The Vincent Brothers 2 (16 page)

              I’d be going to the local junior college. My dad had a new family.

              “I gotta go Daddy,” I replied and clicked end.

              The tears trickled down my face and I felt my hardened resolve not to let my dad or my mother hurt me anymore melt away. How much was I supposed to take before I crumbled? Holding all this in was eating me alive. I needed someone to listen to me. Someone to hold me while I cried. I just needed someone to care about
me
. Not themselves. For once, I needed it to be about me.... I needed Sawyer. I splashed water on my face and dried off all the tears. I didn’t want to answer any questions on my way to find him. He was the only one I wanted to talk to about this.

              Grabbing my bag, I tucked my phone inside and headed out the door. He’d be waiting on me. He’d listen. Just as I stepped onto the path leading down to our campsite, Sawyer came barreling toward me. Relief washed over me the moment I saw him. But it was short lived. The serious expression on his face surprised me.

              “Sawyer,” I began and he rushed past me toward the bathhouse.

              “I don’t have time right now, Lana,” he called back at me.

              Stunned, I stood there frozen in my spot.

              Within seconds, he was running back out of the bathhouse with a dripping wet rag in his hand. A determined set to his jaw. His eyes flicked past me. As he rushed by, I reached out and grabbed his arm. He was starting to scare me.

              “What’s wrong?” I asked

              “Lana let go. I can’t talk to you right now. Ash needs me.”

              As his words registered in my head, I snatched my hand away from him. He didn’t offer an explanation or apology. Instead, he ran off leaving me standing there alone. My emotions were already in tatters so I tried to reason that something must really be wrong with Ashton. Panic sent me running after him.

              I stopped the moment I saw Sawyer bend down behind Ashton and gently pull her hair back. She was sick. Sawyer wiped her mouth and then folded the rag carefully and began washing her pale face.

              “I got you Ash. It’s okay,” he murmured as she laid her head against his chest weakly.

              Jealousy washed over me like a tidal wave, even though I knew she was sick. I didn’t like seeing him so sweet and protective of her. Taking a step forward I asked, “Ash, you okay?”

              Sawyer’s head snapped up but I didn’t meet his gaze. I wasn’t sure I could. She raised her head and let out a sigh. “I’ve got a migraine. Too much sun but Beau took the car to the nearest store to get me some pain medicine.”

              “Can I do anything?” I asked. 
              “I’ve got her, Lana. You can go on to the tent,” Sawyer’s demanding voice sliced through my already broken spirit. I couldn’t stand here and watch this. Ash was sick but she was in good hands. The Vincent boys were taking care of her.

              “Okay,” I managed to respond and turned to walk toward the tent. Standing outside of it, I hated the idea of going inside. The memories from last night were in there. I needed to forget those memories. My life was out of control enough. I didn’t need Sawyer Vincent’s help to break my heart. My dad was doing a fine job all on his own. I’d loved two men in my life and I’d not been enough for either of them. I would never be their first choice.

              A fresh tear rolled down my face. Before anyone could see me cry, I opened the tent and crawled inside. Moving my sleeping bag back to the far corner of the tent as far away from Sawyer’s as possible, I curled up inside of it and cried. I cried because my dad hadn’t wanted me. I cried because my dreams of college had slipped through my fingers and I cried because I’d let myself believe Sawyer could possibly fall in love with me.

              I woke up early and peeked over at Sawyer. He was sound asleep in his sleeping bag. The pain he’d inflicted last night hadn’t eased with sleep. Grabbing my things, I quietly exited the tent. I didn’t want to be in there with him when he woke up.

              “You’re up early.” Jake knelt down over the fire adding some fresh logs.

              Running my hand through my hair self-consciously, I nodded.

              “I have coffee, want some?” Jake asked, standing up and lifting a pot of coffee up to show me.

              “How did you make that?” I asked walking over toward him. I could almost smell the coffee.

              “I brought a coffeemaker with me. Used the electricity up at the bathhouse,” he explained, pouring some of it into a styrofoam cup.

              “You’ll have to drink it black. I don’t have cream or sugar,” he said holding the cup out for me.

              “I always drink it black,” I replied, taking a small sip.

              Jake raised his eyebrows, “Really? That’s hot.”

              Rolling my eyes, I turned to walk up to the bathhouse and get dressed.

              “What? I don’t get a thank you?”

              I glanced back over my shoulder, “Thank you.”

              He smirked and shook his head.

              “You know, it’ll always be that way. He’ll never really move on. She’ll always be the one.”

              I stopped and took a deep breath as the knife he’d plunged into my stomach and twisted caused too much pain to keep me moving.

              “I’m not being mean. I’m just being honest. You’re wasting your time.”

              With a sharp nod of my head, I forced my feet to move. I needed to get away. No more truth. I’d had a little too much of that in the past twelve hours. I needed a break.

Chapter Sixteen

Sawyer

             
I’d royally screwed up.
Old habits die hard and my need to help Ash and protect her was a very old habit. Last night when Beau had left me with her, asking me to take care of her while he went to get the pain meds, I’d taken one look at her pale face and panicked. I’d needed to be the one to ease her pain. It just flipped a switch in me.

              When Beau had returned and she’d curled up in his arms as he rocked her and soothed her, the reality of the situation washed over me. I’d been a stand-in. She’d not clung to me that way. She never would again. She was Beau’s.

              Opening the tent and seeing Lana curled up as far away from my sleeping bag as she could get told me all I needed to know. She’d seen what I hadn’t last night until it was too late. Only twenty-four hours before I’d been touching and kissing her body in places that had given us both our first real experience with pleasure. I’d been so tempted to reach for her and pull her against me as she slept but I knew my touch wouldn’t be welcome. I’d been abrupt and rude to her when she’d inquired about Ashton. Looking back, I knew I’d not wanted her to see me taking care of Ashton. I wanted her to go away so she wouldn’t see me treating Ash with a tenderness no one else had ever brought out in me. This was my secret moment with Ash. My step back in time when she’d turned into my arms. Lana being there had caused things in me to stir I didn’t understand. With Lana standing there wide-eyed and hurt it made what was happening wrong. It screwed with my head.

              She’d been gone from the tent when I woke up and she’d ignored me ever since. I didn’t know what to say to her. How did I explain last night? How did I make that better? Since we started our hike this morning she had been leading the group like a woman intent on getting away. I didn’t catch up to her. She’d refused to make eye contact with me over breakfast and I was too much of a chickenshit to force her to acknowledge me.

              “Why couldn’t I have stayed back at the campsite with Ash and Beau?” Heidi whined behind me.

              “Because Ash is recovering from her migraine last night and Beau is taking care of her. Trust me, they want privacy. At least, I know Beau does,” Jake chuckled.

              “She’s sick, Jake. She isn’t going to screw Beau on the hard ground in a tent,” Heidi hissed.

              “Who said she was gonna be the one on the ground?” Jake replied.

              Listening to talk about Beau and Ash’s sex life wasn’t something I was in the mood for. I quickened my pace until I was only steps behind Lana. The little shorts she was wearing cupped her ass tightly as she took each long stride.

              I’d had my hand on that sweet little bottom just the other night. I was having my doubts that I’d ever get that chance again. The idea bothered me. No, I wasn’t okay with that. I wasn’t ready to let her go. August wasn’t here yet. I wasn’t ready to walk away from her.

              “Are you going to ever speak to me again?” I asked. She paused before continuing her uphill trek.

              “Sure. What do you want to talk about?” she replied in a bored voice.

              “Lana, please slow down and talk to me,” I pleaded.

              She didn’t slow down. If anything, she picked up her speed. If she kept this up, she was going to have to break into a run.

              “Nothing to talk about Sawyer. I’d rather just walk.”

              Reaching out I grabbed her hand and stopped her. She tried snatching it back and I held firm.

              “Let go of me,” she snarled, finally lifting those bright green eyes to meet mine. The hurt in them made my knees weak. Ah, damn. What the hell had I done?

              “Please, Lana, please talk to me,” I begged, closing the distance between us.

              “Keep walking folks. Nothing to see. Let Sawyer attempt to clean up the mess he’s made,” Jake announced as the others walked past us.

              Once they’d gotten far enough ahead, I let Lana pull her hand free of my grasp.

              “Fine. Talk,” she said, crossing her arms protectively over her chest.

              “Last night...” I began trying to think of how I could explain this to her without making it worse.

              “I’ll help you since you seem to have lost your words. Last night Ashton got sick and you had an excuse to hold her and take care of her. You went into protect-and-comfort-Ashton mode. Nothing or no one else mattered because you love her. She needed you and you were right there for her without question. You wouldn’t let me help her because you couldn’t stand the thought of missing the chance to hold her.”

              “That’s not it. Being tuned into helping Ashton is a habit. I’ve been doing it for most of my life. That kind of habit is hard to break.”

              Lana let out a hard laugh, “Really? Well, isn’t that a cute little tidy way to wrap up everything I just said.” Lana took a step toward me, pointed a finger at my chest and jabbed me with it. “I’m tired of being second choice or third choice. I’ve got enough of that in my life. Last night, I needed someone too. I needed someone to listen to me. Too bad no one wants to be Lana’s shoulder to cry on. No one cares that Lana needs someone to give a crap about her.”

              Her eyes glistened with unshed tears and my chest got so tight I felt like it was about to crack open.

              “This is over. Leave it alone. I’m done.” Lana spat, then turned around and began to walk away. Acting quickly, I reached out and wrapped my hand around her arm.

              “What happened last night? Why did you need me?”

              Her shoulders heaved and I pulled her back against my chest and held her whether she wanted me to or not.

              “Let me go, Sawyer,” her voice broke.

              “No. Now tell me what you meant by all that.”

              Another sob broke free and she shook her head angrily. “NO. You don’t get to demand answers. I don’t tell people much. I keep my emotions inside. But last night, I wanted to tell
you
,” she let out a short sad laugh. “I thought I might have someone who wanted to listen. Someone who would care. But I was wrong.”

              “No, you weren’t. I do care. I want you to talk to me.”

              “Too late,” she growled, pulling against the hold I had on her.

              “I was wrong last night Lana. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. Please, please forgive me. It’ll never happen again,” I paused, unsure if I was ready to bare my soul to her.

              “You’re right. It won’t happen again. Because I’m done with trying to make people care about me. I shouldn’t have to work so hard to get those that I love to love me back. No one else has to try so damn hard. No one. Just me. Just Lana McDaniel. I’ve had it. If I am so difficult to want then I don’t need anyone. I’ve managed alone this far. I’m a freaking pro!”

              If it was possible for someone else’s pain to break your heart then Lana’s pain had just shattered mine. Emotion burned my throat as I tightened my hold on her. I’d wanted inside her head. She was so closed off and I’d wondered why. Now I knew. She didn’t trust anyone enough to let them in—until last night. She’d decided she could let me in, and what had I done? I’d thrown her trust in her face. God, I was the world’s biggest idiot.

              “I’m so sorry,” I whispered, pressing a kiss to her temple. “Can you forgive me? Can you trust me to put you first? I swear what happened last night will never happen again. It was the first time I’d had to deal with something like that since the break-up. When Beau came back and Ashton scrambled into his lap and arms with desperation to be near him. It didn’t hurt the way I thought it would. It just slapped some sense into me. She didn’t need me anymore. She wasn’t mine to protect. I could move on. It was time. Last night was a closure I needed.” I stopped and grabbed Lana’s shoulders and turned her around to face me. Her red swollen eyes just about sent me to my knees.

              “This is new for me. I’m learning how to have a relationship with someone other than Ashton. I made a horrible mistake. It was like a relapse. But you,” I reached up and tucked the tear dampened hair that had worked its way loose behind her ear. “You touch a place inside of me that Ashton never did. I feel things with you I never felt for her. I loved her for a very long time. I can’t help the fact I still want to be there if she needs me. Next time there is a choice to make it will be you I choose first. I can promise you that.”