The Way Back (9 page)

“Are you done running?”

“Hell, yes. And don’t think you can avoid what just happened.”

He didn’t want to contemplate what she’d said about him having a dad voice. Some things were better left suppressed. He was old-fashioned like that.

“Once again, you’re charging to the rescue.”

Oh, that was what she meant. “Rescue?”

“You got the kid off the dock.”

Jamie laughed. “Big deal. Kids go where they’re not supposed to and adults should be around to tell them to knock it off.”

Gabby shook her head. “I’m just saying it doesn’t fit with someone who did what you did to your wife. And I don’t like it when puzzle pieces don’t fit.”

“Will you stop trying to analyze me,” he snapped. “Seriously. There is no grand revelation at the end of this story. I am who I am.”

Again she shook her head this time not looking at him, but at the kid who had scrambled past them with a negligent salute. Bobby Claymore thought Jamie was still someone who needed to be saluted.

“I don’t believe it. Adel, Zhanna, Susan, they are all so fiercely loyal to you. I sat in my room this morning and watched the news. They talked about you, did you know that? Showed your picture and mentioned the current rescue mission for the space station. Then two seconds later they’re showing another picture.”

Jamie knew that one. A run-down motel outside of Canaveral. Pain, betrayal, confusion all captured in one very clear picture taken by some kid.

“It’s not right the second story should always follow the first. And the more I get to know you, the more I realize how wrong it is. This isn’t about me needing to write your story. This is about you needing to
tell
your story. You need people to see who you are so they stop showing the second picture.”

He actually believed her. This wasn’t about her and what the book would mean to her career. She truly was pissed off on his behalf.

Hands on her hips, ponytail swinging, she was all fired up. The sun was turning her nose red, but the color in her cheeks… That was all from her passion. She wanted to save him. He could see it in her eyes. Either that or she desperately wanted to believe he was somebody else. He couldn’t let that happen.

“Gabby, the second picture is as much a part of me as the first.”

“That can’t be true,” she whispered.

“Why? Because it makes it harder for you?” He took a few steps closer until he could capture her red cheek in his hand. It was soft to the touch and made him believe for a second they were two much younger people.

Two kids who didn’t have a whole history of shit behind them.

“A person can’t be two things,” she said stubbornly but didn’t pull away from him. “You’re either one or the other.”

“And what about mistakes?”

He couldn’t determine if the sound she made was a laugh or a sob. “Mistakes? Like falling out of love with your wife and in love with another woman? Leaving your daughter so you could go have another one? Deciding you like one child better than the other? Mistakes like those?”

Yeah, there was a whole river of shit that flowed behind Gabby. And she was going to have to wade through it if she wanted to find herself on the other side of it with him. Part of him knew it was unfair. Wrong to make her feel one way when she was so committed to holding on to mistrust and bitterness.

But as she’d said, a person couldn’t be two things. He believed that about Gabby, as well. She couldn’t be hard and cynical about men when she was so soft under his palm.

She’d stopped talking and was staring at him, waiting for him to move. Her breath came in shallow puffs and he thought if he moved too quickly or pulled her toward him too sharply, she would bolt.

“Gabby.” He sighed as he dipped his head a little closer so his lips hovered above hers. Now he could feel her breath on him and almost sense the plump ripeness of her lips. She didn’t lift her head to meet his kiss, but she wasn’t pulling away, either.

“Do you want this?” he asked, even as he moved in to gently bite her lower lip. He heard her groan. He licked the spot he’d bitten. Oh, yeah, this was going to be good. Hot and delicious and good. “Do you?”

“I…think…maybe…yes.”

“Then you’re going to have to forgive me.”

CHAPTER EIGHT

“H
I
, M
OM
,” G
ABBY
said when her mother answered the phone.

“Oh, thank heavens. I haven’t heard from you in two weeks. I called your office and they said you were on assignment. I thought, what the hell does an editor go on assignment for. I was afraid you’d been let go again and didn’t want to tell me.”

Gabby laid on the bed in her room at the B and B and let her mother go off for several minutes while she simply listened. She heard anxiety and worry and she hated she’d added those emotions to her mother’s voice. It was one of the reasons she’d avoided calling her since arriving on the island and jeopardizing the one job she’d managed to find. That and she didn’t really have any good news to share.

It wasn’t that her mother didn’t want to hear the bad stuff; they had both been through enough of it to know there was no avoiding it. Gabby simply didn’t like to talk about those things with her mother. Somehow it made the situation more real.

“No, I’m really on assignment. In Maine.”

“Maine? So you haven’t been fired?”

Not for at least a week and a half. “Not today, Mom.”

“I’m afraid I have some news, then. I certainly wasn’t going to tell you if you were out of work again. It’s why I was frantic when I couldn’t get in touch with you. I didn’t want you hearing this from anyone else.”

Gabby sat up and gripped her cell more tightly as the knot in her stomach twisted.

“Kim is pregnant.”

Gabby took the blow with relative ease. She knew it was inevitable. Kim had made no secret after she and Brad got married that she wanted to start having kids as soon as possible. That it had taken them this long meant Kim was probably over the moon excited.

When Kim had gone year after year without conceiving, Gabby tried really hard not to think karma was intervening and denying the couple what they wanted as payback for cheating on her.
Really
hard. Because that would make her a bitter person and Gabby didn’t want to go there. Bitter people were no fun to be around.

It seemed the karma gods had been sufficiently paid. Kim was pregnant and Gabby made the conscious decision to be happy for her. Happy that Kim got everything she wanted from life even if it came, in part, at Gabby’s expense.

“Your father said you would take the news better coming from me than Kim. I told him he’s an ass.”

Gabby smiled. Years ago Elizabeth Haines had taken the news of her husband’s affair and resulting child like a seasoned prizefighter. Emotionally, she took blow after blow without a whimper or a tear as far as Gabby could remember. She kept things sane and peaceful without all the drama usually associated with divorce and she made sure Gabby maintained a relationship with her father, even when she didn’t want one.

Where Elizabeth fell apart was the business end of life. Not knowing how to write a check or how to keep track of what bills were due when. How to figure out the amount of money they needed in a month to live so she knew what to ask for in alimony and child support. Elizabeth had married right out of college and went from wife to stay-at-home mom in a year. As she’d put it, there was never any reason to bother with the household bills. That was the man’s job.

Until the man left you high and dry for a new family. And the divorce settlement, while fair, left Elizabeth and Gabby struggling to keep their heads above water and maintain the house Gabby had grown up in. Her mother had been adamant about not selling and Gabby did what she needed to do to make sure her mom got her wish.

Beyond the extra part-time work she took on after school, Gabby also learned how to handle the bank account and bills. She took lessons in car repair, basic plumbing and electrical work, too. She could change a tire, replace a leaky faucet and install a new ceiling fan all on a balanced budget.

And Elizabeth always knew when to come in with a pint of ice cream and put her arm around her daughter’s shoulder and tell her everything was going to be all right.

They were a team. One, the bedrock of emotional stability and the other just…stable.

Suddenly Gabby felt guiltier about not telling her mom what was really happening in her life. She was on the verge of losing another job and worse, she was becoming romantically involved with a man known for cheating on his spouse. Not anything to write home about.

“Are you still there?”

“I’m here. Mom, do you think Gram was really unhappy her whole life?”

“Uh-oh.”

Gabby winced. She knew bringing up the subject of Gram now was probably not a good indicator she was okay with Kim being pregnant. But this wasn’t about Kim. It was about Gabby herself.

Her history with infidelity and what it meant all started with Gram. Gabby would never forget when, after Grandpa’s funeral, everyone gathered at the house for lunch and Gram stood in the middle of the living room and introduced everyone within earshot to Grandpa’s mistress of twenty-plus years.

Gabby, ten years old at the time, asked her mother what a mistress was. When Elizabeth wouldn’t tell her Gabby asked her classmates at school. Fortunately, she had some very worldly classmates.

“No, I think your Gram was angry.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?”

“Not necessarily. She wanted to hold on to her anger. She wouldn’t let it go, which means it must have brought her some satisfaction and that’s not unhappiness.”

“You figure that’s why Dad thought it was okay? Because his father did it meant he could do it, too?” Not that family tradition made it right. If your father robbed a bank, you would have to know it wasn’t an okay thing to do.

“I think your father fell in love with someone else. It’s really as simple as that. He didn’t let it go on for years. He could have. I sure wasn’t aware of what was going on. He met another woman, fell in love and wanted to be with her more than me. It says something that he’s still with her now.”

Gabby rolled her eyes. “How can you be so serene about it? It was wrong and unfair. He fell in love with you first.”

“Hon, I know you’re going to have a hard time believing this, but I’m happier because your father left me than I would be if he’d stayed with me while loving someone else. That’s the truth. I’ve moved on and had relationships with other men who I have really enjoyed. Who made me feel good. Can you imagine trying to stick it out with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?
That’s
unhappiness.”

“You never remarried,” Gabby pointed out.

“Yet.”

This made Gabby smile. Elizabeth Haines: ever the optimist.

“Are you going to be okay?” her mom asked.

“I’m fine.” At least with the news regarding Kim and the baby. It was the truth, too, which felt good. “I’m happy for Kim. She really wanted this and I’m glad it all worked out.”

“You’re going to have to be there you know. For all of it. The baptism, the first birthday, high school graduation.”

Good point. Maybe all moms had the skill to lay out the truth in a way where you couldn’t look away from it. Gabby couldn’t look away from a future of holidays and birthday parties with Kim and Brad and their child. The happy family. She swallowed, then sucked it up.

“I get it. Aunt Gabby. That’s all I’ll be now. That’s all I should be. I was sort of getting tired of the role as the jilted fiancé anyway. Made everything so awkward. This will be better. Babies fix everything.”

“I raised a really good kid.”

“I had a really good mom.”

After some more chatter about meaningless things like a leaky window and electric bills—Gabby still worried about her mom when it came to the day-to-day stuff—they hung up.

She felt stronger somehow. More ready to face whatever was coming next.

So strong she thought she was even up for a meal at the diner.

Only Zhanna was apparently not up for verbal sparring. The girl was walking around the tables, serving food like a zombie. The smile and hellos were so disconnected she didn’t even realize she was smiling at Gabby at one point.

Until Gabby said something and immediately the smile turned to a frown.

“Haven’t I been rude enough to you to make you not want to come here?”

“You have. But this is the only place on the island that serves a decent meal besides breakfast. I need to be strong. Not that I think I need any ammunition tonight. You look a little worse for wear. Are you okay?”

She wasn’t sure why she asked. Zhanna had made her disdain for Gabby very evident. And it was possible she was sparring with a woman who could be her rival for Jamie’s affections.

If she were interested in romance with Jamie.

Which, of course, she shouldn’t be. Even though her mind, her body and her freaking heart were telling her differently.

Argh!
Gabby shouted silently in her head. At least she hoped it was silent. She didn’t appear to be startling any of the other diners so that was a good sign.

Zhanna plopped onto the booth seat opposite Gabby, her pad and pen sprawled on the table. “I’m not okay.”

Awkward. Gabby looked around for someone more appropriate to listen to the woman’s problems. Someone like Adel. Or maybe Susan would come in. Or, hey…was that Tom who just walked in? He seemed like a nice enough person. A good listener.

But when Zhanna looked up at the sound of the bell, she made a squeaking noise, which suggested Tom was not someone she wanted to speak to. She shrugged as if to indicate he could sit anywhere he liked.

He smiled.

She scowled.

Gabby didn’t know what to think. “Guy problems?” Because, let’s face it. With women, nine times out of ten men were usually the source of their issues. She was a rarified exception to that. Since Brad, she’d built her life around making sure her problems weren’t guy problems. Until now.

“Why do men have to be men?”

“To avoid being women?”

Zhanna’s eyes narrowed. “You tease me now? When I tell you I am unwell?”

“Look, if you’re having problems with a guy…with guys,” Gabby corrected thinking about Jaime, “you’re talking to the wrong person. I don’t have any good advice.”

“I don’t need your advice. Or anything. I don’t need anything from anyone. Why would you even think I did? I was tired and I sat for a moment. Excuse me.”

Before the woman could stand Gabby reached out and touched her arm. “I didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t mean to say I wouldn’t listen, only that my advice would be questionable. I’m not very good in the guy-problem department.”

Zhanna was clearly suspicious.

“Look, clearly something is bothering you. If you want to tell me, you can and I’ll listen.”

“I can’t speak of this to anyone else on this island. Everyone on this island knows everything, hears everything, sees everything. You’re an outsider.”

“I get it. You need to talk to someone who isn’t going to tell Tom you’ve got a crush on him.”

Zhanna yelled an inarticulate sound trying to stop the words from traveling farther than the booth. She whipped her head around quickly to see no one heard and Tom was still safely seated at the counter. Adel had come out and was taking his order. “
Crush.
It is a silly word.”

“No, it’s perfect. Nothing sounds good about a crush. It reeks of falling, pain and breaking on a massive scale.”

“You are correct. You are no good at this.”

Gabby smiled. “Why is it hard? Do you not think he likes you? I mean, the guy is in here all the time. Could be he likes something more than the food.”

“Like you said, there is no other place on the island. But yes, I think, maybe he eats at the counter always because I usually handle the counter customers. And I think maybe he likes me because he wanted to know about Jamie. Everybody always wants to know about me and Jamie.”

Add Gabby into that mix. She definitely wanted to know about Zhanna and Jamie.

“Also I think he might like me because he said he wanted to take me on a date.”

“Okay of all the things you mentioned, that last one right there…that’s a pretty clear indication he likes you. So this is easy. You like him, he likes you. Go out on a date and let everything take its course.”

“Is that how it works for you?”

Gabby actually laughed. Laughed until she snorted. Until she almost felt like crying. “No, that’s not how it works for me. I don’t trust people.” The words left her body with a whoosh of air and she wondered why, of all the times and places and certainly people, did she finally admit the thing she knew to be true about herself since she turned fourteen years old. In front of Zhanna, no less.

“I don’t, either. They die.”

“They leave.”

Zhanna shrugged again. “Then there is nothing to say. Do you want salad tonight for dinner with all things on the side?”

“Okay.”

Gabby watched Zhanna move around the counter. She could see Tom lean forward trying to get her attention, trying to get just a little closer. But Zhanna kept her welcome brief and paid him little attention other than to plop a plate in front of him and turn away before he could even say thank-you.

Did Gabby appear like that with people? Always feinting left or right and out of reach? Is that how people, men in particular, saw her? She could count on two hands the number of times she’d been asked out since her breakup with Brad. She liked to blame her job, her busy schedule, her less-than-perfect figure.

All she had to do was watch Zhanna and know none of her reasons were the truth. The don’t-touch-me shuffle was a hell of thing to behold in action. And it was a bit humbling to know exactly how well Gabby had perfected its art.

The chime of the bell over the door rang again and instinctively Gabby turned to see who entered. She tried to pretend she wasn’t looking for him in particular. She told herself that every time the bell chimed and she looked toward the door.

Until the fourth time when it really was him. Seeing him made her happy.

She was a fool.

* * *

J
AMIE
WALKED
INTO
the café and paused for a second when he spotted Gabby in one of the booths. Her head was turned toward the door as though she was waiting for him. He wasn’t expecting her to be here, although he wasn’t sure why given that this was the only place open for dinner.