The War Within (32 page)

“Why would you think that?”

Jordan felt like an enemy combatant being subjected to interrogation. “How much longer do you intend on answering a question with a question?”

“I’m sorry if you think I’m being a dick, but I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Just tell me the truth. It just seems like—I don’t know. It seems like you’ve been holding me at arm’s length lately. I miss having dinner with you. I miss spending time with you.”

“I miss you, too.” The admission seemed to come at a cost. “But I can’t do this anymore.”

”Do what?” For a brief, absurd moment, Jordan thought she was being fired. But the reality was much, much worse.

“Spend time with you and pretend I don’t want to be with you. Look at you and pretend I don’t want you. Have you look at me and pretend you see me instead of someone in a wheelchair. Go out in public with you and pretend you don’t care what people think when they see us together. Take you to the Beach Music Festival and dance with you, even though I never learned how to shag.”

Lincoln came over and butted his head against Jordan’s hand. She reached down and gave him the attention he sought, but she never took her eyes off Tatum’s face.

“I may be in a wheelchair, but I’m not dead, Jordan. I have feelings. I have emotions. I have desires. I don’t know if you’re hanging out with me because you like me or because you think you’ll get bonus points in heaven for being nice to a cripple.”

“That’s not what I’m—”

“Wait. Let me finish.”

Tatum’s voice trembled with rage. Lincoln let out a high-pitched whine and left Jordan’s side to stand next to Tatum’s. He leaned against her leg, trying to ease her obvious distress. Tatum’s hand trembled as she buried her fingers in his thick pelt.

“I was fine until I met you. I had learned to accept all the things I couldn’t do and rejoice in the things I could. The moment I saw you, I felt like I was back at square one.”

“Tatum—”

“You asked me once if I would do it all again. If I would sacrifice my body for a cause you obviously don’t believe in. I would take a thousand bullets for my country, but none of them would hurt even a fraction as much as not being able to do the things I want to do with you. All the things I can’t do because this chair—this body—won’t let me.”

Tatum pounded her fists against her legs in frustration. She might not have been able to feel the blow, but she didn’t have to. Jordan felt it for her.

“Stop,” Jordan said plaintively. “You’re going to hurt yourself.”

But Tatum didn’t stop. Instead, she struck harder.

“Tatum.” Jordan went to her and grabbed her hands. “Please stop.”

Tatum struggled to break free, but Jordan held fast, panting from the effort. She used her superior leverage to wrestle Tatum’s arms down while Lincoln whined with concern.

“Are you done?” Jordan loosened her grip on Tatum’s wrists and knelt in front of her wheelchair. “If you are, it’s my turn to talk.” She reached up to tuck a stray lock of hair behind Tatum’s ear. Tatum tried to lean away from the pressure, but Jordan used both hands to gently but firmly hold her head in place. “Look at me.”

Tatum resisted but finally managed to look Jordan in the eye.

“The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt you,” Jordan said. “I meant it when I said I miss you, Tatum. I’ve never had a friend like you. Aside from Grandma Meredith, you’re the only person I can talk to about any subject that comes to mind, whether it’s silly or serious. I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to lose you. Tell me I haven’t. Tell me it’s not too late.”

Jordan didn’t know if she instigated the kiss or Tatum did, but the next thing she knew, their lips were pressed together with no space for even a breath between them. Tatum’s mouth was tense at first, as if she had been taken by surprise. Then her lips relaxed and melted into Jordan’s, searing her with their heat.

Jordan tentatively parted her own lips and traced Tatum’s with the tip of her tongue. Tatum groaned deep in her throat. Her tongue darted out and slid across Jordan’s. She tasted like strawberries and mint. She tasted like heaven.

As the kiss continued, Tatum slid her hand up the back of Jordan’s neck. Her fingers toyed with the loose tendrils of her upswept hair. Jordan shuddered and pulled away long enough to whisper, “Don’t stop.”

Their lips met again. Jordan felt herself getting lost in the kiss. Getting lost in Tatum. No, that was wrong. She wasn’t lost. She had been found. And Tatum had made the discovery.

A quick rap on the door forced them to part. Bud entered the room before Jordan could rise from her knees.

“What’s going on in here?” he asked, surveying the scene.

Tatum wiped traces of Jordan’s lipstick off her mouth with her thumb while she surreptitiously knocked her pen off her desk with her elbow. “I dropped something and Jordan was helping me find it.”

Jordan ducked under the desk. Tatum watched out of the corner of her eye as Jordan hurriedly scrubbed off her smeared lipstick with the heel of her hand.

“What’s the matter?” Bud asked. “Doesn’t that dog of yours know how to fetch?”

Lincoln barked indignantly at the insult.

“Found it.” Jordan brandished the pen and scrambled to her feet. “You should be more careful,” she said with a wink. “I might not be around to rescue you next time.”

“I will. Thanks.”

“I’d better get back to work. I’ll leave you to it.” Jordan hustled for the door.

“Not so fast,” Bud said before she could turn the knob.

Jordan swallowed hard, wondering how much Bud had seen. There weren’t any rules banning employees from dating each other. Otherwise, his and Riley’s relationship would be even more illicit than it already was. Despite the dubious precedent Bud had set, she didn’t want to lose the respect of her fellow employees by becoming the subject of office gossip.

“How may I help you, Bud?” Tatum asked.

“I didn’t come to see you. I came to see her.” He spun toward Jordan. “Larry told me I could find you in here. Are you free for dinner? There are some things we need to discuss.”

“Such as?”

“I’ve been talking to some of the guests and they love the new costumes. The staff seems to like them, too. I want to hear what other ideas you have in mind for this place. Let me take you to The Reef. Best seafood on the island. And I’m not just saying that because I have a minor ownership stake in the place. Okay, maybe I am. Either way, dinner’s on me. What do you say?”

“Give me a couple minutes to change and I’ll meet you in the lobby.”

Bud looked disappointed. “If you insist, but what you’re wearing looks fine to me.”

“Thank you, but this outfit doesn’t scream business meeting. That is what you had in mind, right? A business meeting?”

“Yes, of course. Believe me, I already have enough women in my life.”

Jordan suspected his wife would say he had one too many. She turned to Tatum. “Larry’s scheduled to clock out in a few minutes. Are you going to be okay by yourself?”

“Don’t worry about her,” Bud said. “She’s used to holding down the fort. Aren’t you, Tatum?”

“That’s me. The last line of defense.”

“See? I told you. Let’s go.”

He tried to steer Jordan toward the door, but she refused to be herded.

“I almost forgot. What kind of beer should I bring tomorrow night?”

“Tomorrow night?” Tatum asked.

“We’re still on for dinner, aren’t we?”

Tatum frowned. Jordan could practically read her mind. For one thing, they weren’t allowed to drink on the job. For another, they were both scheduled to be off tomorrow. Jordan hoped Tatum could guess what she was getting at without forcing her to spell it out for her in front of Bud.

“I’ll supply the beer if you man the grill,” Jordan said.

“How does eight o’clock sound?”

“Why don’t we make it six? We can watch a movie while we wait for the beer to chill. Now tell me. What kind of beer would you like?”

“I don’t care as long as it’s wet.”

“I think I can manage that. See you at six?”

Tatum grinned as she grabbed a Stetson to complete her J.R. Ewing outfit. “It’s a date.”

“Gran, will you drop me off at work before you head over to Natalie’s?”

“Of course, honey. I’d be happy to.”

It was Natalie’s turn to make dinner. Meredith checked her makeup in the bathroom mirror before she prepared to go out. Jordan watched her from the open doorway.

“So have you kissed her yet?”

Meredith was so surprised by the question she nearly stabbed herself in the eye with her eyelash curler. “No.”

“What are you waiting for? An engraved invitation? The perfect moment? Neither’s going to take place without a little help.”

When it happened, Meredith wanted it to feel natural. Unhurried. She didn’t want to overthink it. But now that Jordan had brought it up, kissing Natalie was all she could think about. She wanted to put their last kiss behind them. Erase the stigma and start fresh.

“I should just do it. Plant one on her as soon as she answers the door tonight. But where’s the romance in that?”

She laughed to herself. At herself. Who would have thought she’d be thinking about romance at her age?

Jordan ruffled Meredith’s hair. “There may be snow on the roof, but there’s still fire in the furnace.”

And Meredith’s fire was getting hotter every day. She hadn’t realized dying embers could hold so much heat.

“If you want some action tonight,” Jordan said, “you should undo a few more buttons on your blouse and hike up your skirt at least two more inches. Just my suggestion, but you don’t have to listen to me.”

“I’m seventy, honey, not seventeen.”

But as soon as Jordan’s back was turned, Meredith followed her suggestions to the letter. Jordan broke into a grin as soon as she saw her.

“Looking good, Gran. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“I’m afraid you’re a good thirty or forty years too late for that.” As she locked the front door, Meredith noticed Frances and Marion Turtledove sitting on their front porch having their nightly bourbons and branch. “Evening, you two. How goes it?”

Marion raised his drink in greeting. “Evening, Meredith.”

Frances leaned forward in her rocking chair. “Going somewhere?”

“I thought I might.” Meredith answered the question without giving away too much. She had never sought to publicize her private life, and she wasn’t about to start now, no matter how much she wanted to crow about how happy she was. For the past week, her head had been in the clouds and her feet barely touched the ground.

“Nice night for it, whatever you have in mind,” Marion said. “Enjoy yourself.”

“I intend to.” Before she could make it to her car, Natalie showed up in hers. “I thought I was meeting you at your place,” she said as Natalie joined her and Jordan in the yard.

“I have something better in mind.”

“Such as?”

“I thought we could have a picnic on the beach and watch the sun set. How does that sound?”

“Like I need to change my shoes.”

Meredith pointed to her loafer-clad feet. The shoes’ leather was so bright it was nearly as blinding as the copper pennies gleaming in the eyelets.

“Yeah, that might be a good idea,” Natalie said.

“Here, honey, you take the car.”

Meredith gave Jordan the car keys, dashed inside the house, and grabbed a pair of sandals. When she got back outside, Jordan had driven away, but Natalie was waiting for her on the porch.

“Ready to go?” Natalie reached for Meredith’s free hand.

“I think we have an audience.” Meredith shied away.

Natalie followed her line of sight. Marion and Frances were watching them intently.

“In that case, why don’t we give them a show?”

Natalie pulled Meredith into her arms and kissed her. Meredith kissed her back. Kissed her without thinking. Kissed her without remorse. Kissed her without regret. Kissed her without regard for who might be watching.

“Oh, my,” she said breathlessly after Natalie let her go. “That was certainly worth the wait. You know what would be even better than a picnic on the beach?”

“No. What?”

“A picnic on the living room floor. We might miss the sunset, but perhaps we could watch the sun rise. How does that sound?”

“Like I need to shut off my truck.”

The Bronco’s engine was idling, but Meredith’s was starting to rev. She felt herself grow wet as she watched desire bloom in Natalie’s eyes. Natalie practically ran up the walkway. She switched off the Bronco, grabbed a picnic basket out of the backseat, and rejoined Meredith on the porch.

“Shall we?” Meredith asked.

She offered her hand, inviting Natalie inside. Natalie eagerly heeded her call. Meredith hadn’t planned on this. She hadn’t planned on any of it. But what was happening was so much better than anything she might have come up with herself.

She heard a loud smack when Frances slapped Marion on his arm. “Why can’t you be spontaneous like that?”

“Give me a reason to and I might,” Marion said dryly.

Meredith closed the door, shutting out the world and everyone in it. No one else mattered. Nothing else mattered. Nothing except the woman with her and the act of love they were about to perform.

Natalie placed the wicker basket on the coffee table and turned to face her. Meredith regarded the woman who had piqued her interest from the moment they boarded a transport plane bound for Vietnam and who now commanded her full attention.

“Are you nervous?” Natalie asked.

“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t.”

Natalie cupped Meredith’s face in her hands. “Relax. I don’t bite.”

“No?” Meredith placed her hands over Natalie’s. “Because I’m sure I read on page thirty-seven of the official lesbian how-to manual that you’re supposed to.”

“You must own the revised version of the manual. Page thirty-seven of my copy says I’m supposed to do this.”

She drew her thumb across Meredith’s lips, eliciting a gasp. Then she pulled Meredith into her arms and began to hum the Patsy Cline song they had danced to so long ago.

Meredith’s eyes misted with tears.

“What’s wrong?” Natalie asked, holding her at arm’s length.