The Way of Grace (Miller's Creek Novels) (14 page)

If he meant for his words to wiggle
under her skin,
it had worked. She aimed the Frisbee at his head
.

“But i
f the cop
said
that since this was the first time he
’d
caught you
he w
ouldn’t give you a
ticket,
that
would be mercy. You didn’t get what you deserved.”

She sent
a “no-duh” look
and launched the Frisbee
. “
You think?
I
get
justice and mercy.
It’s
grace
that trips me up.”

He deflected the plastic disc with his hand. “Trying to take my head off?”
Matt
traipsed after the Frisbee.
“Okay, let’s say
a friend pulls up behind you—a friend you’ve wronged
, by the way
—and tells the officer he knows you deserve a ticket, but to give
it to him
instead.
T
he police officer tells
your friend
tha
t once the ticket is paid you’
ll
receive
the best treasure ever.” His
voice lower
ed. “Then
the policeman
mentions that the penalty for speeding is death.”

Grace let
Matt’s shocking
words
sink in
. Yes, that was grace. S
o bey
ond what anyone deserved, but
Christ had demonstrated it
willingly
,
not just
for
her, but the entire world.
She rel
eased a sigh
and stepped over to where he stood
. “I don’t know if
I could ever
show that kind of grace
.”

“
Maybe not on the same scale, but
I think
God uses us as tools of grace when we least expect it.
And that
,” he paused, his eyes soft,
“
sets u
s free from
the trap of
perfectionism
.” He studied her a
long
minute
until
she got the distinct impression he wanted to say more.
He glanced down at his
watch
. “
I have some things I need to do.
You r
eady to go?”

She
pu
zzled over his odd comment
as they trekked back to the
car
in silence
. Was her desire to be as perfect as possible an asset or a liability?

As they
drove toward the house
a
sudden realization pounded
its way into her brain. Matt might make her furious at times, but with no one else did she share
such
deep
and meaningful
conversations.

He turned his gaze her way, one wrist stee
ring the car
. “B
ack to this c
ase you’re working on
.
Any details
?”

“The
charge is vehicular homicide.”

Compassion softened his eyes
.
“Must be hard
for you because of your mom.”

Grace nodded. “
I
knew when I became a lawyer
I’
d
face stuff
like this. I guess I just didn’t expect it to be my first
case.”

“Analyzing it to death as usual?”

She
scowled
at him.

“Just joking.”
He
tilt
ed his head to one side, his
brown eyes narrowing perceptively
. “Is there some
t
hing else about this case that bothers
you?”

How did he do that? How could he discern her struggle when she hadn’t voiced one word to give him evidenc
e?
“One of these days you’re
gonna
have to tell me how you do that.”

“Do what?”

“Read me like a book.”

He
turn
ed
to peer
out the driver’s side window
as they passed Andy’s office
. When he looked back
, a mischievous grin etched his features.
“It’s not that hard
, Gracie M
ae
. I’ve always liked books with lots of pictures.”

“Ha
.
Very funny.”
Grace shot
a mock glare. “Are you referencing my age or my mental capacity?”

The wicked gleam in his eyes receded. “Neither. I just know you. Somethi
ng’s eating you alive, a
nd I
think I know
what
it is
.” The words were spoken gently.
“It’s something I’ve really wanted to talk to you about anyway.”

She inhaled sharply.
“Oh
, no, h
ere it comes. You’re about to launch into one of your diatribes about my shortcomings and t
hen try to fix me, aren’t you?”

“You don’t have any trouble voicing your opinion of me, so chill. I’m your friend and you need to know.”

It was all she could do to keep from rolling her eyes like some bored teenager, but she someho
w managed to keep her gaze train
e
d on him
. “Okay,
but
you’d better
play nice.”

“It’s just that y
our
disease to please is getting worse.”

A
hard jolt
of
justification
blasted
through
her body. “
I don’t happen to s
ee anything wrong
with making a good impression.”

“D
on’t be so
defensive. To me it’s a serious problem, one that could potentially aff
ect your relationship with God.
Let me ask you this—how do you see God?”

Easy question.
“Father.”

He nodded as if her answer was just what he expected
and turned on his blinker
. “And what do you think of when you think of the word
‘
father
’
?”

Rules.
Obedience.
Sternness.
The thoughts
shocked
her
. “I’ve heard God described
as a loving Father
, and I see Him p
resented that way in the Bible, but s
ometimes
I can’t help but
see
Him as a Father who’
ll
strike me down if I disobey
.”

Mat
t
took hold of
one of her hands
and steered with the other
. “He
want
s
us to obey
b
ecause i
t’s best for us.
But H
e’s not like some giant eye-in-the-sky, waiting for us to mess up so He can zap us.”

“D
on’t you think He punishes us when we mess up?”

He shook his head. “No.
Christ took the
punishment for us
.
God
disciplines us so we w
on’t make the same mistake
. I
t may feel like punishment
, but
it
teach
es
us a better way.”

“
And w
hat does this have to do with my supposed people-pleasing problem?”

“Everything
.
You don’t have to work so hard trying to please everyone, including God.”
He pulled into her driveway and put the car in park.

“Wait a minute.” She gave her head a fierce shake. “Didn’t you just tell me God wants us to obey?”

“Yeah
, but you can’t do it to gain His favor. Don’t you see?” His voice held
intensity
. “If you’re working to gain His favor, you’re annullin
g His free gift of grace.
There’s nothing we can do to make Him love us
more than He already does.
Besides, if we could do it ourselves, what need would we have for God?
”

“Y
ou still haven’t explained how all this relates to others.”

H
is face sobered. “Living your life to gain the approval of others is just an extension of how yo
u live your life for God.
I’ve been where you are
. T
ried keepin
g rules and working
to please
everyone
, and it didn’t
work. A
ll
I had
was worthless
religion.
”
His eyes held a moist shee
n
. “That’s when I truly gave my life
over to Christ
,
and He
changed me. I
don’t
care
what people
think
of me, a
nd I’m not driven to impress
.
When
God looks at me,
He sees Jesus
living
in me, and that’s enough. I’ve put
rule-keeping and people-pleasing behind me, and
I
don’t plan on
going back to it.
Ever.”

She sat in shocked silence.
Yes, she’
d tried to impress others
to get them to like her. But i
n her attempt to please God, had she inadvertently tried to make herself acceptable by becoming religious? Surely not! Grace released a burst of
pent-up air
and shook her head
. “T
hat’s not who I am!” She wanted to say more—felt the need to explain—but words just wouldn’t come.

“
Tell me y
ou’re
not
over-analyzing your participation in this case because you’re trying
to
impress
everyone
, including the other side.
You’re afraid people won’t like you, so you end up making decisions based on which option gives you the least collateral damage.”

Her jaw flapped open
and she snatched her hand away
. “What a horrid thing to say.”

“Gracie, I’m not trying to hurt your feelings. I’m trying to help.”

She
brushed aside a strand of hair that fell in front of her face
. “Well, your help sure feels like hurt.” What right did he have to be critical when she tried so hard—gave one hundred and twenty percent—in everything she did?

God, if what Matt says is true,
You’re
goi
ng to have to prove it to me.
I serve
You
because I love You. Yes, I’m afraid of mes
sing things up—with
You
and
others—but it’s only because I wan
t to live my life
to make You proud of me.

A bitter hush descended between them.
Finally Matt broke the silence. “This is so not
turning out like I wanted
. I keep
sticking m
y foot in my mouth
and upsetting you in the
process. I really just wanted to get together to
have a good time. Can we start over?”

She nodded, too afraid of crying to attempt speech.

He reclaimed her hand and turned an apologetic gaze her way.
Suddenly, without warning, she foun
d herself being drawn into hi
s soft brown eyes. No! She pulled back, reached for her purse, and pretended to dig for something, her heart pounding in her throat. There was no way she was
gonna
fall for him again. He was a wonderful friend and that was it. So what if he often understood her better than she understood herself?

“Gracie.” Matt’s voice was low and soft.
“Quit pretending to dig for something that’s not there, and look at me.”

She
inhaled a long breath and raised her gaze, immediately wishing
she hadn’t. What she saw reflected in his eyes shook her to the core
, a look she didn’t care to identify
.