it in the lock, undoing its teeth. The padlock moved about a bit making the task difficult and I was tense and worried we would not open it in time. I worked even faster.

The padlock sprang and I shoved the bolt back and kicked the door with all my strength, which with astonishment I realised was considerable. I needn’t have bothered with the lock.

The door opened magically. The point of my foot hitting it was an explosion of orange, yellow and white light, spreading outwards from the point of impact. The door splintered into millions of fragments all floating inwards. They swarmed towards the three bouncers I could see filling the doorway shadowed black, blocking out all light from behind but just enough to see their figures outlined in a yellow line. The jagged splinters entered their faces, dawning with surprise and their arms positioned to shunt their bodies as fragments hit their hands.

In the changing positions I saw the outline of a revolver turning inwards to fire. The bouncers getting in line one behind the other. Jay had got to the front. He fired the zip gun from his hips like holding a phallus. He blew a hole clean in the man, a jagged hole where his stomach used to be. I slowed down time for our opponents. The faces of the bouncers behind the dead man could be seen crouching in diminishing perspectives created in conjoined mirrors of my tear glazed eyes, their blankness reflecting only my opponents. I fired the Dessert Eagle gun nearly ripping my arm off. The two heads exploded in bloody fragments of skull and brain matter.

My lips were splattered in blood and my tongue licked them clean, the coppery taste exquisite. My concentration lapsed everything fell back to normal speed. The body in front of me doubled up and collapsed. Behind; the two headless bodies crouched to the left and to the right; collapsed in different directions. This revealed the scene behind the doorway.

Taking everything in at a glance I turned back to Judith and smiled. But Judith was not at the height of my gaze. I looked down and saw her in terrible contractions. I noticed some strange liquid dripping in mucous goo down the iron grill of the fire escape, splashing upwards as it landed down below.

I did not have time for this I turned back to my opponents. Jay shouldered past me and aimed his gun at God, who was there on his own. The gun shook, he didn’t fire. Jane burst out of the adjoining room firing rounds into God with her little Dillinger. They bounced off his head and body, nothing but a small chip flying off the mask like face. God laughed, “ha’-ha” the laugh turned into a belly laugh, “hah-hah-hah!” then a doubled up boom laugh, “Oh hah-hah-hah!” he got down on his knees and hit the floor theatrically, cracking its wooden floor boards “Oh dear, oh dear.”

Jay turned around as if to run, stopped when he got to me, paused; hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. Something fell into my pocket and I felt drained and weak, all my power gone. I pointed my gun at God any way, without hope, and I fired it repeatedly, two, three, four times. The bullets fell from the muzzle onto the floor in a clutter as I lowered it in dismay. God just looked on, a faint smile on what passed as his lips.

I reached into my jean pocket for the paper curse. It was stuck, immovable; as I tugged it neither did the paper tare.

Jane threw her gun down on the ground, tears adorned her eyes and she cried into her hands and shook “ahh!”

Judith continued to wreath on the ground in the throws of labour, she looked on at the scene and cried harder “ahh!”

Jay looked around at the scene his face in anguish, the way he was looking around he was considering leaving before things got nasty and his conscience heavier.

God got up off the ground his wooden face creaked under the strain of a huge grin, showing sharpened teeth, picking up lengths of rope from the desk I had not noticed. He picked me up and I struggled futilely as he wrapped it around me defeating my efforts with simple movements of a hand and trussing me up hand and feet. He did the same with Judith, tying her legs together too preventing her from giving birth. Then he tested the knots, made sure they were good and tight. Then he got a jar off the table and sort of poured Judith in it. He looked around at Jane and Jay shivering like the room had become a big fridge, considered them too inconsequential to bother with and shrugged his huge pin striped shoulders.

There was a loud commotion from down below, but nobody appeared here, they were being kept busy, if I was closer to the door, I thought, I could see what was happening.

I looked back at God feeling helpless, now it would all begin; his relentless revenge.

God picked up the jar with Judith in it; there were holes in the top so she could breathe. She fluttered about on her wings inside struggling with her tied body, looking just like a butterfly. She was still in contractions, screaming loudly, screams echoing quietly around the room and vibrating the Jar as she was prevented from giving birth “ahhhhhhhh” one long scream. God rattled the jar till her wings crumbled and her molecules rose up to escape the jar, he put it to his long nose and sniffed.

God spoke in reverence, and a buttered slice of humour “ahh the scent of the scarlet whore, to know her completely, shatter her and taste her and watch her reform, no harm done-yet.” He sniffed harder then put his nose in the air. Then he put the jar on his desk where it shook and moved as Judith flew into its sides.

Jane bolted for the door but God grabbed and held on to her by her knickers as she scrambled away. “Not so fast. I have some joyous plans for you.”

God picked Jane up in the air effortlessly, exhibiting tremendous strength. He held her against the wall, knocking her head, and picked off her bra with two fingers, destroying the cusp. Then he lifted her higher as she struggled and screamed plucked her pink knickers off down over her wriggling, kicking feet. God stretched his broad back to make the journey of the entire length of her body. Jane bit his hand and chewed a mouth full of spirit flesh that came off shredded in her mouth; she spat it in his face and smiled. Then she stuck her tongue out. God laughed and the flesh grew back.

God roared with laugher, “the Scarlet Whore and Satan’s precious selected concubine in one. This I will enjoy, are you watching Lucifer?”

I spat out sarcastically, pretending to be unmoved “I’ve seen the movie now the play. And you do like to ‘play’, don’t you God?”

“Oh it’s all in the play, the plays the thing” God commented in a drone, paying more interest to what he had in his huge hands.

God threw Jane to the floor, unbuttoned his trousers and with sizable cock held delicately in his hand, pushed it up the dizzy, half conscious Jane. “You remind me of Marry, you hardly move.” God joked.

Jane came around with that and looked at me, her mouth opened wide in disgust and humiliation. Then she looked at Jay who was free.

Jay looked agonised and then he said “Hey now God, come on. I never read this part in the fucking bible.”

God ignored Jay and smiled tauntingly at me as he shunted in powerful jerks, up on one hand “are you watching Lucifer? That’s the fun part for me.”

I said nothing and seethed in helpless hatred. I was thinking about doing the same to him.

God went “Oh-oh.” and finished off with one powerful shove; no staying power. He smiles drunkenly and wickedly at me.

I hissed under my breath “You are so going to die next time around.”

Jane was left on the floor she looked at me and cried silently.

As God pulled up his pants he said to Jay “Now it’s you’re turn to prove your loyalty, give her one.”

“Oh, okay” said Jay in a friendly manner smiling, he turned and hugged me “sorry Jon”.

Jay went over to God and patted his back and then shook his hand eagerly, an intent smile was on his face “Thanks for the opportunity”.

God withdrew his hand and looked at it, there was a piece of paper stuck to it with symbols on, he looked frantic and tried desperately to pull it off, he tore at it frantically. Jay moved well back, his face now showing righteous anger, flickering over to fear and back again.

Jay quizzed God turning his head and examining him, “You’re powerless? Good!” Jay moved his left arm back and stepped into it, taking a good swing at God that rocked his head. Satisfied Jay moved well back “I’ve been wanting to do that for fucking ages” he said smoothly nursing his fist and jumping for joy up and down on his toes.

I felt a surge of power in my body and gave a nasty laugh, “Your all mine!” I laughed at God, splitting off the hoops of rope on my body by tensing and flexing it. Ends of rope danced in the air happily.

Filled with power and joy I grabbed gods helpless right arm and twisted it behind is back, the paper curse crushing in his big fist, I slammed him against the wall near the door to the flaws below. The plaster cracked. I undid my fly and Gods trousers with my other hand, I struggled with the fastener and then they dropped, I laughed nastily because the big man looked silly as he snarled with his trousers round his ankles. “Hah-hah, how does it feel, how does it fucking feel” I shouted, getting close to his ear, reddening his ear with my hot breath.